Delays in appointments, when to throw in the towel?

[massagefan320]

I normally don't hire escorts as much as I hire masseurs.  I know there are flakes both with clients and providers.  I overheard my cardiologist tell his nurse, there were three no-show patients today.

I read a thread discussing total flaking when someone is not responding, but the provider I was supposed to see tonight was responding.  someone who is well reviewed on this message board.  I asked for an appointment in the evening, and he gave me a time, I said ok.  He texted me about an hour before the appointment asking if we could move it half an hour, I said ok.  As the appointment time approached, he asked if we could move it another half an hour.  I reluctantly said ok, but I told him I couldn't do any time after.  Then I got a message later saying it wasn't going to happen tonight.  I wasn't offered any excuse on why the appointment couldn't happen, like the subway was late, the super wanted to fix something, etc.  

After one delay, should I have just said, forget it?  I have never met this provider before.  I don't live in the city, so I literally can't wait all night.  Also, this typically happens to me on Sunday afternoons/nights, I assume people are just out of town and can't get back into the city in time?  They are hanging out with their friends, or with another client I assume?  Also, when do providers normally want to work, M-F 9-5?  I know it depends, but just for the sake of my time, weekend nights I get flaked on the most.

[jeezifonly]

A) There can be legitimate extenuating circumstances behind canceling a confirmed business appointment with a new client. 

B) There can be rude, time-wasting flakes who do not care at all.

C) The cause for first-time meeting to get cancelled can be either of the above. 

D) It's almost never A)

Note: Clients and providers both experience this. Gut feeling will tell you how many adjustments you ought to make before cutting bait. 

 

 

[+ Jamie21]

Work time is extremely random because you never know when you’ll get clients and they tend to book with short notice (a few days in advance at most, often on the day). So you end up having wide working time availability to maximise bookings. That still leaves you kicking your heels sometimes so you have lots of ‘plan B’ activities ready in case no one books. It does mean lots of juggling and last minute changes of plan. 

I’m mainly available 10am to 10pm weekdays (that’s the window not the shift!!!) and weekends it’s daytime. The pattern I see is that most guys want to schedule within those broad times and Saturday or Sunday evening is quite unusual. I try to keep those times clear to do other pre planned things. That’s probably why you find guys more flaky those times. He probably was doing something else and took your booking in the expectation/hope he’d be free but it didn’t work out. He probably shouldn’t have taken it or he should have warmed you he might have to postpone when you booked. I decline the booking if there’s a good chance I’ll be delayed because it’s just too stressful trying to make the time and then giving a good service. 

[mtaabq]

For a 1st-time meeting I’ll give anyone 15 minutes leeway; 30 in Los Angeles. If a provider calls me BEFORE he’s late to tell me he’s running late … anything up to 30 mins and I’m usually good with that. If a provider is further delayed after that, I’ll cancel. If a provider calls me after he’s already late …  all bets are off and I cancel. Truthfully, it doesn’t happen often. {Full disclosure - I did, once, make an exception to my own rules and allowed a provider to show up over an hour late - and he was worth it!} I  like to think I’m pretty reasonable (YMMV, lol) and I understand that things can happen, but there’s a limit. 

If I am seeing a provider whom I have hired before I am probably going to be a little more flexible. After all, if I’m seeing them a 2nd (or 3rd) time, he must be good. 

Edited Monday at 11:32 PM by mtaabq
I needed to make some revisions.

[Nightowl]

One of the guys I see frequently is always 10-15 minutes late but I know that and, since he always texts to let me know, I don’t let it bother me.

[JayCeeKy]

13 hours ago, massagefan320 said:

As the appointment time approached, he asked if we could move it another half an hour.  I reluctantly said ok, but I told him I couldn't do any time after.  Then I got a message later saying it wasn't going to happen tonight.  I wasn't offered any excuse on why the appointment couldn't happen, like the subway was late, the super wanted to fix something, etc.  

Over the past year, I’ve noticed a significant increase in last-minute postponements and cancellations from escorts  - (and I am guessing that providers might report the same thing about some clients as well). It has become especially frustrating when I’ve already invested time and money into the arrangement: booking hotels, traveling to another city, and mentally gearing up for what was supposed to be an enjoyable experience.

What disappoints me most is not only the inconvenience, but also the financial cost and repeated sense of letdown. More troubling is that this pattern is now occurring even with some of my semi-regular hires, whom I previously considered dependable.

At this point, I’m conflicted. Part of me feels that continued unreliability should simply be a dealbreaker -  after all, most people would stop seeing a doctor who was repeatedly unavailable with little notice. On the other hand, I wonder whether this is simply part of the business and something I should accept with patience.

It’s difficult to decide where to draw the line, particularly when the chemistry and attraction are otherwise excellent. But reliability and respect for someone’s time do matter, and repeated cancellations inevitably erode my interest in this already expensive "hobby." 

[massagefan320]

2 hours ago, mtaabq said:

I’ll give anyone (and everyone) 15 minutes leeway; 30 in Los Angeles. If a provider calls me BEFORE he’s late to tell me he’s running late … anything up to 30 mins and I’m usually good with that. If a provider is further delayed after that, I’ll cancel. If a provider calls me after he’s already late …  all bets are off and I cancel. Truthfully, it doesn’t happen often. {Full disclosure - I did, once, make an exception to my own rules and allowed a provider to show up over an hour late - and he was worth it!} I  like to think I’m pretty reasonable (YMMV, lol) and I understand that things can happen, but there’s a limit. 

I will draw the line at one thirty minute delay, after that, I know there is some deeper issue.  Also, I will try not to schedule on weekends, people seem to be not available even if they say they are.

[massagefan320]

8 minutes ago, JayCeeKy said:

Over the past year, I’ve noticed a significant increase in last-minute postponements and cancellations from escorts  - (and I am guessing that providers might report the same thing about some clients as well). It has become especially frustrating when I’ve already invested time and money into the arrangement: booking hotels, traveling to another city, and mentally gearing up for what was supposed to be an enjoyable experience.

What disappoints me most is not only the inconvenience, but also the financial cost and repeated sense of letdown. More troubling is that this pattern is now occurring even with some of my semi-regular hires, whom I previously considered dependable.

At this point, I’m conflicted. Part of me feels that continued unreliability should simply be a dealbreaker -  after all, most people would stop seeing a doctor who was repeatedly unavailable with little notice. On the other hand, I wonder whether this is simply part of the business and something I should accept with patience.

It’s difficult to decide where to draw the line, particularly when the chemistry and attraction are otherwise excellent. But reliability and respect for someone’s time do matter, and repeated cancellations inevitably erode my interest in this already expensive "hobby." 

It is hard, because a regular masseur I regularly see and enjoy cancelled on me three times in a row.  I had known him for awhile to be dependable, but there was a stretch were there must have been some issues.  I understand people go through problems, I am sympathetic, but if you have issues, you need to not take appointments...Eventually though, you have to cut the serial cancellers loose I think...

[Nue2thegame]

14 hours ago, massagefan320 said:

I normally don't hire escorts as much as I hire masseurs.  I know there are flakes both with clients and providers.  I overheard my cardiologist tell his nurse, there were three no-show patients today.

I read a thread discussing total flaking when someone is not responding, but the provider I was supposed to see tonight was responding.  someone who is well reviewed on this message board.  I asked for an appointment in the evening, and he gave me a time, I said ok.  He texted me about an hour before the appointment asking if we could move it half an hour, I said ok.  As the appointment time approached, he asked if we could move it another half an hour.  I reluctantly said ok, but I told him I couldn't do any time after.  Then I got a message later saying it wasn't going to happen tonight.  I wasn't offered any excuse on why the appointment couldn't happen, like the subway was late, the super wanted to fix something, etc.  

After one delay, should I have just said, forget it?  I have never met this provider before.  I don't live in the city, so I literally can't wait all night.  Also, this typically happens to me on Sunday afternoons/nights, I assume people are just out of town and can't get back into the city in time?  They are hanging out with their friends, or with another client I assume?  Also, when do providers normally want to work, M-F 9-5?  I know it depends, but just for the sake of my time, weekend nights I get flaked on the most.

I would and have previously done exactly what you did for a first time date. If circumstances permit, I’m ok with indulging a modest (30 minute) delay but if it’s repetitive and no explanation is offered I’m done with him. He is telling you loud and clear that he has little respect for your time and will likely be establishing an unhappy precedent if continued. I may have missed some good opportunities with my approach but I doubt it. 

[big-n-tall]

It depends on a number of factors... for me anyway.

If it’s a new hire, I’m usually done after the second delay. That said, I’ve had providers cancel for all kinds of reasons—some understandable, some less so. For example, one provider I was planning to see for the first time kept pushing our meeting later and later. Eventually, he admitted he was having stomach issues and couldn’t properly prepare. He offered to reschedule while he was still in town, but I declined. I appreciated the honesty, though the confession definitely killed the mood for me.

If it’s someone I’ve seen before and already have a strong connection with, I’m much more flexible. One masseur I have great chemistry with went completely silent the day before and the morning of a planned overnight despite several attempts to reach him. I was just about ready to cancel when he finally responded. It turned out he’d had a medical emergency and had spent the night in the hospital. He even sent photos of his massively swollen arm from some random reaction he had. He admitted he’d been hesitant to respond because he knew I’d be disappointed, and he was still willing to try to make the trip. I told him I was disappointed only because I’d really been looking forward to seeing him, but that I’d much rather he stay home and recover. There would be other opportunities for us to meet.

[+ JamesB]

While there are certainly legitimate reasons for a provider to run late, in my experience most delays tend to come down to poor planning or time management.

For me, it depends on the situation. If it’s our first time meeting and they let me know before the appointment that they’ll be up to 30 minutes late, I usually don’t mind waiting. Things happen. But if there’s a second delay or the timing keeps shifting, I’m out and the meeting is canceled.

On the other hand, if it’s someone I’ve hired before and they’ve consistently been punctual, I’m much more flexible, provided they communicate ahead of time and it still works with my schedule.

[jackcali]

As everyone says, it depends on the circumstances.  If the provider is hosting and his place isn't that far from my home or my office (if I'm coming from there) or in a decent part of town (so I can do some window shopping or visit a museum), I don't mind a delay of 30 minutes or an hour.  I have been burned, though, by the 30 minute delay followed by another 30 minute delay followed by another, so now when the provider says "can we start 30 minutes later" I ask "is 30 minutes enough or do you need more time?"  If they say they need an hour, I'm fine with that, but if they ask for more time at the end of the 30-minute delay, I bail.  I might schedule with them again in the future, but not that day.  

[Mark_fl]

I would cut the cord with this guy. Not because he ended up canceling at the last minute. But because he didn't seem to be the slightest bit sorry about it, or what you might have done with your time. 

If I had to cancel, I would say I'm so sorry, xxxx happened and it was unavoidable. I hope to make it up to you.

I wonder how this provider would have acted if you were meeting him at his place, called that you would be late and ended up canceling without explanation.  I'd bet he wouldn't be booking you again. 

[BuffaloKyle]

10 hours ago, Nightowl said:

One of the guys I see frequently is always 10-15 minutes late but I know that and, since he always texts to let me know, I don’t let it bother me.

So always schedule him for 15 minutes before you actually want him 😅

[+ Vegas_Millennial]

3 hours ago, jackcali said:

...now when the provider says "can we start 30 minutes later" I ask "is 30 minutes enough or do you need more time?"  If they say they need an hour, I'm fine with that..

Great advice!  I'm going to try to remember to use that response.

[+ DrownedBoy]

Cut the cord. To be fair, say if they don't arrive by X o'clock, the session is cancelled. Don't give them more than 15 more minutes.

For regulars you can be more open, but if they flake and ghost, drop them.

Last time that happened to me, the guy claimed his phone ran out of power. I informed him his replacement was already on the way. It's a buyer's market, and escorts need to understand they're competing with a loooot of other providers.

Edited Tuesday at 12:38 PM by DrownedBoy
Sp

[soloyo215]

On 5/10/2026 at 11:39 PM, massagefan320 said:

I normally don't hire escorts as much as I hire masseurs.  I know there are flakes both with clients and providers.  I overheard my cardiologist tell his nurse, there were three no-show patients today.

I read a thread discussing total flaking when someone is not responding, but the provider I was supposed to see tonight was responding.  someone who is well reviewed on this message board.  I asked for an appointment in the evening, and he gave me a time, I said ok.  He texted me about an hour before the appointment asking if we could move it half an hour, I said ok.  As the appointment time approached, he asked if we could move it another half an hour.  I reluctantly said ok, but I told him I couldn't do any time after.  Then I got a message later saying it wasn't going to happen tonight.  I wasn't offered any excuse on why the appointment couldn't happen, like the subway was late, the super wanted to fix something, etc.  

After one delay, should I have just said, forget it?  I have never met this provider before.  I don't live in the city, so I literally can't wait all night.  Also, this typically happens to me on Sunday afternoons/nights, I assume people are just out of town and can't get back into the city in time?  They are hanging out with their friends, or with another client I assume?  Also, when do providers normally want to work, M-F 9-5?  I know it depends, but just for the sake of my time, weekend nights I get flaked on the most.

There can be good reasons for the delay or cancellation. Personally, I don't like at all when there are messages about delays. On the very first one, I cancel or reschedule. I have zero tolerance for that, legitimate reason or not. I am not rude or angry, but I cancel or reschedule. I normally lie, making an excuse to reschedule, stating that it seems that he can use the rescheduling himself.

[Wings246]

That's one of the reasons why I'm usually more reluctant to choose providers who cannot host and state they can do out-calls only.  Since I cannot host myself, it means I must book an overnight hotel room or find something on Dayuse, both of which become sunk costs.  If it's the former, I will be more tolerant of any delays; if it's the latter, there is a time limit to my availability.  Either way, it's a major psychological irritation and will likely reduce my inclination to repeat (even if the tardy provider eventually shows up and delivers as promised).

I prefer to go to their places as I somewhat feel like I have more control over the arrangement this way.  It's easier for me to bail out if I smell any irregularities.  I hate to wait for people to show up.  I'm more vulnerable to manipulations when I'm the one waiting.

To answer OP's question: a 30-minute delay with a semi-legitimate excuse is acceptable.  A 30-minute delay without any explanation is a true test of my patience and sanity -- I'll likely blacklist you for a very, very long time afterwards.

[Whoisyourdaddy]

Last year, I greatly enjoyed this hobby. I had very little drama and spent a decent amount. This year has been the complete opposite. I've been inundated with last-minute cancellations, no-shows/ghosting, lateness, poor communication, and general flakiness. It's extremely perplexing.

[+ JamesB]

1 hour ago, Whoisyourdaddy said:

Last year, I greatly enjoyed this hobby. I had very little drama and spent a decent amount. This year has been the complete opposite. I've been inundated with last-minute cancellations, no-shows/ghosting, lateness, poor communication, and general flakiness. It's extremely perplexing.

I’ve been dealing with the same thing lately. So far this year, one provider showed up late to two different sessions, 20 minutes late the first time and 40 minutes late the second. Needless to say, there won’t be a third appointment. Another provider confirmed a mid-afternoon session that same morning, only to cancel two hours before. Then there was another who kept changing the meeting time throughout the day until I finally got tired of the back and forth and canceled altogether.

[jackcali]

13 hours ago, Wings246 said:

That's one of the reasons why I'm usually more reluctant to choose providers who cannot host and state they can do out-calls only.  Since I cannot host myself, it means I must book an overnight hotel room or find something on Dayuse, both of which become sunk costs. 

I agree that seeing providers who host reduces the frequency of these problems.  What I've discovered from providers who use Dayuse is that there is an option (or maybe it's limited to certain hotels) for not paying when you book the room (or paying a nominal $10) but paying only if you check in.  I've met providers on the street in front of the hotel to confirm we're both there before checking in.  

[Wings246]

3 hours ago, jackcali said:

there is an option (or maybe it's limited to certain hotels) for not paying when you book the room (or paying a nominal $10) but paying only if you check in.  I've met providers on the street in front of the hotel to confirm we're both there before checking in.  

I notice this option is available on Dayuse for some hotels.  You initiate and finalize all payments at the point of check-in or just pay a nominal reservation fee in advance online.  The problem is: I am not a last-minute type of person, I cannot NOT plan ahead.  So unfortunately, your smart approach of meeting in front of the hotel won't work for me.

[MikeBiDude]

6 hours ago, jackcali said:

I agree that seeing providers who host reduces the frequency of these problems.  What I've discovered from providers who use Dayuse is that there is an option (or maybe it's limited to certain hotels) for not paying when you book the room (or paying a nominal $10) but paying only if you check in.  I've met providers on the street in front of the hotel to confirm we're both there before checking in.  

I remember once canceling a DayUse reservation when I was on the way to the hotel, when the provider called me enroute and  had to cancel last minute. The $9-$10 fee is relatively new…I don’t think they used to have even that. But it’s quite nominal.