Providers also on Hookup Apps

[topunderachiever]

Kinda like it's better not knowing how the sausage is made?    🤪

[Jack Vernon]

On 4/21/2026 at 4:31 PM, ApexNomad said:

I think that’s reading too much into it. Noticing something and wanting to hear others’ opinions, in a forum, doesn’t automatically mean someone’s ego is bruised, that’s just discussion.

In this case, the OP saw something that didn’t sit right with them and it changed how they felt about hiring. As I mentioned, part of what people are paying for is an experience that feels at least somewhat genuine. If something breaks that illusion or highlights a disconnect in how someone presents themselves, it’s completely reasonable for that to affect your interest.

The OP noticed it, chose not to book, and made one post about it asking for other opinions. I don’t see anything here that suggests he’s rocking himself to sleep crying in a corner in the fetal position. 

Spot on.  I'm not offended or upset in any way.  The provider is entitled to his opinions and preferences and I wish him nothing but the best.  I just found it interesting and wondered how others felt about it.  

This is similar to why I wouldn't shop at Hobby Lobby because of their very public and open support of policies and practices I find offensive.   Viewed from that angle, the provider did me a favor.  I moved on to another provider and had a great time with zero knowledge of his personal quirks and idiosyncrasies.  

[jackcali]

5 hours ago, Jamie21 said:

These are physical characteristics. Do you get my point? The best escorts disregard these. What matters is how you behave not what you look like. 

Peace, Jamie.  We are in violent agreement.  Physical characteristics are objective realities that we cannot consciously disassociate from, but the ability to disregard and even to cast an aura of disbelief of those realities are wonderful skills in an escort.  A great escort will, while we're together, make me feel younger or better looking than I am.  That feeling only lasts until reality again intrudes (I have to look at myself in the mirror the next morning) but I'm fine with that.  The temporary relief from reality is good enough, and it's really all one can hope for.   

[Wings246]

@Jack Vernon: in essence, this is reminiscent — or a modified version — of cancel culture.  Are you going to contribute to someone’s financial wellbeing when he explicitly announces his aversion to a characteristic that you possess as a human being?  Although some people see it as an expression of personal preferences, this honest truth will likely burst the imaginary bubbles of the clients’ fantasies, which can be an essential component of the transaction as @ApexNomad has pointed out upthread.

Perhaps it’s easy for those who are solely seeking physical enjoyment to compartmentalize the providers’ work and personal lives (and preferences).  Nonetheless, for those who place an emphasis on the emotional and psychological aspects of hiring (like myself), this kind of honesty will directly impact my decision-making process.

[KeepItReal]

9 hours ago, FrankR said:

So where do you draw the line in terms of the information you can use to decide to hire?  Do you judge a provider just on their rentmen profile? Do you read his reviews on rentmen. Do you read his reviews here?  
 

What is the difference between a review here that says “he was not into it, I dont think he liked xyz” vs a public profile on a dating app that says “I don’t like xyz”.  

We all make decision based on the data points we have available - dont be so quick to judge someone for their decision making. Both the client and the provider have the right to make their own decision based on what they know.  
 

I could label you delusional for ignoring a data point that came directly from the provider, but I wont because labeling people is not cool. 

 

 

How dare you, sir!  How can you suggest that we should make an informed decision based on all information available to us?  Who do you think we are? Mr Spock?  🖖

[Tajoki]

Interesting topic.

I don’t think this is about whether providers are “allowed” to have preferences — of course they are. That part feels obvious.

What this situation highlights for me is something a bit deeper about how these bookings actually work.

When people hire, they’re not just paying for the physical act. Part of the value is the feeling of being wanted, or at least not being actively outside of someone’s type. It’s understood that it’s transactional, but there’s still a layer of perceived desire that makes the experience land differently.

Seeing a personal profile that’s very blunt or exclusionary doesn’t offend me — but it does change the framing. It introduces a gap between how someone presents professionally versus how they express themselves personally, and that gap can make the experience feel more transactional than immersive.

At that point, it’s not about judging him or taking it personally. It’s just a different risk profile as a client:

• higher chance the vibe feels mechanical
• less confidence in genuine engagement
• harder to buy into the experience

So for me, it’s less “he shouldn’t have preferences” and more “this specific signal lowers the value of the booking.”

Everyone’s threshold will be different, but I don’t think it’s unreasonable to factor that into a decision and just move on.

[ShortCutie7]

On 4/23/2026 at 11:23 PM, Tajoki said:

 

When people hire, they’re not just paying for the physical act. Part of the value is the feeling of being wanted, or at least not being actively outside of someone’s type. It’s understood that it’s transactional, but there’s still a layer of perceived desire that makes the experience land differently.

 

Exactly! As a very short guy, if I came across a provider with a profile that says “tall guys only”, I would be completely turned off from hiring him because I would know for sure that my defining physical characteristic makes me the exact opposite of someone he would be attracted to. Even if he is amazing at his job and 100% capable of performing and faking attraction to me, I would feel “yucky” deep down because I would know there’s not a chance he’s genuinely enjoying my company.

[italianboyph]

I think we need to see that providers outside life is not the same as, their work life. Providers are allowed to be on these apps, if they choose to be, as it’s their personal life. That being said, I think posting anything discriminatory is wrong in any circumstance, especially when it’s public and everyone can see. Some things are better left unsaid completely. I understand completely how that can turn someone off, preference is one thing, discriminating is another.

[Johnnyroad]

I’ve had terrible experiences on Grindr personally. Guys promising kissing but not doing it in person.

I feel like my advanced age is a turn off to many…..

I’m starting to get success on hiring from RM, so I will stay on there for now.

[pubic_assistance]

On 4/21/2026 at 5:35 PM, ApexNomad said:

Making ONE post about it doesn’t strike me as rumination or hurt feelings or bruised ego. It reads to me like someone who noticed something, made a decision, and was curious how others interpret the same situation.

Seems like a little from column A / a little from column B.

Its a perfectly reasonable topic to be curious about....but yeah it reads as though that hurt a bit.

To answer the question of how people feel about this....MY feeling is that someone who is fucking a lot of old fat gays for work, is definitley NOT interested in doing the same in his spare time.

Yes, hes selling a fantasy and listening to those words brings a reality check moment really to the front. But in general, the business is always about fantasy and the client needs to accept that and not be upset when he's confronted with the fact that there is no Santa Claus. 

[savantsav]

The only time it makes no sense for me is when what they're advertise is so far away from who they are. I know someone in LA, they're this muscled stud, I've seen him on the apps as a 'Bottom' with his profile saying 'total bottom', I've seen him at the LA sex parties always ass up taking dick, I've seen him on sniffies posting his cumdumps where he takes 20 dicks a night, which is hot there's nothing wrong with that. He advertises as a Top however, so I see him topping as something so far away from who he is. I have to know/feel like they're into it even if it's very slight.

It's like, I don't hire straight guys. I don't care if they can get hard and fuck, I know they're straight and not into it.

Edited 16 hours ago by savantsav

[DMonDude]

53 minutes ago, savantsav said:

The only time it makes no sense for me is when what they're advertise is so far away from who they are. I know someone in LA, they're this muscled stud, I've seen him on the apps as a 'Bottom' with his profile saying 'total bottom', I've seen him at the LA sex parties always ass up taking dick, I've seen him on sniffies posting his cumdumps where he takes 20 dicks a night, which is hot there's nothing wrong with that. He advertises as a Top however, so I see him topping as something so far away from who he is. I have to know/feel like they're into it even if it's very slight.

It's like, I don't hire straight guys. I don't care if they can get hard and fuck, I know they're straight and not into it.

You might be able to get past this by re-framing how you see bottoming and topping. Bottoming and topping are actions/activities, not personality traits or who someone is deep in their core. The community as a whole has a bit of an issue with this.

The guy you're talking about may be perfectly capable of making it feel like he's totally into topping you and could top you very well. If he's well reviewed and exclusively advertises and is hired to top, surely he's doing something right there. If you just have to "feel" like they're into it, him bottoming in his personal life doesn't actually rule out that he could do that for you if you haven't given him the chance to show you yet.

And if your requirement is them actually being into everything they're doing, then hiring in general kinda can't work for you because if providers were actually into us we wouldn't have to hire them in the first place.

Edited 15 hours ago by DMonDude

[savantsav]

I 100% get what you're saying, having said that I have been burnt before by providers whom I know are bttms in real life and aren't able to perform as Tops. So I rather not engage when I see it is SO far off from who they are.

[DMonDude]

29 minutes ago, savantsav said:

I 100% get what you're saying, having said that I have been burnt before by providers whom I know are bttms in real life and aren't able to perform as Tops. So I rather not engage when I see it is SO far off from who they are.

Sure. But again, bottom/top isn't "who you are" and doing one more often doesn't mean you're incapable of doing the other, definitely not so across the board. Some bad experience with some other provider doesn't prove anything about this current provider.

Edited 14 hours ago by DMonDude

[savantsav]

It wasn't just one and one bad experience. I can count in two hands the times providers who advertise as Tops can't perform because they're really bottoms. One of them even asked me if I had any Viagra or Trimmix.

So I am looking for that Top energy and if there's any indication offsite that they cannot bring it, I won't book. Many of them have OFs, Twitter, and yes even grindr/scruff/sniffies profiles, if in any of them they're overwhelmingly bottoming, I won't book, I've already been burnt several times.

Edited 14 hours ago by savantsav

[DMonDude]

10 minutes ago, savantsav said:

It wasn't just one and one bad experience. I can count in two hands the times providers who advertise as Tops can't perform because they're really bottoms. One of them even asked me if I had any Viagra or Trimmix.

So I am looking for that Top energy and if there's any indication offsite that they cannot bring it, I won't book. Many of them have OFs, Twitter, and yes even grindr/scruff/sniffies profiles, if in any of them they're overwhelmingly bottoming, I won't book, I've already been burnt several times.

Any provider can have erectile function/performance issues in a given session. This can happen to anyone. This is not a "oh he's actually just a bottom" issue.

Kind of a silly thing to do, specifically with OFs/Twitters because, just like with RM ads. In porn, guys often are doing what sells best, not what they personally do the most often. Someone who bottoms often in OF/Twitter content because they "look" like they should be a bottom and the audience expects them to because of it, may actually prefer topping in real life. It's not because they can't do it. Because like I'm saying, it's just an action anyone can choose to do or not do as they please. It's not innate to anyone's personality. Treating it as such just limits your self and your own perceptions of everyone else.

I've personally not experienced what you have, I've known plenty of people who top the vast majority of the time but can still bottom well the few times they do it, they're just picky about who they do the latter with. And vice versa. So i see "once a bottom always a bottom" type mentality as very nonsensical and based in silly stereotyping that isn't based in anything real. Thus it's something you can free yourself of if deconstruct it.

I'd be very curious to see if you still felt like guys aren't bringing the top energy if you had hired them without having seen their OF/Twitter or Grindr/Sniffies/Scruff as i personally think your ideas about people being intrinsically bottoms or tops taints your view of them once you see it regardless of how they actually are performing. Or if you did still feel like they didn't top well if you'd then just leave thinking "he's just not a good top" or "we just didn't have chemistry" which is the more realistic take.

But if this is what works for you, go for it i guess.

[savantsav]

You misunderstand and are putting on me things that I do not subscribe to. I'm fully verse and idgaf about Top and Bottom roles, I fuck ass and get fucked by dick, there's no "bottom shame" on my side.

When I'm looking to hire a Blacksmith and I see an Ad for someone, and I check their work and ALL of their work is in Carpentry, chances are, they won't be as good as a Blacksmith as they are as a Carpenter. There's no shame involved in it. There's no 'societal roles' and the like. Can they do the job, yes or no? If I see an Ad for someone and see all their smithing work chances are, they'll do a smithing job without issues.

The times I've hired a Carpenter to do Smithing work I've been very disappointed and so I don't hire Carpenters anymore and ask them to do Smithing work.

Do you see now how I see it ? Top/Bottom it doesn't matter, can you do the job yes or no and I've found that those whose content/profile mainly features them bottoming it doesn't inspire in me the confidence that they'll be able to Top and to that effect at least 6 guys have had issues performing the way I describe.

So yes, that works for me to self select. I'm looking for a Blacksmith and a Carpenter just won't do, even if they swear they can do Smithing work.

[+ 7829V]

5 hours ago, savantsav said:

The only time it makes no sense for me is when what they're advertise is so far away from who they are. I know someone in LA, they're this muscled stud, I've seen him on the apps as a 'Bottom' with his profile saying 'total bottom', I've seen him at the LA sex parties always ass up taking dick, I've seen him on sniffies posting his cumdumps where he takes 20 dicks a night, which is hot there's nothing wrong with that. He advertises as a Top however, so I see him topping as something so far away from who he is. I have to know/feel like they're into it even if it's very slight.

It's like, I don't hire straight guys. I don't care if they can get hard and fuck, I know they're straight and not into it.

It’s all just a performance. A story. An act. A fantasy.

Do you really think Anthony Hopkins is out here doing Lecter stuff in his personal life? Of course not. He got hired, played the role perfectly, and then moved on. That’s it. Done. On to the next thing.

[Monarchy79]

I love transparency. Those who have the opportunity to get it, should be grateful. 
 

I had a similar experience, as my local gym chain attracts gays, especially masseurs and escorts. 
 

Last summer, there were at least four guys from R—Masseur working out regularly. 
 

One guy looked at me as if I were a piece of garbage. He just gave me absolute stankness, just in passing. 
 

Once other dude asked me to spot him and the other one I had no contact with at all.

But then the fourth one came into the steam room one night while I was there. 
He started at me, and then flashed me and started jerking off. Nothing happened as some straight guy ended up coming in. 
 

I made a note to myself to book him later in the month. I did, and my mileage varied very well. 
 

So in the end, don’t be annoyed when a guy reveals his true preferences as you could be saving yourself from a terrible experience, or guaranteeing yourself an outstanding one 😎. 

 

[savantsav]

3 hours ago, 7829V said:

It’s all just a performance. A story. An act. A fantasy.

Do you really think Anthony Hopkins is out here doing Lecter stuff in his personal life? Of course not. He got hired, played the role perfectly, and then moved on. That’s it. Done. On to the next thing.

Yes, but you still require the skill haha. I can pretend I am a very skilled gymnast, but I still need to be able to do the jumps and splits.

[+ 7829V]

51 minutes ago, savantsav said:

Yes, but you still require the skill haha. I can pretend I am a very skilled gymnast, but I still need to be able to do the jumps and splits.

Yeah, they train for the skill. They don’t have to love it or do it in their free time. It’s just something they show up and deliver when they’re getting paid for it.

[savantsav]

I hear you and in my experience when I've "leaned in" I've ended up disappointed. That's that