Encouraging Providers to Participate more on Forums.

[TBD]

The contributions we get from providers here are highly valuable, although the number that do is small.  I want more providers to comment and participate on the forums. Having them participate creates less of an echo chamber. When we see a provider comment, often it is to clear up a misconception or defend themselves in a post - they are greeted warmly with "welcome to the fourm!" and then promptly disappear.  I see pile ons here and think 'this is why they don't'. 

So my question to the group is: 

1. Why do you think we don't see more providers post, and 

2. What can we do to encourage more of them to join in. 

(I am especially curious to hear from @Simon Suraci @nate_sf @GentJ Why do more of your colleagues not post here?) 

[nate_sf]

I think part of this is a trend away from online discussion forums like this overall. In a way this is a relic from another age, the early age of the internet. Now there are so many other diversions, particularly social media. I tell both clients and other escorts about this site, and usually I get a blank stare that indicates no interest. Or a half-hearted "I'll check it out" but no follow through.

Unfortunately for some providers, their introduction to this site is not positive. There will be a discussion of a guy in the Deli or Spa section, and people will pile on with nasty comments. Then someone from this forum (for reasons I'll never understand) contacts the provider to let him know what's happening. The poor guy is mortified, sets up an account to defend himself, but then is never heard from again. There is a sense from some posters here that "if you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen" and so they leave the kitchen. Who needs that kind of grief in their life?

Providers being providers, they'll also want to know what's in this for them. Will they get clients from this site? Hard to tell. So if they're looking at this as something transactional, the upside is questionable.

For me, I enjoy the discussions and have enjoyed the many interesting people I've met on here, but I can't say it's been a huge boost to business. Don't get me wrong, I have met some wonderful clients here, and I'm grateful for that! They tend to be the best of the best. But the vast bulk of my clientele come from Rentmen, and they've never heard of this site. All that said I enjoy my time here, but also recognize I'm unusual. 

The question of how to get more working guys participating here has been ongoing, and I'm not sure what the answer is. Hopefully my remarks here don't sound too cynical or jaded, it's just my take on things.

[Simon Suraci]

Why do providers not post on The Company of Men? I’m not sure anyone here has the emotional bandwidth or attention span for my response to this question.

I took a step back for many personal reasons. I’d rather hear first from clients why you think so few of us contribute.

When anyone values my opinion on a particular topic, feel free to ask. Tag me, I’ll see the alert, and respond on the boards when I have time.

[Mark_fl]

Frankly,  I think few participate because there is more to lose than to gain.  The ones who post here seem mostly intelligent and articulate. If you aren't,  you can get eaten alive, and will come across as petty and defensive.  

Personally, I want to hear the providers 'side' of the story. It seems to me that on this forum, when a provider does so, the majority of clients seem to side with them. But again, if you aren't too bright, it will end badly for you.

[big-n-tall]

Honestly, I’ve been on this forum for a long time, and I’ve seen providers come and go. As others have pointed out, there doesn’t seem to be much long-term benefit for providers to stay active here. It might help as an initial introduction, but over time, the ones I know say it doesn’t generate enough business to justify the effort. On top of that, they often have to deal with negativity, false claims, and personal attacks. Some criticism is fair, but a lot of it isn’t—and providers are often criticized simply for having opinions.

I’ve gotten to know several providers who either stopped posting or chose never to participate at all because of the misinformation spread by certain users. In some cases, posters seem to confuse one provider for another; in others, they’re just stirring trouble—or even behaving in ways that come across as obsessive or harassing.

Because of this, many providers choose not to engage. Even a small issue can spiral into pages of negative discussion, which can ultimately hurt their business. So from their perspective, it’s often not worth the risk. There are times when I step in to correct something I know isn’t true, but sometimes providers themselves ask me not to engage, preferring not to draw more attention to it.

Another factor is that this forum is just a small part of a much larger ecosystem. It’s not widely used across the broader client/provider community, so its overall impact is limited.

That said, I do appreciate the providers who continue to participate and engage here. Still, I don’t expect their numbers to grow significantly. It’s also worth noting that some providers may be present without openly identifying themselves—they might read posts or contribute anonymously—so the actual number could be higher than it appears, even if it’s still relatively small.

Edited 12 hours ago by big-n-tall

[+ ApexNomad]

In addition to everything @big-n-tall said,  I also think a huge part of it is that there’s an element of fantasy built into the dynamic and forums like this can unintentionally disrupt that.

When providers show up here as fully formed people with their own opinions, boundaries, and perspectives, it shifts how some clients experience them. The illusion gets replaced with something more real, and not everyone knows how to engage with that. For some, that breaks the appeal a bit.

So instead of it just being about “why don’t they participate,” it’s also about whether the space allows them to exist as real people without being dissected, challenged, or pulled out of that curated dynamic they rely on professionally.

[Mark_fl]

28 minutes ago, ApexNomad said:

 When providers show up here as fully formed people with their own opinions, boundaries, and perspectives, it shifts how some clients experience them. The illusion gets replaced with something more real, and not everyone knows how to engage with that. For some, that breaks the appeal a bit.

This can work both ways. If you are looking for a real connection,  knowing a person from the forum can enhance that. If your looking for an anonymous or dominant encounter, it can have an adverse effect. 

[+ ApexNomad]

5 minutes ago, Mark_fl said:

This can work both ways. If you are looking for a real connection,  knowing a person from the forum can enhance that. If your looking for an anonymous or dominant encounter, it can have an adverse effect. 

I agree, it can absolutely go both ways. For some, seeing a provider as a real person with thoughts and opinions can deepen the connection and make the experience feel more authentic. 

But I think the reality is that a lot of interactions in this space still rely, at least in part, on a degree of fantasy. And when providers step into a forum setting, that layer can shift or even disappear. Not everyone knows how to reconcile the real person with the version they’ve built in their head.

So while it can enhance things for some, I think for others it changes the dynamic in a way that makes providers more cautious about participating.

[Gilfson]

I don’t post as often as I used to because there are a lot of really toxic men on here. Some are cool but most conversations devolve into rude comments and uncivilized communication. There are also several guys on the site that clearly dislike each other and can’t seem to just ignore one another so many threads are just them going at it. It just gets tiresome. At least that’s why I no longer contribute.

[+ DrownedBoy]

I agree with the above - I've had escorts who have had bad experiences on this site, and had to defend at least 2 regulars here.

The best advice I could give an escort is to:

1. Read to see what the providers are saying to increase chances of hires

2. Making a single introduction and taking PMs.

At least twice I've seen providers try to defend themselves, including one who walked out early on me. Per the thread on that guy, enough people spoke about his cheating (EDIT and were encouraged to report him to RM) that his ad was removed by RentMen. At the very least, this forum should demonstrate that clients aren't all scared closet cases who are afraid to speak up when they're cheated or treated badly. A useful lesson for providers to learn.

Edited 9 hours ago by DrownedBoy

[Nightowl]

12 hours ago, Mark_fl said:

Frankly,  I think few participate because there is more to lose than to gain. 

I think this is a big reason.  Many providers include links to their ads on hiring websites thereby giving up their anonymity and with it their freedom to say whatever they want on CoM since it might cost them potential clients if those clients don’t like what the provider posts (cancel culture). Several people have mentioned the fantasy aspect of hiring and that probably plays into it too.  The more the provider posts, the more “ordinary” he becomes.  Personally, I don’t hire for fantasy.  I hire to spend time with someone whose physical and intellectual company I enjoy.  I want to see providers active on this site precisely because it makes them (or most of them) human.  I met one of my favorite providers through this site and have reached out to several others whom I hope to meet when I travel their areas.  Their presence on this site brought them to my attention, which wouldn’t have happened had they not been active participants. … Providers can be subject to a lot of criticism here and I find that troubling.  Maybe we need a new forum where providers rate clients.  But I digress….