The demise of kindness and respect?

[+ PhileasFogg]

Having just returned from a week in Iceland with a well reviewed young man, I’ve made a stop off to visit another regular before returning home.  Both of these men are mutli year advertisers on RM and well reviewed.

Anecdotally, we’ve all been hearing that client traffic has been reduced in recent months. But in interactions with these guys, I’m also hearing that kind and polite clients are more rare and that more encounters are with downright rude and mean men.

to the providers:  is this something you’re seeing?

to the clients:  are you finding that we are more jaundiced toward providers - perhaps because of our experiences with a small number of bad actors - and therefore leaving civility behind?

what am I missing?

[Nightowl]

As a client I haven’t changed my attitude toward providers.  My time with them is still a bright spot.  Stress levels and anxiety are on the rise in some places.  Maybe that’s part of what providers are seeing. 

[jmichaeliii]

Like any facet in life, you have the good and not so good.  As a client, I think you can gauge a lot from the profile, then that initial communication.  

I just got back from Vegas after meeting 3 amazing providers.  Everything one could ask for.  They also gave me feedback that they so much appreciated how I treated them which made them go the xtra mile.  Kindness and respect is what its all about.  I've said here many times that I hire guys that I feel are out of my league look wise but I rarely have less than an amazing connection.

[+ Pensant]

I would hope the many whom I’ve met felt that their time with me was not only erotic but fun and worthwhile. I really love them.

[rdwyer78]

I think I’m polite and respectful when I communicate and hire providers, but I’ve had a recent encounter when a provider cancelled me an hour before hand so one of his regulars could see him. The provider didn’t offer to reschedule, so I won’t be reaching out to him again.

[TJMS]

I have been fortunate in that the young men I have seen have shown me kindness and respect, and that is returned in kind.  When I chat with them on the phone before meeting one of them, I usually can sense if I am meeting one of the good guys! Only one so far has tricked me by ghosting me, but I may give him one more chance before "reviewing" him here. 

[+ PhileasFogg]

1 minute ago, TJMS said:

I have been fortunate in that the young men I have seen have shown me kindness and respect, and that is returned in kind.  When I chat with them on the phone before meeting one of them, I usually can sense if I am meeting one of the good guys! Only one so far has tricked me by ghosting me, but I may give him one more chance before "reviewing" him here. 

I have been tricked or disappointed by more than one, but while I may have adjusted my tactics accordingly, I think I treat all with respect in our time together.   

[+ sync]

I don't confine it to only providers and their clients.  My perception is that mutual respect and neutral civility have all but disappeared from society in general. 

[+ JamesB]

I’d like to think I still treat providers with the same respect and kindness as I always have. But I have to admit, after quite a few less than professional experiences over the last year, my expectations have definitely lowered. Maybe those lowered expectations are starting to show in a way that’s not very appealing?

[Nightowl]

1 hour ago, rdwyer78 said:

I think I’m polite and respectful when I communicate and hire providers, but I’ve had a recent encounter when a provider cancelled me an hour before hand so one of his regulars could see him. The provider didn’t offer to reschedule, so I won’t be reaching out to him again.

That’s downright rude.  

[mtaabq]

54 minutes ago, sync said:

My perception is that mutual respect and neutral civility have all but disappeared from society in general. 

This is deviating slightly from the topic. I don’t agree that civility has disappeared but it is, in my opinion, most certainly in abeyance. And I miss it. 

I hope that I am treating providers as I would want to be treated, which is to say with kindness, courtesy, respect, and, yes, civility. I believe that I deliver that but ultimately it will be up to the provider to decide if I accomplish that goal. 

I hope more providers will chime in; I would love to know what they have to say on this topic. 

[+ sync]

2 hours ago, mtaabq said:

This is deviating slightly from the topic. I don’t agree that civility has disappeared but it is, in my opinion, most certainly in abeyance. And I miss it. 

I hope that I am treating providers as I would want to be treated, which is to say with kindness, courtesy, respect, and, yes, civility. I believe that I deliver that but ultimately it will be up to the provider to decide if I accomplish that goal. 

I hope more providers will chime in; I would love to know what they have to say on this topic. 

Your perspective is a generous one.  I believe every individual, provider, client, or otherwise is fully aware whether or not he/she is being courteous/respectful/civil.  If you know you have been courteous, respectful, and civil towards a provider, I do not believe your behavior should be subject to the provider's judgement.  There are individuals throughout society who are arrogant, belligerent, or otherwise antisocial personalities, not only certain providers or certain clients.

[sjmuktop]

Personally, I haven't noticed any change in dynamics. I tend to stick to a few regular and semi-regular guys, and only occasionally hire someone new. Over many years of hiring, whilst I have indeed come across a few bad eggs displaying impertinent qualities of character, these have been far and few between.

Most escorts, like people in general, are kind and respectful. I do, of course, speak from anecdotal experiences, which is all I can do. 

Edited Sunday at 05:38 PM by sjmuktop

[ShortCutie7]

I have only been hiring since early 2024, but I’ve never felt that a provider was intentionally disrespectful or unkind- sometimes actions or even words can be perceived differently from how they’re intended.  I’ve also never (to the best of my knowledge) been unkind or disrespectful… I think that because this field is all about human interaction, part of being a good provider or client is being able to deal with different kinds of personalities and presume good intention.

[Keenan]

11 hours ago, PhileasFogg said:

Having just returned from a week in Iceland with a well reviewed young man, I’ve made a stop off to visit another regular before returning home.  Both of these men are mutli year advertisers on RM and well reviewed.

Anecdotally, we’ve all been hearing that client traffic has been reduced in recent months. But in interactions with these guys, I’m also hearing that kind and polite clients are more rare and that more encounters are with downright rude and mean men.

to the providers:  is this something you’re seeing?

to the clients:  are you finding that we are more jaundiced toward providers - perhaps because of our experiences with a small number of bad actors - and therefore leaving civility behind?

what am I missing?

I am finding that there are more clients out there not treating providers with respect.  Primarily for me these are the ones that will call last minute looking for a last minute appointment.  Also for me it's the way some of the way that a client will talk to a provider.  Yes I am a sexworker but I am also a human so treat me with the same respect you'd want yourself.

[jusmeinbr]

12 hours ago, sjmuktop said:

Personally, I haven't noticed any change in dynamics. I tend to stick to a few regular and semi-regular guys, and only occasionally hire someone new. 

That’s what I’ve done (stick with one primary regular with others hired only occasionally).  Unfortunately, the New Orleans market has made doing so extremely difficult because what I’m looking for so rarely appears in New Orleans anymore.

As the pandemic made its way into our lives, I did notice apparent built-up frustration for both client and provider which, in turn, did seem to spill over into an elevated level of a total lack of common courtesy from both sides.

Over the last two years, however, I’ve noticed a drastic improvement in professionalism and courtesy exhibited by providers for which I’m grately appreciative.  I can’t say much about fellow clients, but I do suspect there remains accumulated frustration that sometimes gets unfairly dumped on the providers.  That’s just a suspicion on my part though.
 

For me personally, all in all, I’m more happy with this hobby now than in the last 20 years.  I’m not even concerned about the fact that experiencing that happiness first entails an eight-hour one-way bus ride to Austin. 😀. 

Edited Monday at 05:45 AM by jusmeinbr
Typos.

[+ PhileasFogg]

To clarify for all -  

in my OP, the comment is directed to an absence of kindness and civility from clients who treat providers poorly and not vice versa 

[MscleLovr]

1 hour ago, PhileasFogg said:

the comment is directed to an absence of kindness and civility from clients who treat providers poorly

I can’t comment on whether this is a recent phenomenon.
 

Years ago, however, I was close to 3 working guys for several years. Each of them mentioned to me that at some point clients (and men seeking to be) had been rude or mean to them. One even remarked that I’d be “shocked” if he told me in detail how badly some men behaved.

As a general observation, I’d say that public manners have worsened in recent years. I’ve noticed this even in Spain which always prized good and gentlemanly behaviour in public. 

[+ KensingtonHomo]

We are still treating the providers we hire with kindness and respect. And I haven't noticed any increase in poor manners from providers. We have a few regulars and occasionally hire outside of that. I haven't noticed any decline in their behavior either. 

I did have a rather insane interaction in Leeds where the provider asked to meet for a drink before our appointment. He turned out to have rather conservative beliefs, and was offended when I disagreed with him. The conversation got a bit heated and when I excused myself to the bathroom, he left before I got back. I had already decided I wasn't interested in continuing the date and was going to offer him some money for his time. But he bolted. That shows that discussing politics in these situations is never a good idea. 

[big-n-tall]

I think kindness and civility have been on the decline in general for some time now. Many years ago, porn/actor provider I know rather well, showed me some of the abusive text he received on a regular basis from potential clients. Some of the stuff that was said was insane.

I guess some clients think of providers as property and not human, but a thing to be had, used, and controlled. (And not as part as some fantasy play.)

There are or were people on this forum who even had this attitude towards providers.

I treat each provider as individuals and make sure I don’t do anything to purposely harm them, physically or emotionally. I want them to have fun as much as I am (if I can help it).Not that long ago, I remarked in the “Escorts say the darnedest things” forum thread how a provider thought I was mad at them because I had to postpone our meet up. He had been so mistreated by clients… that was his first assumption. It’s truly wild.

 

[+ José Soplanucas]

The demise of kindness and respect?

What the fuck are you talking about?

[+ KensingtonHomo]

17 minutes ago, big-n-tall said:

I guess some clients think of providers as property and not human, but a thing to be had, used, and controlled. (And not as part as some fantasy play.)

There are or were people on this forum who even had this attitude towards providers.

There are ample examples of this among a few regular posters here, who frequently dehumanize providers.

[Muscleking]

I take great pride in showing mutual respect toward the provider, acknowledging their boundaries, personal space, and time. It is quite simple to ask rather than assume that something is acceptable, to remain courteous, and to be considerate of another person’s schedule. Maintaining proper hygiene also speaks volumes.

Whenever I engage someone’s services, I make every effort to behave respectfully, even in the rare instance that the same courtesy is not immediately returned. Once an appointment is agreed, I ensure I arrive punctually, well-groomed, fresh-smelling, and with clean breath. I always allow the provider to set the tone, taking their lead at all times.

[Rod Hagen]

On 10/26/2025 at 3:46 AM, PhileasFogg said:

Having just returned from a week in Iceland with a well reviewed young man

Wanted to take a beat and faun over you.  Had I been able to travel more than a couple nights with any of my clients, nothing would have made me feel more grateful than a trip to Iceland, a country I love. Without family money, it's Impossible for a young man to visit Iceland on his own, it makes Japan look inexpensive (it's not).  But bringing along your young escort-friend to that remarkable place, that's beyond generous.  Good on you.

Edited Monday at 03:28 PM by Rod Hagen

[jusmeinbr]

8 hours ago, PhileasFogg said:

To clarify for all -  

in my OP, the comment is directed to an absence of kindness and civility from clients who treat providers poorly and not vice versa 

Sorry, I definitely didn’t read closely enough and responded as a two-way street rather than a one-way street.  It would probably be better for me to refrain from trying to process anything with my brain when I can hardly keep my eyes open and keep from falling asleep even as I read because of a long (but very eventful and happy) day 😀.