Does a Good BFE Mean the Provider Is Just A Good Actor?

[FaustOust]

Does a good connection during a boyfriend experience have to have any basis in reality or are good providers just good actors involved in a monetary transaction?  Should I even care whether he is acting?  I’m newer at this and don’t want to appear foolish.

[blck37]

Whilst chemistry plays some part in elevating the experience and make job easier for the provider, its business transaction at its core. Like any other profession, a pro provider has a 'business persona' that he sells to his client. You might get a glimpse of his true self overtime but his business persona will be at the front. That is not absolute tho. Have regulars that turn into friends, our intimacy level swifts in and outside of bedroom (ie in or outside of business hours). He often see me for lunch/ dinner free of charge - during these occasions, he trully behave like a friend, no bfe hints just mates hanging out talking bout life and whatnot. But whenever he is on the clock, he swifts and play the bfe part well. Its the small things that changes, that intimate acts that one would normally show only to their partner.

Other things that many pro providers excel at is off-hour marketing/ customer service eg checking in on you day(s) after play, using pet names, throwing in a freebie here and there in multiple days/ week long hire etc. Tho just like any non-hiring relationship, my believe that one is likely be geniune if they remember (substansial/ personal) things you said even weeks after. 

There is no reasons why you should care whether he is acting or not. Would he be seeing you (and act they way he did being intimate etc) if monies is off the table - not taking into account those off-hours marketing freebies.  This hopefully would help one grounded in partaking in this hobby.

That said, whether its an act or not, do not overthink it. Just enjoy the moment. But always always guard your heart - falling for provider is (far) too easy. 

[Thique]

It’s really hard to find a provider that can truly deliver on a BFE. A lot talk the talk, but cannot walk the walk. 

If you find a provider that is delivering a half good BFE - whether real or acted - that is a huge win in my opinion.

It is a financial transaction at the end of the day, so I think managing expectations is important as well. I don’t expect a provider to fall in love with me, but I do expect him to fuck me like he loves me …

[Joey442]

It is a financial transaction at the end of the day, so I think managing expectations is important as well. I don’t expect a provider to fall in love with me, but I do expect him to fuck me like he loves me …

Spot on - sometimes the chemistry just doesn't take off; not necessarily anything bad on either person's part, but when it works this is it!

[pubic_assistance]

8 hours ago, FaustOust said:

Does a good connection during a boyfriend experience have to have any basis in reality or are good providers just good actors involved in a monetary transaction?  Should I even care whether he is acting?  I’m newer at this and don’t want to appear foolish.

Well...if you're HIRING someone for a boyfriend experience. I would confidently say that you shouldn't have any expectations of an actual connection.

By definition a GOOD escort should be able to provide a session that makes you FEEL desirable.

It's unimportant as to how much of that is gonna be an act and how much of that might be somewhat genuine attraction. Because you're NOT dating, you're PAYING.

 

Edited May 23 by pubic_assistance
spelling

[soloyo215]

8 hours ago, FaustOust said:

Does a good connection during a boyfriend experience have to have any basis in reality or are good providers just good actors involved in a monetary transaction?  Should I even care whether he is acting?  I’m newer at this and don’t want to appear foolish.

You are paying for him to be your boyriend, so I imagine that it involves a lot of pretending and acting. He's providing you with the experience of someone giving you close attention. Only the provider can tell if it's real interst or not. Chances are that since it's a for-pay situation, it is acting.

Nothing wrong with enjoying it, but I'd suggest not to get sucked into a fantasy that can cost you your money and self-esteem. Be careful about how far you should go with that. It's their job to make you feel wanted, accepted and desired. Don't lose sight of that.

Edited May 23 by soloyo215

[+ JamesB]

Always remember that you are paying someone to play a role. While having some type of connection can enhance the experience, it’s crucial to never forget that it's a fantasy you’re paying for. Don’t worry about how much is genuine and how much is an act, just enjoy it for what it is. If you lose sight of this, you might end up paying both emotionally and financially.

[FaustOust]

Thank you.  I guess I should realize that for them it is likely only about the benjamin$ and just try to enjoy what I am paying for.

[pubic_assistance]

9 minutes ago, FaustOust said:

Thank you.  I guess I should realize that for them it is likely only about the benjamin$ and just try to enjoy what I am paying for.

If you like this person and continue to hire him for regular meets, then you do sometimes have a friendly connection develop that adds to the enjoyment of the encounter. ( For both of you. )

No guarantee but definitely possible.

[DGHou]

There are some really good actors out there.  Personally I prefer the ones that won't let you get too close emotionally.  I have been hiring for BFE for about 35 years and was always guarded until the past couple of years.  He is so good looking, beautiful green eyes, very passionate, great kisser. We both fight some of the same internal demons and we shared those struggles many times.  Great connection. Lots of fun and cute texts from him.  He always enjoyed my company even though I am 30 years his senior. A month ago he told me he was moving to be the third with a couple that had been together 20 years and who are between he and I in age.  I didn't think I had fallen for him but I guess I had because my heart is really broken.  This is the first time I let my guard down.  I actually am a pretty good judge of character and I don't think that was always 100% about the money or that he was always acting.  I think there was a lot of genuineness.  

So be careful and remember no matter what else you feel or he says or does, it is a financial arrangement at its core.

[+ DrownedBoy]

Yes. It requires not only good acting skills, but also a genuine enjoyment of sex (in general, not for the client).

Kissing has always been my measure of how good an actor they are. You can tell so easily when they're going through motions, and most escorts do while kissing (not that I hold that against them). But I've yet to find an actor good enough to kiss like a real bf - there's always going to be a missing emotional component.

[Simon Suraci]

Yes

[rvwnsd]

On 5/22/2024 at 8:42 PM, FaustOust said:

...Should I even care whether he is acting?...

I don't care. As long as I have a good time, it doesn't matter to me what the provider thinks.

[viewing ownly]

7 hours ago, DGHou said:

There are some really good actors out there.  Personally I prefer the ones that won't let you get too close emotionally.  I have been hiring for BFE for about 35 years and was always guarded until the past couple of years.  He is so good looking, beautiful green eyes, very passionate, great kisser. We both fight some of the same internal demons and we shared those struggles many times.  Great connection. Lots of fun and cute texts from him.  He always enjoyed my company even though I am 30 years his senior. A month ago he told me he was moving to be the third with a couple that had been together 20 years and who are between he and I in age.  I didn't think I had fallen for him but I guess I had because my heart is really broken.  This is the first time I let my guard down.  I actually am a pretty good judge of character and I don't think that was always 100% about the money or that he was always acting.  I think there was a lot of genuineness.  

So be careful and remember no matter what else you feel or he says or does, it is a financial arrangement at its core.

Not to fret. You'll have that guy back soon enough. This newfound threesome experiment isn't going to work in the long run, for one reason or another. Inviting a 3rd for play as a long-time couple together is great. Inviting a 3rd to stay - nope. 

[JeffsterLA]

On 5/22/2024 at 8:42 PM, FaustOust said:

Does a good connection during a boyfriend experience have to have any basis in reality or are good providers just good actors involved in a monetary transaction?  Should I even care whether he is acting?  I’m newer at this and don’t want to appear foolish.

Most of the time, yes. This is 99 percent true, especially if you’re much more average looking compared to the provider. 

[+ KensingtonHomo]

I agree that it's important to remember that this is a provider/client relationship. That said, I think there is some degree of acting but the best providers - whether you specify a BFE or not - are people who really enjoy meeting people, getting to know them, and providing them with pleasure. That part of it probably isn't an act per se. But they are definitely playing a role. 

[DGHou]

11 hours ago, viewing ownly said:

Not to fret. You'll have that guy back soon enough. This newfound threesome experiment isn't going to work in the long run, for one reason or another. Inviting a 3rd for play as a long-time couple together is great. Inviting a 3rd to stay - nope. 

Thanks for the encouraging words.  I hope, altho it's a move back to where he used to live and misses. I know most throuples don't last long.  And sometimes one in the long term relationship leaves to be with the 3rd, especially if he and the 3rd have the closer connection, which is the case here.  I'm keep trying to convince myself it has always been about the money for him.  I think that's the only way I can get through this.  If he does return the wall around my heart will stay and we will just have amazing sex like before.

 

[+ Coolwave35]

1 hour ago, DGHou said:

I'm keep trying to convince myself it has always been about the money for him.  I think that's the only way I can get through this.

Why do you think that?  Why is it important how he perceived it?  It’s ok to love someone even if they don’t love you back. That’s part of the human experience.  Trying to untangle his motivation won’t make your loss hurt less. 

Edited May 24 by Coolwave35

[DGHou]

1 hour ago, Coolwave35 said:

Why do you think that?  Why is it important how he perceived it?  It’s ok to love someone even if they don’t love you back. That’s part of the human experience.  Trying to untangle his motivation won’t make your loss hurt less. 

Agree.

Thank you

[maninsoma]

Here's an analogy (and I'm sure there are others):

Does a psychotherapist only pretend to be interested in and care about his patients, just because that interest and caring has limits and occurs within a business transaction?  I don't think so.  Does that genuine caring and interest mean that the therapist would relax professional boundaries and start spending time with the client outside of paid sessions?  No.  I don't think that negates what happens during that patient's "hour," though.  Just as with escorts, though, I think it's important that clients acknowledge the limitations of the relationships.  With an escort, it's a "boyfriend experience while you are together" not a "boyfriend."

Psychotherapists have legal and ethical standards to follow, so they risk disciplinary action if they befriend a client outside of their professional relationship.  Escorts have no such external guidelines, so the way to know that you have developed an actual relationship (whether that be romantic/sexual or platonic/friendly) is that the two of you spend time together without any compensation exchanging hands.  If that hasn't happened, then it is truly nothing more than a business relationship even if there are fond feelings during the appointments. 

[Archangel]

In my line of work, I provide care for people. I genuinely care about them. But boundaries mean I can’t become enmeshed.

BFE – Boyfriend EXPERIENCE. He’s not your actual boyfriend. He’s providing the experience of a boyfriend, however.

It’s worth noting too that it’s not a SE, spouse experience. Things change for a lot of folks when relationships move from boyfriend to spouse. Sometimes even real dating is an acting game. The curtain falls once it moves on to something different – and it ain’t always a pleasant change!

[dbar123]

Some escorts are just going through the motions and that’s ok if you as the client are enjoying the interaction.

Others seem to genuinely enjoy the experience and the chemistry really works. It’s usually pretty easy to distinguish the difference.

[Archangel]

3 hours ago, dbar123 said:

Some escorts are just going through the motions and that’s ok if you as the client are enjoying the interaction.

I feel like that could be said of any provider in any service profession. Admittedly, it’s nice when the service provider enjoys their work – but I don’t suppose it’s necessary. That’s the difference between a job and a vocation, in some respects.

[dbar123]

4 hours ago, Archangel said:

I feel like that could be said of any provider in any service profession. Admittedly, it’s nice when the service provider enjoys their work – but I don’t suppose it’s necessary. That’s the difference between a job and a vocation, in some respects.

Some providers who are just going thru the motions will often take extra time to get hard. This may be a problem if you are expecting them to top. It’s often a good “tell” that they’re engaged when they are completely hard almost immediately 

[Erbenle]

On 5/23/2024 at 2:03 AM, Thique said:

It’s really hard to find a provider that can truly deliver on a BFE. A lot talk the talk, but cannot walk the walk. 

If you find a provider that is delivering a half good BFE - whether real or acted - that is a huge win in my opinion.

It is a financial transaction at the end of the day, so I think managing expectations is important as well. I don’t expect a provider to fall in love with me, but I do expect him to fuck me like he loves me …

I live in NYC and had a BFE recently. He was so kind, sweet, HOT, and kind. During our time, he was very eager to please me, took all of my cues, and fulfilled what I wanted. As some have mentioned, it is a transaction. Relax and enjoy it…you need to be into as well as your provider. Don’t be afraid to ask questions. I’m definitely going back for seconds and thirds. Have fun.