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MaybeMaybeNot

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Everything posted by MaybeMaybeNot

  1. Does he participate? I love visiting The Eagle when in NYC but only to watch.
  2. At the age of 40, I moved across country alone. Being alone meant I had to confront the reality that I was gay. It wa either make a gay friends or be stone cold alone. Growing up in church, I had been in denial, despite secretly hooking up with guys since I was 32. For the last 5 years, I have had a partner, with whom I moved in about 2 years ago. I have told 3 people from my previous life. Most people in my new life do not know either. I feel like once I two someone, it will leak into other parts of my life. My reasons for staying in the closet are my own. First of all, because of my upbringing, it is traumatic to come out. When I told one of my best friends of over 24 years, I cried. I knew she would be supportive, but I cried. Secondly, it feels intensely personal. To say you are gay is to identify as a sexual person and to bring your sex life into a conversation, something that is against my generally shy, private nature. Thirdly, I know there are people in my life who would be disappointed. All of my closest friends would not care, except for one who harbors feelings for me and would be confused. But I know there are people who respect me who would be disappointed (people from my various religious pasts). I have a very hard time disappointing people. Fourthly, my partner is quite a bit older and doesn't discuss his sexuality with his family, although they all know. So, I have never met his family. I feel like if my friends and family met him, they may not support my choice. Since he is uncomfortable meeting my family, and I have never met his, it works out. Lastly, if my brother's ex-wife found out and told her wicked mother, I worry she would try to make it difficult to see my nephew. It is hard at times to stay closeted because you can't always fully explain your actions, like why I don't like to see friends on Saturdays, which is usually when I spend time with my partner. My family can't understand why I don't move back home. Truthfully, I am dying to; I miss my family too much and miss my old life. But I don't want to leave my partner. This is particularly hard because the industry I moved away to join, frankly, is miserable. Whether we are gay, bi, out, closeted, in denial, in denial and making bad decisions, I feel like we need to be kind and compassionate. We are on this difficult journey of trying to live the life our bodies dictate, which has historically not been easy, and some people are on different stages of that journey. When I see people speaking publically against gays and then hear they are actually gay, I feel compassion for their miserable life and the regrets they will have to live with.
  3. I don't know that area specifically, but I have heard the nearby stretch of Dillon between Palm Drive and 62 us unsafe at night. I would not feel comfortable myself.
  4. In NYC, they seem to play shorter songs, if my memory serves me.
  5. Yes, I think we just need to be thankful he finds the spaces he can find. It can't be easy to find a place to have naked men walking around. I am sure Matt does his best to find the best spaces he can.
  6. Stefan may have been there. It was a bit on the dark side, so I couldn't tell you. The venue isn't as nice as the house. It was so dark; it was hard to see the guys. The lap dance area was less dark than at the house, though, so it was fun to see what was going on with other guys. There were two porn guys, Jack Waters and another guy whose name I don't know. I heard them talking, as if they had been on set together. Had dances with 4 guys. Mariano has the most incredible butt on the planet. Joshua is still my favorite. Wish I had gotten to him earlier. Really nice group of guys. I am definitely learning the lap dances are best with the gay guys.
  7. Looks like a studio. I will be curious to see how the vibe is different.
  8. Now that I am in my mid-40s, I am noticing interest from younger guys. I have been with two 28-year old guys. Had a ton of fun with both. I didn't have sex with anyone until I was 32. My first years of sex were mostly with guys 20-30+ years older than myself. As a bigger, hairy guy so hidden in the closet, I refused to share pics. It was the older guys who would take a chance. There was one guy who could hardly make it up the stairs of his condo. I had a lot of fun with older guys and learned a lot. One was a pilot, not model handsome, but he enjoyed pleasing me and introducing me to new things in bed. We started out by making out, then jumping into the shower together. Lots of fun times when he was in town. I hated when he retired. My partner is 18 years my senior. We've been together 5 years, and I am still smitten. His sexual interest has waned, so I am open to get my needs met elsewhere. He has family history on his side and takes very good care of his health; I don't think there is a scenario where I outlive him. I am still hot for older guys! Last week, I met a new guy at work- shaved head, square cut white beard. Couldn't help but wonder what he looked like under his sweatshirt and jeans. I loved learning from the older guys. I loved having them take care of my needs.
  9. I think I would be mortified if I had been intimate with someone my dad had been with. I would feel just as mortified if it had been the other way. I think the dad is grossed out and protecting his son from the same feeling.
  10. That is very bizarre. So straight (guns) and so homoerotic (tight undies?).
  11. I never hired him. Tipped and chatted with him as a go-go. Very nice man.
  12. The assumption is actually that porn is evil and anyone who accesses it is addicted. This app would help keep people accountable. The actual term is accountability partner.
  13. When I attended my first event in NYC (their regular night, not a nude party), I read a review online of Adonis where someone complained about a dancer doing this. I have been very wary ever since.
  14. And to be clear, there wasn't anyone at these sex parties looking out for the entertainment. My response was to say there should have been. When people have that much money and power, they sometimes (often?) have teams in place to ensure their needs are met, which sometimes (often?) happens on the backs of people low in the food chain.
  15. If you listen to the podcast, it is clear the men didn't always feel like they could decline. Some were manipulated into having sex with the guy with no nose, who was hired in the first place because in the early parties, the guys wouldn't perform. This to me suggests 1) guys went in not knowing what was expected of them and 2) the Abercrombie guys knew not all of this was by choice. I get the feeling the well-paid recruiters obfuscated the truth to get guys to go. When you have power ("these guys might get you a job") combined with a system that prevents communication (no one will talk to you), has guards in place watching the action, people taking your passport only to return it after you comply, and forcing you to sign an NDA while you are naked, it suggests coercion, certainly systematic if not intentional on behalf of the Abercrombie guys. Further, considering at least one man passed and was raped suggests he was drugged and not consenual. Ultimately, there should have been someone in this system to say to these guys, "You are here to be sex objects. If you like unrestrained gay sex, this might be fun. But you will be meat for these guys; they don't care about who you are or what you want or need. You are here for their sexual gratification, and your needs or wants will be sublimated to that. You will never ever become a model out of this, but you will get paid well. Everyone referring you to them is getting paid a handsome referral fee, and you will be paid handsomely too. The man who is the gatekeeper to this is getting paid most of all. He is going to have sex with you before referring you to them. He dosn't have a nose, so if you are willing to have sex with him, they believe you will not balk at having sex with the Abercrombie guys. At anytime you are uncomfortable during the party, one of those guards are there to look after your needs. Talk to him, and he will escort you out our assist you in feeling more comfortable." Instead, it was a systematic approach of misinformation to trick these guys into a scenario where they would be made to feel like they couldn't back out, and sometimes, they were told blatant lies, agreed to under the guise that they might get lucrative modeling jobs that could change their lives.
  16. I haven't seen the documentary. I did just finish the podcast and am deeply saddened at all these men experienced. These men had the capacity to do so much good in the world, and instead, they created a well-oiled machine that often manipulated young men who aspired to be models. You can listen to it here: BBC - World of Secrets, Season 1 - The Abercrombie Guys, S1.1 Silenced WWW.BBC.CO.UK An aspiring male model encounters a fashion mogul, but it's far from a dream opportunity. I think you can watch the documentary on BBC Select, which you can access through Amazon Prime, Roku Channel, and AppleTV.
  17. Neither of my parents were physically affectionate once I reached 6 or so, that I remember. (My dad was never affectionate to me in my early memories.) By the time I had my first sexual experience at 32, my skin was aching to be touched. I remember laying in bed at nights thinking my skin would break if anyone ever actually touched me. My dad would every once in a while be affectionate, like in church when he felt like pretending to be a good dad. I hated that. We didn't have a good relationship, and it felt like I was part of a show. Looking back, the location might have been a reminder to him, not actually a show. My mother was half Italian and not physically affectionate. In my younger years before she had a radical religious encounter, she had a hot temper and would fly off the handle (never at me). But I always knew she loved us. She showed it every day in many ways, from feeding us, reading to us, doing nice things with us, spending time with us. My sister, however, had an opposite experience and felt loved by my dad more. Looking back, my sister must have had some undiagnosed mental health issues, which were exacerbated by my mom's ignorance in parenting and her desire to correct her own faults in her daughter. As I got older, I realized my dad wasn't malicious (to clarify, although he grew up severely abused, he never laid a hand on his own kids, which says a lot about him). He was severely depressed in the era before medications, not very smart, and extraordinarily lazy. He worked long hours to supply our needs. He loved us very much, just didn't know how (or want to put much effort) into showing us. He came home at night and vegged out on TV. I loved my mom very much. We were very close to her last day, and I miss her terribly. I became very close to my dad in his final 10 months, as my sister and brother basically disappeared once he went on hospice (in the last few months, I made them become involved because I knew I couldn't do it alone and he needed us there). My dad was the type to be cocky, to brag about his kids because it made him look good. Once he got the hospice talk from the doctor, it was very healing for him to acknowledge to me that he was a terrible father. I needed to hear that. He also explained that he did more with my siblings just because they had more in common, which I already knew. It helped heal that relationship before he died.
  18. If you welcome all body types and ages would be good to know.
  19. Oral sandwich, so that is what my dream position is called. Fun site!
  20. Not exactly what you are looking for but in the right direction. The Coop episodes are the best: https://naughtyaudioformen.simplecast.com/
  21. The CTG is not alone in its troubles. Theatres around the country have been struggling, though not all of them. After 9/11, theatres played it safe and produced known entities in their attempt to woo audiences who might otherwise have stayed away. After the pandemic, theatres decided to produce plays with a variety of topics that were often at odds with their historic show choices, like when the Oregon Shakespeare Festival stopped producing their traditional Shakespeare productions. If Disney started producing animated horror films, if McDonald's became a fast food Thai restaurant, or if Home Depot switched to selling expensove home decor, they would have to start over with a whole new customer base. Theatre is no different. Theatre thrives in an echo chamber these days, so now, all these threatres are struggling. I don't blame CTG for bringing in 1776 and Oklahoma. Both were Broadway tours. How could they have known audiences would reject them? There was an article written by an actor in the Oklahoma tour, and it sounds like all over the country, people were walking out in droves, sometimes as many as half the audience. Both shows looked awful and I would have otherwise been a prime customer. I guess I wasn't the only one not duped.
  22. When I was younger, "She's the Man" was so hot. So many scenes of Channing Tatum and other guys shirtless. Such a funny movie. It doesn't quite affect me the same way now that I am older.
  23. Back when I lived in a part of the country where GPs do outlandish things during physicals like check your reflexes, hernias, and testicular cancer, I did look forward to dropping my pants. Not for any sexual reason; I think it just felt nice to have a moment of non-sexual nudity. I never got hard. I had an incredible doctor there. One time, he knelt down to check me out, then had me drop my pants, then asked me a question about something I was working on. It took me a minute to answer before he did anything down there. It was interesting that he did that. It was just such not a big deal to him. He had done medical practice for the military, so I am sure he saw plenty of dicks on bodies much better than mine. But he was straight, so I am sure he didn't care.
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