Meeting and then marrying an escort?

[Statham]

Oh man, I need some advice and don't know where else to turn. Please go easy on me but also have something to contribute and be honest. I'd love to make this short, but the background needs to be given. 

About two years ago, I started hiring to fill a few needs, mainly because it involved established boundaries and I didn't want anything more. That worked and I met some excellent escorts along the way. I hired one in my home city about once a month. Last month, I was going to hire him but he had friends in from out of town and couldn't make it. He and I follow each other on Instagram and noticed that he was at dinner with a really fucking handsome guy who took my breath away. I texted him and asked who it was and if he escorted as well. He said the guy did and I jokingly said "send him over instead" 

Well, he did. I met the guy, and we had a great night and I paid him and he went on his way. The next day the new escort I met texted me and said what a great time he had and that he was in town until the following week. I said come over and let's do everything again. Same price, same time. 

So, he agreed and he did. This time we spent all night together. Uncluding the following morning, afternoon, and the next night. When I say spending time, I mean talking sitting on the beach, pouring our souls out to each other. He gave me 3x the amount of time and didn't want to take any money at all, but I insisted. 

Fast forward a couple of days and we text 24x7. I'm completely in love with this man at this point. I know he feels the same way. He wants to take me back home to his country to meet his family, the entire nine yards. 

I am going to be in his home city this coming week for work. He wants me to cancel the hotel and come stay at his place. He offered me a key to his apartment, everything. I mentioned in conversation over the past week that I could be poor one day and my company could go under and he said he could sit in a room with me eating a sandwich together and he would be the happiest man on the planet. 

For some perspective, there isn't a huge disparity here. We are both mid-40's. I'm pretty sexy and handsome and genuine and accomplished. He is as well. It's not like I am 75 and he is 25, or some other huge disparity like 500 lbs of weight or anything. We are smilar. 

So I am already head over heels in love with the guy. I actually see a point where we get married and have kids. Legit. He says he does as well, and we can work through that. My questions really: 

1. Am I just fucking crazy and what am I not seeing? 
2. How do I get over my guy core feeling that we met on RM under a client/provider relationship? 
3. Does the "Pretty Woman" fantasy actually exist? In that movie, I keep trying to answer the question: "Who saves who?" and know it can be mutual. I think I might have that here. 
4. I have thought about bringing this all up with him. He doesn't want money to hang out anymore. But the reality is also that I make a lot more money than him and want to provide, and travel, and "take care" of him if he will let me. What do I actually say? Like what are the words? 

I really don't know who else to talk about this. Also -- I am a seasoned poster on these forums. I created this handle to be anonymous so as not to have any of my past posts linked to this one, and also so there is no talk in 'escort circles' about this. 

Please throw me whatever you got.

[dutchal]

It's not really clear from your post, but for how long have you known this guy?  It appears to be just days, is that correct?

[Statham]

It's been about three weeks now. 

[+ azdr0710]

Paging @Unicorn....white courtesy telephone for an important message

[pubic_assistance]

21 minutes ago, Statham said:

I'm completely in love with this man at this point. I know he feels the same way.

Do you really ?

[Statham]

Just now, pubic_assistance said:

Do you really ?

This will be a question I probably forever ask myself. 

[+ sf westcoaster]

Proceed with caution and do not allow emotion to block out intellect. Spend more informal time together, take in a show or a sporting event, get to know each other on a day-today basis.  Nurture the relationship, meet the family if you wish but avoid early on commitments. 

[maninsoma]

I am generally very skeptical about people proclaiming love after a short period of time. I understand feeling strong emotions, but two people don't really know each other after only a few evenings together or even a few weeks.  It's great to feel that excitement, but keep your intellect open as well as your emotions and proceed accordingly.

[MscleLovr]

1 hour ago, Statham said:

I'm completely in love with this man at this point. I know he feels the same way.

Trust me on this: you are not, you are in the first flush of physical lust and romantic affection. And No, you don’t know - just because he says so may mean he’s polite or he’s from a different cultural background (Hispanic?) or he may be as giddy as you are.

You haven’t said anything about your experiences and prior relationships. Perhaps you were rather alone (or lonely) before you met him. Also you haven’t said what country he’s from. 
 

I’d strongly suggest you go slowly. And in response to your questions:

Take the time to get to know him fully.
Stop paying him for his time (and services) and see how that plays out.

Do not buy him an expensive gift just because you “make a lot more money”. Rather, you should get him a thoughtful gift (maybe a book he’s wanted to read) - something that shows you’ve listened to him and thought of him. See if he reciprocates. 
 

Bear in mind the golden rule - everyone behaves at their best in the early meetings - so see him in a variety of settings, watch how he handles other people, ask yourself if he’s kind, and check online that he’s honest (there’s a lot of information online so check that what he tells you is accurate and truthful).

[dutchal]

9 minutes ago, maninsoma said:

I am generally very skeptical about people proclaiming love after a short period of time. I understand feeling strong emotions, but two people don't really know each other after only a few evenings together or even a few weeks.  It's great to feel that excitement, but keep your intellect open as well as your emotions and proceed accordingly.

+1  I mean this as gently as possible, but you're more likely at the infatuation stage.  There are lots of article around along these lines: 

Infatuation vs. Love: How to Tell the Difference So You Don't Waste Time or Energy on a Bad Thing

WWW.PUREWOW.COM

---

Things are going great. But is it infatuation or love? A relationship expert tells us how to tell the difference when it comes to love vs infatuation.

Take a look at a few and see if your recognize yourself.  That being said, it is not at all impossible for you to meet, fall in love, and marry a guy working as an escort.  But you had better have a deep understanding of what inside of him led him to become an escort and what those characteristics and values mean for his relationships with others.  To be a good escort, you have got to be very good at compartmentalizing and hiding your true feelings and good at acting like you have feelings that you really don't.  Those are talents or habits that could easily sabotage a "real" relationship if the escort does not completely shed them when he's with you.

[+ purplekow]

What is the hurry?   Take your time.  Get to know him a bit better.   You mention he is from out of the country, while this is not necessarily an issue there may be reasons related to that which might have him wanting to speed up the process.  I would keep it as casual as you can and certainly no legally binding situations for quite some time.  Even living together can be a bit tricky.

[+ Vegas_Millennial]

First live together for a decade or two, and then consider marriage.

[Matt_Vancouver redux]

Ok. As a former escort, I feel I can weigh in here 

I met my husband of when he hired me 20 years ago.:)

I was absolutely not looking for a love connection, but when it happens it happens.

We stayed professional for about 6 months before I just said fuck it and started seeing him socially. 

It absolutely can work. As long as there is NO power dynamic. You have to always consider each other as equals or it's not gonna work.

Hope this helps

[Lazarus]

I think you should contact the producers of 90 Day Fiance & let this relationship play out on there. 

[Luv2play]

I say just go with the flow.Take your time to really get to know him. Don't overlook any thing that seems it may grow into a problem later. You can't change someone who is in his 40's and you are not going to change.

Looking ahead you probably have half your life ahead of you as does he. It would be great if it works out as a permanent relationship. 

Don't think you will save money by having free sex. The money you save will go in other directions, particularly since you are in a better financial situation than he is. Hopefully he will find things to do if he gives up escorting. If he becomes completely dependent on you financially that will undermine the long term stability of the union. 

I've been down that road with some differences in the situation but some similarities. 

Edited May 11, 2023 by Luv2play

[Xavitv]

I love love so I say go for it. If it feels right, it usually is. 

[+ Charlie]

Does he intend to continue escorting after you marry? Do you intend to keep hiring when you are in the mood? Are you both in agreement about whether or not monogamy is part of the arrangement? Will you both agree to keep talking honestly about issues like these? ( If you protest that they will not come up for either of you, you are both fooling yourselves.) Have you met any of his friends? Has he met any of yours? What will you tell people when they ask how you met? (Believe me, they will.) Are you comfortable about telling the truth to friends? Do you have a lawyer with whom you can discuss the legal and financial situation frankly? Like it or not, marriage is a much more social affair than sexual interaction is.

I am not a nay-sayer about the possibility of genuinely falling in love at first arousal: my spouse and I decided on the day that we met that we would be together forever, and that has lasted 55 years--though not without rough patches, which both of us had to be willing and able to work through. I would still advise you to go slow before making any commitments that would be really messy to disentangle. Vegas777's suggestion above may have been made humorously, but it's not a bad one.

[Luv2play]

Regarding Charlie's last sentence,  here in Ontario Canada, living together for a dozen or more years is virtually the same as getting married as far as legal obligations with respect to property and support.

Edited May 12, 2023 by Luv2play

[sjmuktop]

Sorry if this is an upsetting suggestion, but I think it’s important you consider all possibilities here.
 

Is he from another country? If so, he could just be using you for a visa and documents to be able to permanently stay in the country. I personally know quite a number of the Brazilian escorts here in the UK who have married clients just so that they could stay here legally. 

[Matt_Vancouver redux]

The question was asked " will he continue escorting after your married?"

I did. For about a year, but it became increasingly difficult to leave my husband to meet with clients to did I eventually gave it up.

It was agreed that I would continue working once we were'together'.

Just communicate with each other. 

 

[Guest]

Well, these are my thoughts, coming from a man who plans to marry the escort he hired well over 2 years ago. First of all, yes it can happen. Secondly, I would agree with those who encourage going slowly. He moved in with me after we'd known each other a month, with his having the option to go back to his place if things didn't work out for the next month. We decided on getting married after we'd lived together for 2 years (haven't ironed out the Prenup yet, just some discussions). Our marriage will be over a year from now. Thirdly, if he's not a permanent legal resident in your country, that may be part of his inclination to rush things. I also did plan to marry my last ex, the lyin' Paraguayan, after we'd lived together for 2 years, and I know he's still looking, although obviously not your man since he's 29. I found out he was not only cheating on me, but had himself treated for syphilis without telling me. 😬

So, yes, things can work out beautifully. Both my fiance and I are very happy together (currently riding out a hailstorm in Florence). That being said, I agree with those who caution to take things slowly. Under no circumstances should you get married without a prenuptial agreement. And you should live together as long as possible before tying the knot, to make sure you're compatible (though the "decade" advice was, I hope, meant to be silly). May I ask where he's from?

[+ Pensant]

16 hours ago, purplekow said:

 Even living together can be a bit tricky.

Great advice! In many states, once a “houseguest” begins receiving bills, etc., at your address, it can become almost impossibly expensive to evict them. I know a foolish older man who allowed his hot regular to live with him, whereupon he refused to leave and was extremely nasty to my acquaintance. Without spending far more time with this love interest, you’ll have no idea what state his mental health is, among other scary surprises.

[+ Pensant]

Without going into too much detail, I met a much, much younger provider in early February which has morphed into something more. We spend more time off the clock than on, and I’m the one who insists on “on the clock” meets. We’ve unexpectedly become very fond of each other and go on long hikes, among other non-sexual things. He finds me attractive physically (I’m fortunate to have good skin, look younger and have been cross training since college). I’ve gently encouraged him to date people his own age, and he has, to a limited extent. I look at it from a surfer’s perspective: I’ve found a great swell and I’m going to ride it as long as I can, without any starry-eyed notions of marriage, which my personality is probably innately disinclined to anyway. It is exhilarating, though, and I fully empathize with your current situation.

In sum, given the thoughtful responses and advice, you’ve come to the right place for advice. We’re a seasoned and caring community.

[+ Charlie]

"Why should I invite Uncle Joe's friend to my wedding/graduation/birthday dinner, etc.?" "Because they are a married couple." I wasn't invited to the weddings of my partner's brothers, although I knew them. However, both our names were on the formal invitations to the weddings of his nieces and nephew. That's the difference between a romantic affair and marriage, especially for a same sex couple.

We had an amusing experience recently during my spouse's annual physical, when our doctor, who is in his late fifties, asked for our advice. He married his boyfriend, who is in his thirties, a couple of years ago. He said that he doesn't know how to bring up the fact that he is interested in having sex again with other men, and wondered how we had handled that issue. I told him we had talked through that issue before we started living together, so that when that situation finally arose (sigh! it always does with sexually experienced men), there would be no unpleasant surprises ("But I thought we would always be exclusive!!!!")

[marylander1940]

For him to get a green card or for real love both ways?