Does anyone know you're doing this?

[Wings246]

This subject had probably been discussed before, but I'm still very curious if there are any (newer) inputs.  It is for both providers and clients:

Does anyone know that you're hiring/escorting?  If so, who?  What made you share this information?  Under what circumstance?  What was their reaction after learning this news?

As I'm still closeted, nobody (other than the providers I've met) knows about my hiring.  When discussing my sexual health concerns with my MD, I just describe it as "some random sexual encounters."  I'm sorry I don't have any intriguing or provocative stories to share.  I'm sure yours are a lot more enlightening.

[+ JamesB]

A few close friends know that I hire. One of them even knows the specifics, who, where and when, since I share the details with him for safety. He does the same with me, as he also hires.

My doctor isn’t aware of the hiring aspect, though I’m pretty sure he assumes it. He does know that I have an active sex life with multiple partners.

[dilfluvr4ever]

No, it’s not something I’m ashamed of - if my family were to find out I would happily explain and educate them on the topic - however it’s also not something that I’ve ever brought up or would bring up, I’m not how to or if I ever would instigate that conversation. 

[+ Jamie21]

Most of my friends know I do sex work. Those who didn’t approve aren’t friends any more! That’s not many to be fair. Most of them are intrigued by it, love to learn about it and are supportive. A few have been clients! (Although I find that a little awkward tbh). I’m careful about who else I tell (like family) because people can still be quite judgmental about it. Personally I don’t think it’s a bad thing to either sell sex or buy it. It’s liberating as long as it’s all done with agency. 

[DMonDude]

I have 3 close friends who know i have hired once, and a 4th close friend who knows i hire regularly. The latter close friend is one of the few other LGBTQ+ male friends i have. He's in a very healthy open relationship, and is very sex positive in that he goes to circuit parties with fun back rooms and orgy events and otherwise hooks up fairly regularly. And he also just became friends with a provider in his city by chance (this friend does not hire though, he's hot and active in the scene enough where he doesn't want or need to).

He and i have a lot of fun sharing our sexcapade stories with each other totally judgement free. No one else i know knows about me doing this though. I'd only ever tell people like my main friend who knows, if i knew more people who'd be cool with it like he is. The only other person i'd tell is a future romantic partner who ideally also would be into the hobby (or at least would be ok with me still engaging in it on my own).

Edited Tuesday at 09:13 PM by DMonDude

[SecretProvider]

At first no one knew.

Then I confessed to one friend who was accepting. slowly but surely more of my closets friends found out. 

Some family know.  No one has been judgey. 

 

[jeezifonly]

The Less They Know...

the better.

[Nightowl]

The only ones who know are myself and the men I hire.

[mtaabq]

I have a close female friend who knows, and I share my appointments with her for safety and security reasons, in the event there is an incident. She is exceedingly non-judgmental. (Supportive, even.) I have one male relative who knows I hire, and that is because he shared with me that he hires. Like @dilfluvr4ever I am not ashamed of my hobby, but neither do I feel the need to announce my participation in it. 

[+ KensingtonHomo]

A few of our more sex positive friends know. We don't generally go into much detail. As others said, it's not something we're ashamed. In fact, we're both vocal advocates for decriminalization of all sex work, so others may have put it together. More friends know that we're "monogamish," i.e., we play with other guys as a couple.  

[RugbyBen]

My three closest gay friends all know i hire masseurs though only one of them has really asked me in detail what happens.

When he was last over in a London he was keen for me to recommend a masseur and we compared experiences afterwards. 

[theplayerking]

I love talking about sex and hearing about other guy’s adventures, which is one of the reasons I’m on this and similar sites. However I keep that side very sequestered. I only share with guys I know have similar interests. 

[+ poolboy48220]

One friend from the stripper boy bar knew I hired (and I knew he did), we discussed the guys we'd hired although we had very different tastes.

Another couple, close friends, might know. I may've let it slip to them one day.

[Rod Hagen]

I found that having friends who know is only a relief/helpful when those friends are clients or have escort experience.  There will always be those you feel you can't tell, and the few you do tell can't really get it without their own context/experience and frankly, after the initial shock maybe, aren't particularly interested.  Make friends with escorts and with clients if you want confidants. 

[TxDaddyBear]

Life is too short to hide myself anymore. I hid myself when I was young because i was gay, then because I was a big guy. I felt the world was telling me I didn't belong, and since moving to San Francisco, I learned to tell the world to just stuff it. So, I am pretty open about it. My sister knows I give sexy back rubs and thinks it's hilarious. My besties and close friends all know what I do, and I will tell them about important events. Of course, details are minimal, but my work is known. All my friends who know me chuckle and say it seems like a good fit. 

[+ SirBillybob]

There’s nobody I dislike enough to turn green with envy.

[Savage D]

No shame here.  Also not stupid about it.  While nobody thinks it should be illegal what consenting adults do, still not the hill I’m going to die on.

[liubit]

Well, let’s see who knows I hire:

- My husband knows -he also hires, and we share details-

- You, my fellow CoM members, know

- And, of course, the guys I hire know.

Wait…that is a lot of people (blush). And I thought I was a very private person. 🤷🏻‍♂️

[soloyo215]

On 5/5/2026 at 2:47 PM, Wings246 said:

Does anyone know that you're hiring/escorting?

Yes.

On 5/5/2026 at 2:47 PM, Wings246 said:

If so, who? 

Friends, my husband, my therapist and people in this forum, some of which I actually know who they are.

On 5/5/2026 at 2:47 PM, Wings246 said:

What made you share this information?  Under what circumstance?

The idea came up from my therapist, I decided to let my husband know and I shared with some friends in casual conversations.

On 5/5/2026 at 2:47 PM, Wings246 said:

What was their reaction after learning this news?

My husband's reaction was the same he has for everything. He just says "OK".

My therapist 's reaction was "How does that make you feel?"

My friends' reaction was "That's why you are less bitchy lately".

[+ Charlie]

Back in the day when I was hiring, it was not a subject that I discussed with anyone. My spouse knew, and friends on this site knew, but it was not a subject I normally discussed with anyone else. Most of my friends and family knew I was gay, but they didn't ask questions about my sexual activity, and I didn't volunteer that information.They probably assumed that that my spouse and I were mostly monogamous, and I saw no reason to tell them I hired other recreational sex partners,

[BaronArtz]

I don't think I am doing anything unethical or wrong by hiring, yet I do not tell friends and family.  No need for that.  The escorts know me by my real first name and have a general idea of what I do for a living.  I am by no means a celebrity in any field though.  I would not mind if the escorts find out 'more'.  I will say that I generally hire the same 3-4 guys regularly so a level of trust is there.  The escorts have shared confidential IG and other social media with me. I do sometimes express a 'like' or a positive comment but never, absolutely never, anything that would out them being an escort or masseur.

Over the years, I have had the chance to casually meet, sometimes regularly, with 3 other clients who post on this forum.  We typically meet over drinks or  lunch.  Always a good time to exchange ideas about our hires.  Some of our hires we have in common even.

That's my story.

Edited 9 hours ago by BaronArtz

[nate_sf]

Outside of this community here, just a couple know for sure that I escort. My husband knows (he once escorted himself) and I share everything with him. Then there is a bodyworker I see every couple of weeks, and we talk shop. I've mentioned it to my doc and he was unfazed, but after all he's a gay MD in San Francisco. 

I do wonder if others know, and just haven't said anything. That's always in the back of my mind. 

Quite some time ago I wrote an essay about it here. Have a look if you have nothing better to do! 😛