Don't laugh lol. Serious question about the term, "Daddy"

[GTMike]

I'm actually quite serious about this seemingly funny inquiry.

Can someone explain to me what is typically meant by the term, "Daddy" and/or "Daddy Issues".

Does it mean more that a young person is looking for an older gentleman more so to be taken care of financially?

Or does it mean they are interested in older men for more personal psychological reasons and legit personal preferences?

Obviuosly like most things there's a spectrum and blurred lines.

But seriously I've been confused when a younger person says, I really prefer "daddy types".

Are they being complimentary or seeing purely a financial business transaction hahaha? (I'm totally not offended if it's 95%-99.5% purely financial), but I'd rather skip the posturing. But lol sometimes I think some of the gents kinda are being sincere and my response (being in disbelief and dismissive) seems like I'm being a dick and somtimes doubting myself as to what the term really means! haha

 

[+ ApexNomad]

1 hour ago, GTMike said:

I'm actually quite serious about this seemingly funny inquiry.

Can someone explain to me what is typically meant by the term, "Daddy" and/or "Daddy Issues".

Does it mean more that a young person is looking for an older gentleman more so to be taken care of financially?

Or does it mean they are interested in older men for more personal psychological reasons and legit personal preferences?

Obviuosly like most things there's a spectrum and blurred lines.

But seriously I've been confused when a younger person says, I really prefer "daddy types".

Are they being complimentary or seeing purely a financial business transaction hahaha? (I'm totally not offended if it's 95%-99.5% purely financial), but I'd rather skip the posturing. But lol sometimes I think some of the gents kinda are being sincere and my response (being in disbelief and dismissive) seems like I'm being a dick and somtimes doubting myself as to what the term really means! haha

 

The term “Daddy” can mean different things depending on the context and the person using it, but it generally refers to an older, more mature individual who exudes confidence, stability, and a nurturing or protective demeanor. For some, it’s about physical attraction to someone older and more experienced, often tied to a sense of security or wisdom. For others, it may carry a financial undertone, where the dynamic involves a desire for support or being taken care of materially.

When younger people say they prefer “Daddy types,” it could be purely complimentary, signaling admiration for qualities like maturity, charisma, or life experience. On the other hand, it might hint at a relationship dynamic they’re seeking, whether emotional, psychological, or financial.

The term “Daddy Issues” usually refers to unresolved feelings or patterns stemming from someone’s relationship with their father, which might influence their preferences or attachments in adulthood. But it’s important to remember that not everyone attracted to “Daddy types” fits this stereotype—sometimes, it’s just a genuine preference!

Ultimately, it’s a spectrum, as you said, and context matters. If someone seems sincere, they probably are. And if their interest feels transactional, well, at least they’re being clear about it! Nothing wrong with cutting through the posturing and having an honest conversation to figure out where you both stand.

[+ Vegas_Millennial]

1 hour ago, GTMike said:

But seriously I've been confused when a younger person says, I really prefer "daddy types".

I was 31 when a 30 year old hookup first called me "Daddy".  It annoyed me at first because of our age similarities, but I quickly learned to appreciate it. 

Now, I see the term Daddy to mean stable, responsible, caring adult. That definitely described me at 30, and also now.  People would ask me what I liked about a man I was dating recently.  The best answer I could come up with was "He has his life together".  Based on this forum question, I now realize I could have said "He's a Daddy", despite him being 4 years younger than I am.

[+ Jamie21]

I was thrown when a guy first called me daddy. It was quite a surprise. In his situation it couldn’t have been one where he was expecting financial benefits because he was the one paying me, as a client of mine. As he explained to me after the massage he’s attracted to older guys (he was early 20’s). He said he found guys his age to be too immature. Since that occasion I’ve discovered there’s loads of guys like him who are attracted to older guys, especially those who are in shape. I’m not complaining and now I actually play up to the daddy role for them. 

[DunwoodyGuy]

Given the ease that apps provide for identifying oneself and connecting, the terms "daddy" and "zaddy" (a youngish, especially attractive daddy) have taken on a new meaning for gay millennials and zillennials, and that meaning has pretty much nothing to do with the age-old idea of a "sugar daddy." If a 30-so,ething hooks up with a 40-something, a 50-something or even a 60-something online, very rarely is money involved, unless of course the app is something like RentMen, where every connection is transactional.

Of course, within the idea of "being into daddies" there are as many variations as there are individuals. As others have mentioned, some younger guys are attracted to the stability or confidence that comes with age (or seems to come with age) or a perceived psychological maturity or an ability to provide comfort or nurturing. Some younger guys want to be topped by a daddy figure, perhaps as a way of getting affection that was denied them by their actual father--even if the last thing in the world they want is to sexualize their own father. Others may be turned on by the idea of topping the daddy, perhaps as a way of getting revenge on an overly strict or withholding father. But others still may simply find it hot and not bearing any "dick-deflating" psychological scrutiny.

The biggest difference between then and now can be attributed to the apps themselves and the remarkable ease and visibility they give to every possible desire, kink, or predilection: Thirty-five years ago, if you were young and into older men, you probably kept it to yourself and only acted on it when you went to a bar that was frequented by older men. Today, you put it right out there in your profile.

For those of us old enough to have come out before AIDS and gay marriage, the visibility continues to shock. 

 

[harlow]

I’m in my mid 40s now and Im hoping to get the “Zaddy” label  😂🤣😂🤣

[+ DrownedBoy]

Strange. Whenever I find young guys looking for "daddies" on Grindr, there's always money involved. Let me recount a Grindr conversation I had when a 19-year-old contacted me.

TWINK: Hello!

ME: Not interested.

TWINK: But I'm into daddies! I like older guys!

ME: Look, kid - if you're into older guys at your age, make sure you find ones who have lots of money.

TWINK: I already made 20K.

ME: Good work!

[DunwoodyGuy]

Funny. Is that verbatim or are you paraphrasing? That doesn't sound like any chat I've ever had on Scruff or Grindr over the last 10 years ago or so. Even 15 years ago on Daddyhunt, the conversations never involved money. Are you sure you aren't remembering a conversation from the 1990s or 1980s?

Also, the guys who chat with me looking for daddies are usually in their late 20s or 30s, certainly not 19!

[MaybeMaybeNot]

To me, Daddy is simply an older man I find attractive. Think Lawson James, Dallas Steele, Ace Banner, Lance Charger. 

[+ PhileasFogg]

I’ve dated or been with multiple younger women and men over the last several years.  The first rule is “don’t call me daddy”

I have adult children.  
I have grandchildren.
I have no desire to add a dependent in my life or to have a sexual partner calling me the same thing my kids do.  
it just ain’t gonna happen 😝

[+ DrownedBoy]

11 hours ago, DunwoodyGuy said:

Funny. Is that verbatim or are you paraphrasing? That doesn't sound like any chat I've ever had on Scruff or Grindr over the last 10 years ago or so. Even 15 years ago on Daddyhunt, the conversations never involved money. Are you sure you aren't remembering a conversation from the 1990s or 1980s?

Also, the guys who chat with me looking for daddies are usually in their late 20s or 30s, certainly not 19!

Grindr, last year, mainly verbatim. My words definitely were - especially my use of the word "kid."

The "twink" had no photos which is why I wasn't interested. Could have been in his 50s for all I know.

This is why my Grindr filter only allows people aged 35+ to show up. Not a twink lover here.

[DunwoodyGuy]

At any rate, despite your professed experience, I maintain that a generational shift has occurred and that among millennials and zillennials, the concept of "daddy" no longer has much or anything at all to do with the exchange of money. I simply don't think your anecdote represents the norm any longer.

Edited December 12, 2024 by DunwoodyGuy

[GTMike]

So thanks all. I think my confusion really has been that when i meet gents i do from RMass, Rmen and SA. So have found a fairly large cross section of folks with different expectations, experiences, and reasons for being on 1, 2 or sometimes having profiles on all of those sites.

Some haven't specifically said or called me "Daddy" but have seemed to naturally assume that I think I am. 

Some want to hang out beyond meeting up for private DL hangouts.

I sarcastically will say "yeah right you wanna hang-out off the clock?" And then will say it's nice and ok to say that, but they don't have to in order to get more business. I make it clear that in ordinary circumstances if we met out at a restaurant or bar they wouldn't want to personally hook up".

And they say very genuinely, "how would you know that? I'm not into typical major scenes".

A few genuinely seemed somewhat hurt at my reaction/rejection of the notion that I don't believe that this could make logical sense to me.

They know I haven't in past or am asking for more interaction beyond our scheduled meets. In fact one who genuinely seems to really want to hook up said, "Hmm, i guess basically you are straight" bummed out.

My point is that I know what the dynamics are and am fine with it. They know hanging out beyond that is "off the clock", and besides maybe picking up some dinners like friends is all that would happen as extra consideration.

Is it weird for me to say, so I guess the situation is that you personally like Daddy's ??  (meaning without big expectations of significant change in compensation different from just that might happen with friends). 

I don't know if that is an offensive thing to say insinuating it's all an act just to get more cheddar haha. My frame of reference is that I thihk they mean a public "Sugar Daddy" type of situation which i totally understand and get. They insist it's not that. 

I don't want to be disrespectful if maybe some authentically prefer older gents in their real personal life.

[+ DrownedBoy]

On 12/12/2024 at 4:42 PM, DunwoodyGuy said:

At any rate, despite your professed experience, I maintain that a generational shift has occurred and that among millennials and zillennials, the concept of "daddy" no longer has much or anything at all to do with the exchange of money. I simply don't think your anecdote represents the norm any longer.

You've never had younger guys on Grindr ask you to subscribe to their OnlyFans account? Or a paid massage? Now that sounds out of date  

It may also be because I never reach out to kids under 35, and the only contact I'd get with "daddy lovers" is unsolicited. I have no need to be a "daddy" - I like men who take charge.

[starman05]

for me, a "Daddy" has been a Hugh Jackman type. Or maybe Hugh himself. 

I wanted him over 20 years ago when I saw him in X-Men. 

I got used to a Wolverine who was 6'2" 200 lbs. (and not the 5'4" from the comics) PDQ.

Seeing Hugh in interviews and how nice he is made me fall for him even more.

Then, the news about the older wife, the adopted kids, the separation? Well, needless to say my fondness for him has only grown.

To me, perhaps to many, a 'Daddy' is an older, hot, muscular, masculine. caring, financially successful guy. 

I will always love Hugh. 

[+ purplekow]

1 hour ago, starman05 said:

for me, a "Daddy" has been a Hugh Jackman type. Or maybe Hugh himself. 

 

I will always love Hugh. 

You and Whitney 

[HockeyMan]

I have a Daddy look: clean cut, mustache, a small tattoo and a dad bod. Some younger guys are into older guys, so they love me. And I haven't even hit my prime years yet! They just want to get naked with an older man who'll give them a little life advice too. I'm not complaining. 😇😈

[+ Charlie]

When I was young and gay, to me a "daddy" simply meant someone who was at least thirty years old than I was and bigger than I was, and who expected to be in charge of whatever we did together. That was okay with me in an initial sexual experience, but I didn't want an ongoing relationship with that dynamic.

Edited December 14, 2024 by Charlie

[+ Charlie]

BTW, although I had sex partners until I was in my 70s, when all of them were younger than I was, no one ever called me "Daddy"--at least, not to my face.