KensingtonHomo

We see a bi provider whose partner is a woman and also a sex worker. He told us that her vetting process is extensive: MrNumber search Asks for references from other escorts No face pics Non-negotiable 50% deposit (and her rates are three times the average gay escort) And there's some stuff I can't remember. I'm not saying we should feel bad for straight guys hiring but, for me, it helps to have a broader sense of the field.

I don't have anxiety but I do my best to ensure I'm pristinely clean before engaging.

This is so true. It's why I - as bottom - do not rim most guys I have sex with because tops don't know how to keep their asshole clean.

Herpes, chlamydia, gonorrhea, syphillis, HPV, etc..

I sympathize with your fears. It took me a long time to tame mine. Similar to @BaronArtz I approach sex as if everyone has every STI. So I do what I'm comfortable with. I'm not particularly scared of getting most STIs (though I never have) because I'm tested regularly and they're all treatable. If I'm going to bareback, I use PreP or condoms. I have two concerns with your point of view. One, is that you're denying yourself sex because of irrational fear. That's not good for you. There's no evidence of HIV being transmitted due to a cut in someone's mouth. HIV is actually a relatively hard infection to get - compared to chlamydia or giardia. So maybe you could talk to a counselor who will make you feel more confident. Second, HIV stigma is very real and very harmful to people living with HIV. We need to fight it internally and as a community. I know this is particularly challenging for those of us who are over 40 because we saw an entire generation decimated. But from PreP to ART, HIV is no longer a death sentence. And giving into irrational fear is harmful to ourselves and our community. By all means, use condoms, take PreP, what have you, but try to end the stigma.

Is this about hiring or attraction in general?

A preference is not an aversion. Preference is “a greater liking for one alternative over another or others.” I prefer men who are clean shaven but I also find some men with facial hair attractive and the presence of well groomed facial hair would not deter me from a guy. Aversion is a strong dislike or disinclination. I have an aversion to men with very long, unkempt beards. I do not find them attractive, even if they are otherwise handsome. Another non-age example is I prefer men with chest hair but I also find smooth guys attractive. But I have an aversion to men who shave their bodies because I find it very uncomfortable to have sex with someone who has stubble all over their body. Generally, I prefer men who are taller than me but I’m not averse to men who are shorter than me if I otherwise find them attractive.

LOL—the guy who ridicules anyone who isn't extremely fit and 25 saying I'm being "prejudicial" is the funniest thing I've read all week. Thanks for the laugh. Again, we're not talking about a preference. We're talking about people who are either averse or completely uninterested in people their own age. Whatever someone thinks about guys in their 60s or 70s is what he thinks about himself.

I read the reviews on their profile, looking for consistency and checking if the people leaving the reviews are legit. For example, have they reviewed other providers? If they have a link to their socials, I'll take a look at those as well. Then, I'll search for them on here and consider those accounts. I'm really looking for an overall picture that is consistent. I'm not really worried about danger, particularly if the provider has a decent history and shows his face, gives me his phone number, etc. From there, I ask questions to get a sense if it's a fit. Honestly, I think Grindr might be more risky.

Someone put it very well above - yes, most people express preferences but there's quite a bit of aversion expressed on here. Oddly, it's not from younger provider men or providers. It tends to be men averse to those of their own age.

THIS! And one cannot be averse to or even just not attracted to someone their own age without some degree of self-hatred. That said, I don’t think this is a personal flaw. We are besieged by endless messages that only men who are super fit, under 30, and mostly white or white adjacent are attractive. This shows up in most if not all of us. We can try to be more open, rather than naturalize it. I’m middle aged and I generally find men around 35 to 65-70 attractive. Of course, it depends on the man and a lot of other variables but I’d generally prefer a 60 year old to a 25 year old.

Not yet. The timing hasn’t worked out.

Some of us like both.

He's not remotely my type.

I really appreciate @Simon Suraci thoughtful and honest post. We have had two providers who alerted us following a session that they tested positive for an STI. In both cases, our response was similar to Simon's client. We're Gen X and used to testing for HIV and having the sharing of that information be urgent. So we are always grateful for providers being honest. We keep it to ourselves of course. And we've never actually had an STI from a provider.

I agree. And I've been with many true bi or even pansexuals. But I think some providers who are Kinsey 1 or 2s advertise themselves as "bi" and then don't want to go "whole hog." That then makes some guys feel like "bi guys are phonies."

I'm very tattoo positive but his says "young" - how long will that be valid?

I have an ongoing joke with my husband about how I clean for providers like my mother's coming over. I am 100% doing too much, but I can't help it.

Yeah - I can understand a bit of Face Tune - I do it myself - but this is too much. And his butt isn't natural either, which is perfectly fine, but I also wonder if that's been digitally enhanced. I generally worry that so many people from Hollywood to our friends constantly using tech to upgrade their appearance is going to destroy our self esteem.

I'd check his ID. Still looks like jail bait.

I had been doing that but then other guys were like "you should include the tip", so I've started doing that.

It seems like a Millenial/Gen Z thing - I think they believe it's sexy.

One of my current favorite providers is bi. We've had no issues with him being passionate or kissing. I do think you run a bigger risk with bi guys having more limits than a gay guy, but I also agree with others that perhaps you've been unlucky.

But COVID hasn't made STIs more plentiful or different. Gonorrhea is indeed becoming treatment-resistant, which is a concern, but if you're working with guys who are careful about their health, you're probably going to be fine. We've had two instances in the past five years where a provider contacted us to say they tested positive for an STI. So we went and got tested. Neither time did we have the STI. Now, I'm an anxious person, so I understand that fear is irrational, but I think the odds are in your favor.

So you had this amazing experience and won’t tell us who it is? 😬