How much personal real-life information do you share?

[Wings246]

How much personal real-life information do you share with your providers/clients?  And when?

I know anonymity and discretion are the cornerstones of this hobby.  Perhaps I’m too new to all these, too naïve, too foolish, and too trusting too quickly, but I tend to tell my providers everything about myself truthfully the very first time I meet with them.

Most of them know my real name, where I live/work, my real phone number (I don’t have a burner number), and many other personal details of my life.

So far, they all seem to be very decent, upright people.  That's why I’m not too worried about sharing my info with them.  I’m a nobody, small potatoes, your run-of-the-mill peasant.  I keep wondering, “What do I have to lose even if they know my personal info?”  I guess I’m lucky in that I still haven’t been burned…… yet.

Maybe I’m just too careless (or reckless even?)…… should I be more discreet?

I’m interested in learning from your perspectives and experiences.

[whatsinaname]

I only go for massages (and even then, those that lean more therapeutic) so maybe it's less... risky? I'll pretty much answer any question they have for me. I'm not really talkative during sessions though so I doubt I'd just say stuff out of the blue. 

[viewing ownly]

If you feel self-conscious, try divulging less. I'm not one of them, but many people are turned off by providers that yip yap when for them, silence is golden.

You mention you have nothing to hide from your clients; therefore, you shouldn't care that you're telling them more than they need to know. Chances are, they don't care, either. 

[Nightowl]

I use my own first name and my real phone number, and truthfully answer any questions they may have of me.  I’ve noticed, though, that most providers don’t ask me much, either because they’re not interested or are being discreet.  Like you, everyone I have hired has been a decent person and I’ve never regretted sharing information about my personal life.  I sometimes wish they were more interested in me as a person but I understand why they are keeping distance between us.  I don’t usually share much until we’ve met a few times and built up a level of trust, but once that is there I am fairly open.  When they start to open up, particularly if they bring me into their home, I share freely. 

[+ PhileasFogg]

If they look my number up on MrNumber, they’ll be able to find out a whole lot without me saying anything 

[soloyo215]

53 minutes ago, Wings246 said:

How much personal real-life information do you share with your providers/clients?  And when?

I know anonymity and discretion are the cornerstones of this hobby.  Perhaps I’m too new to all these, too naïve, too foolish, and too trusting too quickly, but I tend to tell my providers everything about myself truthfully the very first time I meet with them.

Most of them know my real name, where I live/work, my real phone number (I don’t have a burner number), and many other personal details of my life.

So far, they all seem to be very decent, upright people.  That's why I’m not too worried about sharing my info with them.  I’m a nobody, small potatoes, your run-of-the-mill peasant.  I keep wondering, “What do I have to lose even if they know my personal info?”  I guess I’m lucky in that I still haven’t been burned…… yet.

Maybe I’m just too careless (or reckless even?)…… should I be more discreet?

I’m interested in learning from your perspectives and experiences.

Aside from the personal information related to the service that I am receiving, I have shared personal information with some providers. I have felt safe doing that. However, for some reason, some providers themselves have given me details about their personal lives without me asking. One of my favorite masseurs have shared quite a lot of personal information about him. I even met his daughter.

Another provider after the session sat with me and had coffee and conversed. We got to know each other a little more. Another extended his friendship and we're friends.

There was this one provider whom I confided quite some intimate details about me. I felt a different connection since he's mixed race like me and his ethnic and religious backgrounds are similar to mine. Again, we went over the accorded time without charging extra.

The opposite is true too. There was this one guy I hired in Barcelona that gave me the creeps and I did not feel comfortable at all with him. It was a massage, and I just shared the minimum, said the minimum and left as soon as the time was up with little small talk.

The rather seedy places where I have been are not conducive to sharing anything. It's all business, so in those situations I care more about my financial, health and personal safety, so no sharing any details about anything.

I guess it depends on the setting. I share similar views, I am "a nobody", meaning that there's no high stakes in divulging information about me, plus people in my circle already know plenty about me anyway. They'd pay to know less, not more.

I refrain to give anyone my credit card or pin numbers, though.

Edited yesterday at 01:16 AM by soloyo215

[+ purplekow]

I give them my social security number and my banking information.  It makes the finances of this much easier.  

[jeezifonly]

I only share information about my (most interesting) past lives. 

[+ PhileasFogg]

20 hours ago, soloyo215 said:

Aside from the personal information related to the service that I am receiving, I have shared personal information with some providers. I have felt safe doing that. However, for some reason, some providers themselves have given me details about their personal lives without me asking. One of my favorite masseurs have shared quite a lot of personal information about him. I even met his daughter.

Another provider after the session sat with me and had coffee and conversed. We got to know each other a little more. Another extended his friendship and we're friends.

There was this one provider whom I confided quite some intimate details about me. I felt a different connection since he's mixed race like me and his ethnic and religious backgrounds are similar to mine. Again, we went over the accorded time without charging extra.

The opposite is true too. There was this one guy I hired in Barcelona that gave me the creeps and I did not feel comfortable at all with him. It was a massage, and I just shared the minimum, said the minimum and left as soon as the time was up with little small talk.

The rather seedy places where I have been are not conducive to sharing anything. It's all business, so in those situations I care more about my financial, health and personal safety, so no sharing any details about anything.

I guess it depends on the setting. I share similar views, I am "a nobody", meaning that there's no high stakes in divulging information about me, plus people in my circle already know plenty about me anyway. They'd pay to know less, not more.

I refrain to give anyone my credit card or pin numbers, though.

One twinkish guy in New Orleans had a breakdown at my house admitting to a gambling addiction then asked me for help.  Not a drama I sought participation in.  After I found him a GA meeting the next day, he started sharing his location with me asking for accountability…but when I confronted him as he’d be at casinos, he’d make up lie after lie.   So I asked him to stop sharing his location which he refused to do…even likely knowing it revealed much more about his other vices and addictions as well.  He’s subsequently fallen to newer lows and has continued to spiral.  But fortunately, we’ve gone a year without him bothering me. 

Edited 23 hours ago by PhileasFogg

[ShortCutie7]

Prior to meeting, I never share my phone number or picture, but do share my real first name and accurate stats.

While meeting, I do pretty quickly feel comfortable sharing any relevant information in our conversation. I won’t divulge the name of the place I work, but I will share what industry it’s in, what other industries I’m in, etc.

[DMonDude]

Yeah I'm similar. I don't really make much effort to hide much from providers. Real name is there on Zelle. Most providers won't reply/answer if you use a Google Voice/app number and i never bothered with a second/burner phone. I'm pretty open with providers when we make small talk, so our interests/hobbies come up or sometimes they ask me about my work projects. I tell providers what part of town I'm in but i don't give them my address.

In my experience, most providers I've seen 3 or more times usually let their walls down and don't really keep much info from me either. I usually can see their real name via Zelle and see they're also using their real number when the number i Zelle is the same one i text them at. I've known some providers who've told me about their main/day jobs. Some tell me about their family or friends. I've dropped providers off to personal engagements after our session before, so not only were they comfortable with me meeting them at their apartment and knowing where they live, they didn't mind me knowing where their friend i was dropping them off at lived either haha.

It's all pretty chill, I've never really experienced anyone being hyper secretive/discreet.

Edited yesterday at 05:55 AM by DMonDude

[+ DrownedBoy]

I rarely share more than part of my real name and phone, although I allow regulars to my place for outcalls.

I had a talkative regular who did engage in conversations on life, but he later tried to weaponize it against me. The negs he threw were returned x10 and his income flow from me obviously dropped to x0.

Typically, for those who know English, providers do most of the talking in my experience. If they don't talk about themselves, it's easy enough to prompt them. A disturbingly large number (like the aforementioned talkative one) will talk about themselves and their uniqueness without prompting or even questions.

However, lately I find non English speaking providers more relaxing, provided they understand and use translation apps, do as asked, and don't play the "no comprende'" game. That's enough conversation for me.

Edited yesterday at 01:11 PM by DrownedBoy

[+ Pensant]

Since I invariably host, a provider could certainly glean a fair amount of information should they wish. One twink even checked my house out on Zillow and was impressed with its value! (Yikes!)

As others have mentioned, almost all of my hires over the years readily divulge many details about their personal lives and challenges. I’ve always been one in whom others confide safely. They rarely ask me much about my personal life, which is fine with me. I come from a family where discretion and privacy are paramount attributes. My discernment skills are pretty good so my “guests” have invariably been top-notch.

Edited yesterday at 02:24 PM by Pensant

[TorontoDrew]

I'm pretty secretive. I never host and use a burner number. I do talk about travel and other life experiences. 

[jackcali]

9 hours ago, ShortCutie7 said:

Prior to meeting, I never share my phone number or picture, but do share my real first name and accurate stats.

While meeting, I do pretty quickly feel comfortable sharing any relevant information in our conversation. I won’t divulge the name of the place I work, but I will share what industry it’s in, what other industries I’m in, etc.

This is close to my behavior, but I'm even more cautious. Accurate stats are something the provider is entitled to know before agreeing to a session, but I use a burner phone and don't reveal my name or any other details until we meet.  Then, if I feel comfortable, I'll share my real first name (which is a common one) and a few details about my life (the industry I work in, the part of town I live in, etc.) but I may fuzz up the latter details.  And I'm happy to talk about my younger days or my interests or other information that doesn't reveal my identity.  I've seen providers regularly for a couple of years without sharing any identifying information about myself.  

The reason I am so cautious about sharing this information is not because I think I can't trust the provider but because I can't KNOW that I can trust the provider.  I worry about and overthink everything, so if a provider had what I think is too much identifying information about me, I would start to see them as a potential threat.  That ruins the relationship from my perspective.  I realize that that is all about me and not the provider and that it may border on the paranoid, but I live close to that border.  

Edited yesterday at 02:42 PM by jackcali

[+ KensingtonHomo]

A lot of it depends on the vibe and the provider's level of talkativeness. I use my real first name though I use a Burner number. I will talk about my life in vagaries - travel, family, work - but not mentioning specifics (company name, etc.). I generally do not worry at all about LE or even about being blackmailed, because they have as much, or more, to lose than I do.  

I also tend to stick with providers who have been in the business a while and are well reviewed, which I think helps. And I also tend toward providers in their 30s and 40s which has usually weeded out a lot of the tweekers. 

[big-n-tall]

I don’t initially share a lot of info but the basics. I do use my real name, if they even ask. I had one guy question if my real name was actually my name. 😁

If a guy becomes a regular or we click extremely well, I’m more prone to sharing more about myself. There are a number of guys that I have seen for over a decade. Those guys know just about everything. There are a few guys I’ve known for under 4 years that we got along so well they know just as much as the over a decade guys.

[Nue2thegame]

My default is to provide as little information as possible. I have had mainly great experiences but as many of the threads here attest, not everyone in this hobby is wonderful and some have hidden agendas. I’m more forthcoming with those that I establish an ongoing relationship but, if it’s a one-off experience, the less they know about me, the better I like it. 

[+ Vegas_Millennial]

16 hours ago, Wings246 said:

How much personal real-life information do you share with your providers/clients?  And when?

I give the men I see a sample of my DNA, and always near the end of each session.

[+ Charlie]

When I hired providers. I never told them any more information about myself than I would tell a stranger I picked up in a bar: my first name, the area where I lived, and what kind of work I did (if he asked). Why would he need to know my last name, my exact address, or the name of my employer? If the hire was satisfying, and I thought I might want to hire him again, I might tell him my last name, since he might have other customers with the same first name, and he would know who it was when I contacted him again.

[StarQualityLuke]

I would say you can put out there what you like and what you feel comfortable with, no more than that.... Some of my clients are very personable and tell me everything, and some of my clients are very private and tell me nothing.   I tend to keep things private, and there's nothing wrong with that 🙃

 

My regular clients are like friends to me, and that's always a nice thing 😁

[+ sam.fitzpatrick]

I think the answer is always variable.  Individuals by nature are all different - on this massage board we have individuals that are extroverted and others are introverted.  When meeting with a client/provider, the best advice is two things - be yourself and do not create a false persona that you will need to support in future meetings.    If you are naturally quiet, don't force yourself into talking and sharing information.  If you are naturally a sharing person, be yourself, (but trust your "spidey-senses" and limit your sharing if something doesn't seem to be on the up and up.)

If you are asked something you are not comfortable answering, just say so.   

 

Edited yesterday at 06:38 PM by sam.fitzpatrick

[Wings246]

6 hours ago, KensingtonHomo said:

they have as much, or more, to lose than I do.  

I also tend to stick with providers who have been in the business a while and are well reviewed, which I think helps. And I also tend toward providers in their 30s and 40s which has usually weeded out a lot of the tweekers.

You literally take the words out of my mouth.  I truly feel that the providers have more to lose than me.  Maturity, experiences, and positive reviews are also what I seek.  Perhaps that is the strategy that has kept me "safe" so far.

[Wings246]

2 hours ago, sam.fitzpatrick said:

be yourself and do not create a false persona that you will need to support in future meetings.    If you are naturally quiet, don't force yourself into talking and sharing information.  If you are naturally a sharing person, be yourself, (but trust your "spidey-senses" and limit your sharing if something doesn't seem to be on the up and up.)

This is exactly how I feel.  I have to deliver various degrees of Oscar winning performances (against my will) in my daily life (in order to keep my job, my human relationships, etc.).  There are just way too many lies, fakeness, and deceits in this world.  In today's ultra politically correct environment, someone gets offended / feels harassed / feels uncomfortable just about everything every 10 to 15 minutes.  You have to tiptoe around everything and force yourself to be fake -- it's a survival skill.

So to me, encounters with providers are the very rare moments in life where I can become uninhibited and free.  That's when my true self and innermost child are unleashed.  I suppose that is the main reason why I am very honest and direct when I meet with the providers.

[Danny-Darko]

NONE! Since I only hire when I'm out of town, if I disclose anything its just the state or country I live in and no specifics and maybe my age if it's relevant.