How to tackle safety concerns for sensual/erotic massages

[d.anders]

On 3/21/2025 at 11:35 AM, dk582 said:

I’m married and don’t want to bring anything home.

If this is true, then abstinence is the only answer. When sucking a stranger's cock, his sexual history comes with the fantasy, and the history is always unknown because it's private information.

Unless you have an open marriage, then you risk your marriage ending by engaging in secret sex. I know a few guys who made this mistake. While none of them brought home a disease (that I know of), finding out about the extra-curricular activity caused a shit storm. These were gay marriages, and all of them had agreements on sex outside the marriage.

Marriages come in all shapes and sizes these days. You have to decide what is most important to you. Leading a double life has serious consequences, not only for you, but for your sexual partners as well. I could never do it, and nor would I do it to someone who depends on my trust and fidelity in love.

Edited March 24 by d.anders

[Aaron 90]

4 hours ago, d.anders said:

If this is true, then abstinence is the only answer. When sucking a stranger's cock, his sexual history comes with the fantasy, and the history is always unknown because it's private information.

Unless you have an open marriage, then you risk your marriage ending by engaging in secret sex. I know a few guys who made this mistake. While none of them brought home a disease (that I know of), finding out about the extra-curricular activity caused a shit storm. These were gay marriages, and all of them had agreements on sex outside the marriage.

Marriages come in all shapes and sizes these days. You have to decide what is most important to you. Leading a double life has serious consequences, not only for you, but for your sexual partners as well. I could never do it, and nor would I do it to someone who depends on my trust and fidelity in love.

Although  I understand the original posters concerns, I now feel let down if I'm not swallowing a mouth full of the masseurs juices or worshipping his 🍑 haha 

[maninsoma]

16 hours ago, d.anders said:

If this is true, then abstinence is the only answer. When sucking a stranger's cock, his sexual history comes with the fantasy, and the history is always unknown because it's private information.

Unless you have an open marriage, then you risk your marriage ending by engaging in secret sex. I know a few guys who made this mistake. While none of them brought home a disease (that I know of), finding out about the extra-curricular activity caused a shit storm. These were gay marriages, and all of them had agreements on sex outside the marriage.

Marriages come in all shapes and sizes these days. You have to decide what is most important to you. Leading a double life has serious consequences, not only for you, but for your sexual partners as well. I could never do it, and nor would I do it to someone who depends on my trust and fidelity in love.

While your post may come across as harsh to some people, I understand your point of view.  Having sex outside of one's marriage and keeping it secret just seems like the opposite of love.

[d.anders]

2 hours ago, maninsoma said:

While your post may come across as harsh to some people

Harsh was not my intention at all. Monogamy and deal-making aren't for every relationship. When Jamie21 wrote abstinence as being 100% safe, it triggered my brain. I've lived long enough to realize and accept what temptation does to a horny man. Nothing I say or do can stop someone from risky behavior.

Not all my partners were secure men. When "in love," some guys needed to feel more secure than others. If I truly loved the guy, then I felt committed to giving them the security they needed. On top of that, bringing an STD home to your lover, who assumes you are out to protect his life and well being, is not the behavior of a good and honest man. We are not perfect, and many people make hurtful mistakes. Selfishness will always be among us.

[Jack Vernon]

Not trying to be a jerk here but if keeping the massage a secret from your wife/husband/etc, there are a whole list of things that could rat you out.  What If you slip on some massage oil as you get off the table and break your arm or crack your head open?  What if you're in a car accident on the way? What if you run into a friend or relative as you're entering or leaving the providers studio?

Do all of those situations seem crazy or super remote?  They're all unlikely but not impossible.  It's also possible but unlikely that you'll get an STD from some blowjob action.  My point is that if you're going to indulge in this sort of activity you gotta be comfortable with the risks you're taking.  

Relax, enjoy, move on.

[d.anders]

1 hour ago, Jack Vernon said:

keeping the massage a secret

The massage may not need to be kept secret. The risk is bringing home an STD from a stranger, and keeping that interaction a secret.