Why is there a major aversion to "old guys" on here?

[pubic_assistance]

7 minutes ago, SouthOfTheBorder said:

seems like this conversation is confusing preferences for hiring vs other preferences- big difference 

 

Agreed.

[+ KensingtonHomo]

28 minutes ago, pubic_assistance said:

What about that isnt a preference ?

 

A preference is not an aversion. Preference is “a greater liking for one alternative over another or others.” I prefer men who are clean shaven but I also find some men with facial hair attractive and the  presence of well groomed facial hair would not deter me from a guy. 

Aversion is a strong dislike or disinclination. I have an aversion to men with very long, unkempt beards. I do not find them attractive, even if they are otherwise handsome. 

Another non-age example is I prefer men with chest hair but I also find smooth guys attractive. But I have an aversion to men who shave their bodies because I find it very uncomfortable to have sex with someone who has stubble all over their body. 

Generally, I prefer men who are taller than me but I’m not averse to men who are shorter than me if I otherwise find them attractive. 

[+ KensingtonHomo]

2 hours ago, jmichaeliii said:

Im in my mid fifties and it is Mid-Twenties to about 40 for me.

Is this about hiring or attraction in general? 

[pubic_assistance]

47 minutes ago, KensingtonHomo said:

Is this about hiring or attraction in general? 

Inquiring minds would like to know

[pubic_assistance]

3 hours ago, KensingtonHomo said:

Aversion is a strong dislike or disinclination

So you "prefer" to sleep with certain men but you're "averse" to sleeping with a woman.

Got it.

We all have our preferences ...and aversions.

Edited May 16 by pubic_assistance
Punctuation

[Thelatin]

I’ve been told to go fuck myself many times.  If only I were younger. 

Edited May 17 by Thelatin

[DWnyc]

12 hours ago, SouthOfTheBorder said:

there are 30 guys 60yrs and over….a relatively small percentage.

Grindr years vs real years?

One guy in my geography claims to be 39 for the past decade and I know he has to be over 55 based on some things he’s told me socially - and he’s beyond the point where he can get away with it 

And there’s that ex porn star living between Philly and NY who used to claim his pics (visibly spanning several years) were all no more than 3 months old which and given whatever age he claimed he was he would have been active in the industry when 12 or 13

 

 

 

 

[MscleLovr]

16 hours ago, SouthOfTheBorder said:

…In Latin America & Europe, older gay men are much more visible & mix more frequently in bars/clubs without disapproval or stigma.… I think it has something to do with other cultures more general respect for elders. 

If this referred to Latin America & Spain and possibly Italy, I’d completely agree.
 

I’m less sure about other European countries: I don’t go to bars but I’ve been clubbing in France, Denmark & Sweden. I was treated well but I was always with a younger partner so I’m not sure how an older singleton might be treated. 
 

Culture aside, I wonder if economic circumstance plays a major part. I found that younger Italian and Spanish men often were interested in an older man. Some guys were discreet in public and trading sex in private. Some men appreciate an older, more mature man. Some undoubtedly seek a sugar daddy. 
 

Certainly, when I spent a long time in Buenos Aires in 2007-2014, I was startled at first by how often younger men came onto me. It seemed that a well-groomed, smartly- dressed older man in Argentina is prized by attractive young men who are not sex workers as such but looking for support and offering companionship.

[SouthOfTheBorder]

7 hours ago, MscleLovr said:

I’m less sure about other European countries: I don’t go to bars but I’ve been clubbing in France, Denmark & Sweden. I was treated well but I was always with a younger partner so I’m not sure how an older singleton might be treated. 

I was referencing bars for the most part, where older guys are more visible. Agree, Spain is probably best example in Europe where older gay guys are out in force - and that seems to attract older guys from all over.  I’ve noticed this in Paris & other European cities too - not the same degree as Spain tho.  

There is a sugar-daddy element at work for sure the same as other places.  But, it feels like that is only a small part - it’s more about open acceptance of older men. 

No experience clubbing in recent years.  It’s too late & too loud for me these days.  Plus, nothing good really happens after midnight imo.

[AtlantaDude]

On 5/15/2024 at 11:17 AM, maninsoma said:

I think your assumption "thus have no issues seeing men around our age" is wrong.  I think that a lot of men over 60 don't want to be sexual with men their own age, particularly if they are paying for it.  I am in my early 60s and even encountered this two decades ago, with a lot of men around my age looking for thirties or younger. 

This obviously isn't true for everyone, and maybe the split isn't even as high as 97/3, but preferring younger men is definitely a thing in the USA.  When I have traveled to Mexico, age discrimination doesn't seem nearly as prevalent.

Agree.  I’m 69.  Have no interest in guys over 40.  

[+ DrownedBoy]

As my posts here indicate, I tend to have an aversion to the attitude held by many younger providers. I'm hiring them less and less, and only when I have a good expectation that they'll act more responsible.

I could go into "grumpy old man" mode, and repeat everything about how younger providers tend to be entitled, arrogant, overpriced, and irresponsible, not to mention their inability to follow a schedule.

However, as an openly gay man, the biggest attitude factor is that gay youth nowadays have a lot more privileges, acceptance, and opportunities than I and other older gays did at that age. So I see a lot of them as selfish ingrates who don't recognize how much work and pain older gay men had to go through to create the society they enjoy now. And selfish, uneducated ingratitude will make me lose a hard-on faster than anything.

[pubic_assistance]

21 minutes ago, DrownedBoy said:

I could go into "grumpy old man" mode...However, as an openly gay man.....I see a lot of them as selfish ingrates who don't recognize how much work and pain older gay men had to go through to create the society they enjoy now.

There is nothing more tiresome than THIS "work and pain" speech you hear from old gay men.

Yes. The old gays did the work and paid the price.

But you're never going to get the acknowledgments you think you're owed from younger gay men.

The same way I've done so much in raising my children. They pretty much take everything for granted because they don't know the differnece from what their life might have been otherwise . As a parent you accept this and remain satisfied that YOU know what you've done and don't ask for compliments you just sit back and enjoy the fact your children are enjoying what you've done for them.

The majority of old gay men never parented so don't understand how to simply enjoy the fruits of their labor without being bitter when the young cuties don't want to be bothered with them.

Edited May 18 by pubic_assistance
spelling

[+ KensingtonHomo]

28 minutes ago, pubic_assistance said:

The same way I've done so much in raising my children. They pretty much take everything for granted because they don't know the differnece from what their life might have been otherwise . As a parent you accept this and remain satisfied that YOU know what you've done and don't ask for compliments you just sit back and enjoy the fact your children are enjoying what you've done for them.

The majority of old gay men never parented so don't understand how to simply enjoy the fruits of their labor without being bitter when the young cuties don't want to be bothered with them.

This is a terrible analogy. First, lots of queer men from every generation have raised children. Several of my friends (Gen Xers) have children, biological, step and adopted. Second, younger people in a marginalized community should be grateful to their forbearers. Should African Americans take MLK for granted? 

Third, me and most of my friends are very grateful to our parents for what they did for us. Sure, we had bratty moments as teenagers but as an adult - whether you're a parent or not - you realize how much your parent(s) provided you with love, security, mentoring, etc. 

Lastly. as a non-parent, I see a lot of parents in my generation doing an absolutely shit job and raising little entitled narcissists. That's not "natural." That's just bad parenting. 

[pubic_assistance]

27 minutes ago, KensingtonHomo said:

....lots of queer men from every generation have raised children. Several of my friends (Gen Xers) have children, biological, step and adopted.

Lots ? No.

Recent generations ...yes.

But I am clearly referring to OLD gay curmudgeons.

Secondly..you said it yourself: bratty teenagers. It takes years for adults to appreciate their elders. 20-somethings aren't there yet.

The point stands.

You're not getting young gay guys to acknowledge what gay men did in the 70s. Just enjoy the fact that these kids won't suffer the same injustices that you all did, and be happy for them.

Edited May 18 by pubic_assistance

[+ KensingtonHomo]

6 hours ago, pubic_assistance said:

You're not getting young gay guys to acknowledge what gay men did in the 70s. Just enjoy the fact that these kids won't suffer the same injustices that you all did, and be happy for them.

I was not in my 20s in the 70s but I was very grateful to my predecessors who fought for that first nondiscrimination laws, who founded GMHC and ACT UP, who created and entire culture and when I was in high school and college were bearing the brunt of the AIDS crisis.
 

Honestly, it’s even more disrespectful for young queers today to lack appreciation when the information is so readily available. And the rising tide of anti-queer fascism is cutting our rights off left and right in many states. So the kids should wake up before they find themselves in a pre-Stonewall situation just like we’re in a post-Roe situation. 

[+ José Soplanucas]

20 hours ago, pubic_assistance said:

There is nothing more tiresome than THIS "work and pain" speech you hear from old gay men.

 

+1

[+ DrownedBoy]

On 5/18/2024 at 11:02 AM, pubic_assistance said:

There is nothing more tiresome than THIS "work and pain" speech you hear from old gay men.

Yes. The old gays did the work and paid the price.

But you're never going to get the acknowledgments you think you're owed from younger gay men.

The same way I've done so much in raising my children. They pretty much take everything for granted because they don't know the differnece from what their life might have been otherwise . As a parent you accept this and remain satisfied that YOU know what you've done and don't ask for compliments you just sit back and enjoy the fact your children are enjoying what you've done for them.

The majority of old gay men never parented so don't understand how to simply enjoy the fruits of their labor without being bitter when the young cuties don't want to be bothered with them.

@pubic_assistance I didn't want to bring this up again, but based on past posts, you have no place in the gay community, and definitely no right to speak about it. Right now, your actions (if not substance) are pretty much the same as a closeted gay guy whose only contact with the community is when you commit adultery on your wife.

I don't know of many gays who feel "owed" by young people...except by not being treated badly. I don't ask for any recognition, but I do ask not to be insulted by young gays simply for walking into a room while being old.

And I don't know how you raised your kids, but as a financially-secure adult with elderly parents, I gladly perform my filial duties, whether it's visiting them, helping them out, or just being there for them. I'm capable of gratitude.

Edited May 19 by DrownedBoy

[DWnyc]

3 hours ago, DrownedBoy said:

you have no place in the gay community

Come on, let’s not ostracize or expel, whatever we may think individually or as the major part of our demographic. Isn’t that what the fundamental fight was / is / always will be?

Let the man have his say, agree / disagree, and remember if he’s gone the bar for unacceptability starts falling to the point where we as individuals may also eventually be targets. 

 

[DWnyc]

I think the overall problem is lack of empathy. It’s not restricted to providers. 

And how many older gentlemen, when turning down those they don’t want to be with, do so with the respect they crave or relax their criteria to accept a proposition - as they wish / expect from the younger ones.

Bottom line: you can’t force people to like what they don’t like, but you can expect them to be respectful. I don’t know if todays youth is worse than prior generations. 

[Thelatin]

I have recently tried a few older providers, so like 10 years younger then myself.  I'll just be blunt.  I enjoyed bottoming as they were very experienced tops.  But I couldn't finish, as I wasn't attracted in the same way as I am to younger very in shape providers.

[+ APPLE1]

While never having children, I have seen my share raised by family, friends, and peers. I've witnessed children of the same generation behave very differently. I think @DWnyc and @DrownedBoy both hit the nail on the head.

Empathy is certainly the skill that allows people to be respectful and understanding of other's differences and sacrifices.

But lack of empathy is far from simply "generational" or a "symptom" of youth. Like most everything in life, empathy is learned skill. Children who are raised poorly are going to take most things for granted when they leave the home they were raised in. I assume it will take another 10 to 20 years for them to learn that skill. While children who are raised well have a good foundation for empathy, and they continue to further develop that skill for a long time.

[DWnyc]

2 hours ago, Thelatin said:

I have recently tried a few older providers, so like 10 years younger then myself.  I'll just be blunt.  I enjoyed bottoming as they were very experienced tops.  But I couldn't finish, as I wasn't attracted in the same way as I am to younger very in shape providers.

This could make for an interesting SAT question.

If you are older than the providers who couldn’t get you where you needed to go …

And if most people think like you …

What is the likelihood that without a transaction involved …

Be thankful you have the means to obtain what sees you through, but realize what it is and what it is not. 
 

 

[rvwnsd]

Two of the most revered escorts on this forum are 55 or older. Dane Scott is 58 and Jake Mitchell is 55. I can't find DavidInSF's ad at the moment, but he is also 55. Aside from Mike Gaite, I can't think of any escorts who are recommended as frequently as these guys. 

On 5/15/2024 at 7:27 AM, viewing ownly said:

Probably 97 times out of 100 if I see a guy, regardless of physical appearance, who is in his 60s or higher, not a single person has shed light on their experience. ...

A majority of the time, there are no experiences about any escort that is inquired about. This is a small community, so it makes sense that most members haven't hired most escorts. On Rentmen, there are 27 providers who are 60 or older. That doesn't allow for many inquiries about providers who are >60 years old. My guess is providers either retire or do something else by the time they reach 60. 

 

 

[mike carey]

1 hour ago, rvwnsd said:

I can't find DavidInSF's ad at the moment, but he is also 55.

David is in New York at the moment.

[BradyWolf]

Aversion to older men, you say? Goodness gracious, is that so? 😱

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  In that case, my only question is this: "Where in the almighty hell are you even finding these men?" 😕😖❓ Yet more to the point, could you PLEASE send some of them in MY direction?  Pretty please, with sugar on top? (Ideally, chubby and moderately hairy, too...) But jokes aside, indeed I wish there were more older and bigger men on sites like RentMasseur, alongside the younger and twink/jock types, ya know? Guys like in these photos:

 

  

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In fact, right now these days, I currently got my sights upon a handsome mature gentleman of 69 years in age, yummy! And I only wish there were more in my area similar to him... 💯