How to tackle safety concerns for sensual/erotic massages

[dk582]

I’ve received many sensual massages over the years with HE and while several masseurs have been spontaneously and proactively willing to engage in oral (receive, give, or both) without discussing it beforehand, I always stop them due to my fear of safety and contracting something. I’ve never engaged in it, as much as my primal instincts really, really, really want to. 😈

1. I don’t want to contract anything and 2. I’m married and don’t want to bring anything home.

Have any clients dealt with this and if you overcame it, how did you? I’d love to engage in oral with providers, but I can’t seem to get over this hump/fear and never know how to tackle it. Any and all advice/suggestions are welcome. Thanks all. 

[moonlight]

It's kind of hard to find relevant stats on risks of giving vs receiving oral.

Chlamydia, gonorrhea, and syphilis can be eliminated from the body. Herpes and HPV can't but there is an HPV vaccine that can help protect against common strains. There are treatments for symptomatic herpes. 

For me, I think it just comes down to the fact that I'm comfortable with getting treatment if I find myself with a symptomatic infection in addition to quarterly testing. Abstinence, including abstinence from kissing, is the only way to totally prevent herpes. Most herpes isn't symptomatic. If you're of a certain age, you likely already have Herpes-1 (the one that most commonly causes cold sores) even if you've never had symptoms.

I think the best you can do is educate yourself about the risks and treatments for common STIs and decide if you're comfortable or not. It's a decision to make with your SO too.

What is your fear exactly? Is there a specific STD you really want to avoid?

[moonlight]

Oh, and obviously the risk of HIV with oral is very low. Don't suck a dick right after brushing your teeth or flossing or if you otherwise have cuts or wounds in your mouth.

[maninsoma]

Just from a medical/health perspective, I think your two options are simply to continue to not engage in oral activity or to require the use of a condom.  It might be best to discuss your limitations in advance.  You can do so without being presumptuous that the provider is even offering the possibility of oral sex by simply being clear that you are only looking for whatever it is you're comfortable with, which sounds like massage with a hand job.  Since a lot of clients who hire an erotic masseur probably consider oral sex a nice extra, I'm sure the providers who have attempted to initiate this with you simply think that you would be pleased by this "extra."

[dk582]

The attempts by the providers are obviously very welcome 😏 and I don’t question their intent to provide a nice extra, I guess I just don’t want to contract anything, even if it’s treatable. I do realize there’s not many solutions here other than just continuing to avoid oral, but I have never experienced it with a guy before and would really love to. Just don’t want to catch anything. 

[Yukon21]

Sounds like your best approach would be to just avoid the exposure.  In all seriousness the few minutes of pleasure would not be worth the torture you'd put yourself thru from the appointment time until the waiting period to know you were still clean. 

[AtticusBK]

Not a fail-safe but another possibility:

Doxy PEP FAQs |

NCSDDC.ORG

 

[+ Jamie21]

The only 100% safe way is complete abstinence. But that’s no fun and a fairly grim way to live. You could explain your concerns to your masseur before booking and ask him his status. Also ask to book him just after he next gets tested and is all negative. Obviously that’s still no guarantee, he could have caught something recently etc. but it might help you to overcome your anxiety enough to try sucking! 
 

[aiseeya]

20 hours ago, dk582 said:

I’ve received many sensual massages over the years with HE and while several masseurs have been spontaneously and proactively willing to engage in oral (receive, give, or both) without discussing it beforehand, I always stop them due to my fear of safety and contracting something. I’ve never engaged in it, as much as my primal instincts really, really, really want to. 😈

1. I don’t want to contract anything and 2. I’m married and don’t want to bring anything home.

Have any clients dealt with this and if you overcame it, how did you? I’d love to engage in oral with providers, but I can’t seem to get over this hump/fear and never know how to tackle it. Any and all advice/suggestions are welcome. Thanks all. 

Afraid you might be in the wrong hobby......the only fool proof solution is a compete stop. Second best is to oral with condom on. There are really no other options unfortunately. 

PS: you are a married men, have your priority right mate. 

[soloyo215]

21 hours ago, dk582 said:

I’ve received many sensual massages over the years with HE and while several masseurs have been spontaneously and proactively willing to engage in oral (receive, give, or both) without discussing it beforehand, I always stop them due to my fear of safety and contracting something. I’ve never engaged in it, as much as my primal instincts really, really, really want to. 😈

1. I don’t want to contract anything and 2. I’m married and don’t want to bring anything home.

Have any clients dealt with this and if you overcame it, how did you? I’d love to engage in oral with providers, but I can’t seem to get over this hump/fear and never know how to tackle it. Any and all advice/suggestions are welcome. Thanks all. 

The only thing that is safe is not doing anything at all, period. From that point on, everything has a level of risk for your financial safety, your personal safety and your health safety.

Personally I end contact with people who make me feel like I am some kind of giant fungus ready to infect everything and everybody around me. So in my experience, it's ok for me to act according to the level of risk that I'm willing to take, but it's not ok to treat a partner or provider as a source of "who knows what".

When I do not feel comfortable with certain practices, I communicate it sensibly, and I state it as a preference (it reminds me of a workshop I gave/took in the 90s about "eroticizing safer sex"). That makes the partner I'm with comfortable with continuing, as I remain in control of how far I want to go, without the need of being too "reactive" to things.

Nobody (that I now) wants to contract anything, and as a married man myself, I certainly don't want to negatively implicate my husband in things that I am responsible for. To me it's a matter of minimizing risk and maintaining a healthy lifestyle. So far I've never had a problem in that respect. I've gone quite "far" with some massage providers, but always within the level of risk that I am willing to take.

However, it is a risk, regardless of how much you plan, know, test, pre-test, protect or prepare.

Just my thoughts, not law.

Edited March 22 by soloyo215

[SirBillybob]

21 hours ago, dk582 said:

The attempts by the providers are obviously very welcome 😏 and I don’t question their intent to provide a nice extra, I guess I just don’t want to contract anything, even if it’s treatable. I do realize there’s not many solutions here other than just continuing to avoid oral, but I have never experienced it with a guy before and would really love to. Just don’t want to catch anything. 

We all have in common the desire to avoid infection and have various ways and means to accommodate that goal. Everybody sucking cock has mostly overcome the fear that may exist preceding and during the act. Post-oral fear is of a different variety and many deal with it. However, I’m still not sure what you are asking.

For ideas on reducing or eliminating anxiety regarding protected oral sex (condom use)?, as you haven’t clarified whether you wish to bypass this failsafe step for insertive or receptive oral? Have you used condoms and wish the next step?

Or for advice on 100% avoidance of STI transmission potential during unprotected oral? As you know, it’s not easily arranged.

Or for ideas on reducing anxiety to a level where you can break through the oral sex fear barrier but only to the extent that normative anxiety nevertheless continues to serve you?

Your marriage is to a woman with whom oral has or has not occurred, or is it to a man with whom oral has not occurred?

If you were to merely check this desire off on a one off basis your bucket list, theoretically there could be a way, with a knowledgeable and open minded physician, for fairly solid bacterial STI prophylaxis notwithstanding the limits of doxycycline PEP or PrEP. This should include considerations for Myoplasma genitalium added to the usually mentioned (upthread) three diseases.

Edited March 22 by SirBillybob

[moonlight]

@SirBillybob Not to get too far into the weeds, but I don't see Mgen talked about too much. My understanding it that it would be very, very unusual for this to cause problems if activity is limited to oral sex. 

[pubic_assistance]

On 3/21/2025 at 2:29 PM, Jamie21 said:

The only 100% safe way is complete abstinence.

I don't agree....there are ways to get off without penetration.

[+ sniper]

38 minutes ago, pubic_assistance said:

I don't agree....there are ways to get off without penetration.

HPV is spread by skin to skin contact. Doesn't require penetration. A lot of wrestlers get it, and herpes, without even having sex.

[Aaron 90]

On 3/21/2025 at 1:29 PM, Jamie21 said:

The only 100% safe way is complete abstinence. But that’s no fun and a fairly grim way to live. You could explain your concerns to your masseur before booking and ask him his status. Also ask to book him just after he next gets tested and is all negative. Obviously that’s still no guarantee, he could have caught something recently etc. but it might help you to overcome your anxiety enough to try sucking! 
 

You said it best. It's a grim way to live in total fear. Its hard to turn away from a delicious 🍆 or 🍑 haha

 

On 3/21/2025 at 1:29 PM, Jamie21 said:

The only 100% safe way is complete abstinence. But that’s no fun and a fairly grim way to live. You could explain your concerns to your masseur before booking and ask him his status. Also ask to book him just after he next gets tested and is all negative. Obviously that’s still no guarantee, he could have caught something recently etc. but it might help you to overcome your anxiety enough to try sucking! 
 

 

[SirBillybob]

14 hours ago, moonlight said:

@SirBillybob Not to get too far into the weeds, but I don't see Mgen talked about too much. My understanding it that it would be very, very unusual for this to cause problems if activity is limited to oral sex. 

For the OP it’s a question of his urethral exposure to the giver’s pharynx in receptive oral by the giver, where granted pharyngeal Mgen is less prevalent and pharyngeal -> urethral is rare, OR his pharyngeal exposure to the receiver’s inserted penis given higher prevalence of urethral infection. In the latter, if his spouse is female I assume the cascade effect is very limited.

In samples large enough to detect the comparatively rare pharyngeal carriage of Mgen, the ratios of NG and CT pharyngeal detection, respectively, to Mgen pharyngeal detection actually don’t seem to really dwarf the latter. But, yes, far greater chance for the OP to sustain urethral infection if insertive in anal sex. In contrast, getting blown low but not zero risk. 

Some of the references to zero pharyngeal detection relate to research in which merely 10 or so subjects screened have any pharyngeal STI or have MGen in other anatomical sites. Obviously, the ratio will trend to x:0 where x is a different STI or is urethral/rectal Mgen in meagre numbers. 

In the case study appended, the vector of transmission to the man with urethral Mgen infection would seem to have been pharyngeal infection of the partner [I would suggest gender irrelevant] blowing him, that partner having ostensibly previously blown a different male partner with urethral infection. 

As I understand it, any prophylaxis or treatment regimen based on presumptive exposure for the more common bacterial STI infections won’t include the recommended regimen for Mgen. I believe some degree of crossover for azithromycin but different dosing. 

 

Edited March 23 by SirBillybob

[jeezifonly]

You’re hiring a massage, right?

You have the right to set boundaries. It doesn’t matter why.
“Only manual contact, please - I know other clients may expect oral play, but I’m more comfortable with just hand to body contact.”

If he apologizes tip him really well. 

 

[italianboyph]

Just always communicate from the start and set boundaries of what you want. As fat being afraid of contracting something, I strongly suggest getting Doxy-Pep (Doxycycline). Take it right away after sexual contact or within 72 hours to prevent STDS. It works.

[BuffaloKyle]

I'll play a little devil's advocate. You say you really really really want to engage in oral with a masseur. Most stds show up 1 - 4 weeks after you would come into contact with them. I'm not sure how sexually active you are with your partner but if you do hire a masseur which includes oral don't have any sexual activity with your partner until you get yourself tested roughly a month after your massage session. There should be somewhere local by you that offers free hiv and std testing. 

[Simon Suraci]

3 hours ago, italianboyph said:

Doxy-Pep (Doxycycline). Take it right away after sexual contact or within 72 hours to prevent STDS. It works.

Except gonorrhea. It doesn’t protect against that. Or any viral infection including HPV, HIV, hepatitis B or hepatitis C.

Useful for chlamydia and syphilis though!

[italianboyph]

5 hours ago, Simon Suraci said:

Except gonorrhea. It doesn’t protect against that. Or any viral infection including HPV, HIV, hepatitis B or hepatitis C.

Useful for chlamydia and syphilis though!

Well first, you can't contract HIV from oral. HPV, HEP A&B, you can be easily vaccinated for. As well as monkey pox, and meningitis. Though the numbers are low for gonorrhea when taking doxy, it's still used as a prevented for it. It's also one that can be treated for worse case scenario. Its also our responsibly to get tested regularly if you're sexually active.

[KeepItReal]

1 hour ago, italianboyph said:

Well first, you can't contract HIV from oral. 

Well..that is not 100% correct. The risk is low, but it isn't zero. Much lower than other penetration activities, but you have to be particularly careful when you have cuts or sores in the mouth - these can be present from vigorous brushing or flossing.  🤓

[italianboyph]

53 minutes ago, KeepItReal said:

Well..that is not 100% correct. The risk is low, but it isn't zero. Much lower than other penetration activities, but you have to be particularly careful when you have cuts or sores in the mouth - these can be present from vigorous brushing or flossing.  🤓

STDS for sure, let me also add that undetectable = untransmittable. Education is elevation and it's the only way people can be informed and safe. 

[Simon Suraci]

4 hours ago, italianboyph said:

Well first, you can't contract HIV from oral. HPV, HEP A&B, you can be easily vaccinated for. As well as monkey pox, and meningitis. Though the numbers are low for gonorrhea when taking doxy, it's still used as a prevented for it. It's also one that can be treated for worse case scenario. Its also our responsibly to get tested regularly if you're sexually active.

I have to agree with @KeepItReal the risk for HIV from oral may be low, but it is non-zero.

My doctor tells me DoxyPEP can lower the risk of gonorrhea infection, but many people still do get gonorrhea while using DoxyPEP as prescribed.

All treatable of course, and yes we should be getting tested regularly. I do so monthly. Clients usually aren’t testing that frequently. Best case is every three months for those superstar gays on prep and testing according to their doctor’s requirements. Many clients do not test at all for various reasons; healthcare privacy, access, shame, lack of frequent exposure, fear of judgment, among other reasons.

Unfortunately, many clients are not getting vaccinated for all you mentioned. I do, as I should considering our work, but only a fraction of MSM are on top of these things. Some fear judgement, shame, or lack access. Telling your doctor you need a monkeypox vaccine is tantamount to putting a pink triangle on your sleeve. It may be no big deal for me, but a married bi-curious client seeking a first experience is probably not going to be so bold, or proactive, or knowledgeable.

I think the concern here is some clients either do not know about, do not have, or refuse (for whatever valid or not-so-valid reasons) to access appropriate healthcare. Maybe for fear of a spouse finding out, or general stigma. Who knows. 

For those clients refusing to access appropriate preventive and maintenance healthcare, the best way to stay healthy is to abstain from sexual activity.

[italianboyph]

13 minutes ago, Simon Suraci said:

I have to agree with @KeepItReal the risk for HIV from oral may be low, but it is non-zero.

My doctor tells me DoxyPEP can lower the risk of gonorrhea infection, but many people still do get gonorrhea while using DoxyPEP as prescribed.

All treatable of course, and yes we should be getting tested regularly. I do so monthly. Clients usually aren’t testing that frequently. Best case is every three months for those superstar gays on prep and testing according to their doctor’s requirements. Many clients do not test at all for various reasons; healthcare privacy, access, shame, lack of frequent exposure, fear of judgment, among other reasons.

Unfortunately, many clients are not getting vaccinated for all you mentioned. I do, as I should considering our work, but only a fraction of MSM are on top of these things. Some fear judgement, shame, or lack access. Telling your doctor you need a monkeypox vaccine is tantamount to putting a pink triangle on your sleeve. It may be no big deal for me, but a married bi-curious client seeking a first experience is probably not going to be so bold, or proactive, or knowledgeable.

I think the concern here is some clients either do not know about, do not have, or refuse (for whatever valid or not-so-valid reasons) to access appropriate healthcare. Maybe for fear of a spouse finding out, or general stigma. Who knows. 

For those clients refusing to access appropriate preventive and maintenance healthcare, the best way to stay healthy is to abstain from sexual activity.

I understand completely, but when you're talking about HIV in 2025 with PreP and HIV Poz people being undetectable. It's very different.  In the case of a provider should be getting tested regularly with STDS, that is our responsibly. Again, I still suggest prep and Doxy, and testing, which is how we stop the spread.  So as a provider being on prep and doxy should be without a question. This is why I said it's important that there is correct info on sex education being told. I also agree,  an only option I see is safe sex and whatever you decide that may be, or nothing at all.