Feeling ugly/unattractive when with a provider

[DMonDude]

Have you guys ever had issues with feeling distracted by knowing the fact that the provider isn't attracted to you or even may actively find you ugly? If so how do you handle that? I'm obviously never going into any provider session under any delusion they think I'm hot, but sometimes i get in my head about maybe I'm really putting them through a tough time if they find me to be actively unattractive/ugly. The feeling doesn't necessarily bother me in terms of my own self confidence, but more so in the way that I'm very much the kind of person who wants to be easy to work with or be a bright spot in the day of someone who does what may be a tough job (i love to be kind to or tip customer service workers cause they deal with a lot). So the thought that that's an aspect of myself i can't change to make the job easier for the provider kinda bothers me sometimes.

[Rudynate]

Good guys are there for you - it's all about you. Maybe for a couple hours you could lay aside  the idea that you're bothering them and allow yourself to enjoy their attention. 

[BoyGeorgeandMarilyn]

4 hours ago, DMonDude said:

Have you guys ever had issues with feeling distracted by knowing the fact that the provider isn't attracted to you or even may actively find you ugly? If so how do you handle that? I'm obviously never going into any provider session under any delusion they think I'm hot, but sometimes i get in my head about maybe I'm really putting them through a tough time if they find me to be actively unattractive/ugly. The feeling doesn't necessarily bother me in terms of my own self confidence, but more so in the way that I'm very much the kind of person who wants to be easy to work with or be a bright spot in the day of someone who does what may be a tough job (i love to be kind to or tip customer service workers cause they deal with a lot). So the thought that that's an aspect of myself i can't change to make the job easier for the provider kinda bothers me sometimes.

As long as you pay them good money!

[Jiminy]

If you get a massage.. you're usually face down so that's not a worry for 75% of the session :).

Otherwise, as mentioned, it's about you, regardless of what they think. Take comfort in the fact that if you were able to go through the whole session issue-free, then you look good enough to be a customer. Also, I'm sure you can be a bright spot in other ways, not just looks.

[+ purplekow]

The first time I met Vin Marco, we walked along the boardwalk at the Jersey shore. He was looking like Adonis and I was looking like me.  He was shirtless and in tight shorts.  At one point, I decided to take off my shirt and just walk with him and forget about it, as who was going to look at me anyway.  Afterward, he said he was impressed that I felt  comfortable and confident walking along the boardwalk.  He thought that was sexy. 

Now maybe he was just being nice, but that helped me to come to grips that it is not what other people think of me, it is what I think about myself.  So, DMonDude, just think positively about yourself and they rest will fall into place.  

Google Search

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Edited Monday at 07:28 AM by purplekow

[+ Jamie21]

10 minutes ago, purplekow said:

The first time I met Vin Marco, we walked along the boardwalk at the Jersey shore. He was looking like Adonis and I was looking like me.  He was shirtless and in tight shorts.  At one point, I decided to take off my shirt and just walk with him and forget about it, as who was going to look at me anyway.  Afterward, he said he was impressed that I felt  comfortable and confident walking along the boardwalk.  He thought that was sexy. 

Now maybe he was just being nice, but that helped me to come to grips that it is not what other people think of me, it is what I think about myself.  So, DMonDude, just think positively about yourself and they rest will fall into place.  

Google Search

WWW.GOOGLE.COM

 

This is it. Be confident, be nice, respectful, clean and turn up on time. Those clients are the best. Doesn’t matter what you look like it’s how you behave that’s important. 

[jmichaeliii]

2 hours ago, Jamie21 said:

This is it. Be confident, be nice, respectful, clean and turn up on time. Those clients are the best. Doesn’t matter what you look like it’s how you behave that’s important. 

This!  I have had amazing times with guys totally out of my league and I abide by this motto.  And don't let age scare you.  I prefer younger (early to late 20s) and you might be surprised the excellent treatment you receive just showing them a little TLC!

[+ SirBillybob]

No. I’m just the undressed dress rehearsal for them jerking selves off at 75. 

Edited Monday at 11:11 AM by SirBillybob

[jackcali]

The looks disparity is the reason I hire.  Especially with my regulars (either pros or semi-pros), I see hiring as an exchange of what I have a lot of but they may not (money, life experience, perspective) with what the provider has a lot of and I definitely do not (looks, energy, sex appeal, youth).  If you can accept that this trade is the whole point of the hire, then you can stop comparing yourself to the provider.  

[pubic_assistance]

12 hours ago, DMonDude said:

i get in my head about maybe I'm really putting them through a tough time if they find me to be actively unattractive/ugly

Escorts are in the business of finding ways to distract themselves from the usual male sexual instinct toward physical beauty. If you are worried about them being burdened, then give them a little extra to focus on. Be charming, be polite, be complimentary of THEIR beauty and be a good tipper. With all of THAT you can be an emotional gem without being a physical all-star. 

[Decatur Guy]

I understand that feeling. Especially when I first started hiring. I felt like, "I'm so ugly it's come to this." I still get that way at times, but mostly I like the convenience. And what I lack in looks, I make up for in respect, likability, enthusiasm and reliability. I have a couple of guys who have quit advertising but still see me. And I know I get lower than the going rate. 

Edited Monday at 08:09 PM by Decatur Guy

[Occasional]

18 hours ago, DMonDude said:

Have you guys ever had issues with feeling distracted by knowing the fact that the provider isn't attracted to you

Yes, a couple of times.  My attitude is that they're simply in the wrong line of work. I don't hire them again.

I am of retirement age (a fact I always share before a new hire), but I work out regularly, am well groomed, have a Body Mass Index at the low end of normal and I am courteous. I don't pretend to myself that I'm God's gift to men, but I've no wish to pay for a provider who is simply seeking to monetise their sex life.

[DMonDude]

Thank you all, i appreciate all these replies. Lot of good advice here 🙏

[jeezifonly]

I’m drawn to the more ordinary-looking 35+ providers, which buffers the disparity… 

I used to be pretty, once upon a time. 
Respectfulness, hygiene, and humor go a long way to fill the gap. That, and a hefty cash tip. 
 

[+ purplekow]

I agree with Decatur Guy about enthusiasm and would add imagination and innovation as other qualities that help soften the looks dichotomy.  I have had a surprisingly large number of escorts tell me that "I never had that done before."  Now that might sound like a line.  Perhaps it is, but they mention very specific things that I am surprised that they find interesting or new.  So, keep your techniques fresh.  If you are a lay back and fuck me man or a "tell the escort to bend over and take it: kind of guy, think about freshening up the act.  They will have more fun, you will too and they will be happy to see you not only for the bucks but also for the fucks.  

Edited yesterday at 12:20 AM by purplekow

[rvwnsd]

I don't care whether the provider finds me attractive or his type. He is there for me and my pleasure is what's important to me. That's not to say I will alienate a provider, but it is to say the session is about me. 

[+ KensingtonHomo]

Oddly, I worry more about whether the house is clean enough; do we have something to drink; are the "hand towels" laundered? 

I'm conventionally attractive for someone my age (though I look ~10 years younger) - kind of a mash up of Domhall Gleason and Daniel Day-Lewis but GAY. My husband is a former model and actor, so quite handsome. He looks like Clark Kent. Similar to @jeezifonly we tend to hire guys closer in age to us - usually 30s or 40s. The only 20-something we've seen regularly is CollegeBoyforFun, and he's extremely mature. 

[rvwnsd]

1 hour ago, KensingtonHomo said:

Oddly, I worry more about whether the house is clean enough; do we have something to drink; are the "hand towels" laundered? 

 

Hah! I'm the same. I don't think it odd at all. Being a good host is important!

[+ Pensant]

13 hours ago, purplekow said:

I have had a surprisingly large number of escorts tell me that "I never had that done before." 

I include interesting role-play scenarios which heighten the experience for both. I also see a few who have deactivated their profiles, one for 8 years. Works well for me.

[Wings246]

On 8/17/2025 at 7:36 PM, DMonDude said:

feeling distracted by knowing the fact that the provider isn't attracted to you or even may actively find you ugly

I can totally relate as I share the same sentiments.  The self-consciousness emerges from time to time.  To overcome the corrosive thoughts, I’ll convince myself that they are actors performing a script that is written and directed by me.  I’m also the protagonist of that storyline.  Being the audience and participant of the screenplay simultaneously, I can let go of my insecurities and indulge myself in the fantasy more easily.

[Alchemy]

Lots of good advice on this chain. But also cut yourself some slack. If you were really repulsive to them, even the Viagra wouldn't get them hard.

[CuriousByNature]

20 hours ago, KensingtonHomo said:

I'm conventionally attractive for someone my age (though I look ~10 years younger) - kind of a mash up of Domhall Gleason and Daniel Day-Lewis 

How funny - I'm a mash up between Jackie Gleason and Shari Lewis. Minus Lamb Chop, which I ate with some mint sauce.

Edited 11 hours ago by CuriousByNature

[italianboyph]

We all have insecurities, a good provider would make you feel welcomed and make sure you're comfortable. Don't be too hard on yourself. 🥰 

[Simon Suraci]

I’ve met some beautiful souls in this line of work. They span the looks gamut from 11 to -1. I don’t care what he looks like. It’s all about fulfilling what my client needs. He doesn’t have to entertain me either; that’s my job.

@KensingtonHomo I’m less concerned with how freshly laundered his hand towels are, or how spotless his kitchen is. While these are nice, I wouldn’t be judging him for having a normal everyday cooked-in kitchen or a rag on the side of the bed.

One of my regulars greets me at his door in old, ill fitting, ripped up jeans (not the “stylish” variety, just plain ripped), a haphazardly thrown on tee, and an unshaven face. He calls me a bitch and says what the hell am I doing here. That’s just our humor. I throw it all right back at him. He is so comfortable with me that he doesn’t feel the pressure to make a big show, and he is so secure in our relationship that he hurls insults knowing I won’t take any of it seriously. I call him a big slut in his first language. When you feel this mutually secure, this grounded, you know you have a solid relationship. That’s priceless.

First impressions are another story. There’s something to be said for professionalism on the provider side, and common courtesy on the client side, but even then, I am not judging the client. I am only focused on doing a good job.

The truly ugly clients to me are ugly on the inside.

[NYXboy]

Confidence is the sexiest thing anyone can wear. 

 

I had a good report with one provider but he lost his hard on half way through the session - and it made it obvious that he wasn't turned on and as a result, I never rehired - despite how much I liked him and we got on