Providers/Masseurs having partners - how do they / you feel?

[DznNYC]

21 hours ago, BenjaminNicholas said:

That said, until you actually know someone, I'd suggest any escort not divulge too much about themselves.

Yeah, this is the takeaway here, and maybe a necessary reminder.

Stop running at the mouth about yourself to new clients. 

[+ KensingtonHomo]

2 hours ago, Jamie21 said:

Yes! Similarly, I have clients who bring their partner to watch. It’s a thing. 

My husband likes to watch as do I. And sometimes we schedule massages where we can watch and join in. 

[+ Jamie21]

2 minutes ago, KensingtonHomo said:

My husband likes to watch as do I. And sometimes we schedule massages where we can watch and join in. 

My kind of people 😉

[+ Vegas_Millennial]

On 12/21/2024 at 11:16 PM, Callas said:

How could you adjust your guilty feeling to enjoy the experience?

I could ask if he and his partner are available for hire by me and my partner.  The more the merrier 🎉 

This way, I wouldn't feel guilty about leaving the partners at home without some fun for them, too.

Edited December 23, 2024 by Vegas_Millennial

[Whippoorwill]

Reading these reminded of me, some decades ago, before I was hiring, I had a professional colleague who had a marketing/PR business. HIs lover was a masseur/escort. At gay community gatherings, the PR guy would hand out business cards for his lover's sex business. I was prepared to be shocked until I reflected that my lover and I always had memberships in the various sex clubs in town where we would go jointly and singly, went to the bars with the purpose of picking of a third (or fourth or fifth), and tricked out on our own whenever we could. This hot number was not only having a lot of sex, but was bringing home the bacon. The only difference was that my lover and I were't hot enough to get paid for it. 

[Thelatin]

I prefer they have a partner, it draws a clear line.  

[+ DrownedBoy]

18 hours ago, Thelatin said:

I prefer they have a partner, it draws a clear line.  

I prefer they don't talk about it. I don't need to know about his romantic life, and I personally make a sharp mental division between transactional and mutual sex, so I try not to either.

During a recent meeting, I almost told the provider that although he was a great kisser, he wasn't as good as my bf. Something told me to keep my mouth shut....

[Luv2play]

6 hours ago, DrownedBoy said:

I prefer they don't talk about it. I don't need to know about his romantic life, and I personally make a sharp mental division between transactional and mutual sex, so I try not to either.

During a recent meeting, I almost told the provider that although he was a great kisser, he wasn't as good as my bf. Something told me to keep my mouth shut....

What do you consider a great kisser. For me a great kisser is one who gives and receives tongue. Lips mashed together and running the tip of my tongue on his teeth. 😋 

[+ ApexNomad]

9 minutes ago, Luv2play said:

What do you consider a great kisser. For me a great kisser is one who gives and receives tongue. Lips mashed together and running the tip of my tongue on his teeth. 😋 

For me, a great kiss is when everything else fades away—my hand on the back of his head, fingers tangled in his hair, pulling him closer until there’s no space left between us. Our noses brush as our lips meet, soft and deliberate, building heat. His breath mixes with mine, and as my tongue teases against his, I feel the connection spark. It’s slow, intense, and unrelenting, like we’re discovering each other one perfect moment at a time.

[panpanda]

I look at it like a business transaction. I'm paying the providers for the experience they bring. I don't care what they have going on in their personal life. That's not my business to know. 

[nate_sf]

When I’m with a client my full focus is on him, so I don’t mention anything about my partner. But if he asks, then yes I let him know. My guy was also an escort and masseur once upon a time, and knowing that it somehow makes more sense to some clients. 

[Thelatin]

I like when they have a partner - and they bring him with 🫣

[+ Vegas_Millennial]

1 hour ago, Thelatin said:

I like when they have a partner - and they bring him with 🫣

I've only had a three way with the partner offered to me once.  I'm very glad I said yes! 😁 

[Simon Suraci]

I’m partnered. He works in an entirely different industry, so no collaboration or crossover potential and that works well for us both. He knows all about what I do, and he’s supportive, although it’s not easy being in a relationship with someone doing this kind of work. We’ve had our struggles over the years related to my work, plus all the typical couple problems most people have.

Clients need not fear they are the “leftovers” from another relationship. The professionals among us prioritize our clients. We sacrifice parts of ourselves to be able to do what we do. That’s part of what you’re paying for. Perhaps less sex with partner(s) than we would otherwise like to have, and when we would like to have it. We forgo personal plans in favor of a client’s schedule. We devote time and energy to making our business and clients a priority, sometimes encroaching on our partners and how this business affects them. It’s balance. It’s difficult keeping everyone happy making each of them feel like they are your number one priority.

Despite the challenges between my partner and I, we keep one another grounded. A good couples therapist helps a lot too. I highly recommend those of you in relationships seeing one, especially when you’re not already in crisis. That’s the best time.

I don’t talk about my partner or mention I am partnered when I’m with clients, as I believe it can be unnecessarily distracting, or at worst, ruin someone’s fantasy of me being fully “theirs” for a time. I mention him in my RentMen interview, but that’s about the most you would hear unless a client asked me about him. A lot of my clients ask about my relationship status. I share as much as they want to hear. I’m an open book. If it ruins your fantasy, don’t ask!

My partner has many chronic health conditions. He is only able to work part time for now due to his health and disability status. His work at home helping to manage our farm frees me up to offer services in San Diego and in other cities when I travel. I truly love my work, and I continue for many other reasons, but being able to support our household and other family motivates me the most.

Some of my very close long term clients ask regularly about my partner. They’re genuinely interested in my family and how things are going. I gladly share and update them. It humanizes the whole exchange. We’re all just people with problems, needs, quirks, and desires. There’s something really special about making these kinds of deeper connections. It’s all a lot more intimate in a way, and that makes for even better sessions that keep getting better over time.

When you open up and exchange a lot of personal things, you get to know someone really well. I can’t recommend this approach for every provider or every client. Sometimes having a professional boundary is the most healthy dynamic, but every now and then you meet a client that really connects with you, that cares, and comes to love you as a friend without muddling the hiring relationship boundaries. A lot of these clients are hiring me for more than a couple hours, perhaps half a day, overnight, or longer. There’s more time in those sessions to connect over long conversations. Those are the best.

As others have mentioned in other threads, you don’t hire to support someone’s family needs, however noble those may be. You hire for yourself, to meet your needs. How your provider spends, gives, or saves is really nobody’s business but his own. It is nice to know sometimes, however, that you’re connecting with a real person. Learning a little about their personal life, including their partner, facilitates that connection.

Should our circumstances change I would probably go back to my ‘normal’ professional full time career working as an architect, assuming he could work full time too. *sigh* it is what it is for now.

[jeezifonly]

Sex work is work.

Your work-wife (or work-boyfriend) is not your wife (or your boyfriend.). 

I always hope my providers have a good life as a result of the work. Whether that includes a committed relationship or not is not part of my hope, because it’s actually none of my business. Sometimes I share info about my life, sometimes not. I allow him the same grace. 
  
That said, I never host, nor hire twosomes, so if a guy walks in the room because he lives there, while I’m eating the ass I hired, Imma spect a discount. 😂

[+ purplekow]

On 12/24/2024 at 2:16 PM, DrownedBoy said:

I prefer they don't talk about it. I don't need to know about his romantic life, and I personally make a sharp mental division between transactional and mutual sex, so I try not to either.

During a recent meeting, I almost told the provider that although he was a great kisser, he wasn't as good as my bf. Something told me to keep my mouth shut....

WEll if you are keeping your mouth shut, perhaps you should consider that the kissing may be better with the mouth open. 

[Oakman]

On 12/21/2024 at 11:16 PM, Callas said:

How could you adjust your guilty feeling to enjoy the experience?

There is a very high likelihood that the guy you are paying to get you off is in a sex positive relationship. It sounds like your “guilt” is rooted in belief in the sacrosanctity of coupled relationships, which is a very strange hang-up in a forum dedicated to discussing paid sex work. 
 

I do feel guilt about wasting money. But I’ve never had a second thought about a provider’s personal life because I have neither responsibility nor control there. 

[+ purplekow]

I tend to be chatty with the escorts I hire.  As a result, I have had at least 10 with whom I developed a friendly relationship.  One escort asked me to be best man at his wedding to a woman.  That wedding was cancelled and when she asked that he leave their apartment, he stayed at my home for several weeks, sleeping in the guest area.  Another escort I stopped hiring more than 10 years ago still calls me regularly and we will have lunch or a nice conversation on the phone.  Today in fact, he called to tell me his dog had died, because he knew I would understand the depth of his loss better than other "friends".  I see nothing wrong with getting to know your escorts as people.  It is absolutely necessary to keep feelings to the friend zone for me, as I fully understand that there will never be a romantic relationship.  As far as sex goes, that is their job and the have uniformly been great at it.  Similarly, when they use my professional services, I keep the conversation on the reason they are seeing me, not on whether we are going to screw later on.  

Edited December 30, 2024 by purplekow

[Callas]

Easier said than done. I would love to receive some advice from you when we meet  

i believed i had a strong heart, as i did not fall for any of the ~20 guys i hired.
 

But this one guy does hit me hard, and to my surprise, though his physical appearance is not my type (i decided to give him a try because i could not make a same day appt with some guys i liked, and he has a pair of soul-capturing eyes — I guess they have captured my soul LOL 🤣)

That’s why i didn’t care what the other guys felt when meeting me, but i am deeply curious about this guy’s feelings. 
 

Emotion is too complicated!

31 minutes ago, purplekow said:

It is absolutely necessary to keep feelings to the friend zonea for me, as I fully understand that there will never be a romantic relationship.  

[Oakman]

29 minutes ago, Callas said:

Easier said than done. I would love to receive some advice from you when we meet  

i believed i had a strong heart, as i did not fall for any of the ~20 guys i hired.
 

But this one guy does hit me hard, and to my surprise, though his physical appearance is not my type (i decided to give him a try because i could not make a same day appt with some guys i liked, and he has a pair of soul-capturing eyes — I guess they have captured my soul LOL 🤣)

That’s why i didn’t care what the other guys felt when meeting me, but i am deeply curious about this guy’s feelings. 
 

Emotion is too complicated!

Son, your escort is “capturing your soul” for an hourly rate. If he’s good at his job it will feel like a dream come true for you. When he’s done with you, he goes home to the man he chooses to hang out with for free. 
We all dream about extending the fantasy full time. But if you intend to maintain access to the part-time, paid fantasy, you will need to give your escort professional distance, wish his relationship well, and not intrude in that part of his life. 

[Callas]

Yup, i have never asked this guy about his BF / partner or if he is partnered. Hope I can maintain this sanity until I am bored and move on.

(I know via other people)

 

the one I asked was a one-time hire. I haven’t seen him again and also haven’t asked that question again to any other guy 👀

[Callas]

1 hour ago, Oakman said:

When he’s done with you, he goes home to the man he chooses to hang out with for free. 
 

🥺😔

[+ ApexNomad]

6 hours ago, Simon Suraci said:

I’m partnered. He works in an entirely different industry, so no collaboration or crossover potential and that works well for us both. He knows all about what I do, and he’s supportive, although it’s not easy being in a relationship with someone doing this kind of work. We’ve had our struggles over the years related to my work, plus all the typical couple problems most people have.

Clients need not fear they are the “leftovers” from another relationship. The professionals among us prioritize our clients. We sacrifice parts of ourselves to be able to do what we do. That’s part of what you’re paying for. Perhaps less sex with partner(s) than we would otherwise like to have, and when we would like to have it. We forgo personal plans in favor of a client’s schedule. We devote time and energy to making our business and clients a priority, sometimes encroaching on our partners and how this business affects them. It’s balance. It’s difficult keeping everyone happy making each of them feel like they are your number one priority.

Despite the challenges between my partner and I, we keep one another grounded. A good couples therapist helps a lot too. I highly recommend those of you in relationships seeing one, especially when you’re not already in crisis. That’s the best time.

I don’t talk about my partner or mention I am partnered when I’m with clients, as I believe it can be unnecessarily distracting, or at worst, ruin someone’s fantasy of me being fully “theirs” for a time. I mention him in my RentMen interview, but that’s about the most you would hear unless a client asked me about him. A lot of my clients ask about my relationship status. I share as much as they want to hear. I’m an open book. If it ruins your fantasy, don’t ask!

My partner has many chronic health conditions. He is only able to work part time for now due to his health and disability status. His work at home helping to manage our farm frees me up to offer services in San Diego and in other cities when I travel. I truly love my work, and I continue for many other reasons, but being able to support our household and other family motivates me the most.

Some of my very close long term clients ask regularly about my partner. They’re genuinely interested in my family and how things are going. I gladly share and update them. It humanizes the whole exchange. We’re all just people with problems, needs, quirks, and desires. There’s something really special about making these kinds of deeper connections. It’s all a lot more intimate in a way, and that makes for even better sessions that keep getting better over time.

When you open up and exchange a lot of personal things, you get to know someone really well. I can’t recommend this approach for every provider or every client. Sometimes having a professional boundary is the most healthy dynamic, but every now and then you meet a client that really connects with you, that cares, and comes to love you as a friend without muddling the hiring relationship boundaries. A lot of these clients are hiring me for more than a couple hours, perhaps half a day, overnight, or longer. There’s more time in those sessions to connect over long conversations. Those are the best.

As others have mentioned in other threads, you don’t hire to support someone’s family needs, however noble those may be. You hire for yourself, to meet your needs. How your provider spends, gives, or saves is really nobody’s business but his own. It is nice to know sometimes, however, that you’re connecting with a real person. Learning a little about their personal life, including their partner, facilitates that connection.

Should our circumstances change I would probably go back to my ‘normal’ professional full time career working as an architect, assuming he could work full time too. *sigh* it is what it is for now.

This is beautifully written—so honest, nuanced, and deeply human. Thank you for sharing such a thoughtful glimpse into your life and the balance you’ve struck.

[+ ApexNomad]

4 hours ago, Callas said:

Easier said than done. I would love to receive some advice from you when we meet  

i believed i had a strong heart, as i did not fall for any of the ~20 guys i hired.
 

But this one guy does hit me hard, and to my surprise, though his physical appearance is not my type (i decided to give him a try because i could not make a same day appt with some guys i liked, and he has a pair of soul-capturing eyes — I guess they have captured my soul LOL 🤣)

That’s why i didn’t care what the other guys felt when meeting me, but i am deeply curious about this guy’s feelings. 
 

Emotion is too complicated!

It’s okay to feel deeply—embrace your emotions without judgment. You’re experiencing something unexpected, and that’s a sign of being human. Take some time to reflect on what about this person resonates with you beyond their appearance. Ask yourself what you’re hoping to achieve with this connection—are you seeking a deeper bond, or is this a momentary spark? Understanding your intentions can help guide your next steps. If you decide to share your feelings with this person, approach it with honesty but without putting pressure on them, keeping in mind the professional context of your initial meeting and respecting their boundaries. Be aware that expressing your feelings could potentially end the professional relationship, and you need to be okay with that outcome before moving forward. While it’s natural to wonder how they feel, try not to overanalyze their actions or emotions. Instead, focus on how their presence makes you feel and let the rest unfold organically. Emotions can be powerful, but don’t rush into decisions or assumptions. Give yourself time to see if your feelings deepen or if they’re just a passing infatuation. Lastly, consider talking to someone you trust, whether a friend or counselor, to gain perspective and process your emotions. While emotions are complicated, they’re also a sign that you’re open to connection, and that’s something to cherish.

[Callas]

50 minutes ago, ApexNomad said:

It’s okay to feel deeply—embrace your emotions without judgment. You’re experiencing something unexpected, and that’s a sign of being human. Take some time to reflect on what about this person resonates with you beyond their appearance. Ask yourself what you’re hoping to achieve with this connection—are you seeking a deeper bond, or is this a momentary spark? Understanding your intentions can help guide your next steps. If you decide to share your feelings with this person, approach it with honesty but without putting pressure on them, keeping in mind the professional context of your initial meeting and respecting their boundaries. Be aware that expressing your feelings could potentially end the professional relationship, and you need to be okay with that outcome before moving forward. While it’s natural to wonder how they feel, try not to overanalyze their actions or emotions. Instead, focus on how their presence makes you feel and let the rest unfold organically. Emotions can be powerful, but don’t rush into decisions or assumptions. Give yourself time to see if your feelings deepen or if they’re just a passing infatuation. Lastly, consider talking to someone you trust, whether a friend or counselor, to gain perspective and process your emotions. While emotions are complicated, they’re also a sign that you’re open to connection, and that’s something to cherish.

Thank you 🙏🏼 your advice seems doable. It may take a few months, but hopefully i will be in a better state