Truth said about our "all embracing community"

[Danny-Darko]

[Charlington]

He made great points. But I would argue that being gay in youth still isn’t “cool, profitable, or celebrated” even today. Though being gay is more accepted now. I can only imagine how difficult it would to be openly gay in middle or high school. Suicide rate for gay youth is still high, and gay bullying is still a thing. I think being gay gets easier as you get older. There are workplace protections against bullying and harassment, and older adults are more mindful of their actions. 

Edited March 23 by caramelsub

[CuriousByNature]

Is that Daniel Narsi?

[Danny-Darko]

9 minutes ago, CuriousByNature said:

Is that Daniel Narsi?

I couldn't say because I don't know who that is. I came across this and thought worth sharing because I share his sentiment and have experienced this from the "community" myself. I'll let you know if I find out who he is.   

[caliguy]

 

On 3/22/2026 at 9:11 PM, caramelsub said:

He made great points. But I would argue that being gay in youth still isn’t “cool, profitable, or celebrated” even today. Though being gay is more accepted now. I can only imagine how difficult it would to be openly gay in middle or high school. Suicide rate for gay youth is still high, and gay bullying is still a thing. I think being gay gets easier as you get older. There are workplace protections against bullying and harassment, and older adults are more mindful of their actions. 

Being young is cool, profitable, and celebrated in the gay community is what he meant. 

He's talking about the gay community and how it ostracizes you after a certain age or when you no longer fit in. It's about a culture that only worships youth. 

He's right in everything he says. I just don't know what the answer is. 

 

 

 

 

 

[Charlington]

1 hour ago, caliguy said:

 

Being young is cool, profitable, and celebrated in the gay community is what he meant. 

He's talking about the gay community and how it ostracizes you after a certain age or when you no longer fit in. It's about a culture that only worships youth. 

He's right in everything he says. I just don't know what the answer is. 

 

 

 

 

 

To be fair, I think that’s true just in life in general of both sexes and orientations, but mainly with women and gay men. Women face ageism actually more than men. There is so much pressure for women to look young, beautiful, skinny, or curvy, get facelifts, plastic surgery, botox, and fillers. Not to stereotype, but Gay men generally are more body and looks conscious than Straight men. The straights don’t seem to care about their looks as they age, as it’s not seen as masculine or manly. Again, I don’t mean to stereotype, just making generalizations.

Edited Thursday at 11:35 PM by caramelsub

[Vulgarii]

I think part of it too is the resentment a lot of us feel due to how we were hounded by older men before we even turned 18.

 

Females my age are now complaining that they're invisible and can't date, so the gays are like that but in Turbo mode times ten.

[Vulgarii]

2 minutes ago, caramelsub said:

To be fair, I think that’s true just in life in general of both sexes and orientations, but mainly with women and gay men. Women face ageism actually more than men. There is so much pressure for women to look young, beautiful, skinny, or curvy, get facelifts, plastic surgery, botox, and fillers. Not to stereotype, but Gay men generally are more body and looks conscious than Straight men. The straights don’t seem to care about their looks as they age, as it’s not seen as masculine or manly. Again, I don’t mean to stereotype, just making generalizations.

 

I love what the great lesbian professor Camille Paglia has to say about gay men. That we appreciate youth and beauty because they are so fragile and temporary. 

Women think it's primarily how they look but as males, we innately know, and can subconsciously smell that they're older, infertile/or not young enough anymore for getting pregnant and bringing babies to term, and unless they're a widow they might be a little cookoo too if they're so old and single. Ouch! It is what it is. This is millions of years of evolution. We are never going to change.

[CuriousByNature]

4 hours ago, Vulgarii said:

smell that they're older, infertile/or not young enough anymore for getting pregnant and bringing babies to term, and unless they're a widow they might be a little cookoo too if they're so old and single. Ouch! It is what it is. 

[+ purplekow]

I should think older people, no matter their orientation or gender, should have learned to deal with life in its various stages and should have made sure they were prepared, as much as possible, for the vicissitudes of life.  .  It is not a mystery what age brings.  .  As we age, we lose physical flexibility. but many gain fiscal flexibility.  We lose the interest of youthful admirers but gain interest in out bank accounts.  We lose sight and gain insight.  We lose hearing but gain freedom from all the unnecessary noise. 

Ultimately, I believe what this gentleman said is somewhat true, but that if older gay men want to be heard, they need to have something worthwhile to say. If they want to teach about gay history, they need to recognize that gay life has changed rather than bemoaning those changes.  They need to accept the concept that being beautiful and desirable is more in who you are than what you see in the mirror. 

Older gay men, and in most cases, older people in general, are best served growing up about growing old.   There is no choice about aging, there is a choice to do so with grace and style.

[+ PhileasFogg]

On 3/22/2026 at 11:11 PM, caramelsub said:

He made great points. But I would argue that being gay in youth still isn’t “cool, profitable, or celebrated” even today. Though being gay is more accepted now. I can only imagine how difficult it would to be openly gay in middle or high school. Suicide rate for gay youth is still high, and gay bullying is still a thing. I think being gay gets easier as you get older. There are workplace protections against bullying and harassment, and older adults are more mindful of their actions. 

There’s cool at school and cool at home.   My observation from talking with the many providers I’ve discussed this with (mostly low-mid 20’s) is that they were accepted and embraced at school but not at home.

 I can’t argue suicide rate statistics (although I will note that the most indicative studies I see were ideation statistics and not actual suicide).   But these type of statistics tend to measure outcomes and not motivating drivers…sadly no one can ask a post suicidal team about exactly why they did it 😢

[+ PhileasFogg]

To the OP, this video harkens back to a Will & Grace episode decades ago when Will asked that same question about getting appreciation for setting the foundation and fighting the fight. I’d argue that the basic question is worse today because of the internet culture and the ability to create splash without the personality factor that was required in social networks 50 years ago.  

Edited Friday at 11:51 AM by PhileasFogg

[Charlington]

1 hour ago, PhileasFogg said:

There’s cool at school and cool at home.   My observation from talking with the many providers I’ve discussed this with (mostly low-mid 20’s) is that they were accepted and embraced at school but not at home.

 I can’t argue suicide rate statistics (although I will note that the most indicative studies I see were ideation statistics and not actual suicide).   But these type of statistics tend to measure outcomes and not motivating drivers…sadly no one can ask a post suicidal team about exactly why they did it 😢

I’m a millennial. Things must have changed since I was in school in the early aughts. I do remember kids being bullied for even being perceived as gay or effeminate. It was like an insult to call someone gay. Instead of saying you’re stupid, people would say you’re gay or that’s gay. Things must have changed with the Gen Z generation. I know the older generations on here say they didn’t know what being gay was, or use the term back when they were in school. But by the 1990s and 2000s everyone knew what being gay was as young as middle school, and it was almost always never a positive thing or celebrated.

[+ PhileasFogg]

2 hours ago, caramelsub said:

I’m a millennial. Things must have changed since I was in school in the early aughts. I do remember kids being bullied for even being perceived as gay or effeminate. It was like an insult to call someone gay. Instead of saying you’re stupid, people would say you’re gay or that’s gay. Things must have changed with the Gen Z generation. I know the older generations on here say they didn’t know what being gay was, or use the term back when they were in school. But by the 1990s and 2000s everyone knew what being gay was as young as middle school, and it was almost always never a positive thing or celebrated.

I’m older than you and remember an even worse time and I’m simply sharing the feedback I’ve received.   I do think a lot has changed. 

[+ Charlie]

When I was young in the 1950s, American men could be persecuted for even being perceived as homosexuals, which is why I never even heard the term "gay" until the first time I had sex with another male in 1960. In the early 1960s I knew a somewhat effeminate young man who had been arrested in a suburban area because the police thought he was cruising (he claimed he wasn't, but he was convicted anyway). Now I can be open about my sexual orientation in a public meeting, can watch openly gay men on TV, and can be legally married to another man. That's my idea of progress.

[Lotus-eater]

11 hours ago, purplekow said:

if older gay men want to be heard, they need to have something worthwhile to say.

 

[soloyo215]

I agree with him. This so-called "community" is not a community at all. It's more divided and divisive than ever. It's like some people want to steal victimhood for the attention. They want to remove "gay" from existence and our flag as if it never existed. It's disgusting.

I don't see a community at all. The worst part is that the newer generation is trying to tell me who and what I'm supposed to be. So the can go eff themselves.

Edited Friday at 09:28 PM by soloyo215

[+ Lucky]

Thanks for posting the video @Danny-Darko

I hope it receives due attention.

[+ sniper]

On 3/26/2026 at 7:34 PM, caramelsub said:

To be fair, I think that’s true just in life in general of both sexes and orientations, but mainly with women and gay men. Women face ageism actually more than men. There is so much pressure for women to look young, beautiful, skinny, or curvy, get facelifts, plastic surgery, botox, and fillers. Not to stereotype, but Gay men generally are more body and looks conscious than Straight men. The straights don’t seem to care about their looks as they age, as it’s not seen as masculine or manly. Again, I don’t mean to stereotype, just making 

The older men complaining now are more than likely guilty of the same offense when they were younger. Because if they had been less attractive they'd have been gettimg ignored all along and this wouldn't be such a surprise to them now. "A lot of men are visually stimulated, ageist, and shallow! And water is wet, news at 11."

[Whoisyourdaddy]

4 hours ago, sniper said:

The older men complaining now are more than likely guilty of the same offense when they were younger. Because if they had been less attractive they'd have been gettimg ignored all along and this wouldn't be such a surprise to them now. "A lot of men are visually stimulated, ageist, and shallow! And water is wet, news at 11."

I definitely regret being a vapid twink in my past. In hindsight, the only advantage of associating with the club's mean girls was the occasional one-night stand.

 

However, I haven't experienced much ageism because I avoid young, gay men, who aren't providers. Most providers are drawn to older men, even if those intentions aren't always genuine. Hey, everyone needs to survive somehow.

 

Unfortunately, spending time with young men throughout my life has resulted in bad habits. For instance, I wish I had an older financial guide in my youth because I'm currently staring at my falling investments in horror.

[Nue2thegame]

I’m Gianicumlately (my new screen name ?) so I have limited perspective here, having been on the other side of the fence for most of my life. What does strike me after viewing the video and reflecting, is the respect and deference accorded to many CoM members here who are in there late 70’s and older. I’m sure that there’s some legitimacy to the speaker’s complaint but it’s clearly not universal. 

[caliguy]

12 hours ago, sniper said:

The older men complaining now are more than likely guilty of the same offense when they were younger. Because if they had been less attractive they'd have been gettimg ignored all along and this wouldn't be such a surprise to them now. "A lot of men are visually stimulated, ageist, and shallow! And water is wet, news at 11."

I knew it would go to...you're just bitter because you're old!

That's why the message resonates so well because it's coming from a guy most would be attracted to. He'd be anything but invisible. Maybe some just would like to see a better world where we're all welcomed and invited and not everyone worships youth. 

Honestly, I don't think you can really have a community when the common denominator is "the only ones I want around are those that I want to fuck the most". At the very least lets stop pretending it's a real community then. More like  a group brought together over common interests. 

That said I was one of very shallow and ageist in my younger days.  Hopefully I've evolved since then. 

 

[Monarchy79]

Life (regardless of sexual orientation) happens in phases. 
 

The key to succeeding in each phase is to prepare, and adjust expectations.

Youth is temporary and is a fleeting phase that has many forks in the road to choose from. 

For any man or woman to expect to be lusted after and “paid attention to”  over the age of 40, in the same way that they were at 20, is delusional and unrealistic. 

I’m 46 and could care less about attracting younger men, or being a sex symbol. I took care of all of that during the time I was supposed to. 

In the cases where people do flirt with me, and show me attraction, I’m pleasantly flattered, take it as that, and move on. 
 

People need to grow up. 
 

 

 

Edited yesterday at 04:27 PM by Monarchy79

[+ Charlie]

It is worth remembering that many gay men were raised at a time or in a culture in which homosexual activity was not merely disapproved but actually against the law, so being themselves and accepting their orientation was extremely dangerous. It is not easy to be self-accepting when one's natural identity is dangerous to one's very survival in the surroundings in which one is confined.

[Monarchy79]

56 minutes ago, caliguy said:

 

That said I was one of very shallow and ageist in my younger days.  Hopefully I've evolved since then. 

 

Most guys are ageist, until they get old. lol.

once they are on the receiving end of ageism, they are suddenly insulted and appalled. 😂