Masseurs with room mates? How to deal with this?

[BaronArtz]

I live in NYC.  Cost of living here is high.  I understand that young people starting out in any field need to live with room mates to make it work for them.

Here is what happened.  I had an appointment booked with a masseur that I had a few previous appointments with - all incall, erotic massage.  I did not know he had a room mate.  A few hours before another scheduled appointment today, he calls me and asks whether it would bother me if the room mate would be at the apartment during my planned visit.  The room mate returned earlier than expected from a business trip,  The masseur clarified that the room mate has his own room and I would probably not see him.  The masseur was professional about it and offered to reschedule.

I was a bit concerned because we do usually fuck and hang out naked in the living room for a while when the deed is done.

I did thank the masseur for his honesty up front and said that I would not be comfortable with this arrangement.  We are tentatively rescheduling for next week.

My question is - am I too squeamish?  Am I a prude?  Has anybody else been in an appointment while a room mate could be lurking in the background?  I would greatly appreciate your advice.

[dutchal]

I know from reading posts here that others have had the experience, most or all undisclosed before arrival for the appointment, or even they didn't realize it until after the session was over.

[Typical]

It wouldn’t bother me at all. But if it diminishes your experience then by all means reschedule. You are spending your money and you should be totally comfortable with the situation.  

[BaronArtz]

8 minutes ago, dutchal said:

I know from reading posts here that others have had the experience, most or all undisclosed before arrival for the appointment, or even they didn't realize it until after the session was over.

I did tell the masseur that I appreciated his thoughtfulness in disclosing it before my arrival.  

A forum member, via personal message, mentioned to me that having the room mate hanging around might also impact the masseur.  What if it causes him to hold back?  What if the room mate needs something from the kitchen while we are hanging around naked, in the living room, post coitus?  It is an unnecessary complication.

[scorpio1988may]

1 hour ago, BaronArtz said:

I live in NYC.  Cost of living here is high.  I understand that young people starting out in any field need to live with room mates to make it work for them.

Here is what happened.  I had an appointment booked with a masseur that I had a few previous appointments with - all incall, erotic massage.  I did not know he had a room mate.  A few hours before another scheduled appointment today, he calls me and asks whether it would bother me if the room mate would be at the apartment during my planned visit.  The room mate returned earlier than expected from a business trip,  The masseur clarified that the room mate has his own room and I would probably not see him.  The masseur was professional about it and offered to reschedule.

I was a bit concerned because we do usually fuck and hang out naked in the living room for a while when the deed is done.

I did thank the masseur for his honesty up front and said that I would not be comfortable with this arrangement.  We are tentatively rescheduling for next week.

My question is - am I too squeamish?  Am I a prude?  Has anybody else been in an appointment while a room mate could be lurking in the background?  I would greatly appreciate your advice.

i've had 3 really awkward situations - one of them the masseurs wife was upstairs and he took be downstairs for the erotic massage; another time i had to walk past a lady (wife?) sitting in living room to use the bathroom; the strangest was when the masseurs (mother?) knocked on the door 

none of them told me there would be others there and i never went back to any of them

[Redwine56]

1 hour ago, BaronArtz said:

I live in NYC.  Cost of living here is high.  I understand that young people starting out in any field need to live with room mates to make it work for them.

Here is what happened.  I had an appointment booked with a masseur that I had a few previous appointments with - all incall, erotic massage.  I did not know he had a room mate.  A few hours before another scheduled appointment today, he calls me and asks whether it would bother me if the room mate would be at the apartment during my planned visit.  The room mate returned earlier than expected from a business trip,  The masseur clarified that the room mate has his own room and I would probably not see him.  The masseur was professional about it and offered to reschedule.

I was a bit concerned because we do usually fuck and hang out naked in the living room for a while when the deed is done.

I did thank the masseur for his honesty up front and said that I would not be comfortable with this arrangement.  We are tentatively rescheduling for next week.

My question is - am I too squeamish?  Am I a prude?  Has anybody else been in an appointment while a room mate could be lurking in the background?  I would greatly appreciate your advice.

@BaronArtzyou are very wise to reschedule.  I respect the masseur for providing you with the heads-up.  It is apparent that you have developed somewhat of a relationship with this masseur and he was considerate of your feelings.  Sometimes things work out as they should, and in this situation, l believe you've made the right choice.  Look forward to the next appointment which will be even hotter!  Cheers!

[Redwine56]

7 minutes ago, scorpio1988may said:

i've had 3 really awkward situations - one of them the masseurs wife was upstairs and he took be downstairs for the erotic massage; another time i had to walk past a lady (wife?) sitting in living room to use the bathroom; the strangest was when the masseurs (mother?) knocked on the door 

none of them told me there would be others there and i never went back to any of them

Was Mom telling the masseur that dinner was ready?  😄

[Whippoorwill]

I once had the experience that when I arrived at one of my regular's, his husband was there, and left. When I left, the husband was in the lobby about to get on the elevator to return to the apartment. It did not affect our session, but none of the the three of us were thrilled with this I suspect, and it's never happened again. Mistakes happen. 

[Zimby]

I think part of paying for a massage is getting undivided attention for yourself for 60/90/120 minutes.  If there were other people in the area it would definitely affect the ambiance/mode for me. 

For those clients that also have to concern themselves with discretion I would think this would be a deal-breaker.

[Simon Suraci]

It sounds like in this case the masseur takes the right approach by only scheduling appointments when the roommate is not home i.e. the functional equivalent of a dedicated space for the duration of the session. As long as nobody else is coming or going or present, that sounds fine to me. Also, he did the right thing by alerting you ahead of time. I agree, you should reschedule for a time that he has the privacy to offer you all the services you want, in an atmosphere you want.

A few of my workspace peeves:

Rule 1) no other people in/around your work space, or hanging around outside of it. The client shouldn’t encounter anyone besides a neighbor or doorman or stranger on the street or in a hall or lobby. Certainly not the masseur’s significant other, family, or friends.

Rule 2) no pets in/around your workspace. People have allergies and pets are distracting, even the most well behaved ones. Who wants a dog licking your feet or whimpering for attention in the next room or a masseur snapping their fingers or raising their voice to ask their cat to exit the room? Or worse, the pet jumps on the massage table. One of my clients told me he visited someone else and the masseur set out a glass of water for the client, upon request. The cat started lapping from the glass during the massage. I don’t blame the client for feeling weird about that.

Rule 3) provide a dedicated workspace

Rule 4) provide a sufficient buffer in between appointments so that clients will not cross paths on their way in/out.

These are just some of the problems with working out of the same place you live. If you live with other people, you must have a division of space that offers complete privacy, with a separate entrance and 100% dedicated bathroom. A client should never feel like their privacy is at risk or that they are being monitored.

One of my favorite masseurs worked out of his apartment and he had clients coming and going through his living room, which functioned as a waiting area. Appointments were back to back, no buffer, so you often saw his previous client leaving before you went in, and again in reverse on your way out. His partner lived separately at the time but was frequently in the living room too. So weird. It never bothered me, but I can’t imagine a lot of my clients would ever put up with that. Good thing his massage is so good. For him, I would have the appointment on the street in the middle of Times Square if it suited him. He is just that good. 

[JamesB]

Recently I had a massage with a provider that I had hired a couple of times before. He did not let me know that there was someone else home. During the massage I could hear someone talking on the phone which of course was not great for the mood. At the end of the session on the way to the bathroom, I came face to face with his roommate/husband/partner/boyfriend. I think he was completely wrong not to give me a heads up about the situation and of course I will not be hiring him again.

[BaronArtz]

38 minutes ago, JamesB said:

Recently I had a massage with a provider that I had hired a couple of times before. He did not let me know that there was someone else home. During the massage I could hear someone talking on the phone which of course was not great for the mood. At the end of the session on the way to the bathroom, I came face to face with his roommate/husband/partner/boyfriend. I think he was completely wrong not to give me a heads up about the situation and of course I will not be hiring him again.

Indeed.  That was totally wrong.  

I did thank the massseur for being thoughtful about my feelings.  Although we only met a few times, I felt he was genuine about making a connection.  We are re-scheduling for next week,

I would like to thank all of you on this thread for sharing your thoughts.  You guys are amazing.  

Appreciate it very much.

[Redwine56]

9 hours ago, Simon Suraci said:

It sounds like in this case the masseur takes the right approach by only scheduling appointments when the roommate is not home i.e. the functional equivalent of a dedicated space for the duration of the session. As long as nobody else is coming or going or present, that sounds fine to me. Also, he did the right thing by alerting you ahead of time. I agree, you should reschedule for a time that he has the privacy to offer you all the services you want, in an atmosphere you want.

A few of my workspace peeves:

Rule 1) no other people in/around your work space, or hanging around outside of it. The client shouldn’t encounter anyone besides a neighbor or doorman or stranger on the street or in a hall or lobby. Certainly not the masseur’s significant other, family, or friends.

Rule 2) no pets in/around your workspace. People have allergies and pets are distracting, even the most well behaved ones. Who wants a dog licking your feet or whimpering for attention in the next room or a masseur snapping their fingers or raising their voice to ask their cat to exit the room? Or worse, the pet jumps on the massage table. One of my clients told me he visited someone else and the masseur set out a glass of water for the client, upon request. The cat started lapping from the glass during the massage. I don’t blame the client for feeling weird about that.

Rule 3) provide a dedicated workspace

Rule 4) provide a sufficient buffer in between appointments so that clients will not cross paths on their way in/out.

These are just some of the problems with working out of the same place you live. If you live with other people, you must have a division of space that offers complete privacy, with a separate entrance and 100% dedicated bathroom. A client should never feel like their privacy is at risk or that they are being monitored.

One of my favorite masseurs worked out of his apartment and he had clients coming and going through his living room, which functioned as a waiting area. Appointments were back to back, no buffer, so you often saw his previous client leaving before you went in, and again in reverse on your way out. His partner lived separately at the time but was frequently in the living room too. So weird. It never bothered me, but I can’t imagine a lot of my clients would ever put up with that. Good thing his massage is so good. For him, I would have the appointment on the street in the middle of Times Square if it suited him. He is just that good. 

Shall I presume that the massage was that of a theraputic nature?  I mean "in the middle of Times Square?"  And that begs the question -  When are you planning a visit to NYC?  Many of us are waiting for you.  😉

[Simon Suraci]

29 minutes ago, Redwine56 said:

Shall I presume that the massage was that of a theraputic nature?

Haha yes, this particular guy is therapeutic only. A bit of hyperbole to make the point that he’s so good that he’s about the only one I would go to such lengths for. If I’m publicly doing anything in the nude in Times Square, I should be getting paid for it. Or arrested. Or both.

Any NYC folks PM me so I can add you to my interest list. When I have enough I will reach out to make a trip.

[Redwine56]

9 hours ago, Simon Suraci said:

Haha yes, this particular guy is therapeutic only. A bit of hyperbole to make the point that he’s so good that he’s about the only one I would go to such lengths for. If I’m publicly doing anything in the nude in Times Square, I should be getting paid for it. Or arrested. Or both.

Any NYC folks PM me so I can add you to my interest list. When I have enough I will reach out to make a trip.

Understood.  With reference to your insightful and thoughtful comments on this forum and welcoming descriptions of the type of massage performed, I believe you have earned a list of respected clients who will easily keep you busy for a trip to the Big Apple.  I'll pm you with my personal info.

[soloyo215]

On 2/7/2024 at 10:50 AM, BaronArtz said:

I live in NYC.  Cost of living here is high.  I understand that young people starting out in any field need to live with room mates to make it work for them.

Here is what happened.  I had an appointment booked with a masseur that I had a few previous appointments with - all incall, erotic massage.  I did not know he had a room mate.  A few hours before another scheduled appointment today, he calls me and asks whether it would bother me if the room mate would be at the apartment during my planned visit.  The room mate returned earlier than expected from a business trip,  The masseur clarified that the room mate has his own room and I would probably not see him.  The masseur was professional about it and offered to reschedule.

I was a bit concerned because we do usually fuck and hang out naked in the living room for a while when the deed is done.

I did thank the masseur for his honesty up front and said that I would not be comfortable with this arrangement.  We are tentatively rescheduling for next week.

My question is - am I too squeamish?  Am I a prude?  Has anybody else been in an appointment while a room mate could be lurking in the background?  I would greatly appreciate your advice.

No, you are not squeamish. You do what you are comfortable doing in a service that you are paying for. I know that there's some fucking involved, but let's not forget that the massage part is supposed to be relaxing to start with.

I had a horrible experience with people in the apartment of a masseur I once hired. It was not a roommate, they were visitors, and yes, the exact thing that we don't want to happen, happened, them walking around and interrupting, and it wasn't a pleasant experience at all. They were passing by as I was getting the massage, and apologies from the masseur didn not make any difference. The experience was very unprofessional (he did not say anything about other people in his NYC apartment beforehand) and I decided to cut it short. Gave him a bad review, he changed his profile, probably to avoid the bad review(s) and later disappeared from the sites.

Your provider was quite professional when he told you ahead of time. You were very clear stating your discomfort with it, so I think the situation was handled properly and professionally on both parts. Of course, there's always the fantasy that the roommate is some hot guy who also gets naked and joins the massage/fucking when they see you, but what are the real chances of that? So no, IMO, you're not bveing a prude. It's supposed to be a private, intimate and relaxing experience without disruptions and worries about other people present.

I'd be very thankful to the provider for being clear and upfroint about it. He's very professional.

Edited February 8 by soloyo215

[Rudynate]

On 2/7/2024 at 7:50 AM, BaronArtz said:

I live in NYC.  Cost of living here is high.  I understand that young people starting out in any field need to live with room mates to make it work for them.

Here is what happened.  I had an appointment booked with a masseur that I had a few previous appointments with - all incall, erotic massage.  I did not know he had a room mate.  A few hours before another scheduled appointment today, he calls me and asks whether it would bother me if the room mate would be at the apartment during my planned visit.  The room mate returned earlier than expected from a business trip,  The masseur clarified that the room mate has his own room and I would probably not see him.  The masseur was professional about it and offered to reschedule.

I was a bit concerned because we do usually fuck and hang out naked in the living room for a while when the deed is done.

I did thank the masseur for his honesty up front and said that I would not be comfortable with this arrangement.  We are tentatively rescheduling for next week.

My question is - am I too squeamish?  Am I a prude?  Has anybody else been in an appointment while a room mate could be lurking in the background?  I would greatly appreciate your advice.

It doesn't matter whether it would be OK with some.  It wasn't OK with you -- and you and the provider worked things out. 

[Redwine56]

On 2/8/2024 at 11:08 AM, soloyo215 said:

No, you are not squeamish. You do what you are comfortable doing in a service that you are paying for. I know that there's some fucking involved, but let's not forget that the massage part is supposed to be relaxing to start with.

I had a horrible experience with people in the apartment of a masseur I once hired. It was not a roommate, they were visitors, and yes, the exact thing that we don't want to happen, happened, them walking around and interrupting, and it wasn't a pleasant experience at all. They were passing by as I was getting the massage, and apologies from the masseur didn not make any difference. The experience was very unprofessional (he did not say anything about other people in his NYC apartment beforehand) and I decided to cut it short. Gave him a bad review, he changed his profile, probably to avoid the bad review(s) and later disappeared from the sites.

Your provider was quite professional when he told you ahead of time. You were very clear stating your discomfort with it, so I think the situation was handled properly and professionally on both parts. Of course, there's always the fantasy that the roommate is some hot guy who also gets naked and joins the massage/fucking when they see you, but what are the real chances of that? So no, IMO, you're not bveing a prude. It's supposed to be a private, intimate and relaxing experience without disruptions and worries about other people present.

I'd be very thankful to the provider for being clear and upfroint about it. He's very professional.

Your experience gave me a chuckle.  People walking around the massage table!?  OMG.  Your body was on display like in some sci-fi movie.  The masseur should not have taken any $$$ from you.  Good grief . . . No excuses.

[soloyo215]

1 minute ago, Redwine56 said:

Your experience gave me a chuckle.  People walking around the massage table!?  OMG.  Your body was on display like in some sci-fi movie.  The masseur should not have taken any $$$ from you.  Good grief . . . No excuses.

Yes, didn't feel funny at the time, but it does now, especially knowing that he doesn't seem to be around anymore. Probably burned too many bridges behind him, who knows. About the money, I figure it's best to cut my loses and accept that not all of these experiences are going to be as expected. He should have not charged me at all (IMO), but that was part of his lack of professionalism.

[MuscleDaddyRWC]

I once arrived at a masseur's house to find a guy working on a car in the driveway.  I was starting to say hi are you... and the guy said if you're looking for (masseur name) just go in the front door, up there stairs to the right.  

I would have appreciated a heads up.

(It was for an erotic massage and I would have been thrilled if the other guy participated, but alas not.)

[pubic_assistance]

Interesting thread.

Seems to me like a lot of you guys are embarrassed by stuff that you're doing but none of these people around the masseurs seem to care.

If "mom" doesn't care about her son doing handy-J's then why should you ?

 

[DWnyc]

More than one provider has told me they like having a roommate present or nearby for security especially when with a first time client. 

I’ve always suspected some disclose beforehand to dangle a potential add-on to be paid for - on one occasion (late at night, pouring with rain etc) after the provider had exhausted all attempts to get me to contribute towards his friends time since he had no plans of his own that night - he was thrown in for free (studio apartment, nowhere for him to go apparently) - he didn’t really add anything and was a distraction mostly

 

[+ APPLE1]

On 2/10/2024 at 8:42 AM, pubic_assistance said:

Seems to me like a lot of you guys are embarrassed by stuff that you're doing

I am not sure embarrassment is the case for most who object to other people being present.

I rarely talk about my masturbation practices with other people. I'm not embarrassed, and I assume others assume I masturbate. It's one of MANY parts of my life I keep private.

And if I do share it with someone, I certainly don't expect them to bring it up 2 weeks from now at happy hour with other people.

[pubic_assistance]

So you're afraid a roommate will make you the subject of his cocktail hour ?

I never assume I'm that important to strangers.

[jeezifonly]

“Does the roommate know why I’m there? Fine, let’s go ahead”

Then, after tipping, before leaving, find the roommate and discreetly say, 

“I gotta hand it to you, friend. I’ve been hiring X for years. You’re the first roommate he’s had who can manage him through the rehab, disappearances, binges, liquor store heists and incarcerations. It really means a lot to him.”