Clients that Develop Personal Attachment

[Marc in Calif]

On 9/28/2023 at 2:42 PM, pubic_assistance said:

I often joke, that "if it weren't for hookers, ugly people would never get laid"...but in all seriousness there are many people born unfortunate-in-looks, who spend their life paying for affection. So it's not unlikely for one of these fellows to develop feelings for a regular provider.

Or they force themselves to marry a woman and claim they're bisexual.

In all seriousness, it's all too common for one of these poor fellows to develop feelings for a regular provider. 

[pubic_assistance]

3 hours ago, Marc in Calif said:

they force themselves to marry a woman and claim they're bisexual.

I would say the majority of men who "force themselves" to marry a woman, do so because they want to identify as heterosexual, not bisexual.

But yes...there are certainly lots of people who are unsatisfied with their marriages that hire escorts.

I would guess it's the people who live alone who are the lonely souls who get obsessed with their provider. Not the people who are married and closeted.

Edited September 30, 2023 by pubic_assistance
grammar

[socurious]

This recent client I had last week was so convinced of my service that he truly believed I fell in love with him after the hour we spent together one night. He treated me well and gave me a massage I enjoyed. I made sure he felt especial. It was a really easy job honestly. He insisted in tongue-kissing me which is something I don't offer. But I tried to not be so obvious about it. We spent 1 hour and 25 minutes together when he actually hired me for 1 hour. I didn't care but another escort would probably charge those passed minutes. Anyways. Just wanted to say this. I don't do a big deal for a few minutes. At the end I'm new to this. 

[+ newatthis]

23 hours ago, socurious said:

We spent 1 hour and 25 minutes together when he actually hired me for 1 hour. I didn't care but another escort would probably charge those passed minutes. Anyways. Just wanted to say this. I don't do a big deal for a few minutes. At the end I'm new to this. 

An escort I knew had a wonderful, gentle, but effective way of dealing with this.  Shortly after the end of the 1st hour, he would ask "are you thinking of extending to a longer session?"  (Seeing those words written out coldly in black and white probably doesn't convey the tone, which was all-important.)

[pubic_assistance]

On 9/30/2023 at 9:20 PM, socurious said:

We spent 1 hour and 25 minutes together when he actually hired me for 1 hour. I didn't care but another escort would probably charge those passed minutes.

....And a gentleman would offer to pay a substantial tip for that extra time without being asked.

Edited October 2, 2023 by pubic_assistance
spelling

[socurious]

7 hours ago, pubic_assistance said:

....And a gentleman would offer to pay a substantial tip for that extra time without being asked.

He told me he was going to hire me in a regular but wanted a discount haha. Funny thing is that I usually charge 350 when traveling and I only charged him 300 for that booking. 

[socurious]

16 hours ago, newatthis said:

An escort I knew had a wonderful, gentle, but effective way of dealing with this.  Shortly after the end of the 1st hour, he would ask "are you thinking of extending to a longer session?"  (Seeing those words written out coldly in black and white probably doesn't convey the tone, which was all-important.)

My client was so engaged and excited that I didn't want to stop him in the middle of the session and ruin his moment. Anyways, thanks for the recommendation. 

[Rgsnva]

I’ve been that guy who fell hard for a provider, but after several sessions, not just one.  It’s not so much a loneliness thing or something unattractive guys do (I don’t think I’m either).   I think for some of us that level of intimacy just inspires an emotional bond.  I have to be pretty careful to reign it in.  Try to be nice to him - among other things, it can be embarrassing when you realize it.  

[Guest]

I see so many of the same people regularly that I did when I first started.. that's long time... of course there's gonna be mutual attachment, affection, and various forms of "love" It's hardly unrequited.  We don't "complete" people but rather "add" to the quality and pleasure of life ( it works in reverse as well ) , at least that's been my experience 🥰🙏🏽

[Jamie21]

I see some regular clients and do feel affection for them. When you share intimacy regularly with someone it does create a kind of bond. I’m able to compartmentalise it though; it’s a transaction despite me trying to make it not seem like that (at least up to the point where I ask them how they’d like to pay!). I think some clients might like it to progress further and that’s the most difficult part of the work. 

I had a client tell me he loved me after a session. It wasn’t a comment made ‘in the moment’ at climax but was afterwards as he was dressing. That made it even more difficult to respond to. I didn’t expect it and didn’t know what to say. I just gave him a cuddle and said nothing, which actually said it  all… and he realised it. He was a regular (one of those every 3 months clients) but I’ve not seen him since. I wish I had handled it better but it really surprised me. 

 

[+ DrownedBoy]

I think clients who "fall" for providers are ignoring the fact that there's dozens of other guys the provider sees, and that acting is part of the job. I'd point that out (politely and indirectly) when it looks like someone is letting their emotions override their reason.

Clients need to keep a realistic perspective. Being the obsessive classifier that I am, I personally have these "intimacy" levels, highest to lowest:

1. BF

2. FWB

3. FB I get along with

4. FB I am able to put up with

An escort, no matter how nice, would never get about #3.

Unfortunately, many gay men are unable to realistically recognize intimacy levels, especially if they're new to dating/hiring.

[TorontoDrew]

2 hours ago, Jamie21 said:

I see some regular clients and do feel affection for them. When you share intimacy regularly with someone it does create a kind of bond. I’m able to compartmentalise it though; it’s a transaction despite me trying to make it not seem like that (at least up to the point where I ask them how they’d like to pay!). I think some clients might like it to progress further and that’s the most difficult part of the work. 

I had a client tell me he loved me after a session. It wasn’t a comment made ‘in the moment’ at climax but was afterwards as he was dressing. That made it even more difficult to respond to. I didn’t expect it and didn’t know what to say. I just gave him a cuddle and said nothing, which actually said it  all… and he realised it. He was a regular (one of those every 3 months clients) but I’ve not seen him since. I wish I had handled it better but it really surprised me. 

 

I'm not sure how you could have handled that any better.  What can you say in that situation.

[+ purplekow]

7 hours ago, TorontoDrew said:

I'm not sure how you could have handled that any better.  What can you say in that situation.

In response, to the I love you one can say,  "I really enjoy spending time with you too.  It is not love but it is very nice." 

If you want to be sure the point gets across, one could say " I enjoy spending time with you but love does not enter into it." 

Or even more direct. "I like spending time with you too but I do not get paid to have sex with the man with whom I am in love".  

The always available  "I love you but I am not In love with you"  

I am not saying these should be rehearsed but this situation has got to be expected to occur and the escort should be ready with an appropriate answer.  

As a physician I am prepared with kind but honest answers to all sorts of questions.  One does not want to fumble one's way through questions such as "How much time do I have.?"

[DamizzonNYC]

This is definitely a tightrope we walk as providers.  Because of the intimate nature of the service Iprovide, the cold detachment just doesn't feel right to me.  Especially since my general approach is to cultivate regular ongoing situations.  A personal connection of some sort becomes inevitable.  Especially as you learn to navigate a regular client and his desires, quirks, hangups, insecurities, etc.  You have to do it with a degree of empathy.  You can't leave your humanity at the door when you walk in if you genuinely get off on providing a client with a top shelf experience.

All that said, boundaries are of paramount importance.  And you find opportunities to assert those whenever you can.  

As a bona fide gym rat, I find myself observing the relationships that clients develop with their personal trainers, and sometimes it seems an apt parallel.  These folks spend enough time with their clients to really get to know them, and real friendships can develop.  But the framework for that friendship is always there: one is paying the other for a service that makes their life better.

I often have regulars text me on off days/hours.  Usually it's a reference to something funny we talked about.  I was initially unsure of how to handle this kind of thing.  But ultimately, we're humans who have a regular ongoing interaction.  So I do often engage, but I'm careful of doing it immediately.  Happy to engage, but you don't get my full immediate attention until it's our designated time.   

To me it's all about ways to maintain boundaried connections.