Do you share the fact that you hire?

[+ purplekow]

I recently was a first time user of a dating app, Scruff.  I have had about 4 dates in a week with varying success.  No total failures.  Tonight I met a man for coffee and desert and the conversation went well.  He asked about my dating history and I explained that I had only started seeing men after the death of my wife and that my first encounter after that was with an escort.  This led to his asking numerous questions about that, which I answered truthfully.  After that portion of the conversation was over, several times he mentioned that he was not a professional, or made reference to my hiring. He asked when the last time was, and I said last night.  (A great session with Brogan Brogan who I recommend highly)   He said that he never hired.  

As we were leaving, we had a nice make out session and he agreed to come back to my home.  Several times during and twice after our session, he brought up the escort.  He was otherwise a nice guy and the sex was better than average, but his referencing my hiring in the past turned me off to seeing him again.  I am sorry I mentioned it but I am not ashamed of my history and the initial mention was an essential part of the story of how I began seeing men

So do you guys mention hiring or keep it to yourself?  I was surprised by his reaction, was I being naive about it?

[+ sync]

It's possible that he was genuinely curious about your experience because he may have, or is, considering hiring for himself and wanted to gain some knowledge of the "dos and don'ts"

If someone asks me, I tell them yes, I have hired.

[Nightowl]

The only people who know I hire are the guys I hire.

[Aamir]

Once upon a time i mentioned to a guy i was dating that i like to hire escorts. In one of our early fights he felt that i wasn't being emotionally connected enough and said "what am I to you,  a rentboy!?" I hate that he weaponized my disclosure. Now a days i disclose mostly only to like minded men. 

[+ PhileasFogg]

If someone asked the direct question, I’d answer it honestly.   Otherwise, I don’t have to advertise any details I don’t want to.

I’d add, I probably wouldn’t write him off over his initial curiosity.   Some people are just curious and inquisitive 

Edited Sunday at 10:33 AM by PhileasFogg

[+ nycman]

I only tell people whom I am seriously dating. Which in the last 20 years is exactly one person. He directly asked, and I directly answered. I feel honesty in a relationship is important. But for the most part, it’s nobody’s business.

@purplekow, you threw him for a loop. Sounds like he handled it as best he could. The truth hurts, but sometimes you’re just not a match. It’s better to be truthful and find out sooner rather than later.

[maninsoma]

The way I read what you wrote, the guy was either turned on by the idea of hiring an escort or he felt insecure and wondered how he lived up to your experiences with escorts.  In any event, unless the guy was talking about it in a negative/judgmental way I wouldn't let this issue derail getting to know him.  

[+ Act25]

I have a few close friends who know I hire.  One friend in particular likes details and pictures.  

[+ MikeThomas]

A friend of mine who also hires knows that I hire.  We share experiences.  We both have different likes.

[+ sf westcoaster]

With one exception, any discussion I have had has been with attendees at Oliver's Palm Spring Gathering. If asked I would be open and honest, but it is not a topic of conversation that I would initiate.

[marylander1940]

6 hours ago, Nightowl said:

The only people who know I hire are the guys I hire.

That's how most folks handle this hobby! 

Some friends if informed are judgmental because of legal and moral issues, or because they're thrifty and can't conceive someone paying for this kind of services. 

[+ Gar1eth]

You must be quite the stud @purplekowI'm quite impressed. I hope that doesn't sound sarcastic -you can't always tell if things in print  sound the same way they do in your mind. Four dates is incredible. I can barely get guys to respond to a message. But then I'm a Santa bellied chub. I tend not to engage with others of my (chub) type -so I'm not surprised at all that I have so much trouble meeting people. But I'm truly envious of your success- not in a hurtful way-so maybe envious isn't the correct word. I have more of a feeling of admiration and wistfulness-wishing I had that kind of success. May your good fortune continue and expand. 
 

As to the question at hand, the only people who know that I've hired are you guys or the hire-ees, themselves. And of the three main friends (two now deceased)that I've had over the last 17 years, I met them all through here (or in one case the dear departed Muscle Service Station Forum. But he was also a member here although almost never posted). 

Edited Monday at 03:14 AM by Gar1eth

[+ purplekow]

I think he was somewhat intimidated that he might not compare physically, of course he did not, or in bed and again that is not a fair comparison.  It would be similar to comparing a Formula 1 driver to a commuter.  They both drive and can get you where you are going but the exhilaration is quite different.

He did ask about the cost.  

Edited Sunday at 09:01 PM by purplekow

[BuffaloKyle]

I think a big misunderstanding for uneducated folks is that the providers are all druggies or homeless or full of diseases.

Edited Sunday at 11:53 PM by BuffaloKyle

[Nightowl]

24 minutes ago, BuffaloKyle said:

I think a big misunderstanding for uneducated folks is that the providers are all druggies or homeless or full of diseases.

Providers I’ve been with have some pretty nice digs.

[+ Gar1eth]

3 hours ago, BuffaloKyle said:

I think a big misunderstanding for uneducated folks is that the providers are all druggies or homeless or full of diseases.

 

3 hours ago, Nightowl said:

Providers I’ve been with have some pretty nice digs.

Some yes. Some no. I can remember thinking as I drove thru some semi sketchy parts of Dallas (or even possibly Seattle) in years past late at night trying to find a provider how  if I weren't on my way for an assignation to know someone biblically, I most likely would never have been in that part of town-or at least that part of town late at night. Of course it hasn't only been while navigating to an escort's place of residence in the wee small hours of the night. I've sometimes felt the exact same thing on the hunt for a hook-up from one of the apps. 

Edited Monday at 03:26 AM by Gar1eth

[jeezifonly]

I don't think it's something I would share in a work situation, or even in casual conversation with friends. 

I prefer using it only as the subject-changer at the uncomfortable family Thanksgiving dinner table. Embellishing the newest story, gesturing with a turkey leg, always does the trick. 

[soloyo215]

On 9/21/2025 at 2:29 AM, purplekow said:

I recently was a first time user of a dating app, Scruff.  I have had about 4 dates in a week with varying success.  No total failures.  Tonight I met a man for coffee and desert and the conversation went well.  He asked about my dating history and I explained that I had only started seeing men after the death of my wife and that my first encounter after that was with an escort.  This led to his asking numerous questions about that, which I answered truthfully.  After that portion of the conversation was over, several times he mentioned that he was not a professional, or made reference to my hiring. He asked when the last time was, and I said last night.  (A great session with Brogan Brogan who I recommend highly)   He said that he never hired.  

As we were leaving, we had a nice make out session and he agreed to come back to my home.  Several times during and twice after our session, he brought up the escort.  He was otherwise a nice guy and the sex was better than average, but his referencing my hiring in the past turned me off to seeing him again.  I am sorry I mentioned it but I am not ashamed of my history and the initial mention was an essential part of the story of how I began seeing men

So do you guys mention hiring or keep it to yourself?  I was surprised by his reaction, was I being naive about it?

In my dating history, I've had guys hung up on things that I've shared with them, on religion, family history, my last name, my ethnicities, my change of careers and past relationships. Some have become quite annoying, repeating and bringing up the topic. To me that has been a reason to end it.

I've brought the question directly to them, asking why he keeps bringing up the topic, and if there's anything that bothers him about it. Never got a direct answer, and what I get from the whole interaction is that he's being passive-aggressively, showing that he has an issue with me. What issue? I do not know, but also don't care to find out. A person who is unable to get that he's making me uncomfortable by constantly bringing up a given topic, and continues doing so in spite of my boundaries, shows that he might be a boundary trespasses, being disrespectful from the get go.

Just my experience, I can't tell that that's the case with you and your date. I'd suggest to just ask him what's the deal with him bringing up the matter.

Edited Monday at 04:34 PM by soloyo215

[+ Charlie]

The only people with whom I share my history of hiring is the people I have met from this site. I can't remember anyone else ever having asked if I have hired. It's not a subject that usually comes up in social conversation.

[ICTJOCK]

A limited number of people know that I am a provider.  When I care to share what I do and why, I do have friends who are genuinely interested in hearing about it.  Perhaps it it is like “experiencing it” for themselves.  I share info about it and do answer questions.

[+ JamesB]

On 9/21/2025 at 1:29 AM, purplekow said:

I recently was a first time user of a dating app, Scruff.  I have had about 4 dates in a week with varying success.  No total failures.  Tonight I met a man for coffee and desert and the conversation went well.  He asked about my dating history and I explained that I had only started seeing men after the death of my wife and that my first encounter after that was with an escort.  This led to his asking numerous questions about that, which I answered truthfully.  After that portion of the conversation was over, several times he mentioned that he was not a professional, or made reference to my hiring. He asked when the last time was, and I said last night.  (A great session with Brogan Brogan who I recommend highly)   He said that he never hired.  

As we were leaving, we had a nice make out session and he agreed to come back to my home.  Several times during and twice after our session, he brought up the escort.  He was otherwise a nice guy and the sex was better than average, but his referencing my hiring in the past turned me off to seeing him again.  I am sorry I mentioned it but I am not ashamed of my history and the initial mention was an essential part of the story of how I began seeing men

So do you guys mention hiring or keep it to yourself?  I was surprised by his reaction, was I being naive about it?

Your mention of hiring an escort was part of sharing your story after your wife’s passing, not something you meant to linger on. So it makes sense that his repeated references to it felt off, especially since they seemed to overshadow the rest of your connection and left you uncomfortable.

People react to this kind of information differently. His comments might have come from curiosity, insecurity, or even judgment but it’s hard to know without more context. Sometimes when something is outside someone’s own experience, they fixate on it, like with him saying: “never having hired anyone.” The fact that he brought it up during and after intimate moments probably made it feel even more intrusive.

If those remarks felt like a red flag, it’s completely fine to trust your gut and reconsider whether you want to see him again. Ask yourself whether his tone came across as judgmental or just awkward curiosity, and whether talking it through could help clear things up.

For what it’s worth, I don’t usually mention hiring unless someone asks me directly. It’s not exactly common small talk material.

[+ purplekow]

My story is essentially, I was in a monogamous marriage with a woman and very happy.  After she passed, women became tiresome, difficult to get to know and paled in comparison to my wife.  I was not enjoying sexual contact with them.  I had two very minor contacts with men decades before and considered that they were minor and enjoyable and part of my teen years.  One day I saw a man who was extremely sexy and I thought perhaps I should try sex with men.  As a result I hired someone.    That was the extent of the story.  It was not a detailed revelation of the dozens of men both hire and not, who followed.    However, I was not ashamed of that encounter, plus it gives the story some context.    

[theplayerking]

I think there’s a risk in mentioning that you hire to someone you meet on a “dating” site, especially if you don’t know his views on monogamy. Many guys might assume that someone accustomed to hiring would be likely to continue doing so in the future. Some guys might find this exciting and an activity you could do together, but others might be turned off. 

[+ DrownedBoy]

The only person not involved with the business I discussed it with was a straight friend who hired female escorts all the time .

He sonehow managed to TMI me several times, but I got him back. It was fun exchanging stories.

[+ Jamie21]

2 hours ago, ICTJOCK said:

A limited number of people know that I am a provider.  When I care to share what I do and why, I do have friends who are genuinely interested in hearing about it.  Perhaps it it is like “experiencing it” for themselves.  I share info about it and do answer questions.

It’s an interesting corollary to the ‘do you share that you hire’ question. Do providers share that they are hired? I share with most of my friends the fact that I’m a sex worker. Those I don’t tell are some who I think might disapprove. I suspect a few who do know what I do think that it’s not a good thing but mostly my friends are positive and curious about it. A couple of friends do the same or similar thing to me and with those I can be completely open and I know they don’t judge me.

It’s sad that so many people have misapprehension about what sex work entails, and why people do it, including why people hire. I was one of them before I started. Now I have a much better understanding of what it involves, what clients are like and honestly… what an interesting job it is. I wish more people could understand it.