Shy to ask for what I want

[badger]

I am not usually very good at asking for what I want. Part of the reason I decided to start meeting with pros was so I could hopefully feel less shy about doing so, but it can still be difficult for me.

I met with a guy a few weeks ago who I gave a few very brief general sentences about what I was looking for. When we met, the chemistry was amazing, it was almost like he was reading my mind. I'm seeing him again tomorrow. Is it ok to ask him if I can send him a few links to porn that I particularly love (or screenshots) to convey more of what I'm intersted in? During our time together and a few texts since then, he has genuinely seemed interested in what I enjoy and want. I don't want to come across like I'm expecting him to do homework, but, yknow. 

[+ JamesB]

Effective communication is key to a successful provider-client relationship. A good provider will expect you to ask for exactly what you want. There's no need to be shy; I can guarantee you won't ask for anything they haven't heard before. While good providers are skilled at reading clients and guiding the session accordingly, leaving them to guess your preferences isn't the best approach when hiring.

[+ APPLE1]

One of the valuable things I learned here (I believe in a post from @Jamie21) was that profiles on websites aren't just for providers. MY client profile is a great place to share what I think is important about me and our potential encounter. I list right up front what activities I am looking for.

It's been great for efficiency! Often with initial communication the provider immediately opens the topic to "I can do X," OR "I do not do X."

Edited May 23, 2024 by APPLE1

[+ KensingtonHomo]

I do think you can share nearly anything with a provider so long as you ask. I would suggest that you express to the provider what you did here. That the session was great and you’re shy and not great at expressing yourself, so can you share some scenes you find hot? If he says “yes”, go for it. 

[jmichaeliii]

I've had this same problem ever since I have been hiring.  I have always let the provider lead the way and so far it's been mostly successful.  After a year,  I've finally opened up to my primary guy things I specifically like.  I don't know why it's so difficult but I struggle too with it.

[Lohengrin1979]

For me, the chance to allow myself to experience the provider’s skill without providing him a roadmap has been exhilarating, often. I’ve discovered new things I now like quite a bit because I let them drive.

All that being said, you are hiring a professional and you definitely can provide some direction. Most would welcome the input and the ones who wouldn’t likely aren’t worth the fee anyway.

[+ Pensant]

I’m usually quite confident in describing my role-play scenarios. I agree that most providers appreciate the frankness. They can always demur if it’s not part of their repertoire.

[rvwnsd]

On 5/23/2024 at 8:03 AM, badger said:

...I'm seeing him again tomorrow. Is it ok to ask him if I can send him a few links to porn that I particularly love (or screenshots) to convey more of what I'm interested in? During our time together and a few texts since then, he has genuinely seemed interested in what I enjoy and want. I don't want to come across like I'm expecting him to do homework, but, yknow. 

Glad to hear you found a provider who is interested in what you enjoy and want. As others have stated, you can always ask if sending a clip of what you are looking for would be OK. Another approach would be to approach him as a "safe space" to practice asking directly what it is you want. Then again, it seems he exceled at figuring out what you wanted organically, so maybe relaxing and letting your sessions evolve will prove successful.

BTW: It has been a few days since your playdate. How did it go? Did you send him the porn clips? 

[+ Vegas_Millennial]

When you ask him if he's willing to offer more sensual elements, be sure he can clearly understand you.  For example:  if his dick is already in your mouth, then take it out when you speak.  Otherwise, you may mumble and he may not hear that you're asking for a more erotic experience

[Rod Hagen]

In all expensive things, make your expectations clear and brief and polite.

[+ newatthis]

On 5/26/2024 at 12:33 PM, jmichaeliii said:

I've had this same problem ever since I have been hiring.  I have always let the provider lead the way and so far it's been mostly successful.  After a year,  I've finally opened up to my primary guy things I specifically like.  I don't know why it's so difficult but I struggle too with it.

If I understood @badger correctly,  he understands that it's ok, or desirable, to be explicit about what he wants -- but he is too shy/inhibited to express himself directly (something I understand from personal experience).  Sharing porn that illustrates what you lust for is one way to deal with that shyness.  Another might be to phrase things a little obliquely, along the lines of "I saw a porn scene once that really turned me on.  They were [fill in the blank]."  Or, a little more directly, "I sometimes find myself fantasizing about [...]."

On 5/26/2024 at 7:57 PM, Lohengrin1979 said:

For me, the chance to allow myself to experience the provider’s skill without providing him a roadmap has been exhilarating, often. I’ve discovered new things I now like quite a bit because I let them drive....

Absolutely!  Some escorts will naturally push you to explore; others hesitate for fear of scaring you or turning you off.  Letting them know that you're open to new experiences is important.

[savantsav]

and others will take advantage of that so they don't have to do the work.

[+ purplekow]

I am curious if those who have posted here saying they have difficulty asking the escort for what they find enjoyable, find it difficult in general to ask for what they want or need.  If the answer to that is yes, a good starting point to getting over this is with an escort.  You are paying him for his "time" and for his expertise.  Utilize both to get what you want and to assist you in being more forthcoming in your not escort hiring life.  I have had times in my life when I was shy about asking for I wanted and guess what? I did not get it.  Escorts and friends and family and clerks at the shoe store are not mind readers.  Ask and ye shall receive or at least, you can move on to someone who may give be better at giving it to you.  

[+ purplekow]

5 minutes ago, savantsav said:

and others will take advantage of that so they don't have to do the work.

This may be work for an escort but most of them want to enjoy the experience.  This is not a quiz where they need to study up and figure out what you need.  Speak up.  If you want to be tied down and have your dog lick peanut butter off your scrotum, speak up because most people are not going to guess that no matter how energetically they work.  

[starman05]

I saw a guy who gives massages but also escorts.

He mentioned the escorting thing one time when I was leaving; I thought he was letting me know...in case I was interested.

I went in for a hug and then I sort of whispered into his ear what I would like to do if we did a different kind of session. 

I thought that was a good way to do. but I haven't seen him for a different kind of sesh yet.