Why is there a major aversion to "old guys" on here?

[viewing ownly]

Probably 97 times out of 100 if I see a guy, regardless of physical appearance, who is in his 60s or higher, not a single person has shed light on their experience. 

As an only child growing up, I was always of the silly belief that much older people are yucky. Really dumb to carry that stereotype, now that I'm in the "yucky" age frame!

An exception that I find (the 3 in 100 I guess you could say) are the guys in their 60s who are obviously lying about their age, but look good enough to be able to get away with it, which is sensible for increasing their business levels. 

[edinbrooklyn]

I thought 70 was the new 50. 

[Rudynate]

38 minutes ago, viewing ownly said:

Probably 97 times out of 100 if I see a guy, regardless of physical appearance, who is in his 60s or higher, not a single person has shed light on their experience. 

As an only child growing up, I was always of the silly belief that much older people are yucky. Really dumb to carry that stereotype, now that I'm in the "yucky" age frame!

An exception that I find (the 3 in 100 I guess you could say) are the guys in their 60s who are obviously lying about their age, but look good enough to be able to get away with it, which is sensible for increasing their business levels. 

You mean old providers or old clients?

[viewing ownly]

Providers. Most of us on here are old, thus have no issues seeing men around our age. And yes, 70 is the new 50 just like 5 inches is the new 7. 🤣

[maninsoma]

1 minute ago, viewing ownly said:

Providers. Most of us on here are old, thus have no issues seeing men around our age. And yes, 70 is the new 50 just like 5 inches is the new 7. 🤣

I think your assumption "thus have no issues seeing men around our age" is wrong.  I think that a lot of men over 60 don't want to be sexual with men their own age, particularly if they are paying for it.  I am in my early 60s and even encountered this two decades ago, with a lot of men around my age looking for thirties or younger. 

This obviously isn't true for everyone, and maybe the split isn't even as high as 97/3, but preferring younger men is definitely a thing in the USA.  When I have traveled to Mexico, age discrimination doesn't seem nearly as prevalent.

[+ Charlie]

Men, gay or straight, are usually sexually attracted by the appearance of youth--in males or females--and women are generally the same (e.g., wealthy older  women with their "boytoys"). The traditional explanation was biological: men are designed to look to mate with females who can bear and raise their children, while women want a mate who appears to be potent. For gay men there are also psychological or sociological explanations given: men who are "tops" want younger men whom they can dominate socially or physically, men who are "bottoms" want to be dominated by younger men who are physically stronger than they are, etc. Of course, there are also some gay men, regardless of their age, who are looking for dominant older men ("daddies").  Most older men and women tend to look to their peers for friendship rather than for sex, so since a majority of the men who pay for sex are older, on a website geared toward that topic (CofM is not a dating site after all), the focus is usually on younger men.

Edited May 15 by Charlie

[+ José Soplanucas]

I think the key word in the OP's question is "aversion". The answer is simple: because there are too many assholes here. 

I am not attracted to guys my age (61), not even closer, but I do not feel disgusted at them. We all have different preferences, but not feeling attracted to someone or something is not equivalent to feeling aversion.

It is shocking how often in these forums someone express a preference, to receive a bunch of responses sharing how not attracted to that others are. It is not only about age, but also about tattoos, or body shape, or any other physical feature. Why would anyone need to feel and express rejection for others' preferences? Because they are assholes, probably self-hating assholes. 

[Rudynate]

I don't operate from a decision that I'm not attracted to men my age - I could be attracted to a man my age.   In actual fact, though, I don't encounter many men my own age that I'm sexually attracted to.  I was at a party a couple of months ago, and a man my own age hit on me in a very obvious way.  I was flattered, but he didn't do anything for me - no aversion, though.  

[soloyo215]

My position is that people can like and dislike based on age as much as they prefer. My only problem is that some seem to just have their preferences; they also attack those who differ in their preferences. That's where I intervene to either educate or set boundaries. One thing is what you like, another one is attacking others who don't share the same preference.

When it comes to me, my saying is "I find both beauty and ugliness in all ages, shapes, races, ethnicities and types". Those things are not necessarily the most dominant factors for me to decide hooking up or hiring.

I respect, so I can demand respect.

[Monarchy79]

Because men are shallow, youth obsessed hypocrites. 
 

[marylander1940]

An escort friend told me: "the 2 best things about aging are the accumulation of money and the increasing number of young/er guys". 

[+ DrownedBoy]

I always date in my own age group. I need someone who recognizes the same cultural references.

I only buy boys to play around.

[+ KensingtonHomo]

3 hours ago, Monarchy79 said:

Because men are shallow, youth obsessed hypocrites. 
 

THIS! And one cannot be averse to or even just not attracted to someone their own age without some degree of self-hatred. That said, I don’t think this is a personal flaw. We are besieged by endless messages that only men who are super fit,  under 30, and mostly white or white adjacent are attractive. This shows up in most if not all of us. We can try to be more open, rather than naturalize it.

I’m middle aged and I generally find men around 35 to 65-70 attractive. Of course, it depends on the man and a lot of other variables but I’d generally prefer a 60 year old to a 25 year old. 

[DWnyc]

While the word “aversion “ was used it should be emphasized that it is more than just avoiding those one does not prefer.

Sure people can have preferences wherever they come from.

But how do we treat those who approach us who we are not attracted to?

When someone lashes out taking the tone “how did you even think you could approach me, I’m  out of your league, you're so disgusting …” etc - that’s not just expressing a preference. That’s where the real problem lies, and it is way too common - against racial minorities, those above a certain age or BMI etc. 

 

 

 

[Jamie21]

9 hours ago, marylander1940 said:

An escort friend told me: "the 2 best things about aging are the accumulation of money and the increasing number of young/er guys". 

He’s right. I guess I’m one of the ‘older’ guys in the business - in the daddy category. There’s no shortage of younger guys wanting a daddy experience, and prepared to hire for it. There’s also plenty of older guys looking for things that older providers can provide that younger guys can’t or won’t do, such as intimacy, being empathetic and actually turning up on time not being hung over or high and treating their client as a person rather than just another punter (apologies to those younger guys in the business who are professional- I don’t mean to stereotype, younger reliable guys do exist but are not easy to find in the crowd!)

That’s the other thing. There’s loads of younger guys doing sex work, with a wide range of quality. There’s far fewer older guys, and those who are doing it have stuck around at it because they’re good. People hire for all sorts of reasons and age is not necessarily a factor that matters for many of those reasons. 
 

[MscleLovr]

I take issue with the thread title. I don’t accept that there is a “major aversion” here. We all have our individual preferences and make individual choices.
 

In the same way, I bet most posters here have a range of friendships. I have 3 friends with whom I go to classical music recitals; I have only 1 other friend who likes opera; I’ve several friends who enjoy going out for dinner; but I’ve only 3 different friends with whom I go on vacation trips. 

Alas, only 1 of my friends is older than me. But I’m very glad to have 4 friends in their 30s while most friends are middle-aged. 

[maninsoma]

7 hours ago, DWnyc said:

While the word “aversion “ was used it should be emphasized that it is more than just avoiding those one does not prefer.

Sure people can have preferences wherever they come from.

But how do we treat those who approach us who we are not attracted to?

When someone lashes out taking the tone “how did you even think you could approach me, I’m  out of your league, you're so disgusting …” etc - that’s not just expressing a preference. That’s where the real problem lies, and it is way too common - against racial minorities, those above a certain age or BMI etc. 

 

 

 

I've had younger men roll their eyes at me or give me a hostile look for simply looking at them in a bar one too many times.  I completely accept that a 25 or 30 year old guy might not be interested in someone in his 60s since that's how I felt as well.  I do remember being friendly with men much older than me, though, in terms of having casual conversations so it always surprises me when someone is such a jerk about simply being admired a little.

[Medin]

3 hours ago, Jamie21 said:

He’s right. I guess I’m one of the ‘older’ guys in the business - in the daddy category. There’s no shortage of younger guys wanting a daddy experience, and prepared to hire for it. There’s also plenty of older guys looking for things that older providers can provide that younger guys can’t or won’t do, such as intimacy, being empathetic and actually turning up on time not being hung over or high and treating their client as a person rather than just another punter (apologies to those younger guys in the business who are professional- I don’t mean to stereotype, younger reliable guys do exist but are not easy to find in the crowd!)

That’s the other thing. There’s loads of younger guys doing sex work, with a wide range of quality. There’s far fewer older guys, and those who are doing it have stuck around at it because they’re good. People hire for all sorts of reasons and age is not necessarily a factor that matters for many of those reasons. 
 

Exactly.  I would definitely hire providers in their fifties and older but there are so few of them in this industry that I have little choice.  

[+ KensingtonHomo]

2 hours ago, MscleLovr said:

I take issue with the thread title. I don’t accept that there is a “major aversion” here. We all have our individual preferences and make individual choices.

Someone put it very well above - yes, most people express preferences but there's quite a bit of aversion expressed on here. Oddly, it's not from younger provider men or providers. It tends to be men averse to those of their own age. 

[pubic_assistance]

11 hours ago, KensingtonHomo said:

And one cannot be averse to or even just not attracted to someone their own age without some degree of self-hatred.

What a ridiculous opinion.

People have all kinds of impulses driving their sexual nature.

There are many young men and women who are attracted to people who are more mature and more nurturing than members of their own age group might be. To say they are all "self-loathing" is not only un-informed, it's prejudicial.

Romantic connections for men can also be very different than their sexual impulses.

 

 

[jmichaeliii]

21 hours ago, maninsoma said:

I think your assumption "thus have no issues seeing men around our age" is wrong.  I think that a lot of men over 60 don't want to be sexual with men their own age, particularly if they are paying for it.  I am in my early 60s and even encountered this two decades ago, with a lot of men around my age looking for thirties or younger. 

This obviously isn't true for everyone, and maybe the split isn't even as high as 97/3, but preferring younger men is definitely a thing in the USA.  When I have traveled to Mexico, age discrimination doesn't seem nearly as prevalent.

Im in my mid fifties and it is Mid-Twenties to about 40 for me.

[+ KensingtonHomo]

14 minutes ago, pubic_assistance said:

What a ridiculous opinion.

People have all kinds of impulses driving their sexual nature.

There are many young men and women who are attracted to people who are more mature and more nurturing than members of their own age group might be. To say they are all "self-loathing" is not only un-informed, it's prejudicial.

LOL—the guy who ridicules anyone who isn't extremely fit and 25 saying I'm being "prejudicial" is the funniest thing I've read all week. Thanks for the laugh. 

Again, we're not talking about a preference. We're talking about people who are either averse or completely uninterested in people their own age. Whatever someone thinks about guys in their 60s or 70s is what he thinks about himself. 

[MaybeMaybeNot]

I have never actually hired but I do enjoy the company of older men when I can get it. 

[pubic_assistance]

1 hour ago, KensingtonHomo said:

Again, we're not talking about a preference. We're talking about people who are either averse or completely uninterested in people their own age

What about that isnt a preference ?

 

[SouthOfTheBorder]

go on RM and filter by age - there are huge drops in 40+ and even more drop at 50+ and very few at 60+. out of the hundreds of providers on RM - there are 30 guys 60yrs and over….a relatively small percentage.   if there was a preference for older, then there would be more older. 

seems like this conversation is confusing preferences for hiring vs other preferences- big difference 

btw - the ageism experienced in the US does not happen in the same way in other places. In Latin America & Europe, older gay men are much more visible & mix more frequently in bars/clubs without disapproval or stigma. It seems to be the worst in the US, followed by other English speaking countries - UK, Canada & Australia.  I think it has something to do with other cultures more general respect for elders. 

Edited May 16 by SouthOfTheBorder