Normal not to be asked any questions by provider?

[jony]

For context I'm used to hiring female providers. Usually I'm asked for verification (name or referral), sometimes a phone call, a deposit... 

 

Been trying rentmen for the first time and never asked anything beyond time and place. This is super weird to me - how do these guys know I'm not a serial killer, or a  mass of STDs when they're offering bareback? 

 

Can someone explain, am I'm messaging the wrong guys or coming to the male hiring scene with the wrong expectations? 😅

[theplayerking]

9 minutes ago, jony said:

For context I'm used to hiring female providers. Usually I'm asked for verification (name or referral), sometimes a phone call, a deposit... 

 

Been trying rentmen for the first time and never asked anything beyond time and place. This is super weird to me - how do these guys know I'm not a serial killer, or a  mass of STDs when they're offering bareback? 

 

Can someone explain, am I'm messaging the wrong guys or coming to the male hiring scene with the wrong expectations? 😅

I’ve never hired a female provider, but most male providers don’t ask for any information. I’ve never had one ask. I suspect it’s because women are inherently more vulnerable in this situation. 

[BuffaloKyle]

Welcome to M4M hiring! 😅

Yeah it can be as simple as when and where and how much.

I would make sure though to convey what exactly you are looking to do before you meet just so you both are on the same page when it comes to that.

[jeezifonly]

Women are smart to apply extra caution when meeting any male for the first time - business or pleasure. But there is a less stringent scale of urgency among men.

Please report back with how your client experience was with another male providing it! 

[DMonDude]

It's pretty normal yeah. You are not messaging the wrong guys. Most you might get asked is what you like/want to do if you don't open with that yourself. How you want to pay. Whether you want to come to the provider or have the provider come to you if you don't make that clear yourself first. Some of the newer/younger provider guys actually will ask you for a photo to see if you're attractive or not, but that's actually very much not the norm for most male providers. Most are totally prepared to see you sight unseen.

2 hours ago, jony said:

This is super weird to me - how do these guys know I'm not a serial killer

They don't! But the odds are low. Female providers just are more likely targets for law enforcement, physical/sexual assault, human trafficking, and they are more at risk for STDs because women have less protections against them outside of vaccinations and condom use. So they have to put in more effort to protect themselves against all of that.

Male providers who see male clients and the male clients seeking them on the other hand are much smaller portion of the sex work industry and as such are less likely to be targeted by law enforcement. Male providers are less likely to be victims of assault by client (not to say it never happens, it's just less likely). Also, lots of gay/bi men are used to anonymous meetups or meeting total strangers for sex based on  none, one, or a few pics in the middle of the night at places they've never been via hookup apps like Grindr or Sniffies. So that same cavalierness transfers to this.

2 hours ago, jony said:

or a  mass of STDs when they're offering bareback?

Not sure if you're just new to hiring male providers, or totally new to men in general...

But STDs are somewhat less of a concern because men who have sex with men specifically have access to medications like PrEP as well as Doxy Pep that drastically lower our risk of catching STDs. These medications are targeted at the the men who have sex with men community because we're a smaller community that is having more sex, so when STDs do go around they spread in the community much faster. So the focus on STD spread suppression and medical study and preventative treatment dissemination is generally focused on the LGBTQ+ community because we had the AIDS epidemic in the 80s/90s.

And simultaneously most of those medications are not tested on or approved for women yet. So with female providers, all the onus of STD mitigation is largely on the client. They have to trust you'll bring condoms or use the ones they give you or trust you on whatever your last test results you had that you tell them, with not much else to fall back on.

Male providers can take these medications on their own and be more in control of the amount of risk they're taking when they engage in sexual activity. PrEP is a pill you take once a day and is 99% effective against preventing HIV infection. And there are newly available injection versions. One is a once every 2 months shot and the other is a twice a year shot. Both with the same effectiveness as the once a day pill version.

Doxy Pep is a pill much like the morning after pill/Plan B that you take after a sexual encounter. You have up to 72 hours to take it but the closer you take it to when the sex happened the better it works. It lowers chances of getting syphilis, gonorrhea, and chlamydia by 50-80%. Those and most other STDs are curable or treatable or are something you won't get because you likely received a vaccine for it as a child, like HPV.

Gaining and keeping access to PrEP and Doxy Pep requires that you get tested for STDs every 3 months too. So people who do catch something are finding out quickly and getting treated sooner which ultimately lowers spread overall. So we're at a point where many male providers and men who have sex with men just in general feel ok to just take the pills/shot and have their fun/do their job with no questions asked. They accept the much reduced risk.

There are concerns that STDs are becoming resistant to these drugs (there's a particularly strain of gonorrhea that is becoming an issue, but also just last year a new highly effective treatment was FDA approved), but it's something the medical field is closely watching out for. Which is part of why access to PrEP/Doxy Pep requires you be tested regularly so they can keep track of infection spikes and such. Not much else to be done about it till it actually happens in a more serious way beyond that.

So, yeah male providers just don't really ask many questions. It just makes the initial interaction/setup way more efficient, but it probably feels sketchy as hell when you're new to this side of it as a client. That's absolutely how i felt when i was new to this.

Edited 20 hours ago by DMonDude

[+ PhileasFogg]

I always offer the option, but rarely get any questions.  If they’re too inquisitive, I’d be a little suspicious. 

But:

- I usually give a lot of assessment info on my first contact 

- I use my actual phone number which can then be traced to my name through MrNumber and I’m a pretty easy Google search to see my web presence.

So, They know I’m not an ax murder.  They know a lot from my web presence, plus they can probably trace the guys I’ve reviewed through RM.

All that’s fine for me until a couple guys began to think I may be their “Pretty Woman” opportunity…

[DznNYC]

I’ll definitely ask questions just go get the prospective client talking.  Generally just about what he likes, what his expectations are, what gets him off …   And I’m definitely running it all through my intuitive psycho detector.  Red flags tend to present themselves pretty well during these conversations.

Questions I avoid tend to be demographic ones.  I don’t ask a client’s age, ethnicity, body type, cock size.  

Really I’m just seeking to suss out whether or not I suit the clients needs, and whether or not they seem safe, sane, and reliable. 

[LuckyLechon]

5 minutes ago, DznNYC said:

I’ll definitely ask questions just go get the prospective client talking.  Generally just about what he likes, what his expectations are, what gets him off …   And I’m definitely running it all through my intuitive psycho detector.  Red flags tend to present themselves pretty well during these conversations.

Questions I avoid tend to be demographic ones.  I don’t ask a client’s age, ethnicity, body type, cock size.  

Really I’m just seeking to suss out whether or not I suit the clients needs, and whether or not they seem safe, sane, and reliable. 

Ooh what are some red flags? 

[DznNYC]

1 hour ago, LuckyLechon said:

Ooh what are some red flags? 

More intuitive than specific. 

But I’ll give you one:  when guys talk to you too much like they’re sexting, you do start to suspect that’s all they’re doing.   When you start getting too many adjectives or - in extreme cases - adverbs, you do wonder if it’s all fantasy zero reality.  
 

[+ Jamie21]

I don’t need any information except their contact number or email and their first name (could be an assumed name). If they’re willing to share a bit about what they like then that’s fine, but it’s not necessary. I give them my website so they can see what I’m like and what I do so if they’re willing like what they see it’s likely their session will be good. The unsuitable clients tend to reveal themselves in how they approach me to book; two or more red flags and I’ll decline to book them. 

[+ Vegas_Millennial]

16 hours ago, jony said:

This is super weird to me - how do these guys know I'm not .... a mass of STDs when they're offering bareback? 

Always assume everyone could be carrying an STI and could be lying or just ignorant about his or her STI status according to your own risk tolerance.  This advice goes for both clients and escorts, as well as for hookups and dates.

Talk with your doctor about STI prevention and regular testing for detection.  Even with condom use, infections happen.  Be sure to be tested frequently in all orifices (including the urinary tract) you treat as a playground 🎉

[SecretProvider]

There is a lot more danger for women than men. Women are much more vulnerable, and more likely to be raped + murdered in general - but especially in these situations.  Men walk home at night or ride the subway at night and don't really worry - where for women it can be deadly. 

Men and male providers do not have as much to worry about in that sense, both in and out of the industry. 

Edited 2 hours ago by SecretProvider

[simongayx]

I personally get uncomfortable when I am lying on the massage table naked, and the provider is asking me a bunch of personal questions about residence, job, personal relations etc.   It is difficult to give non-answers without appearing rude and creating some tension.   

[+ Vegas_Millennial]

1 hour ago, SecretProvider said:

Women are much more venerable...

More venerable is a matter of opinion.  But they can be, in general, more vulnerable than their male counterparts.

[SecretProvider]

18 minutes ago, Vegas_Millennial said:

More venerable is a matter of opinion.  But they can be, in general, more vulnerable than their male counterparts.

fixed. thanks. 

[jony]

Appreciate all the perspective and tips folks!

The difference in safety concerns and hookup culture between men vs women checks out. I knew about PREP but not Doxy, total newbie to sex with men here, but feeling less sketched out. Glad I found this forum, I'll report back on the hiring

[mike carey]

8 minutes ago, jony said:

The difference in safety concerns and hookup culture between men vs women checks out. I knew about PREP but not Doxy, total newbie to sex with men here, but feeling less sketched out. Glad I found this forum, I'll report back on the hiring

Sexual health clinics are your friend, there are clinics focussed on gay men, and others that have a wider remit. They have the knowledge and will be more than willing to offer you any advice you ask for, and most likely advice you didn't know you needed. I go to one run by the ACT government (it's in Canberra's main hospital), and the service they offer is exemplary. The practitioners I have seen have all been women (just happened that way, there are men there too), most have been registered nurses or nurse practitioners and one was a doctor, and all of them were quite comfortable talking about M2M sex issues. (The doctor basically told me, rather than suggested, that I was getting PrEP (for use on occurrence rather than continuously) when I had hesitated [don't @ me}.)

[acks0104]

20 hours ago, jony said:

For context I'm used to hiring female providers. Usually I'm asked for verification (name or referral), sometimes a phone call, a deposit... 

 

Been trying rentmen for the first time and never asked anything beyond time and place. This is super weird to me - how do these guys know I'm not a serial killer, or a  mass of STDs when they're offering bareback? 

 

Can someone explain, am I'm messaging the wrong guys or coming to the male hiring scene with the wrong expectations? 😅

I'm only familiar with what you're saying because I used to have a female friend who was an escort and they're entirely different worlds. Female providers require a lot more "verification" because there's just more danger involved for them. With male providers, some might be more cautious, but a lot aren't. 

[Nightowl]

The only questions I’ve ever been asked in advance related to size and cut/uncut.  No one has ever asked about health status.  I always give my real phone number so they can easily research to find out whether I’m a soccer dad or serial killer…