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The sex talk.


purplekow
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It is a trope on situation comedies that the teenage son needs to be told about the facts of life and the father is nervous and tongue tied and invariably does a bad job or at times, the father learns somethings from the son.

I am wondering if these sit down and explain the facts of life talks actually happen.  

So did the male parent in your life have a special talk with you about the "birds and the bees"?

In my case, the only sex talk I had with my father amounted to him telling me and I quote. "If you are going to go out in the rain, wear a raincoat."

Certainly words to live and love by.  

So guy, did you have the big talk or have you given the big talk?

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My godson came to me and raised the topic. I was about as unprepared as you can be. But I powered through to the end and did a pretty good job. Covered both the physical and emotional aspects. I grant you my description of the female body was straight out of the biology text book (high school was far behind me). Made sure to debunk some common misconseptions. And did not turn him gay. (In case some of our more conservative and recalcitrant members are wondering about that…you know who you are!)

Edited by FrankR
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In 7th grade, my father took me to a 'facts of life' program held one evening at school, boys in one room, girls in another.  On the awkward drive home, Dad asked if I had any questions, I said no.  That was it.  I don't remember any specific details of the presentation but I have to say my ideas of how sex worked prior to that were totally wrong. 

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I never had the birds and the bees talk with my dad either, I’m glad I didn’t because that would have been awkward. Closest thing was going to a pediatrician in fifth grade and him giving me a little children’s book on puberty. I remember reading about white fluid may discharge from my penis, and thinking what in the world? Because I hadn’t starting experiencing erections or masturbating yet in fifth grade. Didn’t start masturbating until the end of sixth grade, and regularly in seventh grade.

Edited by caramelsub
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I am the oldest one of five kids.  My parents frequently walked around naked in the house so I knew what adults looked like.  When I was 11, my dad took me aside for the 'talk'.  I knew of birds and bees but had no idea what human sex was like.  I remember clearly being horrified when he told me that the penis needed to enter the v*g*n*.  I was told that this act was, in principle, only for the purpose of procreation.  He added that, at times, it could be pleasurable.  The word, he used was 'itch' I seem to recall.  I then asked if it was a sin if this 'itch' were to occur - we were catholic.  The response was - it is not a sin, if one prays afterwards.  There was no talk about masturbation or other forms of sex.

I was a late bloomer.  I masturbated to ejaculation for the first time when I was 16.  I masturbated every day, always looking at my own body in the mirror. In college, I attempted sex with women a few times but it was disastrous.  I was intrigued about going to a gay bar to meet men but never did.  When I was 24, I had my first sexual experience with a man while on vacation in Thailand.  He was an escort I met at a bar.   It was probably one of the most liberating and unforgettable experiences in my life.  

Edited by BaronArtz
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7 hours ago, BaronArtz said:

I am the oldest one of five kids.  My parents frequently walked around naked in the house so I knew what adults looked like.  When I was 11, my dad took me aside for the 'talk'.  I knew of birds and bees but had no idea what human sex was like.  I remember clearly being horrified when he told me that the penis needed to enter the v*g*n*.  I was told that this act was, in principle, only for the purpose of procreation.  He added that, at times, it could be pleasurable.  The word, he used was 'itch' I seem to recall.  I then asked if it was a sin if this 'itch' were to occur - we were catholic.  The response was - it is not a sin, if one prays afterwards.  There was no talk about masturbation or other forms of sex.

I find myself too exhausted to pray after sex.  So I pray before sex.  I pray that I will be too exhausted afterward to pray.  

Edited by purplekow
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I never raised the topic, and neither did my father. In retrospect, it seems strange to me that I didn't have much curiosity about it, and my father was somewhat prudish anyway. I started masturbating regularly when I was ten, and first started to cum while doing it when I was thirteen. I only thought about other boys I knew while I was doing it (especially the ones who were starting to show muscles and body hair), so I don't think I actually associated it with the birds and the bees topic. There were no sex education classes it in the schools I went to, so I was in college before I actually understood the mechanics of heterosexual relations, which my classmates obviously understood, and I don't think they realized that I did not, since I always dated girls. The first time I had sex with another guy, at seventeen, I was shocked to discover that men inserted their cocks into other guys' assholes! I had thought that the only kind of male-to-male sex was frottage, or oral sex if one was really wild.

Edited by Charlie
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a couple random memories.......

I still remember much of what I think was the first very brief "sex talk" with my Dad......I was about ten +/- y.o. and the family was at the old Hyatt House Burlingame near SFO (early 70s) if anybody remembers that place.....we stayed there a lot as my Dad was an airline captain.....Dad and I and younger bro were in the pool and I started asking Dad a few practical questions, things like why does the dick have to be hard.....I also remember being confused for just a little bit on the difference between entirely new words menstruation and masturbation (since both start with 'm' and end with 'tion')......we went back into our room and I vividly remember Dad saying to Mom that I was asking questions and Mom giving a bit of an "ohhhh boy" sigh and then her only saying this all happens because two people are in love and all that......though smart and worldly, Mom always was very shy/reserved about sex stuff......Dad was a bit more open, but not always the leader in a talk about sex....

at some point soon, they gave me one of those "Boys and Sex"-type books and that was somewhat helpful......don't remember any really sit-down sex talks......

also, about this same early time, I remember one day reading in the paper about some guy arrested for forcing a female and male to perform "oral intercourse".....I had no idea what this meant and asked Mom.....she, of course, was too shy to say and told me to ask my aunt (her sister) who we were going to be seeing later that day......my aunt had always been much more open and comfortable with all kinds of topics and matter-of-factly told me (age 10 or so) straight up that it meant when a man puts his penis in a woman's mouth.......I wasn't shocked, but probably wondered why people would even do that......

perhaps because I didn't want to disappoint my parents and be seen as out-of-control (and probably because of the gay reconciliation thing), I was an extremely late-bloomer with regards to sexual matters......didn't do or learn all of the normal stuff for years

Edited by azdr0710
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Never had it with my father, but after my mother walked in on me one time as i was  rubbing my penis on my pillow (something I had just discovered would feel good)  and told me I " shouldn't abuse myself",  she bought me two books on sex info for teens.  So i basically learned the facts from reading.   I think I was almost 12.

 Funny, I remember for a brief time,  as I was learning about things,  I thought I had learned how to tell how many times some of my friends' parents had had interscurse...by how many children they had.    You know three childred...they had intercourse three times!   

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When I was 11, Mom (not Dad) read a children's book to me about where babies came from.  No discussion at all about the sex act, other than it happens in private.

When I was 16, Mom (not Dad) told me that when I get a girlfriend, "make sure she's on the pill".  I'm still waiting to put that advice into practice.

When I was 31, Mom disowned me for being gay.  Mom and Dad divorced shortly thereafter.

At 35, I sat Dad (then 83) down and gave HIM a talk about STIs, how the rates were rising among seniors because as they divorce and sleep with new people they're not using protection.  That was the only time Dad and I ever had "the talk".

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I recall my dad sitting me down for "the talk" but can't remember anything about what he said. By then we'd already had sex education at school, so I told him that and our talk was very short.

The sex ed was in 6th grade and was the typical things of boys in one room, girls in the other. We boys were shown a dated film that went over the various things that would be changing. I remember a diagram of a man that mentioned that hair would be sprouting in various places, and then little circles popped up around the pubes and arm pits. Afterwards, we talked about it on the playground. The part about nighttime emissions sort of scared me, and I remembered telling a friend I hope it just comes out when I'm peeing instead. Clearly the film didn't do a 100% job of explaining things!

As a teen, one day I was with mom walking our dog, and we saw a couple of duck mating. The male duck jumped on the female, bang bang bang and then it was over in probably ten seconds. My mom said to me, "you'll want to take more time than that."

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I was raised on a farm, so I grew up with animals having sex, but that didn't fully translate to understanding human sexuality for me,. My dad died when I was three. My siblings were 25, 22, and 18 when I was born. My oldest brother died when I was a kid and the brother closest to me in age has hated my guts since the day I was born, so they weren't around either.

My grandfather was almost certainly not entirely straight himself and recognized I was probably gay, so he did everything he could to let me know it was OK for me to feel whatever I was feeling and do whatever I wanted as long as everyone involved was consenting without actually having "the talk."

My sister had gotten married and moved to the next farm over, shortly after my dad died, and whenever she and her husband were away for a day or two, I was the one to go over and feed her animals. She had a copy of the old 1970's Joy Of Sex book and she conveniently (and probably purposefully) shelved it right by the cat food, so I spent a good bit of time working my way through that, which was how I got most of my info. 

I remember one time an older boy, the son of one of our hired men, told me "men have a gear stick and women have a spare tire with a hole in it", which was really confusing, because I knew what both of those things looked like and how they worked and didn't think they looked anything like the pictures in the book. Obviously metaphor was not my greatest strength at that age. 

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On 11/24/2022 at 12:57 PM, Charlie said:

I never raised the topic, and neither did my father. In retrospect, it seems strange to me that I didn't have much curiosity about it, and my father was somewhat prudish anyway. I started masturbating regularly when I was ten, and first started to cum while doing it when I was thirteen. I only thought about other boys I knew while I was doing it (especially the ones who were starting to show muscles and body hair), so I don't think I actually associated it with the birds and the bees topic. There were no sex education classes it in the schools I went to, so I was in college before I actually understood the mechanics of heterosexual relations, which my classmates obviously understood, and I don't think they realized that I did not, since I always dated girls. The first time I had sex with another guy, at seventeen, I was shocked to discover that men inserted their cocks into other guys' assholes! I had thought that the only kind of male-to-male sex was frottage, or oral sex if one was really wild.

I learned from brother in Catholic Sunday school and again from my dad.

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7 hours ago, Summerson said:

She had a copy of the old 1970's Joy Of Sex book...

Oh yes, how could I forget? My parents had that book in their bedside table too. My older sisters and I discovered it, and went through the pictures. "Look, they're making a baby!" we'd exclaim. Somehow the gist of the book escaped us, but it also hinted that adults did things behind closed doors that we didn't totally understand.

The other thing we noticed in the Joy of Sex was the styling of the models. They were drawings, but realistic. The man had long hair and a beard, and the women had hairy armpits. "Ew, they look like hippies!" Of course now I find men with long hair and beards attractive, so go figure.

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I was snooping in my oldest brother's room and found a copy of Ann Landers Talks to Teenagers about Sex when I was in 7th grade or so.   Read it from cover to cover.  It was mostly all stuff I knew already from talking with kids at summer camp and scouts and rehearsals of the boys choir at the Episcopal church.  When we were really little, my mother told us all about eggs and sperm without saying a single word about the "act."

 

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