I didn’t have a good first hiring experience.How can I make it better?

[Quartz]

I recently hired someone for the first time, and I left feeling a little disappointed.

I had mentioned to him via chat that I wanted to explore face fucking him, and topping him after. In retrospect, I guess I didn’t know what I want and wanted more of the boyfriend experience that eventually leads to sex.

We started off the session almost immediately with sex. What ended up happening was him simply lying in bed while I did the majority of the work. I kissed him, but his kisses were not passionate. I sucked him off, but he was soft the entire time. Eventually I lost my hard-on when I realized (at least in my view at the time) that he probably wasn’t attracted to me, based on how foreplay went, but the least he could do was pretend to be interested.

The sex ended in 30 minutes after I came, and he then immediately got up to use the bathroom and wear his underwear. I would’ve liked to stay in the bedroom and do some post-coital chats and cuddles, but instead, we ended up in his living room not cuddling, and sat side by side talking. He had made indirect hints as if the session was over, but I told him I’d like to chat since there was still 30 minutes left.

That chat was nice! I felt like I enjoyed the chat more as it was more intimate than the sex. And I guess what I desired was also intimacy.

I just needed to get this off my chest. I know he can’t read my mind, but I wish that he could’ve guessed or even asked what I like. Should I have planned out the whole hour in a detailed fashion? I had wanted it to be a little more organic.

That feeling or perception from me that he didn’t find me attractive didn’t make me feel very good, judging by how soft he was during the entire half an hour of sex. Is that normal for a provider that bottoms? I’d have liked him to cum.

I’m just wondering how I could ensure I’ll have a better experience next time if I were to hire someone again. Would you have any tips for me?

If it matters at all, I’m Asian. I’ve read studies and heard that Asian men aren’t typically desired in Western countries, and that probably contributes to the occasional hit in self-esteem.

[maninsoma]

It will be interesting to read providers' responses (assuming you get some), but as a client I will say this:

1. Maybe some men in Western countries aren't attracted to Asian men, but there are many who are.

2. I think the issue is less about you writing a script (of sorts) for the encounter in advance and more about choosing a provider wisely.  Did the guy you hire have reviews here or anywhere else where you can read reviews with comments?  Sadly a lot of providers are simply going through the motions in order to make money, and they aren't good enough actors to make you believe they are interested in being with you when what they really want is to get paid and leave.  There are other guys who at least take some pleasure in giving other men pleasure and being with a variety of men.  Look for that type of provider.  Since the connection is more important to you than the actual sex, I think you should start your screening process with that and then look for someone who likes to be a bottom.

[Jamie21]

That’s a really sorry story. I think you probably chose the wrong provider. A better guy would have slowed things down and made you feel more special during the sex. Also if you book an hour it kind of implies you want a session where you get down to it faster, which is what he seems to have provided? 
I’d not assume that because he didn’t get hard while you fucked him that he wasn’t into you. If I bottom for a client I always get hard but I know that lots of guys can’t stay hard when they get fucked. 
I think next time if you want a better experience that’s less rushed then take time to find a guy that is more professional (look for experience, recommendations, has he a website?, is he busy?). Also if you can afford it book a longer session. 

[KeepItReal]

1 hour ago, Quartz said:

I recently hired someone for the first time, and I left feeling a little disappointed.

I had mentioned to him via chat that I wanted to explore face fucking him, and topping him after. In retrospect, I guess I didn’t know what I want and wanted more of the boyfriend experience that eventually leads to sex.

We started off the session almost immediately with sex. What ended up happening was him simply lying in bed while I did the majority of the work. I kissed him, but his kisses were not passionate. I sucked him off, but he was soft the entire time. Eventually I lost my hard-on when I realized (at least in my view at the time) that he probably wasn’t attracted to me, based on how foreplay went, but the least he could do was pretend to be interested.

The sex ended in 30 minutes after I came, and he then immediately got up to use the bathroom and wear his underwear. I would’ve liked to stay in the bedroom and do some post-coital chats and cuddles, but instead, we ended up in his living room not cuddling, and sat side by side talking. He had made indirect hints as if the session was over, but I told him I’d like to chat since there was still 30 minutes left.

That chat was nice! I felt like I enjoyed the chat more as it was more intimate than the sex. And I guess what I desired was also intimacy.

I just needed to get this off my chest. I know he can’t read my mind, but I wish that he could’ve guessed or even asked what I like. Should I have planned out the whole hour in a detailed fashion? I had wanted it to be a little more organic.

That feeling or perception from me that he didn’t find me attractive didn’t make me feel very good, judging by how soft he was during the entire half an hour of sex. Is that normal for a provider that bottoms? I’d have liked him to cum.

I’m just wondering how I could ensure I’ll have a better experience next time if I were to hire someone again. Would you have any tips for me?

If it matters at all, I’m Asian. I’ve read studies and heard that Asian men aren’t typically desired in Western countries, and that probably contributes to the occasional hit in self-esteem.

Not a provider, but as usual, i have an opinion!  I am sorry you had a mediocre experience. It is always disappointing when you picture a meeting in your mind and then the actual experience does not come close to measuring up.  

There are plenty of men who enjoy the company of Asian men - I happen to be one of them. This forum has been super useful in helping identify the companions that are compatible with my desires - I am also lucky to live in NYC. Hiring the right companion is key to a good experience.  Sometimes the chemistry just isn't there - but when it is... wowza! Hang in there - do get back on the horse!!

Usually, when the companion aims straight for the main course and don't seem like he is willing to sit down for a few minutes to get to know each other, I just know the experience will be sub par and try to slow things down. Offer him a drink. Ask him how his week is going. Try to slow things down just a little bit. See if that helps. 

Edited December 21, 2022 by KeepItReal

[Becket]

The surest way to have a positive experience is to hire one of the "stars" or very experienced guys. Perhaps you could select someone a bit older than what you were planning. And be realistic.  Don't expect the world and everything in it on the first date.  Don't give up.  Too much fun awaits you.  

[+ DynamicUno]

Not a provider either.  It sounds like you had a hire who didn't engage with you well for whatever reason.  It happens, unfortunately, and it's best to just look for better prospects down the road for next time.  Using this forum and the reviews on RM can help find guys who'd be a better fit.  

You also mentioned you realized, a bit after the fact, that you really wanted a more intimate time than a purely sexual session.  Going forward you can look for guys who advertise they give intimate or boyfriend experience sessions.  You don't have to script out the entire hour, but you can tell them you are looking for someone into kissing and cuddling before or after the sex and they be able to accomodate.

Also, there are a lot of guys who are open about race and enjoy being with Asian top men, but unfortunately there are going to be some who aren't.  One thing you can do is look a the usernames of the RM reviewers, since there are often some that imply they are Asian clients.  If they give a positive review, it's a good hint the provider will work well with you. You can even send them a message to ask about their experience with the provider, and some will respond.

[pubic_assistance]

2 hours ago, Quartz said:

I know he can’t read my mind.

I don't think you do.

 

[italianboyph]

I think you just need to make it clear exactly what you're looking for but if something happens that you weren't expecting to be open to it. You're also paying for an hour service  and even if you came already, him getting dressed right away isn't right.  If you wanna explore facefucking, make it known but also make the move to do it. 

[Quartz]

3 hours ago, maninsoma said:

It will be interesting to read providers' responses (assuming you get some), but as a client I will say this:

1. Maybe some men in Western countries aren't attracted to Asian men, but there are many who are.

2. I think the issue is less about you writing a script (of sorts) for the encounter in advance and more about choosing a provider wisely.  Did the guy you hire have reviews here or anywhere else where you can read reviews with comments?  Sadly a lot of providers are simply going through the motions in order to make money, and they aren't good enough actors to make you believe they are interested in being with you when what they really want is to get paid and leave.  There are other guys who at least take some pleasure in giving other men pleasure and being with a variety of men.  Look for that type of provider.  Since the connection is more important to you than the actual sex, I think you should start your screening process with that and then look for someone who likes to be a bottom.

He actually had 20+ positive reviews on RM (I used a VPN so I saw some of the positive comments alongside the ratings), though I did read some mixed reviews on here. It might have been an error in judgment on my part to proceed, but I thought that it's impossible for anyone to have 100% perfect reviews, so the occasional mixed review, balanced with the 20+ positive ones on RM, makes sense. But perhaps the RM reviews could be fake?

And thank you! Now that I had my first experience hiring a provider, I do know now what I want or find enjoyment out of and not just the actual sex, even though that's fun too.

I'm wondering how I could screen for guys who enjoy giving pleasure and being with a variety of men. Are there certain keywords that providers would use on their profile, or something I could ask?

3 hours ago, Jamie21 said:

That’s a really sorry story. I think you probably chose the wrong provider. A better guy would have slowed things down and made you feel more special during the sex. Also if you book an hour it kind of implies you want a session where you get down to it faster, which is what he seems to have provided? 
I’d not assume that because he didn’t get hard while you fucked him that he wasn’t into you. If I bottom for a client I always get hard but I know that lots of guys can’t stay hard when they get fucked. 
I think next time if you want a better experience that’s less rushed then take time to find a guy that is more professional (look for experience, recommendations, has he a website?, is he busy?). Also if you can afford it book a longer session. 

Thank you so much for sharing your perspective! I'd have liked to be made to feel special haha. But you're right, an hour is probably not enough, though I couldn't afford more than that at the moment.

3 hours ago, KeepItReal said:

Not a provider, but as usual, i have an opinion!  I am sorry you had a mediocre experience. It is always disappointing when you picture a meeting in your mind and then the actual experience does not come close to measuring up.  

There are plenty of men who enjoy the company of Asian men - I happen to be one of them. This forum has been super useful in helping identify the companions that are compatible with my desires - I am also lucky to live in NYC. Hiring the right companion is key to a good experience.  Sometimes the chemistry just isn't there - but when it is... wowza! Hang in there - do get back on the horse!!

Usually, when the companion aims straight for the main course and don't seem like he is willing to sit down for a few minutes to get to know each other, I just know the experience will be sub par and try to slow things down. Offer him a drink. Ask him how his week is going. Try to slow things down just a little bit. See if that helps. 

Interestingly, I've heard that the fantasy leading up to the actual event is often hotter than the deed, but I guess it's often luck of the draw on the actual experience we'd get.

And thanks for the kind words. I'm actually in NYC as well.  I guess I can't force chemistry, but thanks for the tip about slowing things down for a few minutes to get to know each other a little. I'll keep that in mind.

2 hours ago, Becket said:

The surest way to have a positive experience is to hire one of the "stars" or very experienced guys. Perhaps you could select someone a bit older than what you were planning. And be realistic.  Don't expect the world and everything in it on the first date.  Don't give up.  Too much fun awaits you.  

Thank you for the kind sentiments! I wasn't planning on hiring frequently, maybe just once or twice a year, so I guess I was expecting too much as a newbie. This is a learning experience nonetheless!

The provider was in his late 20s, but I'll see if I can find someone else a little older in the future who would be more experienced.

43 minutes ago, italianboyph said:

I think you just need to make it clear exactly what you're looking for but if something happens that you weren't expecting to be open to it. You're also paying for an hour service  and even if you came already, him getting dressed right away isn't right.  If you wanna explore facefucking, make it known but also make the move to do it. 

I actually did ask him before meeting up if he would be into getting facefucked, and he said yes. But perhaps that had set the tone of having the entire session as sex-focused and nothing else.

Now that I know what I'm looking for, or what I think would be an enjoyable experience for me, I'll make it clearer in the future.

[Quartz]

2 hours ago, DynamicUno said:

Not a provider either.  It sounds like you had a hire who didn't engage with you well for whatever reason.  It happens, unfortunately, and it's best to just look for better prospects down the road for next time.  Using this forum and the reviews on RM can help find guys who'd be a better fit.  

You also mentioned you realized, a bit after the fact, that you really wanted a more intimate time than a purely sexual session.  Going forward you can look for guys who advertise they give intimate or boyfriend experience sessions.  You don't have to script out the entire hour, but you can tell them you are looking for someone into kissing and cuddling before or after the sex and they be able to accomodate.

Also, there are a lot of guys who are open about race and enjoy being with Asian top men, but unfortunately there are going to be some who aren't.  One thing you can do is look a the usernames of the RM reviewers, since there are often some that imply they are Asian clients.  If they give a positive review, it's a good hint the provider will work well with you. You can even send them a message to ask about their experience with the provider, and some will respond.

Thank you for the detailed tips! I like your suggestions, and I'll keep that in mind for my next session. I hadn't even think of looking at the usernames, much less messaging clients themselves. I didn't realize I could do that, so thank you!

[acks0104]

As someone also newer to hiring, every experience is going to be different, but I think your best bet is going with guys who have been solidly reviewed with the personality attributes you're looking for. If you want the BFE, you're going to want to find a guy who multiple others have noted as giving it. Also, be upfront about what you want.

Like you said, providers aren't mind readers. Not everyone is looking for romance in a session so that may not be something they offer without you asking 

[+ KensingtonHomo]

18 hours ago, arnemgreeves said:

But then making two threads complaining about the minority of experiences i've had means I should "give it up". Because like how eating an uncooked steak in a restaurant means one should never eat steak again. but he likes to scope and make stupid inferences because he's so good and "kind and wise", but really lacks class and tact. he knows who he is. 😁

You're so thirsty for negative attention. 🤣

[Keenan]

23 hours ago, arnemgreeves said:

 

 

Seeing escorts is little like getting dates. 
It's a job for them.

So they often see men whom they may not fuck in their personal lives.

Individual providers would differ, but generally speaking most wouldn't discriminate in terms of service due to race and/or ethnicity. Money is money, and the more people they see, the better for them.  Though some guys don't get hard when bottoming.

Just chalk this up to bad experience. It happens. Sometimes doing this is luck of the draw, but then it's the same in most other pleasure pastimes. 

Exactly.  As an escort I see myself as an entertainer.  It's a job.  Customers will hire me to provide entertainment whether it's just talking or sexual.  If we do engage in sexual contact then it's to entertain the customer, not necessarily because I am attacted the the customer that has hired me.  Also keep in mind that as escorts we typically have our escort persona and our regular persona so who you are hiring might not be the same outside of when you are meeting them.  

Keenan

[Guest]

On 12/21/2022 at 12:03 PM, arnemgreeves said:

... I should "give it up"...

I feel a song (with unicorns!) coming on...

 

Edited December 22, 2022 by Unicorn

[Guest]

You just got a lousy escort. I doubt your being Asian had anything to do with it. A good escort finds something to like with every client. Most can do a good job with men most wouldn't find attractive, including the obese, even morbidly obese, and the elderly. It would be far more common to be turned off by such factors than by your race. That being said, it's your responsibility to communicate what you want, especially if things aren't going as you'd like. Better yet, let the provider know before you even set up the appointment that you want passionate kissing, or whatever. If he sounds like he won't be able to deliver, find someone else. Although RM review aren't very reliable, someone with lots of positive reviews is certainly less likely to be a dud than the man you hired. Yes, hire those you find attractive, but also do your own homework to minimize the chance of a lousy experience. 

[+ Lucky]

I wish that all escorts liked Asian men as much as I do. But some don't and they shouldn't take Asian clients.

[dbar123]

To the original poster

I would suggest booking 2 hours next time. As a client I find that 1 hour is sometimes not enough to squeeze in ample foreplay. And I agree with a lot f the advice above. Don’t just trust the reviews. It’s fair game to reach out to a few former clients on line and ask them directly about their experience with that escort. One-on-one conversations are more instructive and I think you’ll find that most people will be willing to download honestly to you.

I would also suggest trying someone over 35 who has been around the block for a while. You want someone with real experience.

This may be a really controversial comment but I find that guys who list their preference as bisexual tend to give a more convincing BFE experience.  Just my opinion out of the 59 or so Rentmen I’ve hired over the years. YMMV.

Good luck and happy fucking

[MidAndy]

Here are some thoughts based on my rich history of hookups and various fwbs/fbs.
Sometimes sex with Asian guys goes as usual. They usually bottom.
I had several encounters with Asian guys that were somewhat odd. It sometimes starts in foreplay, and sometime it starts when I start fucking. The oddness is in a way they touch me. It's a combination of pinching, grabbing, and tweaking various parts of my body, including earlobes. While it was not a complete turn-off, it's not the experience I dream about every night.
I had no so great experiences with non-Asian guys, but mainly due to a lack of interaction in foreplay.
I did not mean to generalize these findings, so you interpret that as you wish.

 

 

[nate_sf]

Don't beat yourself up over this, it was your first experience hiring. You've learned what you like and the next experience should be better.

You had mentioned that you had told him that you wanted to face fuck him, then fuck him, so he may have thought you wanted him to be relatively passive. That doesn't explain his lousy post-coital bedside manner however. But for what it's worth, with some clients after they've come, they're getting dressed and heading out the door, so maybe he'd expected that until you indicated otherwise. Or on the other hand, he could have just been a lousy lay.

I wouldn't get hung up on the racial angle, as I'd expect this has more to do with expectations (which changed during the session), and chemistry. But also if you're in the midst of a session and then you think to yourself of something you'd enjoy more, definitely let the escort know. Like, "hmmm, this isn't really doing what I had thought it would... let's just make out instead." But if you're worried, look for statements like "I welcome the full range of ages, races, ethnicities, and body types" (which is in my profile).

You might also want to suggest a 90-minute session. For me, that's a great amount of time since it's less rushed than 60 minutes, but can still be kind to the budget and schedule. Let it be known you want to talk and get to know each other first, even for just 15 or 20 minutes. I've had some clients say they want to chat beforehand, and even ask if they can bring along a beverage, or meet in the hotel bar.

Live and learn... it may have been an expensive lesson, but consider it an investment towards enjoying future sessions!

[Jarrod_Uncut]

On 12/23/2022 at 10:23 AM, Lucky said:

I wish that all escorts liked Asian men as much as I do. But some don't and they shouldn't take Asian clients.

The other day I had 2 Asian clients, which is rare for me except when I’m on the west coast. 

No stigma towards them, but I will say in my experience they can be quite different than American guys in many ways. But many also tend to be quite professional in their approach. No overly kinky long drawn out stuff. 
 

I know many Asian guys often don’t reveal that they are, before meeting. So it can often be hard to “not take Asian clients”. Unless an escort specifically says that, which would qualify as discriminatory. 
 

I’ve known some fairly attractive Asian guys I’ve met. One of whom I had to run off because after we played around, I introduced him to a friend, and then they played around a couple of times behind my back. Hell, no. That’s violation of guy code. I told my friend, how would you like it if I went and started fucking your 2 friends you introduced me to, outside of our interactions? Have some decency people 🤦🏾‍♂️ 

[MscleLovr]

My hiring was years ago so my advice may be anachronistic, but…

1. I always offered the guy a glass of wine or water when he arrived. Then we’d sit and talk. I like to feel a connection with a guy, and talking helps establish that - as does stroking his arm or gently squeezing his thigh. As you both become comfortable and aroused, it’s easy to lean in for a kiss and explore further.

2. You’re clearly not shy @Quartz and you spelt out what you wanted to do. I feel that’s good as I’m the same. I was very specific about what I enjoyed and wanted to do/have done to me. I emphasized what was important to me. Perhaps you simply need to detail your desires more with the next guy you meet. Not everyone is good at foreplay, just as not every man is a great kisser. Just tell the guy what you’d like to explore.

3. I’m only ever a top. In general I found guys (who enjoy being bottom) do sport erect cocks. Some guys are more submissive than others, and some guys really enjoy being compliant. Perhaps this guy felt you were very much a take-charge top and perhaps this guy just wasn’t into that - I’ve known bottoms to respond very readily to that attitude, but some versatile guys don’t like it. 
 

4. Last, I wonder if face-fucking was a problem. I had several great dates with a muscleboy who was a skilled cocksucker. One time, I was feeling especially dominant and I began to face-fuck him. I came in his mouth and he swallowed my load as usual. Later, however, he told me he didn’t enjoy me being on his chest and face-fucking him. He preferred to be on top, while I was horizontal, as  it made him feel that he controlled my cock. Perhaps your guy didn’t really enjoy being face-fucked. It’s not for everyone. 

 

[+ The Big Guy]

I think you received a great deal of good advice.  It’s not unusual for the first time of any new adventure to not go as hoped.  Please take the advice here and try again soon and just put this one out of your mind.   Happy hunting!

[misterhumphries]

I'm sorry to read that your first escort experience was lacking. Like you, I am also a minority. I believe the key to a great experience that YOU ARE PAYING FOR is to be frank. Read the profile carefully to see if it is worded in such a way that minorities or older men may not be welcomed. State exactly what you want -- sex, intimacy that goes beyond sex, etc. Not every escort is for everybody. Ask if an escort has any ethnic preferences (we all do, no harm in that) so you don't expose yourself to feeling less-than while paying for the privilege. Like everything in life: if you don't ask, you don't get. Communication is everything. When hiring, it's no time to be shy or coy.