Surprise Personality Change - Roller Coaster providers

[InterestingGuy]

I had a guy who provided a great experience every time we met - very friendly, great looking, great body, great communicator - and I saw him frequently, and each encounter was great. Even when we had no meeting scheduled, he’d send me memes or text about some current event news. Not daily, but once in a while he’d just be friendly with small things like that. 

Then after several meetings over the course of two years, he had a complete personality change - in person, he became less friendly and more distant and there were problems with simple things - like he’d now take a few days to respond to a text to schedule an appointment or he’d now regularly show up late for meetings we had scheduled. He told me he was starting to book more and more porn gigs which was one of his goals, but that had never affected our interactions before. He never ghosted me, but once trying to meet became regular “work” on my end, I stopped reaching out to meet. 

This story ends abruptly because he ended up moving across the country, but I never did ask him why he started acting differently - simply because it would be odd to ask anyone “Why are you different now?” - but I have seen a few similar stories in these forums. Has anyone here had similar issues with someone they saw regularly start acting like a different person? 
 

[Nightowl]

1 hour ago, InterestingGuy said:

I had a guy who provided a great experience every time we met - very friendly, great looking, great body, great communicator - and I saw him frequently, and each encounter was great. Even when we had no meeting scheduled, he’d send me memes or text about some current event news. Not daily, but once in a while he’d just be friendly with small things like that. 

Then after several meetings over the course of two years, he had a complete personality change - in person, he became less friendly and more distant and there were problems with simple things - like he’d now take a few days to respond to a text to schedule an appointment or he’d now regularly show up late for meetings we had scheduled. He told me he was starting to book more and more porn gigs which was one of his goals, but that had never affected our interactions before. He never ghosted me, but once trying to meet became regular “work” on my end, I stopped reaching out to meet. 

This story ends abruptly because he ended up moving across the country, but I never did ask him why he started acting differently - simply because it would be odd to ask anyone “Why are you different now?” - but I have seen a few similar stories in these forums. Has anyone here had similar issues with someone they saw regularly start acting like a different person? 
 

I’ve never noticed a change in friendliness from a provider but I have noticed increased distraction during sessions and a change in what one of my old providers offered during those sessions. In my case the provider was also increasingly involved in porn/OF/JFF.  He checked his phone a lot and I suspected that he was trying to schedule filming sessions with other content providers, and he stopped letting me make him cum, which he admitted was because he was “saving up” for a film session.  I get that he was trying to make it in the film world but it *was* disappointing for me since the sessions were no longer as fun as they were before. I often wonder if he made it in porn though I see he’s still doing massage.

[pubic_assistance]

3 hours ago, InterestingGuy said:

. Has anyone here had similar issues with someone they saw regularly start acting like a different person? 
 

Humans have periods of emotional journey throughout their lives. Everyone i know has "not been themselves" at some point. I know with myself, there are times when I don't feel very social and others where I am a chatterbox. I have lost friends because I lost contact for a bit and they misinterpreted this as some sort of "abandonment", when it was nothing more than me needing some space for a moment.

Edited April 13 by pubic_assistance
spelling

[+ DrownedBoy]

4 hours ago, InterestingGuy said:

Has anyone here had similar issues with someone they saw regularly start acting like a different person? 

He wasn't turning into a different person. He was just showing less interest in you.

That's what happens when any relationship or friendship winds down due to one side's lack of interest. I saw that enough times in my dating life. It's nothing special.

And it's definitely not something you should allow yourself to emotionally ponder if you were in a transactional relationship.

Edited April 13 by DrownedBoy
Sp

[StableMentalDefective]

I believe it was Brook Astor who famously said “It’s in the worst possible taste to be a sullen guest at a party.”

[+ JamesB]

There are several reasons this can happen. Sometimes, providers simply burn out, bad experiences with clients can take a real emotional toll. A shift in personal or professional goals can also lead them to change how they interact with clients. And for some, the impact of PNP hits hard, influencing their behavior significantly.

[ShortCutie7]

I had a good friend for a few years who suddenly had that exact kind of shift- he later told me that he had become addicted to PnP drugs but then sobered up.  He has unfortunately not been the same since this happened (though I do believe he is still sober).

[sky]

While it hasn't been mentioned yet some of these providers have "managers" that will "brainwash" them in effect changing their personality.  

[marylander1940]

Escorts can't always "act" as expected with their clients. It's a fact! 

[MscleLovr]

On 4/13/2025 at 9:58 AM, InterestingGuy said:

Has anyone here had similar issues with someone they saw regularly start acting like a different person? 

I’ve known this to happen a few times. For me, it occurred with two working guys and, as @DrownedBoy observed, it happened (also twice) in relationships.

One guy was a Slovak muscleboy. We were very compatible for several years. He liked fit older men and he preferred  to bottom (I’m a top only) and enjoyed a good pounding. Also, as he put it, he ”loved to suck cock and swallow’ (after topping, I like to lie back and unload in a warm mouth). It was intense and very physical. But he was good company too so I took him on several longhaul vacations and I learned a great deal about him.

I knew he could be difficult - he liked being treated as a ‘princess’ (his term) and being paid for, but I was happy to pay for everything - and I knew that he really had no close friends. Or to be precise, he had friends but he argued with each in turn and broke up with them. There was a point when he had no friends and we were discussing our next overseas trip.
He suddenly said Yes but demanded a multiple of what I’d paid previously. When I queried this, he lost his temper. He raged about how much work it was for him. I tried to placate him by calmly saying ‘I’ll just take it as No, you don’t want to come to (luxury resort for Winter sun)…’ This seemed to enrage him more, and he let loose with a string of insults. I terminated our talk but he didn’t apologize the next day so that was it. 
 

Another guy was an Italian muscleboy. He was handsome with the best physique (pecs, 8pack) and he was very discreet about being an eager bottom. He prized being ‘masculine’ and in great shape. He made all the running in our relationship: giving me gifts, saying ‘I love you’ and telling me he wanted me to be his boyfriend.
 

We had an intense first year. I liked to work up an appetite by topping him before dinner, and we’d repeat after dinner, and on waking he’d fellate me to completion before breakfast. He had keys to my place and slept over 4-5 nights a week. Towards the end of the first year, during a relaxed and pleasant evening, I commented he hadn’t sucked me off in the last two mornings. He said it was natural for sex to decline in a relationship so I “shouldn’t expect to make love 3x a night, once a night was good”. Well, it unravelled messily over the next 10 months. It turned out that despite his looks, he’d never had a boyfriend before (red flag?) and without telling me, he had anonymous sex (I later learned his big secret - he had the psychological kink that he enjoyed being humiliated and used by fat strangers or a group)

[viewing ownly]

I could see a couple of different reasons that this former regular of yours became distant. One could be that it is YOU that has changed in that time frame and not him, and this causes him do have a decrease in interest with you, be it either social issue opinion changes with one of you to make the small talk less appealing. 

Or, he's simply an ageist, and even though you continue to take great care of yourself and look fantastic, he's got a mental hang-up about how "old" you are, and for that shallow reason does not have a desire to be with you any longer. 

The great thing about being with men for company is that there are PLENTY out there who could care less about age difference, political views, or cock size. If you're sanitary and friendly, a wonderful time can be had. 

[StableMentalDefective]

3 hours ago, viewing ownly said:

I could see a couple of different reasons that this former regular of yours became distant. One could be that it is YOU that has changed in that time frame and not him, and this causes him do have a decrease in interest with you, be it either social issue opinion changes with one of you to make the small talk less appealing. 

Or, he's simply an ageist, and even though you continue to take great care of yourself and look fantastic, he's got a mental hang-up about how "old" you are, and for that shallow reason does not have a desire to be with you any longer. 

The great thing about being with men for company is that there are PLENTY out there who could care less about age difference, political views, or cock size. If you're sanitary and friendly, a wonderful time can be had. 

Who hurt you?

[NYXboy]

On 4/15/2025 at 12:29 PM, StableMentalDefective said:

Who hurt you?

I think in these moments - whilst very difficult - self-reflection can be the most beneficial.

instead of asking 'why have THEY changed?" it might be more valuable to look inward and ask 'what have I done to make this change?'

"For every action, there is an equal opposite reaction"    

Rather than ask random people on this forum - it may be best to reach out to the provider and ask in a genuine way for an answer - being prepared to hear something that may be uncomfortable to hear. 

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

3 hours ago, NYXboy said:

I think in these moments - whilst very difficult - self-reflection can be the most beneficial.

instead of asking 'why have THEY changed?" it might be more valuable to look inward and ask 'what have I done to make this change?'

"For every action, there is an equal opposite reaction"    

Rather than ask random people on this forum - it may be best to reach out to the provider and ask in a genuine way for an answer - being prepared to hear something that may be uncomfortable to hear. 

Self-reflection is not a strong suit on this board.

[mike carey]

5 hours ago, BenjaminNicholas said:

Self-reflection is not a strong suit on this board.

But I'm perfect, why should I reflect? /s/

[Ali Gator]

The other night I went to get my haircut at a salon that I've been going to for about three years now. The woman who owns it is about late 50s, and she and I kind of know some of the same people outside of the salon (acquaintances of mine, not friends). I would always be her last customer she booked (6 pm) because I was an easy 'in and out' (buzz cut).  

When I went to her the other night, she was less talkative than she usually is (which was fine with me), so I ceased making conversation. The appointment was less than fifteen minutes. At the end I paid her, she took the money (I never tip her since she's the owner and her pricing isn't exactly cheap) and didn't even make eye contact with me. I said, 'Thanks ! I'll call you in six weeks. Have a Happy Easter!"   She muttered "Mmmmm." turned around and walked to the backroom, giving me 'The Irish Goodbye' (yes, she has told me in the past she's 100% Irish). 

Does she realize I've been going to her for quite some time now, I'm one of the easiest / quickest clients she'll ever have, and she makes more money per minute than I do (and everyone else I know does) ? Maybe she was tired from a long day, maybe she didn't feel well, was she upset because I don't tip her ...who knows? All I know is as a business owner, force a smile, say 'Nice seeing you again! Happy Easter!' and wait until I'm out the door before you turn your tail and head to the backroom. I've decided if she does it again, it will be my last appointment with her. Why bother ? 

[Monarchy79]

In any relationship (friendship, intimate relationship, or business relationship), one should never expect long-term consistency in behaviors, emotions, or loyalty.

Humans are entirely too fickle, self-absorbed and complex messes for that. 
 

If you want that consistency, get a dog. 
 

[Monarchy79]

On 4/13/2025 at 9:46 AM, DrownedBoy said:

He wasn't turning into a different person. He was just showing less interest in you.

That's what happens when any relationship or friendship winds down due to one side's lack of interest. I saw that enough times in my dating life. It's nothing special.

And it's definitely not something you should allow yourself to emotionally ponder if you were in a transactional relationship.

Agreed!!!

I remember dating a guy years ago. After being “love-bombed” for months, he lost interest and pursued the dude he was most interested in and decided to start a confirmed relationship with him. 
 

When things faded out, I wasn’t angry at all. I took the hint and stopped contacting him. He was shocked that I let him fade so easily and actually confronted me about it (we went to the same gym and saw each other all the time). I told him this:

I enjoyed the good time we had and have no reason to be angry. Plus, no one matters to me more than myself, so I’ll never care.” 
 

I wished him luck with his new boyfriend and continued my deadlifts…. 

[Monarchy79]

13 hours ago, NYXboy said:

I think in these moments - whilst very difficult - self-reflection can be the most beneficial.

instead of asking 'why have THEY changed?" it might be more valuable to look inward and ask 'what have I done to make this change?'

"For every action, there is an equal opposite reaction"    

Rather than ask random people on this forum - it may be best to reach out to the provider and ask in a genuine way for an answer - being prepared to hear something that may be uncomfortable to hear. 

No one will ever do that. 
Most people don’t want hard truths.

They want conclusions that make them either feel good about themselves, or like “victims” due to the poor behaviors of others. 

Your average person has a worse reaction to accountability & self-reflection, than a celiac has to gluten. 

[jeezifonly]

When I hire, I’ve always been able to accept a couple things from the get-go:

1. He’s interested in/attracted to me because that is what I am paying him to be for the length of our session.

2. He has a life that can be as stressful and complicated as that of us flabbier average mortals.  

When he can no longer play the part of being interested, I find it easy to move on. 

[StableMentalDefective]

2 hours ago, Ali Gator said:

The other night I went to get my haircut at a salon that I've been going to for about three years now. The woman who owns it is about late 50s, and she and I kind of know some of the same people outside of the salon (acquaintances of mine, not friends). I would always be her last customer she booked (6 pm) because I was an easy 'in and out' (buzz cut).  

When I went to her the other night, she was less talkative than she usually is (which was fine with me), so I ceased making conversation. The appointment was less than fifteen minutes. At the end I paid her, she took the money (I never tip her since she's the owner and her pricing isn't exactly cheap) and didn't even make eye contact with me. I said, 'Thanks ! I'll call you in six weeks. Have a Happy Easter!"   She muttered "Mmmmm." turned around and walked to the backroom, giving me 'The Irish Goodbye' (yes, she has told me in the past she's 100% Irish). 

Does she realize I've been going to her for quite some time now, I'm one of the easiest / quickest clients she'll ever have, and she makes more money per minute than I do (and everyone else I know does) ? Maybe she was tired from a long day, maybe she didn't feel well, was she upset because I don't tip her ...who knows? All I know is as a business owner, force a smile, say 'Nice seeing you again! Happy Easter!' and wait until I'm out the door before you turn your tail and head to the backroom. I've decided if she does it again, it will be my last appointment with her. Why bother ? 

Have you lost your mind? It’s your hair, not something frivolous. You can get a hand job anywhere in NYC, a great ‘do is priceless!

[marylander1940]

3 hours ago, Ali Gator said:

The other night I went to get my haircut at a salon that I've been going to for about three years now. The woman who owns it is about late 50s, and she and I kind of know some of the same people outside of the salon (acquaintances of mine, not friends). I would always be her last customer she booked (6 pm) because I was an easy 'in and out' (buzz cut).  

When I went to her the other night, she was less talkative than she usually is (which was fine with me), so I ceased making conversation. The appointment was less than fifteen minutes. At the end I paid her, she took the money (I never tip her since she's the owner and her pricing isn't exactly cheap) and didn't even make eye contact with me. I said, 'Thanks ! I'll call you in six weeks. Have a Happy Easter!"   She muttered "Mmmmm." turned around and walked to the backroom, giving me 'The Irish Goodbye' (yes, she has told me in the past she's 100% Irish). 

Does she realize I've been going to her for quite some time now, I'm one of the easiest / quickest clients she'll ever have, and she makes more money per minute than I do (and everyone else I know does) ? Maybe she was tired from a long day, maybe she didn't feel well, was she upset because I don't tip her ...who knows? All I know is as a business owner, force a smile, say 'Nice seeing you again! Happy Easter!' and wait until I'm out the door before you turn your tail and head to the backroom. I've decided if she does it again, it will be my last appointment with her. Why bother ? 

I would dedicate this song to her!

 

[Whippoorwill]

There was one young man who gave the best massage service I ever had...until he didn't. He just found another undertaking that captured his fancy more. He continued to do massage, but it became number two not number one priority for him, and the quality suffered. In his case, it was just being young and flaky. To be expected but not celebrated. 

[Monarchy79]

3 hours ago, StableMentalDefective said:

Have you lost your mind? It’s your hair, not something frivolous. You can get a hand job anywhere in NYC, a great ‘do is priceless!

 

5 hours ago, Ali Gator said:

The other night I went to get my haircut at a salon that I've been going to for about three years now. The woman who owns it is about late 50s, and she and I kind of know some of the same people outside of the salon (acquaintances of mine, not friends). I would always be her last customer she booked (6 pm) because I was an easy 'in and out' (buzz cut).  

When I went to her the other night, she was less talkative than she usually is (which was fine with me), so I ceased making conversation. The appointment was less than fifteen minutes. At the end I paid her, she took the money (I never tip her since she's the owner and her pricing isn't exactly cheap) and didn't even make eye contact with me. I said, 'Thanks ! I'll call you in six weeks. Have a Happy Easter!"   She muttered "Mmmmm." turned around and walked to the backroom, giving me 'The Irish Goodbye' (yes, she has told me in the past she's 100% Irish). 

Does she realize I've been going to her for quite some time now, I'm one of the easiest / quickest clients she'll ever have, and she makes more money per minute than I do (and everyone else I know does) ? Maybe she was tired from a long day, maybe she didn't feel well, was she upset because I don't tip her ...who knows? All I know is as a business owner, force a smile, say 'Nice seeing you again! Happy Easter!' and wait until I'm out the door before you turn your tail and head to the backroom. I've decided if she does it again, it will be my last appointment with her. Why bother ? 

The most important thing here is the service you’re paying for, which is the haircut. If she’s not so Alison with you, who cares? 

To each his own, but I love getting treatments where there’s nO talking at all. Manicures, pedicures, facials…. Just let me meditate. 
 

I had a facial a couple of months agi

and I was scared that the esthetician would start asking me a hunch of questions about my skincare routine etc…..

Once I booked my appointment, there was a prompt for “special requests”. I wrote one word: Silence. 
 

 

[Monarchy79]

Approach life understanding that nothing lasts forever. 
So if you have an outstanding rapport with a massage guy, barber, retail Salesperson, dry cleaner, tailor, car detailer, friends, co workers, lovers or anyone else;  just enjoy the fantastic experiences while you’re getting them. Once this changes, move on, and appreciate the memories, and feel good about what’s to come next with someone new. 

Recently I ran into a former acquaintance I hadn’t seen in years, we travelled, worked out, shopped, and bar hopped together. Everything was great until it wasn’t. He faded out and just didn’t contact me anymore. He had closer friends with whom I assumed he gravitated with more. 
I ran into him recently, we exchanged pleasantries and he asked to get together to “catch up”. I told him that we just “caught up”, and I’m good on reconnecting, but it was great to see him and I wish him well. If I see him again, I’ll be just as pleasant, but will tell him the same thing. 
 

Once a ship has sailed, I don’t need to swim off shore to try and catch it again…. 

Edited April 20 by Monarchy79