When a provider reaches out

[+ Pensant]

An old topic on this subject has been closed; nonetheless I have mixed feelings about it. When I’ve had a stellar session, I always appreciate a provider outreach; for example, if Jack Valor were in my area, I’d be elated and would immediately set up a session. The problem lies with the meh provider who sends the “hey” text. I suppose because I’m a reasonably attractive client and always pleasant to them, they assume I’m ready to rebook. One gets offended if I don’t respond. How do others respond in these situations?

[jmichaeliii]

26 minutes ago, Pensant said:

An old topic on this subject has been closed; nonetheless I have mixed feelings about it. When I’ve had a stellar session, I always appreciate a provider outreach; for example, if Jack Valor were in my area, I’d be elated and would immediately set up a session. The problem lies with the meh provider who sends the “hey” text. I suppose because I’m a reasonably attractive client and always pleasant to them, they assume I’m ready to rebook. One gets offended if I don’t respond. How do others respond in these situations?

I don't respond if I am no longer interested.  It just seems pointless and I kind of assume the provider is not interested in niceties versus repeat business.  

[BigK]

Since I have two homes and hire in both places, I try to be diplomatic and say that I’m not in town.  That’s when I have the slightest interest in a possible future meeting.  If I have no interest at all, I won’t respond.

[viewing ownly]

I agree with the above advice, but I don't understand how you believe that they're offended if you don't respond. It's worse if their "hey" turns into being a pest (3 "hey"s or more, IMO). Sometimes you didn't see the first time they reached out. 

Be grateful that there are men you see who want you back and reach out to you. It took me many years to get to that point with any hires of mine. 

[+ PhileasFogg]

Like you, I think I’m a decent and respectful client.   There’s two types of follow up to me:

1) “hey, how’s your day going”.  This is the marketing follow-up. It establishes interest when there’s no meeting on the agenda to stay “top of mind”   This implies interest outside the transaction

2) “hey, I’m in the area”. This is the transactional follow up more akin to the used car salesman

If #1 hadn’t previously occurred, #2 means very little to me.   Also keep in mind that most of my engagements are weekend or travel arrangements where chemistry and being in sync matters more.

If I get the “meh” guy following up, I’d probably pursue it if #1 had previously occurred previously occurred.  Otherwise I’d offer a polite “hey thanks but I can’t make it this time” response.   If it was worse than “meh,” the number would already be blocked 

Edited October 13 by PhileasFogg

[Nightowl]

I just say I’ll contact him when I’m ready to rebook.  I’m old school and don’t believe in ghosting or ignoring communications from people I know.

[Boaxxx]

I'm not bothered by being contacted and if I'm not interested I simply tell them that I am not available.  Most providers understand with no follow-up. A few may contact me one or two addition times and then take me off their callback list.

[jmichaeliii]

20 minutes ago, Nightowl said:

I just say I’ll contact him when I’m ready to rebook.  I’m old school and don’t believe in ghosting or ignoring communications from people I know.

Totally agree.  When I said above that I don't respond, I meant that for someone I met one time and would not rehire.  Never would do that with regulars or someone I would like to see again at some point.  I have also gotten some follow ups that feel like a mass mailing.  Those I definitely have no interest in.

[Peter Eater]

It just means the rent is due.

[+ JamesB]

I don’t believe in ghosting. If I’m not interested in hiring someone again, I make sure to communicate that clearly. And if I might be interested in the future but not at the moment, I let them know as well. It takes less than a minute to respond, and I believe it’s simply a matter of courtesy.

[Thelatin]

I had this issue a while back - the provider was a nice enough guy but was much much older than advertised and didn't show his face in ads.  I met him as for whatever reason he get's great reviews on here.  I was not attracted, couldn't finish, but was nice and blamed the whiskey.  He kept messaging me when he was in town so I finally just lied and said I was back with my X.  Other than that experience I'm mostly happen when providers reach out.

[marylander1940]

I understand when they do it because they are coming to town but locals usually wait to be reached out.

[+ KensingtonHomo]

On 10/13/2025 at 8:46 AM, Nightowl said:

I just say I’ll contact him when I’m ready to rebook.  I’m old school and don’t believe in ghosting or ignoring communications from people I know.

Same here. I'm usually honest to the extent I can be. 

[ShortCutie7]

On 10/13/2025 at 8:46 AM, Nightowl said:

I just say I’ll contact him when I’m ready to rebook.  I’m old school and don’t believe in ghosting or ignoring communications from people I know.

For me this is true even for providers I’m dying to repeat, since my availability is so limited and I can’t financially afford to hire as often as I’d like.

[+ Just Sayin]

if it's a provider that I might wish to see again but not in the near future, I will just text back that I'm either scheduled in this week or that I am in and out of town so will not be able to schedule; if it's a provider that I do not wish to see, I will just say I'm not available; if it's a provider who becomes a pest, I just delete the text or, occasionally, block the number.

[Danny-Darko]

On 10/12/2025 at 7:13 PM, Pensant said:

An old topic on this subject has been closed; nonetheless I have mixed feelings about it. When I’ve had a stellar session, I always appreciate a provider outreach; for example, if Jack Valor were in my area, I’d be elated and would immediately set up a session. The problem lies with the meh provider who sends the “hey” text. I suppose because I’m a reasonably attractive client and always pleasant to them, they assume I’m ready to rebook. One gets offended if I don’t respond. How do others respond in these situations?

To me it always sounds like they are desperate for busine$$, nothing more. I understand but... I just answer a polite and short, "I'll let you know". They get the message. Now it's a completely different story with a regular whom I have an ongoing rapport with. They too I tell them "I'll let you know when I'm in town again ASAP" but we've had a connection going and I see it as good customer service for him to like repeats and regulars. Those are the ones I bring little gifts for, and take out to eat and more, so it's different. And yes I don't fool myself thinking it's anything more than business, but pleasant for both sides makes it even nicer. 

I once had one message me and ask the next day "if I STILL wanted to meet up with him"! We had not only met, but I called him per his request after exchanging messages and telling him I wanted to meet him when I came into town later that week. Called him again once I arrived to tell him my room number and hotel, met in my room for a session and he wasn't able to connect I was the same person after all that. He either had LOTS of business or he wasn't too bright. I just guessed it was all his roids! 😆