Clients that Develop Personal Attachment

[ICTJOCK]

Working as an escort requires professionalism on so many levels.   One is to fill the "service need" of the client and provide service in a way that is satisfying for them.    Basic comfort level and attitude  vary for a number of reasons.   New client,   regular,  history,  so many things.    One thing I try to avoid is any sort of personal "attachment"  or the development of emotional feelings.    I had a regular client that used to talk to me about "my falling in love with him" at some point.    Never did understand where that came from.    He is a nice guy,  but he wasn't someone I'd date.     We finally had to have a conversation about that statement.  Sure I kid around with some of my clients,  but in the end,   I'm there to perform a service for them.

Thoughts?    For providers,  have you ever had a problem with emotional attachment?     For clients,  has it ever been an issue?

[acks0104]

My personal stance is that people shouldn't fool themselves into thinking it's anything more than a good time that's being paid for. A business exchange with some personality. I think problems arise because people have unfulfilled emotional needs, and that kind of thing can turn sad or ugly, quick. I'm sure there are escorts out there that have formed relationships or friendships with some clients, but I also suspect that some of those clients may be fooling themselves into thinking those relationships are more than they actually are.

[Decatur Guy]

I have had friendship feelings for several providers, but that's about it. I have no idea if even that's truly reciprocated or not. I wouldn't expect anything beyond that. 

[Jamie21]

I had a client say he loved me. He invited me on holiday with him. This expression of love wasn’t made in the moment (the sessions were quite passionate I guess, I include kissing and cuddling etc) but after we’d finished and he was getting dressed which made it feel very sincere to me. He certainly made it clear about his feelings. He said he’d been thinking about me all the time between our sessions. 

It was very awkward and his question about the holiday caught me by surprise. I didn’t like to ask ‘do you mean you’re wanting to hire me for the holiday?’ because I’m sure he thought I had feelings too. I didn’t know what to say to him and he quickly realised from my hesitancy and surprise that he’d gone too far. Very awkward indeed. He hasn’t been back. 

I think with some clients it’s loneliness and lack of intimacy that brings them to hire (which is fine, it’s a good reason to hire) but then a few of them start to believe that the provider is falling for them. Being able to genuinely be intimate with a client for their session is a skill good providers have but it can be misinterpreted by someone who’s looking for more. That’s the most difficult part of the job for me. 

Had he left out the ‘love’ part and the ‘thinking about you all the time’ comment and just said ‘how much would you charge to come with me on holiday’ I’d have provided the rate, services, and started packing….

 

 

[secgoo]

I feel attached to DinoBravo but not in a love way, more a genuine, heartfelt liking for the lovely human he is. There's a lot of chat about things outside the bedroom between us, even in-between meets, and I do feel friendly with him. I'm under no delusions that I'm just a client though and although he might like me as a client, there's no emotion in it at all.

There are a few other providers that I have as semi regular that is strictly fun only.

There's one straight masseur that I saw once and knew instantly that I could never see again because I would end up falling head over heals for him lol. I think that's the first time I've cut myself off from a hot straight guy, normally I turn them into my personal entertainment and flirt with them outrageously in front of everyone.

Finally, I saw a provider a couple of times and then he fell for me. I know, sounds stupidly impossible and delusional of me to think like that but he wasn't a typical provider and only met via Grindr not RM or another site. Also, he was VERY new to the industry, I think I was one of the first guys to fuck him. Finally, I think he had daddy issues and needed some love and comfort in his life. Unfortunately, I found him to be clingy and annoying and tried to call it all off several times. I archived his chat so I didn't get WhatsApp alerts (I don't block people because I need to see what's happening) so he started messaging from a new number to get my attention, then a third! Every time he creates a new Grindr profile he messages me still. What can I say, some guys just can't get enough of my cock 😜😂🤣

[secgoo]

To clarify, the provider that got attached started seeing me without charge.

[ICTJOCK]

9 hours ago, acks0104 said:

My personal stance is that people shouldn't fool themselves into thinking it's anything more than a good time that's being paid for. A business exchange with some personality. I think problems arise because people have unfulfilled emotional needs, and that kind of thing can turn sad or ugly, quick. I'm sure there are escorts out there that have formed relationships or friendships with some clients, but I also suspect that some of those clients may be fooling themselves into thinking those relationships are more than they actually are.

Great answer,   I would concur.

[+ Kman]

This is a case with a dancer at an Adonis night: I had a few dances with him over the course of the night (2-3 songs a time) and he was fun of course…and by the end of the night he started calling me his boyfriend and I know it was a way for him to get more dances but he also said ‘you’re a nice guy, I like you’ in broken English…again it’s a gimmick to get more money from me but I also think it’s not a good business practice…someone may take that very seriously and make things weird..:I had not been to Adonis event in awhile so maybe this is a common thing?

[jeezifonly]

Sure, some of them inspire a chemical reaction that can lead to fantasies of extended time together. 
The greatest extent of personal attachment I’ve truly experienced as a client is, “it’s been a business doing pleasure with you”.

 

 

 

 

[+ keroscenefire]

I think it's normal and fine for attachments to develop both ways between clients and escorts. Human beings naturally seek companionship and as we get to know each other, of course bonds will form. I have genuinely become friends with a few guys I have hired. One of them I consider a good friend and he no longer escorts and we still hang out (non-sexually) from time to time.

What is tricky is expecting the business side of the relationship to change at all. I always think of it as if the escort had another job. If I had a friend who was an artist, I support my friend by buying their art, not expecting it for free. Ultimately, the same is true even if you do have a genuine friendship with an escort. Companionship and sex is his job and you should not expect that to be free. Maybe because he likes you, he'll give you a bit of extra time or something, but that should be completely at his suggestion and never expected by the client.

[+ ThroatCummer]

When the escort starts making you things like a framed photo of you two, or sends you flowers with his name at work, wants to come over and watch TV on the couch on a random night, or buys you airplane tickets to Colombia to meet his family on vacation.... that's how you know. 

Everything else is for the money.  

[CuriousByNature]

Some attachments can be pretty scary...

 

and others are less serious but still hard to shake.

[DWnyc]

On 8/24/2023 at 10:02 AM, ThroatCummer said:

When the escort starts making you things like a framed photo of you two, or sends you flowers with his name at work, wants to come over and watch TV on the couch on a random night, or buys you airplane tickets to Colombia to meet his family on vacation.... that's how you know. 

Everything else is for the money.  

And even then, I would caution ..,

[DWnyc]

I’ve often suspected that the brashness, arrogance, almost over the top coolness some providers often demonstrate (sometimes parallel to fulfilling the fantasy of extreme passion and intimacy) - is a self defense mechanism to ward off clients who may start believing it … and maybe even to protect themselves from believing in the potential for something. Providers are human beings too - and there are plenty who enter the field because of some imbalance in their lives to begin with (note am not salting that applies to most of all) 

[DWnyc]

On 8/22/2023 at 10:59 PM, acks0104 said:

My personal stance is that people shouldn't fool themselves into thinking it's anything more than a good time that's being paid for. A business exchange with some personality. I think problems arise because people have unfulfilled emotional needs, and that kind of thing can turn sad or ugly, quick. I'm sure there are escorts out there that have formed relationships or friendships with some clients, but I also suspect that some of those clients may be fooling themselves into thinking those relationships are more than they actually are.

I would be stunned if in some cases provides weren’t fully aware of a vulnerable client and encouraged it to some extent for whatever reason 

[Nodalguy]

I hired a rentboy for a bit and we became really good friends after he gave it up. I took him traveling, visiting my favorite places. I've lent him money, which he has always repaid. I used to give him cash whenever I saw him, but it's actually been a bit since we last met in person, as we both moved to different states. These days I'll send him something via app for his birthday (or half-birthday in the latest case).

We still text and talk very regularly. He called me and was close to tears years ago when I was going through a health issue and needed a couple major surgeries. He is a very genuine guy and I think consistently tries to do the right thing.

So I know in at least one case a client and provider ended up getting along and started to like each other mutually.

[+ purplekow]

I have at least 4 escorts with  whom I have a friendly relationship.  One left the business to become a lawyer and we still text regularly it has been about 8 years since I saw him professionally. Another is someone I actually knew casually through a mutual friend who I hired through an agency 15 or more years ago.  I still hire him now and then but mostly we just go out to dinner and text or call.  Another stopped the business years ago and he and I still have the occasional lunch.  He broke his leg and was bed bound for a year.  I called him regularly and visited him in the hospital and the rehab center.  He will dog sit for me when I go away bringing his own dog to my home.  Yet another calls to complain about his girlfriends and the troubles in his life.  He does dog rescues and I have adopted three of his dogs along the way.  We speak every two months or so.  I have not hired him in 10 years though he was one of the first escorts I hired.  His body is still amazing even in his 40s.   There is an escort I speak or text with almost daily.  I hire him several times a year but the relationship extends to personal matters and advice and general caring for one another.  I have been asked to be the best man at a former escorts wedding (he and his GF broke up before the wedding) and I was also asked by his mother to speak at the funeral of an escort (same escort).

Now some may look upon this as unusual, and it probably is.  But all of these relationships have lasted many years, 8 to 15,  and most have extended past the time of their escorting services for me and as a career for them.   

It seems to me it is easier to develop a friendship with an escort with whom you have had great, non loving sex than it would be to continue to have a friendship with an ex lover with the emotional baggage that goes with it.  

 

Edited September 9, 2023 by purplekow

[Rudynate]

Whenever I have really amazing sex with a guy, pro or not, I always think about him alot for days afterward.   I saw a massage guy last year - the first time, I thought there was a good possibility it was going to lead to sex, and I wasn't surprised when it did.  What suprised me is that he made me see stars, and I know he liked it just as much. We started texting, and he asked "You haven't stopped thinking about me, have you?"  And I said "no." We saw each other several more times  - the understanding was that bodywork was paid and sex was free.  He started asking when I would be over again.  We definitely developed a connection, but I never thought it was anything but great sex, and I don't think he did either.  I had to stop going because I got so sick from my autoimmune problem.  I haven't heard from him since - but I've been thinking that it's about time for another massage.  I never thought either of us were in danger of falling in love.   We enjoyed each other though. 

Edited September 9, 2023 by Rudynate
spelling

[big-n-tall]

Although I think some people are better at emotional compartmentalization, on some level, long term client/provider relations develop some type of bond. On the rare occasion, I think it can happen in the short term too. Some people just click together. Although I know the op started this topic about clients becoming emotionally attached, it does swing the other way too… with providers getting attached as well.

Can emotional attachment be a problem? Sure it can. However, I think it’s only when that bond is one sided or used to abuse, control, or manipulate either side.

In my experience, I don’t necessarily seek attachment, friendship, etc., but it has happened a decent number of times. I’ve become friends with providers I used to hire and some I still do. Some have come and gone. Yet others, I’m certain, will be life long friends. We talk and see each other on and off the clock. Some have since retired, semi-retired or are still heavily involved in escorting. I love them platonically and it seems to be reciprocated. Hell, one of the ones who has retired has become a doctor. He and I travel together. We have 3 trips planned before the year comes to a close. The great thing about him is my kindness toward him (when he was doing porn and escorting) is being repaid in kind. He sometimes will pay for my portion of a trip because he says I helped him emotionally, academically (helped him study), and sometimes financially through medical school when he felt like giving up.

I understand keeping the emotional side out of this business, but if the emotional attachment is respectful and mutual. I don’t see a problem.

Now if there is stalking involved… that’s a horse of a different color.

Edited September 9, 2023 by big-n-tall

[Bargara Leatherboy]

Some people have bizarre emotional needs, well to me they seem bizarre.  I have had some very intimate and caring time with gentleman in return for cash, but I have never got them confused.

I can remember many years ago I was in a very popular bathhouse, and had hooked up with a guy, the encounter was fulfilling but not incredible.  After we had both finished and were spending a few moments recovering our breath, he asked to me tell him that I loved him, I ignored it, he asked again.  So I hesitantly said it.

I have never used those three words "I love you" unless I have totally meant it, I know when my husband first said it to me - I thanked him and told him that while I had feelings for him, I was not going to say those words until I knew that was what I was feeling, eventually I said it and that was 30 years ago.

I would be very careful about confusing the payment of services vs the emotional attachment.

I had a GP who was part of the LGBTIQ community and very hot, had a great desk side manner, we all joked among our friend network that he would not be safe if he offered home visits 

 

 

 

[BonVivant]

All I have to say is that humans are complex creatures and bonds can form, even affection and love. And this can go both ways. Why be clinical and cold about it? 

[Rudynate]

17 hours ago, big-n-tall said:

Although I think some people are better at emotional compartmentalization, on some level, long term client/provider relations develop some type of bond. On the rare occasion, I think it can happen in the short term too. Some people just click together. Although I know the op started this topic about clients becoming emotionally attached, it does swing the other way too… with providers getting attached as well.

Can emotional attachment be a problem? Sure it can. However, I think it’s only when that bond is one sided or used to abuse, control, or manipulate either side.

In my experience, I don’t necessarily seek attachment, friendship, etc., but it has happened a decent number of times. I’ve become friends with providers I used to hire and some I still do. Some have come and gone. Yet others, I’m certain, will be life long friends. We talk and see each other on and off the clock. Some have since retired, semi-retired or are still heavily involved in escorting. I love them platonically and it seems to be reciprocated. Hell, one of the ones who has retired has become a doctor. He and I travel together. We have 3 trips planned before the year comes to a close. The great thing about him is my kindness toward him (when he was doing porn and escorting) is being repaid in kind. He sometimes will pay for my portion of a trip because he says I helped him emotionally, academically (helped him study), and sometimes financially through medical school when he felt like giving up.

I understand keeping the emotional side out of this business, but if the emotional attachment is respectful and mutual. I don’t see a problem.

Now if there is stalking involved… that’s a horse of a different color.

How could they not?  I'm mostly after novelty in my activities, so I'm not after a long-term arrangement, but I don't see how a long-term arrangement could even become long-term if there weren't any room for a caring friendship to develop. 

[Simon Suraci]

I’ve developed friendships with a few clients. I’m always careful to maintain emotional boundaries. That’s not to say I can’t have genuine caring feelings, but never romantic feelings or trying to fulfill the role of a shrink or a family member.

If the boundaries are clear, it works! Depending on chemistry and mutual interests, etc. Happens from time to time.

[CalTec]

On 8/23/2023 at 11:18 AM, Kman said:

This is a case with a dancer at an Adonis night: I had a few dances with him over the course of the night (2-3 songs a time) and he was fun of course…and by the end of the night he started calling me his boyfriend and I know it was a way for him to get more dances but he also said ‘you’re a nice guy, I like you’ in broken English…again it’s a gimmick to get more money from me but I also think it’s not a good business practice…someone may take that very seriously and make things weird..:I had not been to Adonis event in awhile so maybe this is a common thing?

Some of the imports have no idea how dumb they sound. "My boyfriend" 🙄   I would have told him, "baby, I'm single for life and just saw something over there to take for a private dance, if you'll excuse me". See how romantic he'll be after that slap of reality hits him.

[pubic_assistance]

On 8/22/2023 at 8:49 PM, ICTJOCK said:

One thing I try to avoid is any sort of personal "attachment"  or the development of emotional feelings. 

I think, a professional escort needs to remember that for some men, this is the ONLY sex life they've ever had.

I often joke, that "if it weren't for hookers, ugly people would never get laid"...but in all seriousness there are many people born unfortunate-in-looks, who spend their life paying for affection. So it's not unlikely for one of these fellows to develop feelings for a regular provider.

In all situations, it's a fine line for the escort to provide the illusion for the hour ( or evening ) but to keep reality in check after the session, and remind their client that they are a friendly service provider.

It's sad that some people are lonely, but it's unfortunate that their loneliness isn't getting cured through pay4play encounters.

Edited September 28, 2023 by pubic_assistance
grammar