My recent meetup

[Starlight77]

Hey guys.   I had an incident a few days ago and wanted to bring it up on here.    I was visiting Washington DC and met up with an escort that has been on my radar for quite a long time.  He gets rave reviews and we have been chatting on and off over the year but never got a chance to meet up.   Well the time finally came and the session was not great.  He could not perform and after about an hour of messing around I decided to leave.   (We agreed on a two hour session).     He was gracious and apologized saying he's been tired or whatever.  I wasn't necessarily upset with him,  but I guess I was just more let down and disappointed as I was looking forward to a great evening and nothing happened besides some heavy makeout and sucking his limp dick.    As I left,   I put the payment on his coffee table and he refused to accept it because he knew that I did not have a good time.   I didn't know what to do in the moment if I should have insisted for him to keep the money or take it back.    I did wind up keeping the money and not giving him a dime.    Did I make the right decision?   What would have you all done?   

[KennF]

8 minutes ago, Starlight77 said:

Hey guys.   I had an incident a few days ago and wanted to bring it up on here.    I was visiting Washington DC and met up with an escort that has been on my radar for quite a long time.  He gets rave reviews and we have been chatting on and off over the year but never got a chance to meet up.   Well the time finally came and the session was not great.  He could not perform and after about an hour of messing around I decided to leave.   (We agreed on a two hour session).     He was gracious and apologized saying he's been tired or whatever.  I wasn't necessarily upset with him,  but I guess I was just more let down and disappointed as I was looking forward to a great evening and nothing happened besides some heavy makeout and sucking his limp dick.    As I left,   I put the payment on his coffee table and he refused to accept it because he knew that I did not have a good time.   I didn't know what to do in the moment if I should have insisted for him to keep the money or take it back.    I did wind up keeping the money and not giving him a dime.    Did I make the right decision?   What would have you all done?   

Respect for offer the money.  And respect to them for refusing.

It would be about whether I wanted to make it work next time, or write it off.

I would have felt appropriate to either (a) leave some portion for his recognition of the issue, and make an attempt re-schedule, or (b) accept that you won't see him and respect his wishes with a "Thank You."

 

[+ FrankR]

37 minutes ago, Starlight77 said:

Hey guys.   I had an incident a few days ago and wanted to bring it up on here.    I was visiting Washington DC and met up with an escort that has been on my radar for quite a long time.  He gets rave reviews and we have been chatting on and off over the year but never got a chance to meet up.   Well the time finally came and the session was not great.  He could not perform and after about an hour of messing around I decided to leave.   (We agreed on a two hour session).     He was gracious and apologized saying he's been tired or whatever.  I wasn't necessarily upset with him,  but I guess I was just more let down and disappointed as I was looking forward to a great evening and nothing happened besides some heavy makeout and sucking his limp dick.    As I left,   I put the payment on his coffee table and he refused to accept it because he knew that I did not have a good time.   I didn't know what to do in the moment if I should have insisted for him to keep the money or take it back.    I did wind up keeping the money and not giving him a dime.    Did I make the right decision?   What would have you all done?   

I would have insisted on compensating him for the hour.  I did take up his time, after all. Would not have paid for two hours and I would probably have debates my usual reflex to tip.  I can have a good time without going all the way, but that is what you agreed on so…

[acks0104]

Wow, he sounds like a very thoughtful and considerate person. I would have compensated him for the hour, but maybe try hiring him again in the future to see if things go better? I feel like a lot of escorts would have demanded the full payment even if they didn't deliver so kudos to him for not doing so.

[AZN_NYC]

Both parties are very civilized and treated each other with respect! I applause to both of you! Sometimes things happen and a provider may not perform at his best (many providers have other full time jobs and may have a bad day before meeting you). I would say this is an unfortunate situation, if I were the provider, I would have politely called to explain the situation and ask for postponing the appointment to another time. If that is not possible, at least client does not waste the time and/or money. I would agree that provider should not take the full charge but a token for travel cost would be appropriate and makes both side feel less uneasy in this situation. 

[+ DrownedBoy]

You offered the entire amount. It was refused. The escort sounds like the kind of old-fashioned soul who would have been offended if you "insisted" he take some. It's fine.

I would recommend trying to hire him again, though, as anyone willing to refund for that is worthy of a second chance.

[ncc1701d]

kudos to both of you!! Wished that happens more often!

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

On 6/15/2023 at 2:21 PM, Starlight77 said:

Hey guys.   I had an incident a few days ago and wanted to bring it up on here.    I was visiting Washington DC and met up with an escort that has been on my radar for quite a long time.  He gets rave reviews and we have been chatting on and off over the year but never got a chance to meet up.   Well the time finally came and the session was not great.  He could not perform and after about an hour of messing around I decided to leave.   (We agreed on a two hour session).     He was gracious and apologized saying he's been tired or whatever.  I wasn't necessarily upset with him,  but I guess I was just more let down and disappointed as I was looking forward to a great evening and nothing happened besides some heavy makeout and sucking his limp dick.    As I left,   I put the payment on his coffee table and he refused to accept it because he knew that I did not have a good time.   I didn't know what to do in the moment if I should have insisted for him to keep the money or take it back.    I did wind up keeping the money and not giving him a dime.    Did I make the right decision?   What would have you all done?   

These things happen.  He handled it like a pro.  You made the decision you made.

Escorts are human too.  We make it look easy, even when it's really not. 

Things don't always work, no matter how hard (ahem) we try.

[dbar123]

On 6/15/2023 at 6:43 PM, DrownedBoy said:

You offered the entire amount. It was refused. The escort sounds like the kind of old-fashioned soul who would have been offended if you "insisted" he take some. It's fine.

I would recommend trying to hire him again, though, as anyone willing to refund for that is worthy of a second chance.

You were good to offer payment and he was good to turn it down.  
 

In the few times that it’s happened to me I’ve always paid. People aren’t robots and sometimes they don’t stay hard.

On one occasion i rehired an escort a month later who couldn’t stay hard and the same thing happened the second time. So it was either something in his head or maybe something about our chemistry, but after that experience I won’t ever repeat a session with someone who couldn’t stay hard the first time

[cany10011]

Elsewhere on this message board, a provider made the comment that he prepared diligently for a date with a known client and the client bailed without any communication. Wish that client had the same civility to offer him partial payment for his time (as he declined other bookings). 

Edited June 18, 2023 by cany10011

[+ KensingtonHomo]

I suspect I would have insisted on some amount - again, just for his time. But I also think you did nothing wrong.

I'm curious about the providers on here if they use "assistance" to stay hard with their clients. Everyone, myself included, can just be tired or have had a bad day, but if I were doing it professionally, I'd want to prepare for contingencies. But I also recognize there are side effects of viagra and such so maybe it's not worth it. 

[Michael PhD]

While you may be paying for time, I’m sure there was discussion on expectations. They weren’t met. While the responsibility often falls to the client to offer a gesture of gratitude, I applaud the escort for turning down the payment. I don’t agree that you should compensate an hour although if I was in that situation I would’ve offered as you did. If he accepts, lesson learned. If he doesn’t, I would ask if we could try to connect again and if the escort agreed ensuring a better experience, I would follow up. He seems like a good guy that had a bad day. While he gave his time, you shouldn’t shoulder the responsibility alone of making things right. I think it went down the right way. 

[Simon Suraci]

We are human beings. This is not an easy job, even though we make it look that way. We have bad days at times. You never know what is going on in a person’s life in a given moment. Maybe this was a bad day for him for some reason. He honored your appointment and he made an effort. The professional he was, he declined payment because he did not deliver on your mutual agreements and expectations. That’s fair. Uncommon, but fair. Kudos to you both for behaving so well toward one another.

If the chemistry was such that he couldn’t do this with you at all, maybe it’s for the best. If he was just having an off day, I certainly think it would be worth trying again.

Suggestion: ask him if, when, and under what circumstances would be best to reschedule. Maybe he’s better in the morning when testosterone is at the peak? I know I am. Or maybe he was too ambitious scheduling too soon after the last client. Not your problem, I acknowledge, but still, gives him a chance to redeem himself under better circumstances.

[+ Charlie]

One time I went to the apartment of a first time hire, and he suggested that we start by me sucking his cock. After a couple of minutes of sucking, I thought I heard light snoring, and looked up to see his mouth was open and his eyes were closed. I stopped, got dressed, and woke him to tell him I was leaving. I didn't offer to pay, and he didn't say anything.

Your situation was different. The escort was making an effort, but was unable to perform to your expectations. You behaved like a gentleman, and he responded like one. Under those circumstances, I think I would have done what some others have suggested: I would have offered to pay him something for his time and his attempt to perform, and then let him make the next move.

[+ Axiom2001]

On 6/15/2023 at 12:21 PM, Starlight77 said:

Hey guys.   I had an incident a few days ago and wanted to bring it up on here.    I was visiting Washington DC and met up with an escort that has been on my radar for quite a long time.  He gets rave reviews and we have been chatting on and off over the year but never got a chance to meet up.   Well the time finally came and the session was not great.  He could not perform and after about an hour of messing around I decided to leave.   (We agreed on a two hour session).     He was gracious and apologized saying he's been tired or whatever.  I wasn't necessarily upset with him,  but I guess I was just more let down and disappointed as I was looking forward to a great evening and nothing happened besides some heavy makeout and sucking his limp dick.    As I left,   I put the payment on his coffee table and he refused to accept it because he knew that I did not have a good time.   I didn't know what to do in the moment if I should have insisted for him to keep the money or take it back.    I did wind up keeping the money and not giving him a dime.    Did I make the right decision?   What would have you all done?   

You're damn right in making the decision that you did.  His refusing to take his fee tells a lot about him.  

A few years back, I saw a hot escort (who's still having fun and playing).  I'd booked him for two hours.  He showed up and failed to give me what I had hoped for.  I, too, had been looking forward in seeing him.  He showed up and failed to render to me what I'd desired.  At the conclusion when I handed him his fee, he in turn handed it back to me and said: Happy Birthday, for his birthday was a few days earlier than mine.  He also stated that he had not given me what I'd hope to receive; thus he did not deserve any fee.  I felt so good for him because that gesture was another sign of the qualities that he possesses.

He's still escorting and traveling and doing some wonderful things for people beyond giving them sexual pleasures.  When he decides to return to San Francisco--I hope to reconnect, for he plays well.  He has some hot vids on JFF and some shorter ones at his RM ad.  He's also on my Instagram and Facebook pages, so I know what he's doing beyond giving exquisite pleasure to men.  He is personable, thoughtful, a giver to others in a variety of ways, lover of nature and animals, a humanitarian, etc......

[SirBillybob]

On 6/15/2023 at 3:21 PM, Starlight77 said:

As I left,   I put the payment on his coffee table and he refused to accept it because he knew that I did not have a good time.   I didn't know what to do in the moment if I should have insisted for him to keep the money or take it back.    I did wind up keeping the money and not giving him a dime.    Did I make the right decision?   What would have you all done?   

I don’t grasp what might be complicated about this scenario as far as the decision, once set. What is complex is assigning an arbitrary utility value to the regret that you both sustained in your own ways.

He made the choice autonomously and likely had some amount of time to weigh it, perhaps even some past experience to draw on. The only thing you could have done, and didn’t, would be to protest and try to override it. He did not put you in that spot and it certainly was not his aim to prompt you to second-guess the appropriateness of your own choice to abide. He could have easily initiated some fluidity 😉 in the exchange by suggesting that the total amount was not justifiable, thus neither leaving empty-handed nor having you subsequently ponder your capacity for magnanimity (which, again, is yours to sort out). It was a one time deal, for now.

If a dining partner always insists on picking up the cheque, that is a different set of dynamics. Before reciprocity is possible, outside of double-dutching, one or the other bears it first. If it’s one-off, the imbalance goes to the proverbial pay-forward ledger.

Edited July 3, 2023 by SirBillybob

[Luv2play]

I've read the various opinions posted here and my take is that if put in the same position, which I can readily imagine as a dedicated bottom with huge expectations, I would have insisted on paying him for his time.

Which was one hour of messing around and heavy makeout. And yes, trying to stimulate a limp dick. 

That being said, I'm a rather resourceful person and given my wide array of interests I would have tried to  see if he could perform in other ways. 

Such as watersports. Doesn't take a hard dick to do that rather well. I can think of other things too. 😉

[+ purplekow]

I would be disappointed as well.  I might have suggested Viagra or some such which I always carry with  me to these dates, usually for me but on occasion for my partner.  If he did not want to go there, I would have offered the full amount, as you did.  When rejected, I would have offered half and a new appointment at the discounted rate.  If that appointment went well, you could always pay his usual fee if you so desire and if it did not, it would already be decided what the "failure fee" would be.  

As opposed to lawyers who may work on a contingency fee, escorts are on the clock and they should get something for showing up, even if up is not the operative word.  

[rvwnsd]

@Starlight77, you both did the right thing. One thing to consider is the importance of respecting the generosity and goodwill of others. In this case, the escort demonstrated goodwill by doing what he felt was right. You did the right thing by respecting that. It is similar to having a meal with someone who surprises you by paying the bill and covering the tip. If you insist on leaving the tip, despite your host refusing, you are showing disrespect for his generosity.