Anybody else fall for the men they hire?

[pubic_assistance]

2 hours ago, PhileasFogg said:

once I had a guy blurt out “I Love You” in the middle of a session.  

One year..(many years ago) I was fucking this sexy kid with an amazing ass at a bathhouse. Really tearing it up/tossing him around....mid stroke - legs in the air he looks up at me and says "I luv u". 

Lost my hard-on immediately . 

 I felt bad for how sad and pathetic that was for him and the moment was gone. (Pity though) I really could have gone for another round or two with that 🍑 ass. But his miscalculated expression of affection ruined the mood. 

I was only there to fuck him...(and as many other hotties that I could find) that night. 

Edited 23 hours ago by pubic_assistance
grammar

[JayCeeKy]

If by "falling in love" you mean can you develop feelings towards an escort in which neurotransmitters in the brain like dopamine, serotonin, & oxytocin are released that reinforce feelings of pleasure, reward, and bonding -  yes, you can fall in love with just about anything or anyone, including people, drugs, etc.  But obsessing over another human being who only sees you as a walking ATM is an exercise in frustration, as you've correctly observed. But, to answer your question: yes, I have fallen in love with an escort - and it was painful, frustrating, EXPENSIVE - AND enjoyable all at the same time. Enjoy your guy, but occasionally remind yourself that "infatuation is hopeless" and that some day this relationship will end, and not kindly. 

[Rudynate]

1 hour ago, pubic_assistance said:

One year..(many years ago) I was fucking this sexy kid with an amazing ass at a bathhouse. Really tearing it up/tossing him around....mid stroke - legs in the air he looks up at me and says "I luv u". 

Lost my hard-on immediately . 

 I felt bad for how sad and pathetic that was for him and the moment was gone. (Pity though) I really could have gone for another round or two with that 🍑 ass. But his miscalculated expression of affection ruined the mood. 

I was only there to fuck him...(and as many other hotties that I could find) that night. 

Don't attach too much significance to what people say in the heat of passion.  In this situation, "I love you," really meant , "God you're a great lay."

[Rudynate]

I have never fallen in love with an escort. I do have a mild infatuation with one right now who is just a god and who is very nice to be around, but the last man I went crazy for is my husband and that was more than thirty years ago.

[56harrisond]

 

[Peter Eater]

Shouldn't this thread be in "Questions about hiring?" 

After all, it's a question about hiring.

 

[+ Charlie]

"I love having sex with you" is not the same "I love you"

[Gilfson]

I have a client that I see regularly. We don’t have sex it’s more of a sensual spanking experience thing.. he constantly tells me he’s in love with me and ask if I feel the same so I respond with it’s a strong like for me… he’s like oh yeah okay that’s fair. I get uncomfortable when clients tell me they are in love with me. Because they don’t know me. They know me in the context of putting a dick in my ass or my dick in theirs.. that’s not enough for love. And typically the guys who tell me they are in love with me are the same guys where I don’t text back they get very angry and upset. And honestly I just don’t have time to deal with that kind of mess. So I tend to tell my clients we can be friends but I won’t fall in love with you.

[Alchemy]

I fell hard for one escort. He was the first guy I had sex with after coming out in 2024, so there was a lot of emotion attached to our "situation" for me. He is a genuinely lovely man. We were able to work through the awkwardness that I created by being too invested, and we still see each other, our encounters richer and more mature as a result. I've seen about a dozen escorts in the 18 months I've been out. Four of them I've seen more than once. He is the only one I've spent dozens of days with. While I generally agree with someone's earlier statement about escorts being good actors and it being all about money, I also know first hand that sometimes you develop a mutually rewarding connection beyond the dollars. I consider him a friend, and I know he views me as more than a client. If I stopped paying, we certainly wouldn't continue having sex. But I've been to dinner (no fees) with him and his boyfriend. He's included me in aspects of his life, and he's reached out to me for business and education advice unrelated to any appointments. He's asked for help that isn't financial. There's a mentoring element to our relationship. His family is aware of me, and my sons are aware of him. ... Currently, I'm dating a young man who I met on an escort date. I booked him for two hours while visiting the West Coast. He asked if he could stay the night. We connected on a lot of levels, and he asked if we could date. He's visited my house for five-day stays twice now. I pay for the airfare but he refuses other payment; says it's not about the money. He's coming again in a few weeks. He says he's always been attracted to older guys. I think he has fallen for me. I'm not sure I'm in love with him but I do enjoy being with him. Bottom line: It's not always so cut and dried. When sex and human emotions are involved, the result can be complex. There can be many shades of gray between a strictly sex-for-money transaction and falling in love. 

[Alchemy]

I fell hard for one escort. He was the first guy I had sex with after coming out in 2024, so there was a lot of emotion attached to our "situation" for me. He is a genuinely lovely man. We were able to work through the awkwardness that I created by being too invested, and we still see each other, our encounters richer and more mature as a result. I've seen about a dozen escorts in the 18 months I've been out. Four of them I've seen more than once. He is the only one I've spent dozens of days with. While I generally agree with someone's earlier statement about escorts being good actors and it being all about money, I also know first hand that sometimes you develop a mutually rewarding connection beyond the dollars. I consider him a friend, and I know he views me as more than a client. If I stopped paying, we certainly wouldn't continue having sex. But I've been to dinner (no fees) with him and his boyfriend. He's included me in aspects of his life, and he's reached out to me for business and education advice unrelated to any appointments. He's asked for help that isn't financial. There's a mentoring element to our relationship. His family is aware of me, and my sons are aware of him. ... Currently, I'm dating a young man who I met on an escort date. I booked him for two hours while visiting the West Coast. He asked if he could stay the night. We connected on a lot of levels, and he asked if we could date. He's visited my house for five-day stays twice now. I pay for the airfare but he refuses other payment; says it's not about the money. He's coming again in a few weeks. He says he's always been attracted to older guys. I think he has fallen for me. I'm not sure I'm in love with him but I do enjoy being with him. Bottom line: It's not always so cut and dried. When sex and human emotions are involved, the result can be complex. There can be many shades of gray between a strictly sex-for-money transaction and falling in love. 

 

•  

[+ Charlie]

Sometimes what words one uses to express a feeling are important.  "I love you" comes across differently from "I really like you," "I am very fond of you," "I feel a strong connection with you," "I enjoy your company very much." I am reminded of the SafeLite commercial in which the young man who responds to the worker who has just replaced his broken windshield with "I love you" as they shake hands, and the worker looks startled.

[+ PhileasFogg]

2 hours ago, Alchemy said:

I also know first hand that sometimes you develop a mutually rewarding connection beyond the dollars. I consider him a friend, and I know he views me as more than a client. If I stopped paying, we certainly wouldn't continue having sex. But I've been to dinner (no fees) with him and his boyfriend. He's included me in aspects of his life, and he's reached out to me for business and education advice unrelated to any appointments. He's asked for help that isn't financial. There's a mentoring element to our relationship. His family is aware of me, and my sons are aware of him. ... Bottom line: It's not always so cut and dried. When sex and human emotions are involved, the result can be complex. There can be many shades of gray between a strictly sex-for-money transaction and falling in love. 

AMEN!   There’s two types of guys here, those who seek providers as commodities and those who don’t.  “Connection” doesn’t exist in commodity mindset.

I don’t say that to judge, because everyone has a different need.  But for me, I will not allow myself to be criticized when I express that every interaction is not just an act - but I also acknowledge that boundaries are still necessary.

LIFE is 15,000 shades of grey….and beautiful paintings have been painted with grey.  

[+ Jamie21]

I’ve written previously on here about a client telling me he loved me. It was the most awkward I’ve ever felt in all my years doing escorting/massage. He professed love and asked me to go on holiday (vacation) with him and I’m sure he fully expected me to say yes. So extremely difficult because I could see he was surprised by my response. 

Our sessions were passionate and intimate of course. If someone is passionate towards me then I certainly find it no problem atall to return the energy plus some. I think some clients misread that for something more than what it is. Ultimately it’s a transaction. 
 

[Bokomaru]

I once had a (very hot) Dom provider command me to say “I love you” in the middle of fucking me. It caught me by surprise. I think he was trying to get me to loosen up because he knew of my deep affection for him (I had been going to him for several years).  
 

So I said it. And I said it again. And again. It became a fun part of the fantasy. I’m a bit honored that he asked me (told me) to say it, if I’m honest. 

[Trick]

My regular comes to town every one or two months.  I like being with him. I get excited when I know he’s coming, double entendre there. It feels very different when I’m in his arms and when we play, compared with other providers.  Him penetrating me is the most satisfying experience.  I don’t know if that’s love, but who needs labels.

[Rudynate]

6 hours ago, 56harrisond said:

 

I remember a time, many years ago, when I was visiting my home town for a family wedding.  I met a guy who topped me so nicely, that it left me under a spell. I just HAD to see this guy again. But there was no time.  I had to spend most of the time with my family and then I had to go home.  Sure enough, the spell faded after a few days and became just a pleasant memory.  That's how these moments of passion can trick you if you let them. 

[LostUpstate]

I’ve never fallen in love with an escort, but I have fallen in lust. 

[Trick]

19 minutes ago, LostUpstate said:

I’ve never fallen in love with an escort, but I have fallen in lust. 

Lust is a given.  But sometimes things go past the lust and emotional connections are made.

[Inspired Table]

I often do encounter instances where I started catching feelings for the escorts and masseurs I hire.
I understand that it is their job to provide a service, but sometimes I do get delusional and believe I am special to them especially if they’re very sweet to me. The delusion becomes worse the sexier they are🤗.

Edited 5 hours ago by Inspired Table

[+ SirBillybob]

Very occasionally with brief metabolic cycles of a few months. Simply more fantasy and yearning front of mind, usually a soothing type of phenomenon when going to bed at night and drifting off. For a relatively brief amount of time the sense that lack of access to intimate contact would feel deprivational. Then unexpectedly and abruptly a reduced sense of yearning, reflecting nothing about their behaviour or demeanour but just how the confluence of heart, mind, and affective neurotransmitters plays out seemingly randomly.

In one unique case a cycle of 8 years, a protracted period in many ways not thematically unlike the few examples above, but with a few more secondary conjoint activities. 4 years of intense psychosexual attachment followed by 4 years, subsequent to a self-directed commitment to contact cessation and with high anticipation of grief, of gradual psychological metabolism of the subjective sense of loss. But not abstinence in terms of other new candidates, fun but unsurprisingly no intense attachment recurrence. I had to have been the one to rip off the bandaid and that was appropriate in my view.

Then woke up one day about 8 years following initial connection and realized I didn’t think of him very regularly at all, he initiated following me on social platforms I had commenced but I felt no compulsion to keep up with his content, and now 21 years following initial connection I don’t perceive him as somebody I’d hook up with although he has done everything that would be considered supportive of his health, fitness, and wellbeing maintenance. Married to a woman I believe was a single mother. No reason not to be happy for him.

Falling, yes. Love, though? He was accessible and I broke it off, but I’d have been quietly enraged had he truncated or reduced our get-togethers. That’s not love. That’s narcissistic injury. It may have felt like what is conceptualized as being in love but the set-up was never reciprocal. He accepted payment to interact on my terms and to pander to my self-serving appetitive interests in charging up my heart, mind, and affective neurotransmitters. Not to mention intense physical arousal and orgasm. Sure, I helped him with a few tasks and goals but was never called upon to really have to ride through the kinds of difficult events that characterize true relationships. 

As one gets older all one can suggest to one’s juniors is that there’s an invariable end to each metabolic cycle. It’s no consolation in the eye of the lovelust storm within a transactional context, and the dynamics defy duration control, but one’s psyche appears to contain a default safety mechanism that eventually kicks in for the sake of psychological equilibrium. 

Edited 6 hours ago by SirBillybob

[jeezifonly]

Nope I spent 45 years working around actors. 
When the interpersonal frisson occurs, one or both is playing a role. 95% of the time it’s a disaster once the show is over. 
I learned my lesson early on about asymmetry in attraction during a business-centric situation. I only allow myself to fall madly in bed. Or table.

[mike carey]

Folks, we've combined a new thread created yesterday with this one on the same subject. There had been some comments in the old thread as well as the chatter in the new one over the same time period, so when reading the recent posts (after the 'six months later' break on the previous page) bear that in mind if some comments don't appear to follow from the one above. The combined thread has a lot of insights into this subject, that many of us may have considered over our journeys with this hobby.

[+ PhileasFogg]

10 hours ago, Trick said:

Lust is a given.  But sometimes things go past the lust and emotional connections are made.

As noted in the triangular theory, it’s Romantic Love.  but as @JayCeeKy previously noted, it comes with the same dopamine triggers.

The connection you’ve described is exactly what I seek in guys I see a second time (or more).  Personally, I prefer to think of it more like friends with benefits. I’ve evolved to focusing on a small circle of guys that are dependable,  whose presence I enjoy, with physical compatibility.  The fact that I happen to have wealth and they seek to build wealth is a one of the mutual benefits in the interaction. (And I use “interaction” very intentionally)

[+ SirBillybob]

7 hours ago, jeezifonly said:

… I’ve learned my lesson early on about asymmetry in attraction during a business-centric situation. I only allow myself to fall madly in bed. Or table.

Which goes to show you can.

Edited 6 minutes ago by SirBillybob