Why do you pay for sex?

[+ Charlie]

Love and marriage may go together like a horse and carriage, but sometimes the horse wants to be unharnessed and frolic with a mare that catches his eye. My partner and I were happily married, but I was nevertheless sexually attracted to a variety of men, though not interested in a romantic relationship with them. We agreed from the start that ours would be an "open" marriage, so both of us had occasional sex with other men when circumstances were suitable. Back then, the commercial open marketplace for gay sex didn't exist, except for street hustlers, who usually were not my type.

As we aged, opportunities for sex with attractive men became very limited. Then one day, I happened to be alone in NYC, and in the Advocate I saw an ad for a sex service. Curious, I went to the address, told the man at the desk what I was in the mood for at that moment, and he directed me to a room to which he would send someone. I waited in the room for about ten minutes, and in walked a guy whom I could never have picked up cruising on my own. We had great sex, then I dressed and went back to the desk out front, and paid. Soon I learned about finding freelance providers on the Internet (I had just bought my first desktop computer), and from then on my only sex outside marriage was with the professionals, because it was quick and easy, with no danger of becoming emotionally involved with someone just because we had sex.

[+ SirBillybob]

23 minutes ago, MikeBiDude said:

Great explanation! Reminder, new members can’t edit/delete their posts for a period of time. Self protects against some types of spammers.

Oh didn’t know that.👍

[Rudynate]

I fetishize hiring.  The phenomenon itself to me is sexy.   Nothing degrading or desperate about it to me. The very first time I thought about it, I was in my late 20's, and I had a fantasy of hiring Gordon Grant.   I didn't just want to have sex with him, I wanted to pay him for sex.  A friend of mine who had connections in the porn world in San Francisco told me he could probably get  me a date with Gordon Grant and it wouldn't cost anything, but I never followed up on it.  Gordon Grant died before I could realize my fantasy.  Paying for it is just very sexy to me.    You show up, or he shows up, nothing is said about money.  It's just like two guys on a date, but the money is there and he takes it without a word.  Totally hot!!

Edited Friday at 05:57 PM by Rudynate
Typo

[Muscleking]

For me I like the no strings attachment aspect of hiring, also usually the hottest lads are usually escorts so there’s that too..but I enjoy being able to be very clear about my fantasy without feeling judged and someone doing their best to fulfill it..

[+ SundayZip]

@KevinKeepsItReal, I'm sorry that people criticized your initial post. When I have face-to-face interactions with people, I typically ask about them before reciting stuff about myself. It seems that here, some expect you to post about yourself before asking about others (not sure I agree with that). But whatever, I appreciate the question and here are my top reasons for hiring:   

I want to have sex with men who would not otherwise have sex with me. 
I can let go sexually in a way that I would not with a man I casually date. 
I can let go of my insecurities about meeting expectations regarding sexual performance.
 

[Alchemy]

< So I had my first real sexual experience at the age of 41 with an escort. >

 

Add 22 years to that number. I came out last year at 63 (was happily married, then widowed) and had my first gay sexual experience at that age (I'm not counting fumbling in backyard tents as a 12-year-old). I couldn't imagine starting my dating life as a 63-year-old gay virgin. So I hired an escort. He was brilliantly kind, gorgeous, generous and patient. I'm now hooking up regularly with a variety of guys through Grindr, Tinder, etc., and also have a couple FWB. I still see that first escort at least once a month and, occasionally, a new escort when traveling. Convenience, attractiveness, safety, lack of pressure and judgment -- those are among the other reasons. Also, having been with the same guy on nearly 40 "dates," we've developed a familiarity that is comforting to me. And we both know it's not going to become something more. It's worked out beautifully for me.

[spidir]

23 hours ago, KevinKeepsItReal said:

I would like for everyone to chime in and share with us why they pay for sex. What is the reason or reason(s) as to why you do it?

 

There’s grindr, sniffies, and a million other apps where you could potentially get some action without paying yet you choose to pay. What’s the motivation behind it? No shame or need to feel bad about your reasoning. 

I've been asked that question more than once. Imagine getting anything you desire at any time with no strings attached. It seems like a bargain to me. 

[ShortCutie7]

10 hours ago, dbar123 said:

Time is money. Hiring an escort cuts to the chase at your convenience

Exactly!  When I think of all the time I used to waste on the apps to no avail, hiring is significantly more cost-effective.

[coriolis888]

15 hours ago, TruHart1 said:

sts, I contact him about meating!

 

TruHart1 😎

I like your misspelling.  meeting versus meating

[hungry4darkmeat]

15 hours ago, Charlie said:

Love and marriage may go together like a horse and carriage, but sometimes the horse wants to be unharnessed and frolic with a mare that catches his eye. My partner and I were happily married, but I was nevertheless sexually attracted to a variety of men, though not interested in a romantic relationship with them. We agreed from the start that ours would be an "open" marriage, so both of us had occasional sex with other men when circumstances were suitable. Back then, the commercial open marketplace for gay sex didn't exist, except for street hustlers, who usually were not my type.

As we aged, opportunities for sex with attractive men became very limited. Then one day, I happened to be alone in NYC, and in the Advocate I saw an ad for a sex service. Curious, I went to the address, told the man at the desk what I was in the mood for at that moment, and he directed me to a room to which he would send someone. I waited in the room for about ten minutes, and in walked a guy whom I could never have picked up cruising on my own. We had great sex, then I dressed and went back to the desk out front, and paid. Soon I learned about finding freelance providers on the Internet (I had just bought my first desktop computer), and from then on my only sex outside marriage was with the professionals, because it was quick and easy, with no danger of becoming emotionally involved with someone just because we had sex.

Hear here! Exactly!
 

I’ve always been ready willing and able to find some dick, and never minded paying (a reasonable fee) for it in order to avoid all the bullshit generally related to cruising and picking up dates.

Just going straight to a professional or at least a hustler who knows and understands the terms and conditions of the situation skips all the wasted time and energy and ensures the desired outcome. No drama! no falling in love. no false impressions or misunderstandings. It’s a commercial arrangement and if you’re clear upfront about what it is then you can enjoy yourself without having to worry about whether you’re going to get robbed, blackmailed or stalked by someone with whom you just wanted to have a mutually beneficial quid-pro-quo client-provider relationship.

With an experienced professional you  can get exactly what you’re looking for in an experience specifically tailored to meet your needs and desires. Concern over mutual satisfaction, fear of being judged for kinks or preferences and basic lack of skills, ability or the proper equipment can also be frustrating outcomes of hooking up with with randoms or through the apps. 

[Nightowl]

I hire because I no longer have any intimacy in my home and I still crave physical touch.  It’s easier to hire to get it than it is to find it elsewhere.

[+ SirBillybob]

11 hours ago, spidir said:

I've been asked that question more than once. Imagine getting anything you desire at any time with no strings attached. It seems like a bargain to me. 

‘cept the occasional G-string …

(I’ll let myself out.)

[+ DrownedBoy]

22 hours ago, NYXboy said:

I sometimes desire a fetish that I don't want to have to deal with the apps to get or explain. 

This right here. After my first couple boyfriends (even the BDSM one) clearly freaked about my scene, I decided to seperate the fantasy from the dating.

Edited Saturday at 02:27 PM by DrownedBoy
Sp

[+ ApexNomad]

2 hours ago, DrownedBoy said:

This right here. After my first couple boyfriends (even the BDSM one) clearly freaked about my scene, I decided to seperate the fantasy from the dating.

May I ask what your scene is? If you feel comfortable sharing.

[+ SirBillybob]

2 hours ago, DrownedBoy said:

This right here. After my first couple boyfriends (even the BDSM one) clearly freaked about my scene, I decided to seperate the fantasy from the dating.

I only freak out when I see the monthly statement for accommodating my fantasies. I have one of these …

Edited Saturday at 05:04 PM by SirBillybob

[Thelatin]

Because people are dishonest fuck heads who suck the life out you. 

[+ DrownedBoy]

4 hours ago, ApexNomad said:

May I ask what your scene is? If you feel comfortable sharing.

No - but it's a series of roleplaying scenarios, some normal (EDIT by BDSM standards), some that disturb people. I mentioned breath-control in a different post, and that's one of many unrelated examples. Not everyone is comfortable with shoving your head underwater in your bathtub.

Edited Saturday at 09:03 PM by DrownedBoy
clarify

[nate_sf]

On 8/8/2025 at 6:21 AM, Peter Eater said:

"You don't pay a prostitute for sex, you pay her to leave afterwards."

Dashiell Hammett

Ah yeah, that's the quote! And I'd modify it to read "leave you alone afterwards."

A lot of the guys I see have home lives with significant others, and don't want that disrupted. They want an outlet and some discreet fun, but don't want someone following after them, threatening their relationship.

[+ ApexNomad]

2 minutes ago, nate_sf said:

Ah yeah, that's the quote! And I'd modify it to read "leave you alone afterwards."

A lot of the guys I see have home lives with significant others, and don't want that disrupted. They want an outlet and some discreet fun, but don't want someone following after them, threatening their relationship.

There are some guys I wouldn’t mind following me after and threatening me with a relationship. 😂

[+ Gar1eth]

On 8/8/2025 at 3:30 AM, Gar1eth said:

So there I was at 26 to 27-a total virgin who had never even French kissed anyone (and to be frank-that sounded gross to me-someone sticking their tongue in my mouth or me sticking my tongue in theirs-gross!!). 

In case anyone is wondering, I've definitely revised my opinion about French Kissing. In fact I've done a complete 180 degree change on the subject. I have to admit though that  it was terribly difficult to change my preconceived notions  about it. It probably took me  at least 15 whole seconds during my first experience with said kissing technique before my attitude changed. 😝😝😝

Edited 15 hours ago by Gar1eth

[pubic_assistance]

On 8/7/2025 at 8:15 PM, KevinKeepsItReal said:

What is the reason or reason(s) as to why you do it?

Married with kids and running a business. I have very little free time to get a little same-sex-action on the side. THAT is how I started. Now that I am in my 50s, I still have a taste for the hot guys I used to hook up with when I was young...but its less and less likely that some gorgeous 20-something athlete will spread his ass cheeks for me without showing him my wallet.  As others have said: getting what I want / when I want. 

Edited 11 hours ago by pubic_assistance
spelling