Almost accidentally hired someone I grew up with long ago

[BuffaloKyle]

I would tell him and let him decide if he wants you as a client. I'd say "I wanna be honest about one thing. I know you from such a place and time, if it would be too awkward to meet up I understand. I am discreet though and wouldn't out you at all."

And on that subtext a recent provider and I in our post sex chat he mentioned that everyone in his family knows he escorts. So if it's the same for your guy for instance he totally might not care. 😅

[MikeBiDude]

I go out of my way to avoid situations like this. I would not meet him. I never want to find out what happens:

 

[BuffaloKyle]

3 minutes ago, MikeBiDude said:

I go out of my way to avoid situations like this. I would not meet him. I never want to find out what happens:

I would actually say that if it was someone who the op sees on a regular basis. Like a coworker or neighbor or a family friend. But the fact that he hasn't even seen him in 20 years made me go with my opinion for this case that I posted.

[+ PhileasFogg]

12 hours ago, moonlight said:

I'm shook.

Come across a RM profile and this guy is PERFECT. He checks ALL the boxes for me.  We're about the same age. I'm super excited.

Contacted him to plan a meeting in a few days. Very pleasant guy, and I could tell that's he's smart, too.

There's something about him that reminded me of someone I grew up with, in a very different part of the country. I hadn't thought about this guy for over 20 years.

And then I stopped cold. What if....

Googled the name. Yeah. That's him.

Of course I'm not going to go forward now. Even if he's cool with it (doubtful) I'm not cool with him knowing all about me.

It's really a shame. I'd honestly never been so sure of wanting to meet someone before.

Yeah, I had a crush on him long ago.

Sorry, not a question. Just had to vent.

WWYD?

I’d go for it

[ShortCutie7]

9 hours ago, FrankR said:

Is he a professional or not?
If he is a professional (has reviews on rentmen for a year or two) - treat him like it. You wouldnt say “he went to the same high school as me so I cannot have him as my dentist” would you? As a professional he will act accordingly. 

If he isnt a professional, then I would steer clear.

Exactly!  It sounds like he is a professional.  This is his job… give him the business.  Based on some more context, it sounds like he was the hot jock in HS or college and you were just another student.  It’s incredibly likely he wouldn’t remember you, or at least wouldn’t until you jog his memory.  That said, now that I’ve thought about it, I think it would be best for you to be 100% honest and follow up with “hey, I just put two and two together and remembered that I had a crush on you in ___!  In fact, one of my core memories was seeing your abs in the locker room. This makes me want you even more, but I totally understand if you’re not comfortable with that.”

[CuriousByNature]

Jeepers creepers, I can see this going very bad, very quickly.  If I was him, I would be incredibly put off if someone knew me but kept it to themselves.  I think it's important to consider how it could affect him if you follow through without giving him a heads up in advance.  It would seem pretty suspicious of you, and I can't imagine that would add anything positive to your experience.  If the shoe was on the other foot, would you be okay with him doing the same to you?  Just something to think about...

[DunwoodyGuy]

How about sending a message like "Not sure if you remember me, but I had the biggest crush on you when we were in high school. Maybe you can make my teenage dreams come true?"

[nate_sf]

I’ve had this kind of thing happen to me a couple of times, but nothing so quite “close to home.” In the more recent instance, the guy told me we’d met before under different circumstances, and that I’d recognize him when he sent me the address. It wasn’t until I’d pulled up to the place that I put two and two together, and then I just laughed. Under those particular circumstances it was ok, and fun. 

If you’re going to contact him, I’d suggest being up front that you know him from high school, that you respect his privacy, and in return you ask that he respects yours. I wouldn’t mention anything about having had a crush on him, as that could come off a bit creepy. But you could say something like he’s looking good and you’d like to meet if he was up for it.

How he receives this depends a lot on what he’s like as an individual, and where he’s at in this stage of life. And I’d suggest signing your name (just first name would be ok). Since you know who he is, it’s only fair he knows who you are. 

[jeffla]

13 hours ago, FrankR said:

Is he a professional or not?
If he is a professional (has reviews on rentmen for a year or two) - treat him like it. You wouldnt say “he went to the same high school as me so I cannot have him as my dentist” would you? As a professional he will act accordingly. 

If he isnt a professional, then I would steer clear.

Don't think that comparison applies. Hiring an escort is different from hiring a dentist or most other professional gigs.

After all, you'd allow a family member to be your dentist, wouldn't you? Need I say more? (Hopefully not.)

Edited January 17 by jeffla

[+ Vegas_Millennial]

1 hour ago, jeffla said:

Don't think that comparison applies. Hiring an escort is different from hiring a dentist or most other professional gigs.

After all, you'd allow a family member to be your dentist, wouldn't you? Need I say more? (Hopefully not.)

I would never do business with family. 

However, I did "experiment" with my cousins when I was young

[MassageCommunityMember]

What if you could have more than this with your former crush? Ask him to coffee? 

[moonlight]

So, I slept on this decision.

Woke up, and it was clear to me: I'm not gonna do this.

Another factor here is that it looks like this guy has taken a lot of steps to lock down his online exposure. That tells me that privacy is important to him. So I'm making the decision to respect his privacy, and frankly my own boundaries too.

But damn, my dick is still leaking precum at the thought. This took some willpower.

Thanks everyone for your help here.

 

[+ Charlie]

This talk about him being a "professional" doesn't sound relevant to me. For most of the guys who advertise as available for paid sex, it is not as though they are trained or licensed for sexual activity; if they were, they would be using their own names and proud of their credentials.. In fact, there are many advertisers who are doing this only occasionally as a sidelight, not as their "profession." The guy whom the poster is hot for might very well be uncomfortable and embarrassed to be recognized by someone he knows, and that would almost certainly affect his performance.

Edited January 17 by Charlie

[Simon Suraci]

@moonlight

It depends on your relationship. How close were you to him in the past? A casual acquaintance, friend-of-a-friend, or someone you barely knew, or someone you haven’t seen in many years? I personally would have no problem seeing someone like this as a client.

Anyone particularly close to me in the past or present I would not see. My estranged best friend, for example, I would definitely not see. People in my acquaintance zone over the years would have to number in the thousands. A lot of them I would see if they wanted, of course respecting their discretion, and expecting the same from them toward me. 

One of my clients (70s) told me he saw a family friend’s son (40s) advertising on RentMen. He knew the guy as a child and their families did a lot together. The provider’s parents and family don’t know he escorts. After coming across the RentMen ad, the client asked the parents some casual questions about the provider, how he’s doing, what work he is doing, etc. The parents clearly believe their son is doing some other kind of work, and that’s something the client should respect and not meddle in. The client is attracted to the provider and considered for a moment hiring him but the previous relationship made it too weird. This is one case where I would agree. It’s too weird. Everyone is a case-by-case though.

Privacy goes both ways. Professional providers will not violate your privacy and you are not violating his by hiring him. Avoid speaking about it in your mutual circles. Should he be uncomfortable for any reason, he can choose to say no. We’re all adults here.

I would at least give him the courtesy of telling him who you are ahead of time, though so he can make that decision for himself. Being open and honest up front saves you both the respective indignities of being caught off guard in the moment, and having to be let down face to face in such a personal, raw way.

He won’t ‘out’ you as a man that hires, or a man into men. Really, he has at least as much to lose by mentioning anything to mutual contacts. If he’s a professional, he will keep quiet about the whole thing, whether he chooses to see you or not.

Do you interact with him now? Would you want to interact with him in the future outside the context of hiring him? If the answer is yes, tread lightly. There’s a lot more at stake. If the answer is no, I see very little for you to lose. The worst thing that would happen is he says no, and that’s that. Nothing is really any different than it was before. You have something to gain, however, if he says yes, and so does he. No harm, no foul.

Most people are decent and good. I would expect no harm to befall you for asking. Show respect. Maintain healthy boundaries. All will be well.

 

Edited January 17 by Simon Suraci
spelling

[moonlight]

@Simon Suraci Thanks a lot for your thoughts. I appreciate it.

I would not describe us as more than "classmates" in the past. He would have known my name at the time, and we probably interacted a handful of times. Really nothing more. He moved away during high school and I haven't seen him since. We're not in the same circles now and really no chance of us being in the same circles.

Really, my concern was that I know his real name. I know his background. And vice versa. That could spook him and it spooks me a bit.

But you're right, people acquire thousands of acquaintances over a lifetime. Things like this are bound to happen. More than anything, I'm surprised I made the connection at all. It felt like something coming from the deepest recesses of my mind.

Maybe I won't close the door on this completely. But at a minimum I'm going to give it a lot of time and distance.

[Your Man in Arlington]

Something else to consider: there's a chance that you do hire him, even under full disclosure, and the experience doesn't meet your expectations, or is even flat-out bad. Sometimes a fantasy is more satisfying than reality. Of course, reality can fulfill or exceeds expectations; but you would need to be prepared to be disappointed.

[+ JEC]

On 1/16/2025 at 5:16 PM, marylander1940 said:

Give it a try!

You had a crush on him, make hit reality!

 

THIS /\/\/\/\/\

[pubic_assistance]

On 1/16/2025 at 4:50 PM, moonlight said:

Of course I'm not going to go forward now. Even if he's cool with it (doubtful) I'm not cool with him knowing all about me.

File this under: "don't shit where you eat." Because if you're closeted then you can't fuck ANYONE you know.

OR......

You decide "Hey I've always wanted to fuck this guy and maybe it could even lead to a fun reminiscing about our shared past....maybe NOW is the time to get out of that closet I've been living in all my life".

Just a thought.

 

[moonlight]

Fair point, @pubic_assistance.

It's not that I'm closeted, just closeted about hiring.

But thanks to this site, I'm reconsidering many of my privacy concerns.

[pubic_assistance]

1 hour ago, moonlight said:

It's not that I'm closeted, just closeted about hiring.

Well...THAT is something we all tend to "keep close to the chest". 

My guess is that most escorts also prefer a degree of privacy about their work...so seems the less likely scenario to be discussing it with mutual friends.

Your only risk is if there's something "off"in the relationship between you two from that past that you're not sharing here. That would be the only reason to try and embarrass you.

Edited January 19 by pubic_assistance
grammar

[LookingAround]

Objectively this is a big nothing. 
But if it's something to you then don't hire and forget about it. 

[moonlight]

18 minutes ago, LookingAround said:

Objectively this is a big nothing. 
But if it's something to you then don't hire and forget about it. 

Clearly people have different opinions regarding boundaries and privacy. It seems rather subjective to me in that regard. If you don't contemplate those things at all, then sure.

[pubic_assistance]

15 hours ago, moonlight said:

Clearly people have different opinions regarding boundaries and privacy.

This is true.

But part of one's maturity is a confidence in your life's choices. Enough to care little about harsh criticisms from random critics.

Obviously depending on one's professional life...a "clean" public image may or may not need to be cultivated.

[carnalvore]

There is one guy I would meet. I knew him in 8th grade. I was in good with my algebra teacher so every day I would ask to go get a drink so I could watch him sweat in his PE class. They were very tall glasses of water. I would have to pee as soon as class ended.

[+ FrankR]

On 1/17/2025 at 7:18 PM, jeffla said:

Don't think that comparison applies. Hiring an escort is different from hiring a dentist or most other professional gigs.

After all, you'd allow a family member to be your dentist, wouldn't you? Need I say more? (Hopefully not.)

Who said anything about being related?  My comparison isnt universal - it relates to the circumstances outlined by the original poster.