Birthday Etiquette With Your Favorite Provider(s)? 🎂

[+ SirBillybob]

I offer my calculator for the birth year component because unique leap year patterns arise from rotational speeds rarely dividing evenly into orbital periods. 

Edited Wednesday at 04:52 PM by SirBillybob

[aiseeya]

I reckon you should first ask yourself as to why you are overthinking such simple normal human interaction. No provider will ever refuse a no-strings-attached gift or a geniune happy birthday wish. 

There is no reasons to be anxious unless you are hoping your gesture will be interpreted in a certain way by the receipient.

Did you raise the same question whenever you wish or gift bday present to your mate? Worrying how they would perceive your gesture? I reckon not

[Whippoorwill]

I send a card (often with a purient message) and a text on the day-of. 

One year I offered to take one of my boys to lunch on his birthday. He came back with a quick "Oh no, just bring a bottle of wine the next time you come to see me." (translation: "Being seen with you at lunch is the last thing I want to do. Anyway I'm not spending my free time with a customer." Fair enough. So next time, I brought a fine bottle of wine, and we each had a glass or two before the massage. Afterwards he said he'd never do that again...it was a challenge to do his usual excellent massage when he was tipsy. 

I do have a former masseur (changed professions) whom I take out for a nice lunch every few months, for the pleasure of his company.  

[BananaBagel]

For my very favorite provider, we pick out a  provider together and have a three-way to celebrate his birthday and another again to celebrate mine. 

[DMonDude]

6 hours ago, aiseeya said:

I reckon you should first ask yourself as to why you are overthinking such simple normal human interaction. No provider will ever refuse a no-strings-attached gift or a geniune happy birthday wish. 

There is no reasons to be anxious unless you are hoping your gesture will be interpreted in a certain way by the receipient.

Did you raise the same question whenever you wish or gift bday present to your mate? Worrying how they would perceive your gesture? I reckon not

Maybe OP has social anxiety. For people with that issue, trying to figure out what to do in social situations where you don't already know "the script" so to speak, is a high pressure situation with big (perceived) consequences if you get it wrong. And like with any mental related thing or phobia, just saying "don't be anxious" doesn't work. They kind of just need the proper answer so they know what to do, that's what relieves the stress for them. 

Also. Many people with social anxiety very much do raise similar questions even with interacting with people they know depending on other factors. I myself have experienced times where i thought to wish someone a happy birthday but had second thoughts because it had been a prolonged period of time where we hadn't spoken and i wasn't sure if it'd be weird from their perspective if i reached out after said time. For some, there's no second thought and they just do it, for others that can be a major "how do i do this?" stressful moment.

And a client/provider relationship is not the same as a friend/friend relationship anyway. Clients of course are paying for an experience that blends fantasy with reality, but that is not the case for the provider, it's just work for them. And even if a client does cross some threshold with a provider where they are more familiar, that can still be hard for some people to navigate without it being discussed explicitly. So i can totally see why OP would wonder how others handle it so they don't do something that is unintentionally weird/awkward that would cross into a possible personal boundary for the provider.

Also, OP actually explicitly states they simply do not know the etiquette for this in their post: "Or is that crossing the line into “too personal”? Interested to hear how others handle it and what’s considered normal etiquette in this client-provider universe."

Edited Thursday at 01:04 AM by DMonDude

[Nycboy2]

So how did it go. Did you greet your favorite? 

Edited Thursday at 02:04 PM by Nycboy2

[Wings246]

On 5/26/2026 at 3:07 PM, 7829V said:

Also, if you see them shortly after their birthday, do you ever bring a small gift, tip a little extra?

I only do this for my favorites and of course there are good reasons why they become my favorites.  For a few, I even get to know them well enough that I know the exact dates of their birthdays (and yes, that means I know their real ages).

My rationale for gifts: oftentimes, I’m “socially coerced” into contributing to a coworker’s wedding / baby shower gift.  It is considered impolite and/or socially inept to not participate even though I barely know this so-called coworker.  If I am doing this for an almost stranger, why should I hesitate to do the same for someone who shares such unspeakably intimate moments with me?

I am a lazy and uncreative gifter.  So gift cards are the easiest solutions.  That said, I do pay close attention to my favorites’ hobbies and likes/dislikes and pick the types of gift cards that suit their preferences (e.g. movies, music, sports, electronics).  And when I run out of ideas, Amazon never fails!

[Mark_fl]

16 hours ago, aiseeya said:

Did you raise the same question whenever you wish or gift bday present to your mate? Worrying how they would perceive your gesture? I reckon not

I don't know about that. A better example might be giving a birthday present to another service provider, like your hair stylist, massage therapist or pool guy.  Can certainly seem a little out of place and imply something that may not be the intent.

[savantsav]

For christmas I sent a provider I spent a lot of time with last year a $100 gift card to their favorite restaurant and a card.

[+ DrownedBoy]

The only time a provider ever brought up his birthday was because he thought he was entitled to a present. He wasn't.

I don't celebrate my birthday given my background, so I don't consider them relevant.

[soloyo215]

I rarely remember people's birthdays. For providers, I've gotten a  few that mention their birthdays in expectation of a gift. I give them an extra tip.

There's no rule.

[+ Vegas_Millennial]

I took my most frequent provider to Disneyland for his birthday 3 years ago.

[+ purplekow]

This thread has caused me to consider a situation I was not paying much attention.  I have a regular who has mentioned several times that his birthday and mine are one day apart.  The years are decades apart.  He has told me on the last few meetings that he is intending to come to visit me around the time of my birthday and that he has a surprise in mind.  

Now, I was not really considering putting much effort into a gift and in fact, was not even considering a gift for him.  Now, I feel I should.  As we usually eat dinner at nice places and I have bought him tokens from the local gay apparel shops here in Palm Springs, I think of these as simple solutions.  However, his excitement about celebrating our mutual birthdays and this thread now have me thinking that something a bit more elaborate might be in order.   I