Is it common for providers to ask for a client’s pic?

[+ ApexNomad]

25 minutes ago, ShortCutie7 said:

I wouldn’t send a pic but do think it is important that providers request stats (if not already in the client’s profile) so they’re not in for any surprises… as a short guy, I would hate for a provider to be unpleasantly surprised by and/or not able to perform due to my height.

Providers are offering something that often goes beyond what the average person might have in terms of physicality, and I think most providers would agree. When you scroll through platforms like RM, you’ll notice that most of the men featured tend to have sculpted bodies and above-average attributes. Beauty is currency, and if you have a big dick, that’s another layer of currency. 

So, when a provider puts an ad up to the general public and opens the door to a client who may not meet that same standard, it shouldn’t come as a shock. The provider is opening the door to a human being who may have a different body type or size than what’s common in the escort space. Providers who enter this space know they’re offering something unique, and that uniqueness is the very thing they are capitalizing on. Some do it better than others, and those that do are the ones who, I’d argue, are very empathetic. They’re aware that the clients they see may not always look like the idealized images online. I think most providers understand what they’re getting themselves into and shouldn’t be unpleasantly surprised by the variety of body types or features they encounter. If they are, then they’re probably in the wrong profession. That’s why the few providers I’ve become friends with who’ve retired never bothered asking for stats. 

[ShortCutie7]

5 minutes ago, ApexNomad said:

Providers are offering something that often goes beyond what the average person might have in terms of physicality, and I think most providers would agree. When you scroll through platforms like RM, you’ll notice that most of the men featured tend to have sculpted bodies and above-average attributes. Beauty is currency, and if you have a big dick, that’s another layer of currency. 

So, when a provider puts an ad up to the general public and opens the door to a client who may not meet that same standard, it shouldn’t come as a shock. The provider is opening the door to a human being who may have a different body type or size than what’s common in the escort space. Providers who enter this space know they’re offering something unique, and that uniqueness is the very thing they are capitalizing on. Some do it better than others, and those that do are the ones who, I’d argue, are very empathetic. They’re aware that the clients they see may not always look like the idealized images online. I think most providers understand what they’re getting themselves into and shouldn’t be unpleasantly surprised by the variety of body types or features they encounter. If they are, then they’re probably in the wrong profession. That’s why the few providers I’ve become friends with who’ve retired never bothered asking for stats. 

I totally agree, and that’s part of the reason I see providers!  But my point is that in the off-chance something like height or any stat is a deal-breaker, the provider would know and be able to make an educated decision.

[+ ApexNomad]

1 hour ago, ShortCutie7 said:

I totally agree, and that’s part of the reason I see providers!  But my point is that in the off-chance something like height or any stat is a deal-breaker, the provider would know and be able to make an educated decision.

Understood! 👍🏻

[+ PhileasFogg]

Trust is a two way street.   I have no problem with it if asked and I also use one that’s otherwise out in the public domain (like LinkedIn or press releases).  All they have to do is look my number up on Mr Number and they will have my complete name and can verify anyway.  

[curiousheartguy]

  As opposed to most of the comments here, I find that it is happening more and more.  I would say that the majority of providers that I contact ask for a pic.  For me, it is  a deal-breaker.  Requesting a pic violates what I consider the "spirit" of Rentmen.  It is not Grindr or other dating app.  You created a profile to provide a certain service , I am responding to the profile to obtain that service.  If my pic is going to be required, then that stipulation should be clearly stated in the profile.

[d.anders]

13 hours ago, The Dude said:

Once you send your pic out there, you have no control over what a total stranger will do with it.

No one should be sending photos from their last shoot with Annie Leibovitz. 🙂 The photos I send are awful quality, no face, and they are small in pixel size. They are worthless. They do provide enough visual information (where it's better than nothing or just words), and that's really all that matters. I once had a decent gym body. I no longer have that. I once had smooth skin. No longer. Funny thing is, my junk hasn't changed much, and many guys have told me it was attractive. So I put my best foot forward (and I have handsome feet).

10 hours ago, ApexNomad said:

They’re aware that the clients they see may not always look like the idealized images online. I think most providers understand what they’re getting themselves into and shouldn’t be unpleasantly surprised by the variety of body types or features they encounter.

Most professional providers, yes. I wouldn't hold my breath on the non-pro types. I would say most of those are just looking for easy money, or sex that turns them on. Being cynical, if a supposed hottie is asking for a photo, it's a red flag that your age and appearance will matter for booking, or even a call back.

[italianboyph]

I've never asked for pictures, because I know that many are discreet and private. So I totally  understand

[DznNYC]

Yeah, as a BFE provider, I would never ask a prospective client to send a photo.  And - if I’m being honest - I prefer that they don’t.  I never want a client to feel like they’re up for evaluation by me.  I prefer that they enter a session unburdened by such concerns.

There’s plenty of warning signs that you pick up on that might cause you to not meet a particular client.  Sometimes they wave the crazy flag.  Sometimes they’re asking for a scene that would be better fulfilled by a different provider.   (That one happens from time to time, but I try to be honest when I sense that I’m not the guy for you.)  But none of the above involves the external superficials: age, race, body type, or general appearance.  None of which would be reasons to not meet a client.  

Sometimes the client wants to share a photo for his own peace of mind.  I suspect to ease his own fears of how a provider might respond to meeting him in person.  I welcome it if it puts the client at ease.  But I usually feel bad when they feel the need.  

[FaustOust]

In the few years that I have hired regularly, I have been asked for a picture on more than several occasions before a first meeting.  I provided a face pic reluctantly most of the times, especially if I was really interested in hiring the guy.  I guess I allowed myself to be manipulated by my desire to be with someone who would otherwise be out of my league.  I have even seen some in their RM ads say that they “ask for a pic like every other site.” So I never really have known what standard behavior was in this regard.  

Most have not asked for anything before meeting for the first time, but I do remember one that wanted a written description of myself (I assume to assess whether I was at least height and weight proportionate and of an acceptable race to him) and another who wanted to speak on the phone first, after we had texted. (I still don’t know what that accomplished because minutes before we met, he wanted me to send a selfie.  I guess to see if I looked like my voice?)

In each of those scenarios — sending a pic, writing a description, and scheduling a phone call — I felt like I was auditioning to be a client, which wasn’t a good feeling for me, especially because I probably would have felt that way in any case at our first meeting.  Sending a picture particularly compounded my insecurity. At some level, I had thought that paying would relieve me from having to go through that.  Fortunately for me, none of them declined to schedule the appointment after receiving my picture; although one later canceled at the last minute, after having scheduled days before.  I am not sure if my pic had anything to do with that cancellation, but having sent it, I guess I will never really know for sure, as I have not tried to schedule again with that provider, even though he was well-reviewed.

I also hired one guy who neither would send nor post a picture of his face out of privacy concerns. (Nor did he ask one of me.) I had promised myself never to hire someone whose face I could not see beforehand. He assured me that no one had ever rejected him. (I can’t imagine living in such a world!) Despite having sworn that I would expect a face picture either in an ad or have one sent to me after I had expressed serious interest in hiring, I relented and met him without having seen his face first, as he possessed other non-facial traits that I found to be quite desirous.  I took the risk, and I was very pleased with his overall appearance.

I know it’s not fair, but I don’t think that I should be judged by the same standard when I am the one paying. Otherwise, I should just try my luck for free. 

[d.anders]

3 hours ago, DamizzonNYC said:

Yeah, as a BFE provider, I would never ask a prospective client to send a photo.  And - if I’m being honest - I prefer that they don’t.  I never want a client to feel like they’re up for evaluation by me.  I prefer that they enter a session unburdened by such concerns.

There’s plenty of warning signs that you pick up on that might cause you to not meet a particular client.  Sometimes they wave the crazy flag.  Sometimes they’re asking for a scene that would be better fulfilled by a different provider.   (That one happens from time to time, but I try to be honest when I sense that I’m not the guy for you.)  But none of the above involves the external superficials: age, race, body type, or general appearance.  None of which would be reasons to not meet a client.  

Sometimes the client wants to share a photo for his own peace of mind.  I suspect to ease his own fears of how a provider might respond to meeting him in person.  I welcome it if it puts the client at ease.  But I usually feel bad when they feel the need.

I just wanted to say, this is a very thoughtful response. I'm assuming BFE stands for boy.friend.experience. You definitely exhibit this skill in your talented writing. There are a few statements that stand out for me:

3 hours ago, DamizzonNYC said:

I never want a client to feel like they’re up for evaluation by me.

People evaluate looks all the time, especially gay men. You don't even have to visit the photo galleries here to experience the intensity. Evaluation is with us every day of our lives. Hello Grindr. There seems to be no escaping it, especially now in this Instagram age. Many of us have become socially wired to be insecure about our looks, especially as aging gay men. I applaud you for sharing your approach on how to rid us all of this hurtful scourge to our precious self-esteem.

3 hours ago, DamizzonNYC said:

Sometimes they wave the crazy flag.

When I worked in corporate, we had code names for certain types of clients. Maybe someone should start a "Crazy" thread, where hopefully serious providers can share their honest definition of that word with us. List every detail that qualifies. The trouble is, one man's crazy can easily be distorted by an impatient, uncaring, non-professional. For example, I have 4 important (to me) questions that I usually ask. The provider may not realize it, but all my questions have to do with my personal health concerns, and nothing to do with sex. I often feel lucky if I get 1 answer, and some have branded me crazy for asking more than 1 question. LOL.

3 hours ago, DamizzonNYC said:

Sometimes the client wants to share a photo for his own peace of mind.  I suspect to ease his own fears of how a provider might respond to meeting him in person.  I welcome it if it puts the client at ease.  But I usually feel bad when they feel the need.

This sentiment is very touching, and shows a lot of heart. I wish I knew more people in this life who had a lot of heart. 

Photos of my current naked body do scare me, because I remember just yesterday what I once looked like. I no longer "fear" the provider response, I've had to learn how to accept rejection. I prefer to accept rejection on my terms.

I also don't want anyone feeling bad for me, because I have accepted my old age, and all the vane suffering that comes with it. I view acceptance as a triumph to be celebrated, not leaving anyone feeling bad.

@DamizzonNYC, thanks a lot for offering such a great post.

Edited March 31 by d.anders

[DznNYC]

19 minutes ago, d.anders said:

People evaluate looks all the time, especially gay men. You don't even have to visit the photo galleries here to experience the intensity. Evaluation is with us every day of our lives. Hello Grindr. There seems to be no escaping it, especially now in this Instagram age.

This is VERY true, and in my mind, it’s one of the things you’re paying for when you opt to hire a provider rather than going the Grindr route.   The burden of EVALUATION is entirely taken on by your provider.   

You evaluate their profile and whether or not you want to reach out.  You evaluate their correspondence, whether they seem like a good fit.   You rate their performance after the fact with a number of stars.  You evaluate them publicly in The Deli for other potential clients.

The same imbalance goes for discretion!  Clients regularly post about who they hire and discuss all the private things about them here.  Meanwhile I’ll fully take my client list to the grave. 

If you can’t get onboard with - and even fully embrace - these imbalanced structural dynamics, you shouldn’t be a sex worker. 

 

 

19 minutes ago, d.anders said:

 

I also don't want anyone feeling bad for me, because I have accepted my old age, and all the vane suffering that comes with it. I view acceptance as a triumph to be celebrated, not leaving anyone feeling bad.

Old age is the great universal!  We’ll all be there eventually if we’re lucky.  Empathy for that is empathy for your future self  

I see no better way to embrace that universal truth than to do it sexually.  Wrap your lips around it and get to work.  😏 

[d.anders]

32 minutes ago, DamizzonNYC said:

I see no better way to embrace that universal truth than to do it sexually.  Wrap your lips around it and get to work.

That did it! Now I need to rob a bank.

[+ RyanDean]

Yeah. Doesn't happen a lot and I always say no -- mostly because I don't like the feeling that @FaustOust described as "auditioning" to be a client. I'm happy to provide an accurate description, and arrange to meet in a public spot, and sometimes I even mention of my handle/profile here or reference to one of my regular hires IF the gent seems mostly wanting to confirm that I'm legit. But I hire to avoid the self-esteem hazards of cruising so I am absolutely not inclined to pay for that as an unadvertised extra...

[BrickBuilder]

Back in my snarkier years (well maybe I have not departed those times yet) there were a few providers that when they made the requirement of a face and full body picture, I sent a picture of good old Benjamin.  

One was insulted/got upset because it was not of me....I bluntly reminded him at the core, that was the picture that should be important to him.  We ended up not meeting.

Another laughed and reminded me that it was more than just one picture he was expecting.  I agreed and we met and had a fun time.  No picture was ever sent.

A third basically ghosted me.  Apparently it did not meet his criteria.

As for providing stats of myself....I am hit or miss with them.  Height / weight / age are all a bit anonymous so I don't have an issue sharing....if someone is going to make a decision on just that alone, he is missing out on what I consider a fun time.  I just move along.

In the end, there are enough providers out there to find one that meets everyone's criteria, fetishes, kinks, limitations, etc.    Leave the other ones behind....if they become too picky and their business goes down, they will either realize they are in the wrong line of work, they will relax their requirements, or they will find that they are comfortable with the sub-set of clients that will accommodate them.

 

 

[steve10025]

Recently I've been sending a pg pic to a provider, possibly even when i first say hello. It's a human interaction, even if money is involved, and I try to bend over backwards to treat providers respectfully. Having said that, I have a really good instinct for bullshit and good boundaries, so at the first hint of something I don't like I back off. Also, I ask for a facetime chat for verification before I meet anyone new for the first time.

[mikefl81]

On 3/30/2025 at 5:00 PM, DavidNY said:

I will often ask to meet in a public place first to check for chemistry. I tell them that if either of us backs out, I’ll give them 50 and no hard feelings.

Just curious, how often do the providers agree to meet you in public first?

[+ ApexNomad]

22 minutes ago, mikefl81 said:

Just curious, how often do the providers agree to meet you in public first?

The last time that happened for me was about 40 years ago. LOL

[NYXboy]

to answer the OP's question -

 

it is not common, but not unheard of. In my experience, it happens more with newer providers that are unsure if they can do the job.

I always send a pic before a meeting, unprompted - but only either by the rentmen site, Snapchat or WhatsApp so the photo can be set to easily deleted (I have a profile picture of myself on WhatsApp anyway) never by text message. 

I just think it's a good idea so they are prepared and it also lets them know I am real and not a flake, and there is no "hello are you Jon? When I arrive/they arrive'.  

[jackcali]

12 hours ago, mikefl81 said:

Just curious, how often do the providers agree to meet you in public first?

I give pretty accurate stats in my RM profile and tell the provider that in the first communication.  I am rarely asked for a pic, but when I am, I refuse.  If I'm really, really, um, eager to see the provider, I might offer to meet him first on the street on the assumption that either of us can bail if he doesn't like what he sees.  I've never had an RM escort ask for that. 

Pre-meetings are my standard procedure with guys from SA.  They are generally looking for a longer-term arrangement (as am I) so personality is as much of a factor as looks, so a short meet over coffee lets us check out the other person and talk about what our arrangement will look like.  It's a great icebreaker and has worked well for me over the years.  

[Rod Hagen]

Can't imagine asking people for photos when I started in '99.  Ok, what I need you to do is stand in front of a mirror with a Polaroid.  Scan the photo at Kinkos and upload it to a Zip drive.  ZIP DRIVE.  Ok, first you'll have to go to Best Buy....

[MikeBiDude]

13 minutes ago, Rod Hagen said:

Can't imagine asking people for photos when I started in '99.  Ok, what I need you to do is stand in front of a mirror with a Polaroid.  Scan the photo at Kinkos and upload it to a Zip drive.  ZIP DRIVE.  Ok, first you'll have to go to Best Buy....

I had a provider I found in Frontiers magazine who I telephoned and chatted (remember that!) who said he could send me more pics. I had a Compuserve email address, and an MS-DOS unzip/unpack program to open the pics he sent. Took multiple comms to get it right.

P.S. Was worth it! 😉

[DomKingNYC]

I don't need a face photo of you although a few have sent without me asking which was nice but not really needed from me...It's already hard enough finding real clients in the first place with all the timewasters so I don't need to cut down the potential pool by asking for pictures haha

Edited April 2 by DomKingNYC

[BrickBuilder]

On 4/1/2025 at 10:58 AM, MikeBiDude said:

I found in Frontiers magazine who I telephoned and chatted (remember that!)

Umm...how many of us remember when escorts used pagers?

Enter the hotel number, your room number, and hope they got past the front desk without any name whatsoever.....thems were the days.

[Guest]

Twinks and twunks almost always ask for pictures.

I'm fine with it. However, you gentlemen bring up a good point: Clients should only exchange pictures on apps they can delete after the provider views them.

[DznNYC]

On 4/1/2025 at 11:02 PM, DomKingNYC said:

.It's already hard enough finding real clients in the first place with all the timewasters so I don't need to cut down the potential pool by asking for pictures haha

 

VERY this!  The massive population of men that have learned that RentMen is where you can go for free sexting with escorts.   And that is their hobby, not hiring at all.  Many of those folks populate this very forum. 

There's no overstating the impact of that population - soughing distrust - in all of our interactions.