Are we done with hotels?

[Rudynate]

This is a little off-topic because it involves hookups in general not just with providers. I have noticed more and more that guys I meet on A4A think we HAVE to meet in a hotel - It's non-negotiable.  The arrangement is that you split the cost of the room.  I like hotel sex, so I used to be OK with it.  I have encountered, over and over, that guys often no-show or they cancel, so I'm out for my share of the room charge and I'm disappointed at yet another hookup gone south. It is such a problem that I won't meet up with a guy who insists on a hotel room. I have a nice, spacious house that is always clean and neat and I'm happy to host, but I have encountered a steady stream of guys who feel that they have to have a hotel room.  I have gotten so that the minute a guy mentions a hotel room, I say "no thanks."  Is this a general thing, or is it specific to A4A, or just to this area (Bay Area). 

[+ Vegas_Millennial]

1 hour ago, Rudynate said:

This is a little off-topic because it involves hookups in general not just with providers. I have noticed more and more that guys I meet on A4A think we HAVE to meet in a hotel - It's non-negotiable.  The arrangement is that you split the cost of the room.  I like hotel sex, so I used to be OK with it.  I have encountered, over and over, that guys often no-show or they cancel, so I'm out for my share of the room charge and I'm disappointed at yet another hookup gone south. It is such a problem that I won't meet up with a guy who insists on a hotel room. I have a nice, spacious house that is always clean and neat and I'm happy to host, but I have encountered a steady stream of guys who feel that they have to have a hotel room.  I have gotten so that the minute a guy mentions a hotel room, I say "no thanks."  Is this a general thing, or is it specific to A4A, or just to this area (Bay Area). 

When I was in my 20s/30s during and after the Great Recession, I learned my best pickup line was, "I have my own place, and I can host".  I considered myself average looking at best, but the fact that I was one of the few in my age bracket that wasn't living at home with parents made me a unique prospect that helped seal the deal.  Most of the guys I hooked up with then were living at home with their parents and just needed a private place to bust, and I was happy to accommodate!

[jmichaeliii]

I have seen a lot of comments here about DayUse.  I use it myself quite often, but something to be aware of.  Booking rooms on Saturday,  Sunday and Monday can be risky as the hotel can overbook and you are screwed because DayUse does not have priority and you can be roomless.  If I am meeting someone during those days I just pay the xtra and book normally.

Ask me how I know!

[MikeBiDude]

23 minutes ago, jmichaeliii said:

I have seen a lot of comments here about DayUse.  I use it myself quite often, but something to be aware of.  Booking rooms on Saturday,  Sunday and Monday can be risky as the hotel can overbook and you are screwed because DayUse does not have priority and you can be roomless.  If I am meeting someone during those days I just pay the xtra and book normally.

Ask me how I know!

I’ve had that happen exactly once in over dozens and dozens of DayUse bookings…so I was quite surprised when it happened. Provider was on the way to me!!! Luckily there was another DayUse hotel extremely close and I was able to make the change.

This was fairly recent, I just hope it was a fluke.

[jmichaeliii]

19 minutes ago, MikeBiDude said:

I’ve had that happen exactly once in over dozens and dozens of DayUse bookings…so I was quite surprised when it happened. Provider was on the way to me!!! Luckily there was another DayUse hotel extremely close and I was able to make the change.

This was fairly recent, I just hope it was a fluke.

Was my exact scenario.  And where I am there was only one other DayUse Hotel and it did not have availability for an hour after we were supposed to meet.  Luckily I was meeting a regular and he was very understanding. 

Don't assume it's a fluke.  Just beware of those days.  Booking Tues-Fri, no concerns have come up.

[Mark_fl]

4 hours ago, Rudynate said:

This is a little off-topic because it involves hookups in general not just with providers. I have noticed more and more that guys I meet on A4A think we HAVE to meet in a hotel - It's non-negotiable.  The arrangement is that you split the cost of the room.  I like hotel sex, so I used to be OK with it.  I have encountered, over and over, that guys often no-show or they cancel, so I'm out for my share of the room charge and I'm disappointed at yet another hookup gone south. It is such a problem that I won't meet up with a guy who insists on a hotel room. I have a nice, spacious house that is always clean and neat and I'm happy to host, but I have encountered a steady stream of guys who feel that they have to have a hotel room.  I have gotten so that the minute a guy mentions a hotel room, I say "no thanks."  Is this a general thing, or is it specific to A4A, or just to this area (Bay Area). 

I wonder if this is because of fear of being secretly recorded? 

[Wings246]

6 hours ago, Vegas_Millennial said:

If I'm having an orgy, then I'll let my roommates know in advance that I'm "having guests over".  It's up to my roommates if they want to leave the house or not.  Sex at home with others in the house has never been a problem for me or to my roommates.  If they're home, then I'll be considerate and keep the sex confined to my bedroom/bathroom.

Have you ever invited your roommates to join your "parties" out of convenience?

[+ purplekow]

I am surprised so many men here prefer hotels considering the number of complaints about the cost of escorts.  I would rather pay the escort a bit more and not have to pay for a hotel.  When I first started hiring, I did use a hotel that was about a five minute walk from my home.  At that time, the hotel was between 69 and 99 dollars and I would often tell the escort he could keep the room until the morning and pay any extra charges such as mini bar.  I would go to the front desk, pay off the room and then have the escort come down and give his credit card for any additional balances.  

I am more comfortable at my home.  When traveling, when I have a hotel room, I am glad to use that facility.  If I am hiring a traveller, if he wishes to have me come to his hotel, that is fine, but I give him the option of coming to my home and I will even go so far as to pick them up at their hotel.  If they are traveling with a friend, they are grateful to be able to leave the room to the friend for that time.  

I have a portable restraint, that is on the bed in my guest room.  That is a handy item as well as knowing where the lube and toys are.  I will take the portable restraint to a hotel if the escort is willing to be restrained.  That way I do not have to take it out and then reset it.  It just goes under the mattress with each limb hold on a strap from the central strap.  

So, home it is for me for the most part.  It makes me more comfortable, it is more affordable than getting a hotel and I feel safer.  I have my dogs and usually will mention that I may be having guests come by in a few hours, to add a never needed thus far, level of safety.  Never had anything taken, even during overnights.  And quite frequently I will get a souvenir pair of underwear  which was tossed and not retrieved.  

[+ Vegas_Millennial]

1 hour ago, purplekow said:

I am surprised so many men here prefer hotels considering the number of complaints about the cost of escorts.  I would rather pay the escort a bit more and not have to pay for a hotel. 

Agree 💯 

[Wings246]

23 hours ago, purplekow said:

I would rather pay the escort a bit more and not have to pay for a hotel.

I follow a similar thought process.  I cannot host.  So it's either the provider's place (his home or his hotel room) or I'll have to pay for a hotel room.  If it's the latter, I consider it a sunk cost.  In my mind, it's a fixed amount of $$$ that I need to spend to have fun.  Therefore, if and when the provider can host, I would tip him a larger than usual amount -- sometimes the equivalence of the hotel cost -- as if I'm simply transferring the sunk cost (that I'd have paid the hotel otherwise) directly into his pocket.

I love the convenience of not having to find something on Dayuse and he definitely loves the extra tips.  Hence, it's a win-win situation.  That's one of the reasons why providers who can host will easily rank higher on my priority list.

[+ Pensant]

On 7/21/2026 at 7:39 PM, purplekow said:

And quite frequently I will get a souvenir pair of underwear  which was tossed and not retrieved.  

So many guys have left jewelry at my place or hotel I can’t enumerate the frequency! Just last week, one left his harness and flogger! I’ll be spending an overnight next week, so he’ll have them back. A few have left jockstraps, a very special memento!

[Nue2thegame]

5 minutes ago, Pensant said:

So many guys have left jewelry at my place or hotel I can’t enumerate the frequency! Just last week, one left his harness and flogger! I’ll be spending an overnight next week, so he’ll have them back. A few have left jockstraps, a very special memento!

Not sure if you’re speaking in favor or against hotels…

[Rudynate]

On 7/21/2026 at 1:36 PM, Rudynate said:

This is a little off-topic because it involves hookups in general not just with providers. I have noticed more and more that guys I meet on A4A think we HAVE to meet in a hotel - It's non-negotiable.  The arrangement is that you split the cost of the room.  I like hotel sex, so I used to be OK with it.  I have encountered, over and over, that guys often no-show or they cancel, so I'm out for my share of the room charge and I'm disappointed at yet another hookup gone south. It is such a problem that I won't meet up with a guy who insists on a hotel room. I have a nice, spacious house that is always clean and neat and I'm happy to host, but I have encountered a steady stream of guys who feel that they have to have a hotel room.  I have gotten so that the minute a guy mentions a hotel room, I say "no thanks."  Is this a general thing, or is it specific to A4A, or just to this area (Bay Area). 

It happened again yesterday.  Great-looking guy on A4A.  We were chatting nicely; I told him I would enjoy having him over, he agreed, we chatted some more and then, "Why don't we get a hotel room together. We can split the cost and just take it easy and really enjoy other."  I said "I don't do hotel meetups."  Of course he tried to talk me into it. Finally, i said "I will host you at my place.  If that doesn't work for you, I guess we're done." He closed with the namaste emoji.

 

Edited yesterday at 04:45 PM by Rudynate
punctuation

[+ JamesB]

On 7/21/2026 at 9:39 PM, purplekow said:

I am surprised so many men here prefer hotels considering the number of complaints about the cost of escorts.  I would rather pay the escort a bit more and not have to pay for a hotel.

In my mind, those are two separate expenses. The provider's fee is the cost of the service. The hotel is something I choose to pay for my own safety, comfort, privacy and peace of mind.

[DMonDude]

54 minutes ago, Rudynate said:

It happened again yesterday.  Great-looking guy on A4A.  We were chatting nicely; I told him I would enjoy having him over, he agreed, we chatted some more and then, "Why don't we get a hotel room together. We can split the cost and just take it easy and really enjoy other."  I said "I don't do hotel meetups."  Of course he tried to talk me into it. Finally, i said "I will host you at my place.  If that doesn't work for you, I guess we're done." He closed with the namaste emoji.

 

That's so odd... I've never encountered this on Grindr/Sniffies. On there in my area, nearly everyone who can't host is all about car/public play.

Going off this and your prior comment. Maybe the demographic of guys you're having this interaction with are very afraid about going to some strangers house in the middle of the night and feel a hotel is more neutral a meeting spot while still being private? I don't know what A4A is like these days.

OR maybe it's a possible scam setup thing? Like they're trying to get you to send them your half of the room fee, then they'd order it for themselves and not invite you over/give you the room number. So they'd be getting the room for half the price? I don't know. Seems very odd.

[JB_Studio38]

12 hours ago, Rudynate said:

It happened again yesterday.  Great-looking guy on A4A.  We were chatting nicely; I told him I would enjoy having him over, he agreed, we chatted some more and then, "Why don't we get a hotel room together. We can split the cost and just take it easy and really enjoy other."  I said "I don't do hotel meetups."  Of course he tried to talk me into it. Finally, i said "I will host you at my place.  If that doesn't work for you, I guess we're done." He closed with the namaste emoji.

 

 

Considering you’re saying these are non-escorts, unfortunately it’s hard to tell what’s going on. I do know; freebie cruising sex is a very different world than paid encounters. 

Regardless it does sound a bit sketch. Do you reside far from town? 
 

When I host, I do arrange a hotel but that’s  incorporated into my deposit. The choice is either client come to me, or I go to them. But there’s no in between of splitting hotel costs so we can both stay, unless it’s a dating situation…and that’d of been someone I’d known longer than just “yesterday”.
 

11 hours ago, DMonDude said:

That's so odd... I've never encountered this on Grindr/Sniffies. On there in my area, nearly everyone who can't host is all about car/public play.

Going off this and your prior comment. Maybe the demographic of guys you're having this interaction with are very afraid about going to some strangers house in the middle of the night and feel a hotel is more neutral a meeting spot while still being private? I don't know what A4A is like these days.

OR maybe it's a possible scam setup thing? Like they're trying to get you to send them your half of the room fee, then they'd order it for themselves and not invite you over/give you the room number. So they'd be getting the room for half the price? I don't know. Seems very odd.

That sounds about right, but a shoddy way of going about it. 
 

So many people out here be on some scam/finesse shit that it’s harder to even run a business around sex work. You really have to know how to move, know the red flags, and decipher between real and fake. Unfortunately A4A too is also not the best when it comes down to it. 
 

If I were able to regularly host: (unlike now I’m having to arrange hotels to host) BUT I pay for that out of my own pocket ONCE I receive deposit to confirm a session. But I would not leave the comfort of my hosting venue, to get a hotel with someone…unless I was staying with friends or family and couldn’t host. Otherwise it don’t make sense. 

Edited 16 hours ago by JB_Studio38