Friends : Older or Younger?

[+ purplekow]

I have had mostly younger friends since my early thirties.  I am not speaking of a year or two, I am speaking of about a decade.  I used to think that this was great, that they would keep me younger acting.  I am not speaking of friendcs with benefits, which I believe most would find younger preferrable, I am speaking ofjust someone with whom to spend time. Now that I am over 65, I find that younger friends have a difficult time understanding things like frequent urine stops and lack of desire to go out at night.  They would rather have dinner out than just have something at home.  While I still enjoy their company. it seems they are less understanding the things that we seniors face on a daily basis.  I hit a curb while driving and got a flat tie.  I was able to make it home.  I spoke to my friend who is in his early 50s and he suggested I just change it myself.  When I explained that I had already called a tow truck and I had difficulty getting up into the cab, he was surprised and seemed a bit incredulous that would be the case. 

So men, expecially the seniors but anyone is welcome, do you prefer your friends older or younger.  I believe that there is a sweet spot between five years younger and five years older that is ideal, but life and friendships are never ideal.  

[Stormy]

When I was younger my friends were generally older.  Now that I am reaching senior age they tend to be younger.   I don’t pay attention to age when making friends. It’s irrelevant 

[+ nycman]

Interesting question @purplekow. I never really thought about it but most of my friends are 10-15 years older than me. A few are 15-20 years younger. And my oldest and closest friends are about my age. Most of my boyfriends have been 10 years older than me. I enjoy the company of people older and wiser than me. I agree men younger than me have a hard time understanding why I don’t share their stamina and desire to jump out of airplanes. Now that I think about it though, I probably do the same thing to my older friends. I don’t want to think of them as "old". Also I do a similar thing with younger men. In my mind somehow, we’re all the same age.

My advice? Take it as a compliment that they still think of you as young and spry enough to change a tire of your own. 

Here’s the only tire I want to change…..but that’s been true since I was in my 20’s. 

Herb Ritts | "Fred with Tires- Bodyshop Series" (1984) | Available for Sale | Artsy

WWW.ARTSY.NET

---

Available for sale from Izzy Gallery, Herb Ritts, "Fred with Tires- Bodyshop Series" (1984), Silver Gelatin Print, 24 × 20 in

 

Edited June 6 by nycman

[MscleLovr]

4 hours ago, purplekow said:

younger friends have a difficult time understanding things like frequent urine stops and lack of desire to go out at night

I’m in my 70s but I have a lot of younger friends, and I would never discuss either ‘thing’ mentioned above.

To me, it’s part of staying young…like being well-groomed and dressed and keeping in decent shape.

Why not go out to dinner in a restaurant? It breaks your routine, but that’s part of being flexible.
 

And if driving home afterwards is a problem for you, just say beforehand “Dinner would be great. But I’m not good at driving at night, so will you mind running me back?’

 

[MscleLovr]

6 minutes ago, nycman said:

Here’s the only tire I want to change…..but that’s been true since I was in my 20’s.

I very much agree @nycman I wonder how well that young man has aged

[+ JamesB]

8 hours ago, purplekow said:

I have had mostly younger friends since my early thirties.  I am not speaking of a year or two, I am speaking of about a decade.  I used to think that this was great, that they would keep me younger acting.  I am not speaking of friendcs with benefits, which I believe most would find younger preferrable, I am speaking ofjust someone with whom to spend time. Now that I am over 65, I find that younger friends have a difficult time understanding things like frequent urine stops and lack of desire to go out at night.  They would rather have dinner out than just have something at home.  While I still enjoy their company. it seems they are less understanding the things that we seniors face on a daily basis.  I hit a curb while driving and got a flat tie.  I was able to make it home.  I spoke to my friend who is in his early 50s and he suggested I just change it myself.  When I explained that I had already called a tow truck and I had difficulty getting up into the cab, he was surprised and seemed a bit incredulous that would be the case. 

So men, expecially the seniors but anyone is welcome, do you prefer your friends older or younger.  I believe that there is a sweet spot between five years younger and five years older that is ideal, but life and friendships are never ideal.  

 

Most of my friends, especially long time friends, are around my age. Lately, though, I’ve found it easier to connect with people who are 10 to 20 years younger. I’m very active and in pretty decent shape, so I enjoy doing things that many people my age have moved away from. That said, I’m not trying to do everything younger guys do. For example, you mentioned changing a tire, sure, I can do it, but I just don’t care to do it. All my cars have run-flat tires for that exact reason, I just don’t want to deal with it. I still enjoy going out at night, but I admit it takes me a bit longer to bounce back the next morning. And while I’m up for the fun, I’m not a fan of driving at night, my eyesight isn’t what it used to be.

I still enjoy spending time with friends my age, but I’ve found it easier lately to connect and make new friends who are 10 to 20 years younger.

[MikeThomas]

Most of my friends are ~ 5 years younger... some 10 years.

[CuriousByNature]

I have friends who are 30 years younger, and others that are 30 years older.  I don't really think about a person's age - maturity level is more important to me than a number, especially regarding the friends who are younger.  

[wsc]

8 hours ago, nycman said:

Interesting question @purplekow. I never really thought about it but most of my friends are 10-15 years older than me. A few are 15-20 years younger. And my oldest and closest friends are about my age. Most of my boyfriends have been 10 years older than me. I enjoy the company of people older and wiser than me. I agree men younger than me have a hard time understanding why I don’t share their stamina and desire to jump out of airplanes. Now that I think about it though, I probably do the same thing to my older friends. I don’t want to think of them as "old". Also I do a similar thing with younger men. In my mind somehow, we’re all the same age.

My advice? Take it as a compliment that they still think of you as young and spry enough to change a tire of your own. 

Here’s the only tire I want to change…..but that’s been true since I was in my 20’s. 

Herb Ritts | "Fred with Tires- Bodyshop Series" (1984) | Available for Sale | Artsy

WWW.ARTSY.NET

---

Available for sale from Izzy Gallery, Herb Ritts, "Fred with Tires- Bodyshop Series" (1984), Silver Gelatin Print, 24 × 20 in

 

If I thought this young man would show up to change tires on a hot summer day, I'd flatten two of them myself.😋

[+ purplekow]

I did not mean to imply that one should consider age as a criteria for friendship, merely beyond a certain age spread, it is difficult to connect on day to day travails.  It doesn't require conversation to  have issues seen.  A night out used to require a quick pee at the onset and perhaps one at the end of the evening depending on the intake.  Now not so much.  Walking cross town used to be a fun way to chat and get some air and perhaps sober up a bit.  If a younger friend suggested that, I would have to decline.  I did not select friends by age, but as I age, the same age difference has gotten larger.  

Edited June 6 by purplekow

[+ purplekow]

13 hours ago, nycman said:

Interesting question @purplekow. I never really thought about it but most of my friends are 10-15 years older than me. A few are 15-20 years younger. And my oldest and closest friends are about my age. Most of my boyfriends have been 10 years older than me. I enjoy the company of people older and wiser than me. I agree men younger than me have a hard time understanding why I don’t share their stamina and desire to jump out of airplanes. Now that I think about it though, I probably do the same thing to my older friends. I don’t want to think of them as "old". Also I do a similar thing with younger men. In my mind somehow, we’re all the same age.

My advice? Take it as a compliment that they still think of you as young and spry enough to change a tire of your own. 

Here’s the only tire I want to change…..but that’s been true since I was in my 20’s. 

Herb Ritts | "Fred with Tires- Bodyshop Series" (1984) | Available for Sale | Artsy

WWW.ARTSY.NET

---

Available for sale from Izzy Gallery, Herb Ritts, "Fred with Tires- Bodyshop Series" (1984), Silver Gelatin Print, 24 × 20 in

 

About thirty years or so ago, I was dining midweek at Commander's Palace and there was only one other table being used.  That table had one older man and about a dozen beautiful young men.  I ask the waiter what was going on and he said, Oh Just another Tuesday for Herb Ritts.  Not knowing who Herb Ritts was, I went to a book store to see his photographs.  Clearly Mr Ritts liked putting on the Ritz and did it well.  

Edited June 7 by purplekow

[wsc]

Most of my friends are younger than me (76), but only by two to ten years, so we have similar frames of reference. However, I do go out two to four times a week for dinner and drinks and meet a great number of younger people in the bars and restaurants I frequent, and by younger I mean as young as mid-twenties and up. We're not the kind of friends that call and make dates to get together, although some have done so on occasion, but we do sit together if we happen to encounter each other in a night of making the rounds. 

If you include bar staff and servers (especially those very handsome young bar backs and runners whom I make it a point to meet and chat with), ages go down as far as late teens in some cases. (Dirty old man here.)

I have only one close friend who is considerably younger than me (30 years younger), and we have known each other now for 20 years, since I met him when he was dancing in a bar in DC. I fell instantly in lust, and later in love, and we formed a relationship and friendship that has lasted all these years. Although we now live in different cities, we keep in close communication, and he remains the love of my life.

[Ali Gator]

Interesting question, as I was discussing this with someone the other day...

When I had my retail business (from the age of 23 - 48), my closest friends were female and about 15 years older than I. They also owned well-established retail businesses (or previously owned), so we had a lot in common. (What was funny was none of them were friends with each other).  I did the trade shows with them (not all together - one on one / separately), I did dinner with them, etc. They were a valuable resource to me, and I to them. We had much more in common, though, despite the age and gender difference. I must say those were the best years of my life. 

It wasn't that I didn't have  male friends, I did - but at that time in my life I didn't have as much in common with them (they ranged from 10 years older to 10 years younger). I spent time with them, but not as frequently as I did with the women. I think it was because my brain was always in a 'learning mode' and I had more fun with the guys, and more learning experiences with the women.

Since closing, 'the women' all closed their businesses, too, for a variety of reasons (most, they were aging). Now we're all "Facebook friends', though we have all definitely grown apart. My male friendships have stayed the same from back then.

However, after leaving the retail world and entering the corporate world, my friends have tended to be males and younger - much younger. One of my close friends is a high school teacher and 30 years younger than I - but we have so much in common. We truly enjoy each other's company. He's a rare specimen for the 'Zoomer' generation. Even when I worked in a college (2014 -24) I was more friendly with the younger male students I mentored. Today, I still maintain a 'light friendship' with three of those guys - all in their late 20s. (When I tell them my age, they all say their dads are younger than I - but I'm 'waaaaaaaaay cooler!').

 

AS I learned from the older friends (when I was younger), I realize these younger friends of mine I learning from me. However, I am also learning from them - so much to learn in this evolving world of technology, and they're the right guys to teach me. (As far as their sexuality is concerned, it's never really talked about as they all have girlfriends, but claim to be 'fluid'). 

Edited June 7 by Ali Gator

[+ Charlie]

As a youth, I was often the youngest male in my class or at work. As a young gay man, my cohort of friends and tricks were mostly older than I was. When I settled down with a partner in my 20s, he was eight years older than I was, and we were together for 56 years. Over the years, more and more of my friends and colleagues were about my own age, or a little younger. Now, as an old gay man, I have few longtime friends left (and most of them are really old: 80 to 95), but I haven't made a lot of new younger friends. Part of that is because I don't relate to today's young people and their interests, and part of it is because I live in a retirement community, and I don't venture out of it very much any more. I go to more funerals than weddings. I do still play tennis at a club regularly, and I am almost always the oldest player on the court, but the "youngsters" are men and women in the 35-70 age range, and I don't know if they are just being kind when they express surprise and remark that I don't seem as old as I am. 

[+ Pensant]

My best friend could be my son. Another close friend and outdoors buddy has two young kids. Both are straight. I simply relate much better to millennials and older Zoomers than I do to fellow boomers.

There aren’t many peers who have the energy level I have so that rules out a lot of people my age or even 10-15 years younger. I need to lift, run or ride every day.

That said, still am close to a high school friend, which we both are grateful for. 

[mtaabq]

@purplekow … thank you. I’m 61. I look 61, I act 61. Trips to the bathroom are more frequent. I am in by 10 pm. I do still eat out often (too often according to the IRS) but I can appreciate lunch or dinner at home with cup noodles or something the lovely people at Trader Joe’s prepared and froze for me. My friends are my friends regardless of age or gender; there’s not too many of them so I cherish the ones I have. I don’t actively seek out new friends but if it happens it happens. I recently made the naked acquaintance of a spry young buck (40’s) who provided me with a reason to refill my prescription for Viagra. He’s married to an older man (70’s) so he understands the challenges of age and respects me and my limitations. And right there - that’s it - we want - and need - friends who understand that we may need to sit near the bathroom or that we want to be home by 10:30. Or who might want to stop by at 5:00 and split a Stouffer’s frozen lasagna with me. Or who understand why I don’t always want to answer the phone or respond immediately to a text. Those folks, those people, are my - our - friends. (I hope that is on-topic.) 

[+ Vegas_Millennial]

On 6/5/2025 at 11:23 PM, purplekow said:

I have had mostly younger friends since my early thirties.  I am not speaking of a year or two, I am speaking of about a decade.  I used to think that this was great, that they would keep me younger acting.  I am not speaking of friendcs with benefits, which I believe most would find younger preferrable, I am speaking ofjust someone with whom to spend time. Now that I am over 65, I find that younger friends have a difficult time understanding things like frequent urine stops and lack of desire to go out at night.  They would rather have dinner out than just have something at home.  While I still enjoy their company. it seems they are less understanding the things that we seniors face on a daily basis.  I hit a curb while driving and got a flat tie.  I was able to make it home.  I spoke to my friend who is in his early 50s and he suggested I just change it myself.  When I explained that I had already called a tow truck and I had difficulty getting up into the cab, he was surprised and seemed a bit incredulous that would be the case. 

So men, expecially the seniors but anyone is welcome, do you prefer your friends older or younger.  I believe that there is a sweet spot between five years younger and five years older that is ideal, but life and friendships are never ideal.  

Thanks for sharing.  The opposite is true for me.  For most of my life, I've always had much older friends.  Even as a teenager and 20s, my friends were mostly in their 50s/60s/70s.  I'm an old soul, so I get along great with older generations. 

Now, I have a few friends and an employee that I supervise who are all about 5 years younger than I. I continuously need to remind myself that these people are only 5 years younger, because it feels as if they are 10 or 20 years younger than me.  But, the more we get to know each other, the more I see them adopting my ways.  My employee, for example, has stopped using his personal cell phone to log into his work computer, after I told him I refused to do so.  One by one he's deleting apps from his telephone and starting to live in the real world again, and he brings me stories of how he's adopting a few other of my practices and it brings him less stress.

When I was younger, I guess I liked hanging out with older folks because there was so much to learn from them.  Now, I'm noticing more and more young people trying to befriend me, and it feels like I'm a coach or guidance counselor much of the time.  I guess now I know what my older friends were feeling about me.

[+ purplekow]

I am getting a visit today from one of my trainees who I have not seen in five or six years.  He is driving an hour for a one hour or so visit and then returning home.  He is moving back east and has said he wanted to see me before he did so.  He and I were not particularly close and other than professionally, I do not think we have much in common.  Though not a friend, I am very pleased that he is stopping by to say hello and ?pay respects.  Do people pay respects other than with a death?  In any case, it gave me hope that kindness and gratitude are not totally dead.  Of course, he may be coming over just to get some deep seated hostility off his chest.  I will inform as to how it went.  

[pubic_assistance]

When I was in my 30s my best friends were those who were around 10 years older. Now in my 50s those are the ones who are still around and all the "fabulous" people I've met over the years, my age and younger have since disappeared

Edited June 8 by pubic_assistance
spelling

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

My friend group is almost universally older than me.  It's what I'm comfortable with.

Tbh, when I'm around a group of very young guys (19-25), I have very little to add to the conversation. 

[Rudynate]

Younger is better.  I really enjoy being around bright, ambitious young guys.

[Luv2play]

I disagree. Most of my friends over the years have been my age or since my 50s older by up to 20 years. Today in my late 70s my friends are between 50s and 80s. The older friends from 20 years ago are all dead. 

[caliguy]

I have a wide assortment of friends. I do think that people who isolate themselves to seriously much younger guys have a Peter Pan syndrome going on though. 

I will say that so far I haven't gotten my older friends to get into the physical activities that I can with my younger friends. Things like hiking and lifting weights. Not sure if that's a generational thing or just some  accepting their decline.

Edited June 7 by caliguy

[Luv2play]

I don’t claim to have found the fountain of youth but 20 years ago I was a regular gym goer and my older friends weren’t. Today at 78 I still have a gym membership and go regularly. I tend to swim there more than work out but today I did both, for instance. 
I also spent 3 hours this morning doing yard work, cutting the grass and planting new flowers. 
The best thing I do to keep young feeling is scheduling an overnight session with my favorite provider. He puts me through the paces. I feel a little exhausted the next day but recover the next day. When that stops I guess I will have to hang up the cleats. 

[+ purplekow]

3 hours ago, Luv2play said:

 

When that stops I guess I will have to hang up the cleats. 

Or push up the daisies