BlackSheep

Its 3am and I am up, can't sleep much these day ... hoping I am not suicidal for sure ... I am not that defeated yet, but defeated and a loser for sure. Thanks @sniper and @Vegas_Millennial for your pointers and concerns, really apprecaite it. My basics are not getting met or my monthly is not getting covered by my single job. I need to find a new job or find a second job for sure. I am hoping the business I am trying to setup can act or fund me as my second job, but I am hardly breaking even, hoping it crosses the threshold in a near future to be profitable, there is a hope by the end of the year but hope in this case has been there for a long time. I have assumed the job market is bad, I am not even trying for a year and half, which is not good at all. I need a therapist for sure. I owe money to two individuals on a priority. One I am hoping to clear by the end of year, other person called today but didn't inquire about the money and I didn't bring the topic ... I am also trying to sell few home items and evaluating if I can get hold of some cash to pay those two individuals. Investing in individual stocks from past 3-4 years (and picking the wrong ones too) was one of the biggest mistakes I have made in the recent past.

there were no terms or collatoeral.... he loaned me 30k the next day or that week if I recall correctly. He knows me and my family. I didn't explicitly request but the expectation was to not share it with my family and he didn't .... I think I am the most poor one in my whole circle of friends and acquaintances ...... something has to change

I just read about it on some other guy's IG post, its very sad. He was really hot smart looking guy.

I am well aware of my current reality, and your comments are harsh and unnecessary. Spending $30 or close to $200 will not dramatically improve my current situation. The thing I am focused towards is do I have an ability and will to keep fighting on, be it startup or pay off debts. What matters at the end is can I standup again and is there a path fwd. I expected folks to answer a simple question, rather then judging the whole person or situation. The thing that is not visible is the whole reality. I have been in debt almost all of my whole adult life, and I feel I have never lived it because of the fear of been more in debt. I know I need to get rid of it and I am trying, I just don't want it to be single thing in my whole life, I am already stressed out, just looking for some breathing room if there is one. I made it my whole life in my 30s but due to my one situation or the other (not of my own) never able to come out of it.

I have a coupon expiring for an airline return ticket. I can travel on a Wednesday or potentially on a Sat or a Sun as well (chances are more Wed). Personally I can do a day trip and can be either in LA or San Diego for 4-6hrs in the afternoon like from 12pm-6pm before catching the return. I was thinking of going to Black's beach, never been there. Bathhouse came to mind as well, I have visited a bathhouse about 8 years ago in a diff country. I just want to chill enjoy a potential mutual play possibility ... Has anyone been to a Bathhouse in LA or San Diego recently? I really like dark hairy chest early 20s to late 30s men. any other suggestion beside a beach and a bathhouse? massage is also a possiblity. Thanks

really sorry to hear that .... hope you recover financially fast on that loan

If the question was directed towards me, yes I invested in both SpaceX and NASA. Got around 55 at IPO and bought some NASA. After the wait time was over had to sell both at a loss of around 10%

haha, no I am not. Very occasionally getting a massage like once or twice a year ... I come here to talk with strangers, in my late 40s as I have no friends - except may be one who I can call any time, but he doesn't know the extend of I debt I am in. I also come here to admire others and regret on my past and also present.

I know this person very well on family level, he is kind enough to not mention the loan to my family so far. I can't wrap my head on the fact that I have let things to get this far. I am burning atleast 40% monthly extra what I am earning, I am paying extra for my child home support, also supporting every month my niece who is struggling in a different country to pay rent around $1.5k USD, my side business is eating atleast 2k more every month .... it seems break even is just around the corner every month. I owe ton of money to different friends, and this stock gamble was my only hope to come out of debt some what. This extra 40% burn was coming slowly and gradually from my home line of credit ... which has now maxed out .... Just hoping my business picks up but chances are very slim, I just paid $14k penalties included on my home tax by borrowing more and putting remaining on cc, another friend has given me a heads up to pay him back his $10k by the 12th Aug. This individual stock picking was the worst idea by following random people, and I should have learnt my lesson two years ago. Debt hole has gone big enough that I am not seeing any way out. Switching jobs might help, but I am totally demotivated, down, and in a frozen state, just looking at the train standing on the track which is fast approaching and I am not taking any actions .... I just want to run away and hide some place .. don't want to face my fears or demons.. I am just tired

I am regularly in big red in stock market since 5 years. My strategy has always been tech & biotecch stocks, but I am always at buy high sell low cycle with a regular losses. From 2021 I am down ~175k, I have burn a lot of cash ... and that is having an impact on all aspects of my finances & mental health including paying off CCs. I have group of friends who are super successful, atleast thats what they share. I am a regular loser in this. When I ask for any stock tip, it has always resulted into buy high and sell at a loss :(. Not sure why I was blind sided by MU, SNDK and other stocks when I was burning cash on other useless tech stock like in Quantum from past year. Now with these losses, I am thinking I should have invested in EFTs and good one like VGT or SMH instead ... I am left with no cash .. and no way to come out of this big hole ... even mortgage is getting into a problem ... I haven't mentioned LoC I had to tap into for divorce ... I am in cycle of debt and not coming out of it ... None of stock buys from past years to save, invest and replenish has worked so far ...

I borrowed $30k from someone I knew for a month for a specific purpose. When the money hit my account, the purpose was met and it was extra, not required anymore. I thought why return it right away, let me get some Space related stocks as they were hot going up and up a month back. My portfolio was already red for the year, not good spot to be in, I invested .... market is a shit show now, I am down close to ~65% or more total YTD .... Now I need to return ... I need to return by the 15th atleast half ... and rest by next week .... There are only two options .... liquidate with a major loss ... like my portfolio will be left with $5k ... or the second option is to take a loan on my 401k which has $200k, this will be second loan, I made a commitment to self no more 401k loans ... if I take the loan and when the market bounces back in a month or two esp. Space stocks including NASA ETF ..... I will pay off 401k ..... I can't sleep at nights any more ...... any suggestions liquidate or take 401k loan? .... Stocks have never been profitable for me, but I keep on coming back hoping I will make it work one day .... Pls be kind, I know it was a mistake to invest.

I am wondering why NASA didn't go up, I have heard & read somewhere that NASA is one of the only ETF owning SpaceX prior to IPO

Not looking for alcohol for sure ... should I plan to be there by 10pm? are their entry fees? are there any recommendation/clubs to go to?

Hi - I have never been to a club or a dance club in particular. I don't drink. I was wondering if there a gay club I can go for a dance or just chill in SF Bay Area - and will it be ok to not drink. I want to visit atleast shirtless younger crowded dancing indoor place with light to dim lighting and a good dancing music. I have seen some club ads with underwear parties on searching, not sure how it pans out, anyone been to those parties or clubs in SF Bay Area? a place where a bit hairy younger guys like to go ...... I am not into drags, or heavy dudes (sorry) ... I might try it once so wondering where to go? In those clubs you have to have shorts or underwear on right? I might have one more constriant, I need to be back to my place by 7pm ... assuming with this constraint there is hardly any place for afternoon visit. To make above possible I probably need to arrange some how a late night return (2am ?)..... probably most crowd or activity starts at 10pm (right?) ...

@TonyDownhonestly I don't want to know the reason what I did in my childhood that was surely unintentional and I can't change that for sure, how he acted might be a last straw as others have commented which seems to be true at the moment. If our friendship was that painful and I was unaware by that time there was indeed something wrong with me & I did receive a big reality check. I grew up in a protected env. and that lesson should have been an eye opening one and should have made me stronger instead it bruised me in a way that I kept on seeking close friendships, I am scared to this day in back of my mind I read people wrong and they don't like me or doesn't want to be with me, this is just a phase and there is some agenda, once that is over this friendship or link will be over. Instead of writing a letter to my friend, I should write a letter to myself to make myself stronger and also forgive myself. I shouldn't have one close friend or one circle, instead I should have multiple and one event shouldn't have this much impact on me, no matter how handsome or good time I had spent with that friend growing up. I should have healed a long time ago and future cases req healing should have been faster. I did very clearly stated to his sister that I would really like to meet him, when I talked to his mother I was very explicit asking how he is doing, what he is doing etc. Everyone present at the time knows we were inseparable ... literally we will not eat food without the other one present ... our evenings would spend cycling the whole neighbourhood and doing all sort of adventures together ... @BSRmy read has always been he was more into me growing up, then I was into him - he was always extra nice and caring ... will show up to my place I believe more often then I going to his place ... he was few months older .. he must be hitting puberty before me ... and I hit puberty right around the time we broke off .... which wasn't a good time for me .... As I reflect my assessment was (and is) we were products of two very different worlds ... he and his family were super liberal and easy going ..... we were (and are) super conservative & protective .... he used to make some derogative comments here and there ...... probably this was bound to happen - he saw an opportunity and put me at my place ..... Guys I really appreciate all your comments, it is therapeutic for me