Thinking of hiring for the first time

[+ SirBillybob]

9 hours ago, Manhattan said:

It's known as the world's oldest profession because it's the simplest. 
Someone pays someone to provide a service that requires nothing more than their body. 
If you're lonely or bored, keep engaging on this forum. Otherwise, go try it.  There will always be emotional, physical, or legal risks to consider, but no one here can help you with those. 

While I mentioned cliché I hadn’t meant to necessarily cue it.

[kingsley88]

On 9/29/2024 at 3:26 AM, BlackSheep said:

I have tried massages before, one time I had a best of the best massage but I was not attracted to that guy at all it was a normal one time booking with that messure but that guy gave me an unexpected HJ which was a total shock, I should have stopped him but somehow couldn't and I hated the whole experience. I didn't try massage for about a year or so afterwards. Other one or two times were so so and felt like lack of connection or a bit of attraction. 

How did you pick your masseur? Most guys tend to pick a masseur who they think is attractive.

I do think with massage a really good masseur can tell from your body/sounds whether you wish to have a happy ending or not. I'm sorry you had that experience.

[+ JEC]

Before taking the plunge:

1. See a Physician/clinic who is knowledgeable about MSM and related issues
2. Get vaccinated / protected for all the things you can (HPV, Prep, Meningitis, Mpox, etc)
3. Become informed of things for which there is no protection/cure (Herpes)

As others have said...only you can be responsible for your health and protecting yourself...it is useless to ask a provider whether they have any STDs

All play carries some risk - even if you get all the protections.

[+ SirBillybob]

@BlackSheep, some of the aforementioned responses are missing a great deal of your subtext. Being in the driver’s seat as your own coach for a provider accommodating your limits is a well-meaning but reductionist idea. Above all, be aware that this board is not the sex trade equivalent of WebMD.

Though it makes sense on the face of it, could yield minimal gain. An escort won’t necessarily possess the conceptual skill set to address the phobia and anxiety you describe, particularly as the shortlist of candidates will be restricted by the physical type that appeals to you. (Imagine if arachnophobia treatment success were to hinge on therapist appeal; all that would be required is that he or she not be The Fly … Peter Parker doesn’t count)

Sure, he can be sensitive and respect boundaries. However, a systematic deconstruction of your anxiety by an expert will help to dictate the application of exposure and desensitization techniques that could more effectively bring forward growth and comfort with sex.

You describe a unique blend of both homoerotic and pathogen exposure fear. The approach might be a blend of both planned and executed uncomfortable exposure and desensitization. The former in particular would probably not be initiated by you and, moreover, should not be left to the caprice of an escort whose capacity is the call to sexual pleasure, albeit well-intentioned, and his direct conformity to your limits. It all sounds left to interminable randomness in moving the needle.

Rigidified limits and the hope for their softening are not always amenable to simple placement in a new context without the adjunct of trained processing by an expert. Similarly, an incorrect and underprocessed interaction could unintentionally bind physiological sexual stimulation to revulsion and set you back further. You essentially said it, after all, to your credit.

Again, I don’t know your resource limits but it would be remiss to neglect a recommendation for type of approach even if it cannot be realistically accommodated. If it were to be one or the other, I’d lean to counseling over consummation.

If you were to only repeatedly pay a restaurant to not feed you there would need to be an element of reality that supports that consumption model. Otherwise, really tired and really expensive in short order. That synergistic coaching element could be external or conjoined with the eatery but would give it sense and purpose in shifting consumption.

Self-promotion need not be shameless to be self-serving. Who doesn’t do that to make the world turn? I haven’t acquired or delivered a service in my lifetime that wasn’t propped by PR. 

I don’t proclaim to have the answer. That’s OK because such proclamations are a dime a dozen. Take your pick.

Edited October 3, 2024 by SirBillybob

[nomad]

@BlackSheep  There is no standard sexual awakening.  Don't feel embarrassed or ashamed about it.  We all grow up in different environments.  Some are lucky to grow up in a supportive family environment or be in close proximity to metro areas that exposed them to multi-faceted cultural elements.  I remember feeling like something was wrong with me for sometimes having night emissions before I realized why I was having from dreams. I knew I was attracted to boys around 10 or so.  I was oblivious to gay culture.  My gaydar has never been great.  Even when I visited over weekends with my grandmother at the Buddhist monastery (by Safeway) off of Market,  I had no idea I was literally on doorsteps of the Castro in SanFran.  I look back now and laugh.  I walked up and down a few blocks and always wondered why there were so many fit men in the city. 

Society is bad enough for making us think we need to look and act in set ways.  Nothing wrong with having hair on your chest.  Lots of folks find sexy AF.  Despite my worst fears when I finally decided to live my life on my terms, my world didn't come crashing down.  My family still loved me.  My best friends who are straight laughed (they figured it out before I did) and treated me the same as they have always have.  The baggage over so many years was unnecessary, but that's the path my life took me.  I'm hardly the loud out and proud guy.  Being gay is just one aspect of who I am.  Certainly not the most important or interesting for sure.  Just my life.  

There's tons of folks here who can give you sage advice on things.  At the end of the day, take that advice and figure out what you are comfortable doing.  You can ease into things.  It's okay to be nervous.  We're all human and hopefully still learning about our journey.

 

[Wings246]

On 9/25/2024 at 12:16 AM, BlackSheep said:

How does one ask, do you have any disease? the answer will always be of course No.

It's rather pointless to ask because he can lie or worse yet, he doesn't know about it himself.  Furthermore, even if he knew he was 100% disease free yesterday, as long as he engages in any sexual activities with someone else today prior to meeting you, the risk cannot be 100% ruled out.  It's difficult, if not impossible, to take part in this if you expect 100% guaranteed safety.

[Becket]

It's really remarkable that we pick up a conversation that ended almost two years ago and dive in as if the chat just began. It's an interesting quality of this site. I'd like to know if the journey to Black Sheep's first hire went well in the past two years. That would add some context. 

[Wings246]

12 minutes ago, Becket said:

It's really remarkable that we pick up a conversation that ended almost two years ago and dive in as if the chat just began.

It's a recurring theme of CoM (or any other forum): a repeated topic (a horse that's been beaten to death) to the old timers may be news to the newbies.  And sometimes, although rare, someone may be able to offer a new perspective on an old subject.  So resurrecting an old thread can be of value occasionally.

[Mark_fl]

I would think that if coming out in your later years, or even just having your first male/male experiences in later years,  starting with a professional is the obvious way to go.

Its one thing for teens,  or even 20s to have no sexual experience. That would be relatively normal. But for someone's first experience at 50 or 60?  That's a lot of pressure. Telling someone you've never gotten another guy off, or don't know what to do could be pretty uncomfortable or embarrassing and put a lot of pressure on both of you.

I don't think I would ever explore a real relationship with a guy if I hadn't dipped my...um...toe in the water with a RM first.

Edited 21 hours ago by Mark_fl

[mike carey]

2 hours ago, Wings246 said:

It's a recurring theme of CoM (or any other forum): a repeated topic (a horse that's been beaten to death) to the old timers may be news to the newbies.  And sometimes, although rare, someone may be able to offer a new perspective on an old subject.  So resurrecting an old thread can be of value occasionally.

When old threads are resurrected, or when we merge a new one into an older one, some people will comment as if nothing went before, but others, perhaps many, will read the old content, either anew having read it in the past, or for a first time. I know that I regularly (but not frequently) receive emojis on posts I have written months or years earlier, often from active forum members.

So yes, there is an element of dead horse beating, but that's fine. It only becomes tiresome if a new thread starts to do it every Tuesday. Not every revived thread needs to be sent to a knackery.

[BlackSheep]

hey guys, things did move a bit fwd for sure for me exploring m2m since I originally started this tread. There was a masseur visiting the area, I found him attractive form his Ad. When he opened his hotel door he was teller then I expected, super friendly & sexy and things did progress pretty fast, I took off my undies the first time infront of a masseur, and the biggest thing was he was ok with mouth to mouth kissing lips in the begenning, well in addition to frontal rub - boy did he kiss me, he kissed me the way no one had ever done like a french kiss over and over. I thought I am an ugly one after I got bald in my early 20s. He even kissed me by putting me on the wall when the massage session ended & I was about to leave saying he found me very attractive, and I never thought someone can kiss like that. I did cum twice during that massage session. 
I did see him again after few weeks, kissing wasn't that much the second time, but it was mostly skin on skin. He did lift me up, which was way too surprising, I felt like a doll and I was like what the hell how can he do that I am almost 6'. He did try to top me by asking if I cleaned myself (I didn't get that question at the time probably he was wondering if I took # 2?) but I totally refused on that part, which I think he was hoping for, my strong No did work as I was not ready on penetration for sure. I didn't receive a BJ  ..... but man he had such a sexy body and esp ass. 
Its now over a year on that encounter, I did see one more masseur since then which was an ok mostly massage experience. I check often if that guy is back in the area, he hasn't come again or I have missed it. 

[+ purplekow]

Time to stop living with the fantasy and start living the fantasy.  Get back on the horse.  It's time to ride.  Hire an escort.  Tell him what you want and go for it.  If you are in the Bay Area, there is a member of the forum I would recommend as being able to give you everything you mention and more.  I will send you his name and when I see him here in Palm Springs in a few weeks, I will check if you have contacted him.  So consider this a homework assignment. Call this guy.  

[Nue2thegame]

It will happen when it happens, if it happens. Why rush it?