Looking like an old queer

[Thelatin]

How do I avoid looking like a sad old queer as I age?  I see these sad old gay men with sunken eyes at bars, pretending to have fun.  I think I’m about done. 

[+ Lucky]

It might help to develop some self esteem.

[Thelatin]

12 minutes ago, Lucky said:

It might help to develop some self esteem.

That’s where I’m at.  I feel good, I look good, life is great.  I go on vacation and see guys a bit older than me…they look sad and worn out. 

[Gary]

Start now with some good life habits, so you’ll avoid looking bad later.  For ex, hire a personal trainer.  Eat right.  If you’re worried about hair loss, acti now to prevent (further) lass.  Control your alcohol intake.   

[Thelatin]

Just now, Gary said:

Start now with some good life habits, so you’ll avoid looking bad later.  For ex, hire a personal trainer.  Eat right.  If you’re worried about hair loss, acti now to prevent (further) lass.  Control your alcohol intake.   

I’ve actually done these things and look and feel great.   It’s actually what triggered this topic. 

[pubic_assistance]

19 hours ago, Thelatin said:

How do I avoid looking like a sad old queer as I age?

I see these sad old gay men with sunken eyes at bars, pretending to have fun.  

Stop going to gay bars.

Edited May 6 by pubic_assistance
grammar

[+ nycman]

Don’t wanna be a sad old gay man?….then don’t be a sad old gay man.

 It really is that simple. Don’t overthink it. 

[Luv2play]

I’m an old gay man but nothing sad about me. I don’t have sunken eyes and I keep my figure trim by eating right and getting exercise into my weekly routine. 

I also have a life outside my gay world and am associated with several non gay  causes that keep me busy contributing my talents and time. I keep in touch with my family members. 

I haven’t been in a gay bar in ages except for one visit to Campus in Montreal recently. I do go to restaurants which gays frequent but not exclusively. 

The world consists of all sorts of people and I try to expose myself to a wide variety to keep the proper perspective on what it means to be social. 
 

 

[samhexum]

Develop serious health problems.  You'll stop giving a damn how you look in no time.

And in the unlikely event that you feel like going to a bar, you won't have the energy.

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

Self care is a real thing.  Start as early as possible.

By the time most people look old, it's too late for them to really fix it.

Our bodies and faces can only shoulder so much abuse.

 

[viewing ownly]

In your post, you have a negative perception of OTHER people. Who are you to judge whether someone else appears to be having fun or not? We all get older, and if you'd rather be in the company of someone being catty and negative all the damn time (guilty!) than someone pretending to enjoy themselves, take what you get - it's a far better option. Signed, almost always alone unless hiring. 

[+ Vegas_Millennial]

6 hours ago, Thelatin said:

How do I avoid looking like a sad old queer as I age?

Die young.

[+ sync]

Keep the positive things in your life top of mind.  Everyone experiences bad/sad times, just try to not let those times evolve into a lifestyle.

[Monarchy79]

On 5/5/2024 at 5:30 PM, Thelatin said:

I see these sad old gay men with sunken eyes at bars, pretending to have fun.  

Focus on yourself.

Minding one’s business is a great non-cosmetic “anti-aging” secret. It’s takes years off the face. 
 

 

[Thelatin]

Thanks for the advice guys.  FYI - the reason it's been on my mind is over the last year I've been working very hard on self improvement.   I've also had some long time friends having serious medical issues.  It's my middle aged self going, let's do everything possible to stay healthy and enjoy the next 30 years.

[+ Pensant]

On 5/5/2024 at 6:01 PM, pubic_assistance said:

Stop going to gay bars.

I’m with you on that one!

[Rudynate]

On 5/5/2024 at 3:04 PM, Thelatin said:

That’s where I’m at.  I feel good, I look good, life is great.  I go on vacation and see guys a bit older than me…they look sad and worn out. 

You WILL get old and will be faced with the challenge of finding satisfaction in life as an older man.  Those sad old men lurking in bars haven't yet figured out how to negotiate that challenge.

Edited May 9 by Rudynate
typo

[+ purplekow]

Every now and again I go to a gay bar, usually when I am on vacation.  I enjoy people watching and checking out whatever attractive men are there..  I do not expect to pick someone up.  In fact, I am fine if no one speaks to me, but usually, someone does and I will have a fun, usually superficial conversation.  Certainly I find it more entertaining then heading back to the hotel after dinner.  So I am old. I am okay with my looks and my life and I find an occasional  night out at a bar checking out men I will never have, enjoyable.  I am actually someone you should aspire to be, an old man who has seen better days and also has seen better days than 90% of the younger, fitter gay guys at that bar will ever see.  When I leave the bar, almost always alone, I head back to a life I am happy to have.   

[MikeBiDude]

6 minutes ago, purplekow said:

 So I am old. I am okay with my looks and my life and I find an occasional  night out at a bar checking out men I will never have, enjoyable.  I am actually someone you should aspire to be, an old man who has seen better days and also has seen better days than 90% of the younger, fitter gay guys at that bar will ever see.  When I leave the bar, almost always alone, I head back to a life I am happy to have.   

I couldn’t agree more. “Looking like an old queer” is as much in one’s head as anything else.

[Becket]

On 5/5/2024 at 4:30 PM, Thelatin said:

How do I avoid looking like a sad old queer as I age?  I see these sad old gay men with sunken eyes at bars, pretending to have fun.  I think I’m about done. 

Smile. Laugh. Exercise. Accept who you are. Self confidence is sexy as hell. 

[Atyla]

Everyone ages if they're lucky! The world consists of all sorts of folks and I try to stay open myself to a wide variety to keep the proper views on what it means to be social.  

[+ Charlie]

In her extreme old age, my mother once said, "The worst thing about old age is not how you look or how you feel. The worst thing is losing all the old friends who could remember the life you once lived."

[tbinsocal]

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[BSR]

3 hours ago, Charlie said:

In her extreme old age, my mother once said, "The worst thing about old age is not how you look or how you feel. The worst thing is losing all the old friends who could remember the life you once lived."

After one of my ~90yo grandmother's friends died, she took it really hard, was depressed for weeks.  Two of my aunts were a bit baffled because while they were friends, they weren't really all that close.  Then it dawned on them:  the friend was the last of grandma's age group.  Although she did have other friends, they were all at least a decade younger.  It must be hard to start talking about "remember when ..." only to realize that nobody does.

[+ WilliamM]

3 hours ago, Charlie said:

In her extreme old age, my mother once said, "The worst thing about old age is not how you look or how you feel. The worst thing is losing all the old friends who could remember the life you once lived."

And siblings 

 

My mother outlived her seven older siblings