Am I being unreasonable??

[tall top dad]

So my husband and I had masseuer for years who is no longer is in are Area…Pasadena. By the way we are dad bod 61 and 75.

been in search from someone new…fee’s have escalated….so very wary about dropping large sums for a fee for adequate service. But here is the conundrum….we bought our old Masseuer pro table, with all the accessories….foot rest, arm sling, face rack.  So when we inquire about service in call, an explain we are fully kitted out just need to show up, we are always quoted an out call price x 2. 
this elevated the price now to $300 plus .  I asked a provider if one massage could be out call and second priced at in-call price. Thinking you are making one trip, not two, your already here, so it would as if I showed up to you door. He read me the third degree, called me cheap. We do not like going to a masseuer location as we have to sit and amuse ourselves of an hour each.   Also asked one provider who offered 30, 60, 45, 90 minute massages, and asked if we could split a 90 minute massage and was told.  
so are we cheap or are we not asking something unreasonable. 

Edited Sunday at 02:56 AM by tall top dad
Gram

[+ JamesB]

It does come across as cheap. I’m not sure where you’re located but in many places an outcall typically runs around $200–$250. You’re trying to negotiate around someone’s pricing structure in multiple ways instead of just accepting the service as it’s offered. Outcall pricing isn’t just about the table, it’s about travel time, scheduling limitations and the inconvenience of leaving their workspace. Asking to split sessions or reprice things puts the provider in an awkward spot and undervalues their time. It’s understandable to want good value but in this case the requests lean more toward minimizing cost than respecting how the service is structured.

[jeezifonly]

I think you'd have better luck if you each booked a solo session a day apart when testing a new provider. Tip well. Once he knows and likes you individually as clients, and you both agree that he's good, you might have more luck coming to an arrangement. 

[BrooklynIrish]

Interesting. We generally get prices closer to @JamesB - $250-$275 for an outcall erotic. Generally if we’re both being seen the guy will offer a modest discount. But we don’t ask. And if they give a discount we tip based on how good they are. 

[BrooklynIrish]

Curious what area are you in? 

[+ Jamie21]

I think you probably are being unreasonable. I’ve always said on here that to try to negotiate down a guys quote (for whatever reason) starts the interaction off badly. If they ask once that’s ok I guess but when they persist in trying to cut the rate I simply make myself unavailable. I do a few scenarios like you describe: one couple have a massage sequentially and they just sit and watch each other (which I love tbh). Another couple prefer that the one not on the table gets a coffee at a local coffee shop while he waits his turn. 

Out calls are more difficult for all sorts of reasons: you don’t know the environment you’ll be working in (I’ve had some really awkward spaces), there’s travel time both ways which restricts your availability, there’s also an element of personal risk. All these things come into question when setting rates. Then to have someone try to knock 10% off the quote makes you think they don’t value your time and service as much as you do. If his quote is too much just say ‘thanks but not for me’ and move on. 
 

[+ FrankR]

7 hours ago, tall top dad said:

So my husband and I had masseuer for years who is no longer is in are Area…Pasadena. By the way we are dad bod 61 and 75.

been in search from someone new…fee’s have escalated….so very wary about dropping large sums for a fee for adequate service. But here is the conundrum….we bought our old Masseuer pro table, with all the accessories….foot rest, arm sling, face rack.  So when we inquire about service in call, an explain we are fully kitted out just need to show up, we are always quoted an out call price x 2. 
this elevated the price now to $300 plus .  I asked a provider if one massage could be out call and second priced at in-call price. Thinking you are making one trip, not two, your already here, so it would as if I showed up to you door. He read me the third degree, called me cheap. We do not like going to a masseuer location as we have to sit and amuse ourselves of an hour each.   Also asked one provider who offered 30, 60, 45, 90 minute massages, and asked if we could split a 90 minute massage and was told.  
so are we cheap or are we not asking something unreasonable. 

I think you need to reconsider your expectations. Leaving aside the fact that some masseurs wont be comfortable with working on a couple and that an outcall to your location will cost more due to travel, you are also asking for a double service. So yes, you should expect to pay double.
Also keep in mind, that a massage done right is hard work - my go-to usually end up sweating from the physical nature of a proper massage. It is tiring and you are asking someone to do two of those, back to back.  

Your best bet may be a couple that both do massages or someone with a buddy that does 4 hand massages. Or you can keep trying, aim specifically for non peak hours and see if you get lucky.

[DunwoodyGuy]

I never negotiate down. I consider it disrespectful. All freelancers, not only masseurs, are entitled to set their rates. If the rate is too high for you, politely decline. In this case, you should have respected his rate and, if all went well, perhaps made a suggestion about a combined rate on a possible return visit. 

But the minute you say, "That's too much--will you accept less?"--you have insulted him and possibly attacked his self-esteem. 

Edited Sunday at 05:53 PM by DunwoodyGuy

[Hyattsville]

I understand what you are saying though. If there incall rate 100 and their out call is $50 more, then I understand why you would think two massages at the same outcall location would be $250 not $300. Interesting. Never thought of it that way before. 

[+ BOZO T CLOWN]

11 hours ago, tall top dad said:

Am I being unreasonable??

Yes.

BTC
🤡

[tall top dad]

So most think I’m cheap…..but most did not read the point of the post. Also….for reference, have also tried to hire local, as we are in Pasadena Ca, we wont bite for West Hollywood or farther distance. We try to stay with in @ less then 10 mile radius to eliminate the hassle of traffic. Also never negotiated after a price was given. Always asked upfront, in advance. Also, if your going to hold your price, just state that, “sorry me fee is xxx”, that I can except. But don’t call me a cheap and call me out when it was just a legitimate question.

 

 

Edited Sunday at 08:24 PM by tall top dad

[+ nycman]

Yeah, bad approach.

Which I think you’re beginning to understand, but haven’t a completely accepted.

Tell them what you’re looking for and ask their fee. Accepted or decline the offer. Period.

Stop rationalizing and start accepting. You’ll have better success.

[+ JamesB]

1 hour ago, tall top dad said:

So most think I’m cheap…..but most did not read the point of the post. Also….for reference, have also tried to hire local, as we are in Pasadena Ca, we wont bite for West Hollywood or farther distance. We try to stay with in @ less then 10 mile radius to eliminate the hassle of traffic. Also never negotiated after a price was given. Always asked upfront, in advance. Also, if your going to hold your price, just state that, “sorry me fee is xxx”, that I can except. But don’t call me a cheap and call me out when it was just a legitimate question.

 

 

It’s a bit ironic. You asked for honest opinions in a public forum and that’s exactly what you received. Being frustrated that people didn’t validate your perspective misses the point of how open forums work. You put a question out there and people respond with their interpretations.

No one is saying you negotiated after the fact. The feedback is that the questions themselves came across as attempts to lower the price. If most people interpreted it that way, it might be worth reflecting on that rather than assuming everyone misunderstood your intent.

You asked whether it sounded cheap and people answered yes. That isn’t an attack, it’s simply a direct response to the question you posed.

[TBD]

 

18 hours ago, tall top dad said:

"so are we cheap or are we not asking something unreasonable"

1 hour ago, tall top dad said:

don’t call me a cheap and call me out

 

Don't ask the question if you are not ready for an answer dude. 

[TBD]

this OP posting this and his reaction to the response reminds me a lot of the scene with "The Favourite" by Olivia Coleman. 

 

 

Edited Sunday at 09:40 PM by TBD

[+ BOZO T CLOWN]

On 3/28/2026 at 10:55 PM, tall top dad said:

"....are we cheap or are we not asking something unreasonable."

 

14 hours ago, tall top dad said:

So most think I’m cheap…..
But don’t call me a cheap and call me out when it was just a legitimate question.

You provided a scenario where you were looking for a massage for two at a discounted rate. You then posited the question, "...Are we cheap?" You got your answer. It was clearly not the answer you hoped for or expected. The masseur you contacted and most COM members responded that yes indeed you were being cheap.
Your response to being called cheap is "...don't call me a cheap and call me out when it was just a legitimate question?"

If you don't want to be called cheap, don't ask if you're cheap.... 

BTC
🤡

Edited yesterday at 11:15 AM by BOZO T CLOWN

[+ PhileasFogg]

You’re not unreasonable in your approach but perhaps not making the case well.

lets say they give each of you an hour at $300/hr and it takes them an hour round trip to get to you.  So they make $600 for 3 hrs…$200/hr.   If they did the same $300/hr for one person, they’d get $150/hr of their time.  So back to you, the math is the same to them in $/hr if you pay them $450.   They’re just not doing the math 

They should not see that as cheap if they understand the math…but then there’s a good reason that many of them are not rocket scientists.   On the other hand, if they’re as busy as they want to be, their logic is sound - you don’t give discounts if you’re operating at full capacity  

Reminds me of a story for a guy named KaidenFoxx who used to be on RM.  we arranged a trip to NYC. I suggested a trip and HE wanted to go there.  Let’s say his standard rate was $1,000/night and we were going for 5 nights and let’s say we agreed on $3,500 for his time. At the last minute, he ghosted me.  After the planned trip, he told me he felt disrespected because, although he’d agreed to it, I wasn’t paying him 5,000.  So I asked one simple question - “how much did you make that week?” And he said he had no appointments.  My response, “so you chose to make 0 rather than make $3,500 for an all expense paid trip to NYC including - at your request - 3rd row center seats to Wicked”.  His response was “I’m young and I have a lot to learn.”

Edited 8 hours ago by PhileasFogg

[Mark_fl]

I think your logic is sound. But maybe the approach. What is you offered the incall rate and offered to pay for the Uber? This way he's getting his full rate and you only have to pay for one trip.

I get that it sounds like negotiating, but it seems like the upcharge for outcall is travel time and expense. Why pay for that twice? Maybe I'm just cheap too, but I'm an accountant,  and the math works.

Edited 8 hours ago by Mark_fl

[TBD]

4 hours ago, PhileasFogg said:

They’re just not doing the math

My friend recently had twins and said to me "it is more than double the work". 

[+ SirBillybob]

Providing the table, a two-fer Groupon logic, and reducing Uber-$urge risk didn’t annul capitalism. You asked and were denied a call-out discount. The market spoke. Then asked and were mostly charged a call-out fee. 

Edited 3 hours ago by SirBillybob

[BaronArtz]

@tall top dad what difference would it make to you?  $50? $100?  If you need to argue with a provider about that, he will think you won't tip either.  Or you would be a lousy tipper.

That alone makes you very cheap.

[+ PhileasFogg]

21 minutes ago, BaronArtz said:

@tall top dad what difference would it make to you?  $50? $100?  If you need to argue with a provider about that, he will think you won't tip either.  Or you would be a lousy tipper.

That alone makes you very cheap.

Expecting a Tip?  
For a self contractor???

 

[Pd1_jap]

34 minutes ago, PhileasFogg said:

Expecting a Tip?  
For a self contractor???

 

I think tipping is pretty standard for a massage especially if they provided more than just a therapeutic massage.