The sex talk.

[MaybeMaybeNot]

Thank God my dad never had the talk with me.  It would have been way, way too awkward. Instead, my parents were happy when they were going to talk about sex at youth group at church. All we heard about, though, was to wait until marriage. I guess I already knew most of the rest. And the sermon must have helped. I was a virgin until I was 32, though I am still not married. 

[jeezifonly]

5 hours ago, nate_sf said:

Oh yes, how could I forget? My parents had that book in their bedside table too. My older sisters and I discovered it, and went through the pictures. "Look, they're making a baby!" we'd exclaim. Somehow the gist of the book escaped us, but it also hinted that adults did things behind closed doors that we didn't totally understand.

The other thing we noticed in the Joy of Sex was the styling of the models. They were drawings, but realistic. The man had long hair and a beard, and the women had hairy armpits. "Ew, they look like hippies!" Of course now I find men with long hair and beards attractive, so go figure.

The bodies looked real and relatable in that book. Learned a lot😬

[pubic_assistance]

On 11/23/2022 at 10:38 PM, purplekow said:

So did the male parent in your life have a special talk with you about the "birds and the bees"?

My parents were very clever

They purchased a set of three books on health and human sexuality which had tasteful erotic photography mixed into the pages of text. After jerking off to these books several times, I actually started reading them  ! 

No uncomfortable discussions necessary !!

Good job, mom and dad. Not sure if they realized I left home as a very sexually empowered individual....but those books made me feel very confident that I had a right, as an adult, to explore every realm of my sexual inclinations...and I did.

[HAL_9000]

I didn’t get “the talk”, but I did get a copy of The Joy of Sex from an older friend. It seemed more like an adventure to discover the mechanics of the birds & bees by reading it on your own vs getting a lecture from an uptight parent.

[CuriousByNature]

I was given 'the talk' at a pretty young age, but I unfortunately already had some knowledge of sexual activity from previous abuse (which my family never knew about).  Since I was abused by a male, that was my reference point, so it was confusing to hear what a man and a woman are supposed to do together.  I remember being asked if I had ever experienced an erection, and I said that I had.  However, I didn't really understand what an erection was until I got a big surprise several years later when I actually experienced one... 🤣

[Luv2play]

24 minutes ago, CuriousByNature said:

I was given 'the talk' at a pretty young age, but I unfortunately already had some knowledge of sexual activity from previous abuse (which my family never knew about).  Since I was abused by a male, that was my reference point, so it was confusing to hear what a man and a woman are supposed to do together.  I remember being asked if I had ever experienced an erection, and I said that I had.  However, I didn't really understand what an erection was until I got a big surprise several years later when I actually experienced one... 🤣

I'm sorry you had to suffer sexual abuse at the hands of a male. That must still prey on you today. Good that you could share it though as that might help you in dealing with it.

[CuriousByNature]

3 minutes ago, Luv2play said:

I'm sorry you had to suffer sexual abuse at the hands of a male. That must still prey on you today. Good that you could share it though as that might help you in dealing with it.

Thanks - it was a very long time ago, but I think it's probably why I have never had a romantic relationship.  So in that sense the effects continue.  But on the flip side I have also avoided all the complications that can be associated with romantic entanglements.  I never disclosed the abuse to anyone, even via anonymous forum, until my parents had passed.  Even though they were not the most nurturing people I think that learning I had been molested would have devastated them on some level, and I needed to protect them from that.  Many people have suffered much worse than I ever have, and I try to see the blessings wherever they might be.

[Luv2play]

I knew about your lack of a romantic relationship as you have been open about that. When you added the info of the abuse, I connected the two.

Entering into a romantic relationship means exposing yourself to the possibility of hurt or rejection down the road. But most of us do it anyway at one time or another. Having the history of abuse makes relationships all tbat more fraught for the abused. I understand. 

[musclestuduws]

On 11/26/2022 at 1:20 AM, MaybeMaybeNot said:

Thank God my dad never had the talk with me.  It would have been way, way too awkward. Instead, my parents were happy when they were going to talk about sex at youth group at church. All we heard about, though, was to wait until marriage. I guess I already knew most of the rest. And the sermon must have helped. I was a virgin until I was 32, though I am still not married. 

Thanks for sharing your story, I can totally relate. I was also a virgin until I was 32.  My parents were not church goers and I never had “the talk” with my father. I grew up in a very small town and I learned everything from friends in school starting in 5th grade. We’d masturbate together and teach each other whatever we figured out about the female anatomy and heterosexual intercourse. I guess I got fixated in my friends’s own anatomy rather than bothering to actually explore women’s, too much work I thought. Maybe that explains why I’m gay? 🤣 j/k  

 I did engage in mutual masturbation sporadically and even occasional oral sex with a few guys throughout my late teens and 20s, especially with a very hot, muscular cousin of mine. I guess technically I was not a “total virgin” until 32 if these sporadic, furtive experiences count.  I sometimes look at young gay men today, who are so wonderfully comfortable and happy enjoying their sexuality the way it must be, and I so wish I had been able to do the same in my twenties. All this just underscores yet again how unfair and ridiculous religious and cultural prejudices are, and how much precious time and energy they make us waste restraining our freedom to live and enjoy our sexuality to its fullest potential. 

Edited January 2, 2023 by musclestuduws

[musclestuduws]

On 11/25/2022 at 11:05 AM, ButchAtl said:

Never had it with my father, but after my mother walked in on me one time as i was  rubbing my penis on my pillow (something I had just discovered would feel good)  and told me I " shouldn't abuse myself",  she bought me two books on sex info for teens.  So i basically learned the facts from reading.   I think I was almost 12.

 Funny, I remember for a brief time,  as I was learning about things,  I thought I had learned how to tell how many times some of my friends' parents had had interscurse...by how many children they had.    You know three childred...they had intercourse three times!   

I remember thinking the same way!  Number of children equaled the number of times parents had had sex. Perfect logic, right?  🤣 I was so young and naive…

[misterhumphries]

My parents told me nothing. I was exposed to scare tactics about what could go wrong if one has sex. When I began to experience sexual attraction for other men, I was entirely left to my own devices. I read a lot, observed a lot, made up my own mind. Gay porn was thrilling for its forbidden aspects but I never confused what happens in porn with real life.