Encouraging Providers to Participate more on Forums.

[+ PhileasFogg]

On 4/6/2026 at 7:50 AM, KensingtonHomo said:

And we all know who they are. My question is, why do the moderators tolerate this behavior? 

Kinda like what you did to one particular guy that I defended a couple months ago?? 🙄

Remember a)tolerance is rooted in the realization that other perspectives exist and that b)you’ve been a beneficiary of it as well.  

7 hours ago, KensingtonHomo said:

I don't have time to review your posts and provide a detailed assessment but it's 1,000% true. 

I stopped looking for your posts to offer anything positive about anyone long ago too 😉  but your thoughts should still be welcomed here  

 

On 4/6/2026 at 7:27 AM, DznNYC said:

There's a loud peanut gallery that seems to make a hobby of comments ranging from critical to derogatory about providers they've never met or hired.  ("Needs to hit the gym," "Terrible tattoos," "Too girlie!" "Looks older than he lists,"  "PNP means he's a junkie!" "Smoker!")  There's a strong risk of slander, against which it's all but impossible to defend yourself. 

Be careful please throwing around words like slander or libelous (the more accurate term here).  Expressions of opinion matter and should be welcomed.  You’re right, some are mean.   As a provider, you either meet a need or you don’t.  If something’s holding back your potential wouldn’t you like to know what people think so you can work on broadening your appeal or, alternatively, what traits to emphasize less?  Tyra Banks was an awesome model…but she wasn’t perfect.  She learned the art of deemphasizing her flaws.   

Let’s be real, some providers make their image to please their friends and may narrow their market appeal to paying customers accordingly. 

[Simon Suraci]

This thread is not long for this world - an example of one of the many reasons I don’t care to participate anymore. The irony is utterly lost here.

Thank you to all the good clients and quiet lurkers who appreciate what I and other providers have to say, and those choosing not to contribute to all the problematic behavior. I’ve met many of you in person and can confirm this community has many good people in it. It’s too bad the rotten apples spoil the barrel. Some of those bad apples are providers too. It goes both ways.

I have a voice, and I am willing to share it with those who want to listen. Going forward, it will be on my own terms, on my own platform, without censorship, or anyone saying that I can’t call a spade a spade. No clowns tolerated; I will suffer neither b***** nor fools. You will hear about it once it’s ready. Meanwhile, I have a living to make and a tour to complete.

I hope for the sake of all you who value this special place on the internet, that the moderators take this opportunity to look inward, to consider what kind of community they really want this to be and make changes to steer the ship in that direction. Maybe it isn’t really a place for providers to participate. Maybe it is. Maybe it’s truly a review platform with consistent criteria for clients to post more meaningful commentary and data points. It’s been since 2023 we were expecting such a review style platform to launch. Guess that isn’t happening.

Whichever direction the site administrators and moderators decide they want it to go, CoM can’t continue in a healthy way as it has been. It’s a fools errand for contributors to demand providers spend their time and energy here (for free) for the benefit of strangers on the internet, many of whom mock and ridicule us in return. This is my last piece of unsolicited advice. If you privately want my input, maybe some ideas to make positive changes, you know where to find me.

I’m done casting pearls to swine. It’s too bad some of the very good people will miss out because the loudest voices in the room are deafening squeals.

For now, good bye, and good luck.

Edited 13 hours ago by Simon Suraci

[Mark_fl]

23 minutes ago, aiseeya said:

As a client, I first filter potential hire based on his physical attributes, only then based on reviews (of his performances and his likeness as compared to pictures posted on his ads) from others. I am unlikely to hire simply based on his posts or opinions posted here.

I think we all start with physical attributes,  and if that passes the first test, we move on to their profile, will and won't do and other compatibility.  And while I'm never going to hire SIMPLY on posts, after getting to know a little about providers here, I am much more likely to try and find time to see them should they be in my city. I find kindness and intelligence attractive.

The providers that are afraid to come here because of criticism are likely the ones we should be avoiding anyway.

[acks0104]

Even as a client I find that other people on these forums can be insufferable and immature. Left and right there are comments from users that treat escorts like they're trash for setting boundaries or being mad that they choose to charge rates that are deemed too expensive.

If I was an escort, I might choose to advertise here once or twice but I would never actively participate in the kind of place that doesn't really value respect. There's just very little to be gained and I don't blame anyone for not wanting to be part of that

[aiseeya]

7 hours ago, Mark_fl said:

I think we all start with physical attributes,  and if that passes the first test, we move on to their profile, will and won't do and other compatibility.  And while I'm never going to hire SIMPLY on posts, after getting to know a little about providers here, I am much more likely to try and find time to see them should they be in my city. I find kindness and intelligence attractive.

The providers that are afraid to come here because of criticism are likely the ones we should be avoiding anyway.

As a consultant who charge >$600/ hr, I would rather network at golf course or tennis court or charity galas than at community centre. Any remaining free time will be allocated towards personal matters that bring me joy, not subjecting myself to judgement by ppl who is unlikely ever pay my rate.

[aiseeya]

8 hours ago, PhileasFogg said:

Kinda like what you did to one particular guy that I defended a couple months ago?? 🙄

Remember a)tolerance is rooted in the realization that other perspectives exist and that b)you’ve been a beneficiary of it as well.  

I stopped looking for your posts to offer anything positive about anyone long ago too 😉  but your thoughts should still be welcomed here  

 

Be careful please throwing around words like slander or libelous (the more accurate term here).  Expressions of opinion matter and should be welcomed.  You’re right, some are mean.   As a provider, you either meet a need or you don’t.  If something’s holding back your potential wouldn’t you like to know what people think so you can work on broadening your appeal or, alternatively, what traits to emphasize less?  Tyra Banks was an awesome model…but she wasn’t perfect.  She learned the art of deemphasizing her flaws.   

Let’s be real, some providers make their image to please their friends and may narrow their market appeal to paying customers accordingly. 

In so far relating to physical attributes and intimacy patterns, I firmly believe there is a market for everyone. Many posters here apparently deem tattoos as ugly and think its wholly appropriate to voice that opinion and critise providers for it. Many other paying customers wont mind tattoos - me included. There is no one box fits all. Professional molds their brand and image based on their target market. We might not be the target market we so confidently think we are. 

One of my regulars is constantly critised here whilst him maintaining steady client base with over 5stars 90+ RM reviews. Just to put things into perspective.

[+ PhileasFogg]

2 hours ago, aiseeya said:

Many posters here apparently deem tattoos as ugly and think its wholly appropriate to voice that opinion and critise providers for it.

I don’t disagree.  But I’d prefer to say nothing than to make a post to simply criticize a physical attribute or feature.

Posts asking for experiences with a provider are not invitations for aesthetic critique 

[DznNYC]

14 hours ago, PhileasFogg said:

Be careful please throwing around words like slander or libelous (the more accurate term here).  Expressions of opinion matter and should be welcomed.  You’re right, some are mean.   As a provider, you either meet a need or you don’t.  If something’s holding back your potential wouldn’t you like to know what people think so you can work on broadening your appeal or, alternatively, what traits to emphasize less?  Tyra Banks was an awesome model…but she wasn’t perfect.  She learned the art of deemphasizing her flaws.   

 

 

Thank you for the nuanced explainer, and you're absolutely right.  Libel is a more accurate word than slander.  

On that issue...  When you're familiar with both parties, and you watch this kind of dispute unfold here, it's a real cautionary tale for providers.  It takes very little for a client to come for your reputation and livelihood in a public and libelous (thank you @PhileasFogg) way.  

Also, I'm fairly certain the question here wasn't: Should these things be allowed?  The question was: Why don't providers participate more?

Pretty clear this thread answered its own question. 

[d.anders]

4 hours ago, PhileasFogg said:

I’d prefer to say nothing than to make a post to simply criticize a physical attribute or feature.

It sounds like you've never been to a social event with professional hairdressers and make-up artists. A fine line may exist between analyze and criticize, but who knows where that line is?

4 hours ago, PhileasFogg said:

invitations for aesthetic critique 

Do people really need an invitation to critique aesthetics? Isn't damning a bad weather day a critique on aesthetics? I think of all the YouTube videos now where unknown people have become Joan Rivers playing fashion police at red carpet events. Critiquing aesthetics is an industry, and not just as it relates to fashion.

Gay men are notorious for critiquing aesthetics. Women, too. So many work in creative jobs, it's second nature for them to critique. It can be a job requirement. I have been to so many game nights or Thanksgiving celebrations where most of the social conversation is critiquing aesthetics. So often, friends talking amongst friends will shoot the shit. I'm sure providers know exactly what I mean. Yes, it's slightly different from an online board experience like this because most of us are not friends. We're anonymous people writing to chat about sex workers. IMO, talking about the looks of a sex worker is no different than talking about the looks of our favorite actor, porn star, or our latest boyfriend. There may be a kinder way of sharing or expressing opinions, but holding them back would make life dull and boring.

Edited 7 hours ago by d.anders

[+ PhileasFogg]

1 hour ago, d.anders said:

It sounds like you've never been to a social event with professional hairdressers and make-up artists. A fine line may exist between analyze and criticize, but who knows where that line is?

That’s correct - that doesn’t describe my typical social calendar 🤣. I guess we know why that is 😉

 

1 hour ago, d.anders said:

Critiquing aesthetics is an industry, and not just as it relates to fashion.

Gay men are notorious for critiquing aesthetics. Women, too. So many work in creative jobs, it's second nature for them to critique. It can be a job requirement.

Are you offering that as justification?   Might we thereby conclude that a certain high ranking elected official who creates snarky names in critique is justified?   I suspect “no”. That’s rhetorical …please don’t follow that rabbit hole off topic 😅

The point - if a member here asks for feedback on experiences with a guy, they’ve already asserted interest.  They don’t need another member critiquing their tastes and preference. The critiques are petty and reflect poorly on the guys making them.

Being gay or a fashionista doesn’t justify rude incivility.

I know you’re not saying bad behavior is ok. 😉.  But at some point we have to call BS, right?

Edited 5 hours ago by PhileasFogg

[d.anders]

1 hour ago, PhileasFogg said:

Might we thereby conclude that a certain high ranking elected official who creates snarky names in critique is justified?

Free speech has always had an ugly side. When I consider the alternative, I wouldn't want it any other way. At least when someone behaves like a pathetic asshole, you know where that asshole stands. I prefer to know the naked truth about an individual. Then I know whom to ignore.

1 hour ago, PhileasFogg said:

Being gay or a fashionista doesn’t justify rude incivility.

I agree. Personally, I don't like rude incivility. I have experienced a little of that on this board. I choose to ignore it. There is so much valuable information here, and a lot of it is fun and funny. IMO, the positives far outweigh the negatives. No place is perfect.  

[Mark_fl]

There is also a difference between critiquing someone's fashion choices (including tattoos) and physical appearances one can't do anything about. 

Preferences aren't going to change,  but we can still be kind. Also, we might be less critical is we thought the provider we're critiquing was going to see it and respond.

After all, I hope we're all here to make this hobby/business more fun/profitable, rather than a bitchfest. 

[mike carey]

12 hours ago, aiseeya said:

Many posters here apparently deem tattoos as ugly and think its wholly appropriate to voice that opinion and critise providers for it.

Many do, and in the context of balanced description of an escort's attributes and one's experience with him, appropriate. I think making a random drive-by comment that mentions tattoos alone solely to disparage them, when anyone who cares can already see the tattoos in an ad, is gratuitous and borderline disrespectful.