Thinking of hiring for the first time

[BlackSheep]

Hi folks,

Overall new to this, in my mid 40s, have been fantasizing for a very long time, been living a straight life, but technically a bi. If I hire should I be concerned about kissing, skin on skin or frontal ply? I don't want to do anal for sure, never received a BJ by either gender, this is one of the to do things for sure. I believe I am a strong top. 
I hardly see a guy that I want to meet, but ones who do seem filling the criteria I chicken out before contacting, thinking they must be meeting tons of clients and high risk for STDs. I really want to do some slow mouth to mouth kissing, frontal play and potentially receiving BJ.
How does one ask, do you have any disease? the answer will always be of course No.

[56harrisond]

Here's a sample of existing discussions that may help:

 

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

4 hours ago, BlackSheep said:

Hi folks,

Overall new to this, in my mid 40s, have been fantasizing for a very long time, been living a straight life, but technically a bi. If I hire should I be concerned about kissing, skin on skin or frontal ply? I don't want to do anal for sure, never received a BJ by either gender, this is one of the to do things for sure. I believe I am a strong top. 
I hardly see a guy that I want to meet, but ones who do seem filling the criteria I chicken out before contacting, thinking they must be meeting tons of clients and high risk for STDs. I really want to do some slow mouth to mouth kissing, frontal play and potentially receiving BJ.
How does one ask, do you have any disease? the answer will always be of course No.

Inherent risk is a part of this dance.  Mentally accept that first before you move forward with seeing anyone.

Never assume anything: Ask questions.  Not all escorts see tons of people on a daily basis.

A smart escort understands how to mitigate his STD risks.  You also need to do that same thing.

Bullet point:  Your sexual health is your personal responsibility and no one else's.

 

 

[BlackSheep]

thank you for the replies folks, will check out prev threads as well.

[+ keroscenefire]

I think you are going to have a hard time hiring because you're too hung up about potential for STDs. Not trying to be rude, but you seem to be one of these "potential clients" that waste escort's valuable time by answering a bunch of questions that you already know the answer to. 

Honestly for what you want I think you should be able to have more success on the apps (grindr or Sniffies). There's plenty of guys on there that love giving blow jobs. You're in your 40s and as long as you live in any area that has a reasonable amounf of gay men (and you have decent hygine and a normal dick) , you should likley find someone who will give you a blow job for free.

Wait until your a bit more comfortable with that before you attempt to hire any escorts. In my opinion, you are not not ready to hire one. These guys do this for a living and unless you are really serious about hiring, please do not waste their time.

[SoCalBaseball]

20 hours ago, BlackSheep said:

Hi folks,

Overall new to this, in my mid 40s, have been fantasizing for a very long time, been living a straight life, but technically a bi. If I hire should I be concerned about kissing, skin on skin or frontal ply? I don't want to do anal for sure, never received a BJ by either gender, this is one of the to do things for sure. I believe I am a strong top. 
I hardly see a guy that I want to meet, but ones who do seem filling the criteria I chicken out before contacting, thinking they must be meeting tons of clients and high risk for STDs. I really want to do some slow mouth to mouth kissing, frontal play and potentially receiving BJ.
How does one ask, do you have any disease? the answer will always be of course No.

What is your city? I have a good recommendation.

[SirBillybob]

2 hours ago, SoCalBaseball said:

What is your city? I have a good recommendation.

A sheep could be rural. The question is does he have any wool and how many full bags can he exchange for the transient husbandry he seeks. 

However, as Mary emphasized with her little lamb, heed the clinical advice and dynamics in which you figure as but a complex transactional algorithm component including where humanism may be integral, but be wary of candy and provider recommendations from strangers. My biggest personal takeaway over decades: one story’s prince is another’s frog.

Edited September 26 by SirBillybob

[BlackSheep]

haha ... what a talented and thoughtful reply @SirBillybob.... I like it ..  

[BlackSheep]

Ironically I am in SF Bay Area.

[BlackSheep]

@keroscenefire somehow unable to select your message directly to reply. 
Thats why I am not wasting escort's time by asking silly questions. Grindr I have never downloaded, not sure if my # will get tied to it. I have two phones one personal and one office. Personal I don't want to download to for sure, in case I download to office I am not sure the history will be kept or completely wiped off in case i delete the App afterwards, life is complicated. Sniffers I have been on a few time to observe, its hard to click or like someone, with Escort you are more sure atleast this the guy you want to hang out for an hour or so ... 

[+ purplekow]

Listen, be careful in regard to STD but it does not sound like you are desiring anything that would put you at risk for a serious infection.   We all have had a first time with an escort.  We were all nervous.  We all came back and did it again.  At least all of us who are on this site.  I hired my first escort in my 40s or perhaps just at 50 and I wound up with exactly what you describe though to my surprise I did wind up giving head as well.  Something about a hard dick in my face and a muscular sexy man attached to it melted away my apprehensions.  I also consider myself bi but I find that as I get older men are now more my partners of choice.  I only hire men as women are more readily available once you pass 50 and so have they.  

[+ purplekow]

5 minutes ago, BlackSheep said:

@keroscenefire somehow unable to select your message directly to reply. 
Thats why I am not wasting escort's time by asking silly questions. Grindr I have never downloaded, not sure if my # will get tied to it. I have two phones one personal and one office. Personal I don't want to download to for sure, in case I download to office I am not sure the history will be kept or completely wiped off in case i delete the App afterwards, life is complicated. Sniffers I have been on a few time to observe, its hard to click or like someone, with Escort you are more sure atleast this the guy you want to hang out for an hour or so ... 

Some men with your phone concerns get a burner for fun times or even consider getting a separate phone for it if you find yourself really liking your new past time.  

[SirBillybob]

In case you missed the slide on Human Papilloma Virus and it’s non-wimpy transmissibility nature including within lower-level vanilla-grade interaction, notwithstanding your viral subtype exposures already possibly on board to date, assuming your age puts you outside the window of younger persons’ vaccine uptake campaigns having been employed this century, it is strongly advised to seek and acquire a course of Gardasil9 vaccination. 

Edited September 26 by SirBillybob

[+ Vegas_Millennial]

4 hours ago, BlackSheep said:

@keroscenefire somehow unable to select your message directly to reply. 
Thats why I am not wasting escort's time by asking silly questions. Grindr I have never downloaded, not sure if my # will get tied to it. I have two phones one personal and one office. Personal I don't want to download to for sure, in case I download to office I am not sure the history will be kept or completely wiped off in case i delete the App afterwards, life is complicated. Sniffers I have been on a few time to observe, its hard to click or like someone, with Escort you are more sure atleast this the guy you want to hang out for an hour or so ... 

If you're too scared to download a dating app, then you're probably not going to be texting a sex worker from your phone anytime soon.  Go to one of the plethora of gay bars in San Francisco and find a blowjob the old fashioned way... In person.

Edited September 26 by Vegas_Millennial

[+ KensingtonHomo]

I agree with others here who think you're not ready for this. It strikes me as unusual that you are a man in your 40s - presumably sexually active to some degree - and you've never received oral sex. It makes me think perhaps you grew up in a super religious way or something else that's made you so scared of STIs. I have been sexually active 99 percent of the time with men and I got my first STI this year. I didn't love it but I take doxy for 7 days and I'm fine. I also contacted partners I had and they're all good. 

HPV is something to worry about. Many of us have it, but getting vaccinated is smart if you don't. 

My recommendation is that you go for an erotic massage first. Pick a few guys,  and look them upere. Some will provide oral, and that's a lower s-akes (and usually cheaper) way to have a same-sex experience. 

[Rod Hagen]

He's ready.  He's just (justifiably) nervous.  My guess is it will happen and it will happen soon, and his experience will be surprisingly non-impactful.  

I will say this to all men who want to do as much individual research on an escort before hiring, you are at a disadvantage now that email is not a thing.

In the earlier days of online hiring, before texting, we may have been frustrated by longer, detailed, questionaire-type emails, but if we wanted work, we had to respond, line by line.  

In the texting-age you MUST keep your questions brief or you will not get responses.  Additionally, people (including escorts) are easily offended and at some point asking questions about their health may "make" them defensive and/or non-responsive.  So, ask questions here about individual escorts you're interested in, fill in as many blanks as you can to make yourself largely comfortable,  BRIEFLY ask the provider what you need to ask, then spin the wheel.  Most likely, it will be fine.  I wish you a fuckingFantasticTime.

Edited September 28 by Rod Hagen

[pubic_assistance]

3 hours ago, KensingtonHomo said:

My recommendation is that you go for an erotic massage first. Pick a few guys,  and look them upere. Some will provide oral, and that's a lower s-akes (and usually cheaper) way to have a same-sex experience. 

I second this opinion.

Erotic massage is a great entry point for bisexual men to start experimenting with limited risk (or virtually no risk ) of STDs.

Tantric session involve a lot of body to body contact without any penetration of muscous membrane. A skilled erotic masseur can usually bring enough arousal that a simple hand job does the trick. Leave the oral sex for a second (third or fourth) hire, when you know your provider and can (politely) discuss how they handle managing their health issues in working with the public.

[+ azdr0710]

After years of carrying around a cheap flip phone for solely this hobby, I finally downloaded the Burner App (that specific one) to my regular smart phone. I'd been wary of having it on my main phone and somehow connected to my real life, but, so far, no awkwardness!!  Setup was ok and I get the occasional weird 'sign in' request or similar,  but not bad.  

[BlackSheep]

thank you guys for all the replies and sort of encouragements. 
Well grew up in super religious household @KensingtonHomo you guess it right .... I am somehow more into intimacy is what I feel like. Man's dick an't that attractive to me or I should say less attractive, so anal is for sure out. Men's normal hairy chest with normal build attracts me the most ... with a cute attractive manly face.
I have tried massages before, one time I had a best of the best massage but I was not attracted to that guy at all it was a normal one time booking with that messure but that guy gave me an unexpected HJ which was a total shock, I should have stopped him but somehow couldn't and I hated the whole experience. I didn't try massage for about a year or so afterwards. Other one or two times were so so and felt like lack of connection or a bit of attraction. 

[SirBillybob]

Thoughts …

One of my worries for you based on your bit of extra elaboration is that your sexual playbook, arousal template, etc, has all been based on internal fantasy or perhaps imagery included as well. That is a necessary but possibly insufficient state at the real life starting gate. In contrast to most of us having powered through initiation and clearing those newbie hurdles, I envision you possibly bucking and pulling up at the first jump. 

This raises the ‘what you see is what you get’ fallacy. The translation from provider presentation to our subjective experience with him is very complex for the uninitiated.

Your reticence screams sex surrogacy indication, that is, a whisperer chap who has all the goods on you, empathy, and matches whatever physical prototype may have evolved so far for you. Even then, hold back on conventional sexual interaction whilst applying hierarchical systematic desensitization. Baby steps, minute by minute opt in opt out option, activity-shifting to neutral interaction over anxiety-driven bolting.

Get comfortable with what could occur next week while postponing that same occurrable thing with him today.

My spidey sense suggests that you have an ultra-sensitive on-off erotic switch, leaning more towards just the two settings, not on a gradient dimmer-control basis. Thus, you could be into it one minute but feel trapped the next. You also described an inability to extricate yourself when a massajista went south on you. Self-efficacy questions abound. 

Your shares have steered the bit of interpretation I’ve outlined above. If so, I can relate to that type of binary; I have no middle ground and he has to be completely right for me or all bets are off. Lucky for me, I’ve worked it all out to override any possibility of problematic aborts. My bewilderment at what others assert is appealing simply limits my bucket-list content while not impeding satisfaction with the hobby. 

Interestingly, my younger years arousal template was similarly oriented to the penisless hirstute macho prototype.

There are guys out there that can walk you through and accommodate the idiosyncratic need for figurative genital amputation pending further development in the behavioural repertoire, or not. Half of the time, I don’t see the cock and what is negotiated is that he wears underwear or jeans, etc, although taking a pass on genital interaction is an atypical expectation to which the dick’s owner will have to adjust, my being submissively in-charge. Other times it’s impossible to ignore that particular gift and have it explore the few cavities in which insertion is possible.

And we’ve actually glossed over the complicated question of what orientation you need him to be. I have my own locked-in rigidity on that. It limits, though inconsistently, the potential for insertive oral but I’ve learned that getting most of what you want along with unpredictable surprise is more than OK at this point in my life.

STI anxiety is not non-functional. It must essentially be front of mind to a certain degree in order to evade disease and it’s cascade effects within individual life context. You shouldn’t dissociate from such worry but making a deal with it is also a prerequisite for play.

Edited September 29 by SirBillybob

[BlackSheep]

20 hours ago, SirBillybob said:

Thoughts …

One of my worries for you based on your bit of extra elaboration is that your sexual playbook, arousal template, etc, has all been based on internal fantasy or perhaps imagery included as well. That is a necessary but possibly insufficient state at the real life starting gate. In contrast to most of us having powered through initiation and clearing those newbie hurdles, I envision you possibly bucking and pulling up at the first jump. 

This raises the ‘what you see is what you get’ fallacy. The translation from provider presentation to our subjective experience with him is very complex for the uninitiated.

Your reticence screams sex surrogacy indication, that is, a whisperer chap who has all the goods on you, empathy, and matches whatever physical prototype may have evolved so far for you. Even then, hold back on conventional sexual interaction whilst applying hierarchical systematic desensitization. Baby steps, minute by minute opt in opt out option, activity-shifting to neutral interaction over anxiety-driven bolting.

Get comfortable with what could occur next week while postponing that same occurrable thing with him today.

My spidey sense suggests that you have an ultra-sensitive on-off erotic switch, leaning more towards just the two settings, not on a gradient dimmer-control basis. Thus, you could be into it one minute but feel trapped the next. You also described an inability to extricate yourself when a massajista went south on you. Self-efficacy questions abound. 

Your shares have steered the bit of interpretation I’ve outlined above. If so, I can relate to that type of binary; I have no middle ground and he has to be completely right for me or all bets are off. Lucky for me, I’ve worked it all out to override any possibility of problematic aborts. My bewilderment at what others assert is appealing simply limits my bucket-list content while not impeding satisfaction with the hobby. 

Interestingly, my younger years arousal template was similarly oriented to the penisless hirstute macho prototype.

There are guys out there that can walk you through and accommodate the idiosyncratic need for figurative genital amputation pending further development in the behavioural repertoire, or not. Half of the time, I don’t see the cock and what is negotiated is that he wears underwear or jeans, etc, although taking a pass on genital interaction is an atypical expectation to which the dick’s owner will have to adjust, my being submissively in-charge. Other times it’s impossible to ignore that particular gift and have it explore the few cavities in which insertion is possible.

And we’ve actually glossed over the complicated question of what orientation you need him to be. I have my own locked-in rigidity on that. It limits, though inconsistently, the potential for insertive oral but I’ve learned that getting most of what you want along with unpredictable surprise is more than OK at this point in my life.

STI anxiety is not non-functional. It must essentially be front of mind to a certain degree in order to evade disease and it’s cascade effects within individual life context. You shouldn’t dissociate from such worry but making a deal with it is also a prerequisite for play.

wow @SirBillybob what an interesting analysis. I had to look up few words honestly but I agree with you mostly. For the longest time I had this fantasy to get closer to a guy, feel loved, but when something close to that happened or about to happen it was surprisingly disappointing or less magical.
I want to blame some to my older age, exposure & maturity probably. Some background, growing up in a very heavy religious background & more in a very heavily women family ... like there was not a single guy to hang out with for miles, 100 to 1 ratio kind of a thing. Never took off my shirt, I assumed my hairy chest as a feeling of shame growing up and used to hide even area close to the neck. Puberty was super hard. In addition all throughout my life I saw woman to constantly complain about men over and over and I ended up feeling ashamed for all mankind. I was groomed to be an ear for women of my household been the youngest, protected, loved but constantly over-sighted & you might have guessed it right by now, it was by my mom and it still effects me deeply. I want to feel more manly in a nutshell, nothing on dominance side as such but more confident.
Hopefully this is a blind place for posting and hard to traceback. Probably I should also delete the next part. I used to have wet dreams alot at night, sometime multiple times a night, precum a ton when turned on that you can fill buckets with, but didn't "know" masturbation till I was 25, literally WTF. I thought precum is how u make babies, naive and stupid ...... how I discovered ejaculation while been not asleep was an eye opener. A large part of me just want to hang out shirtless, goof around and some soft intimate with a man probably meeting some of my younger year fantasies ... sometimes its less sexual more of a feeling I am equal and an adequate man. When I discovered masturbation I was like what else I am missing or don't know.
 

Edited September 30 by BlackSheep

[+ KensingtonHomo]

On 9/29/2024 at 3:26 AM, BlackSheep said:

I am somehow more into intimacy is what I feel like. Man's dick an't that attractive to me or I should say less attractive, so anal is for sure out. Men's normal hairy chest with normal build attracts me the most ... with a cute attractive manly face.
I have tried massages before, one time I had a best of the best massage but I was not attracted to that guy at all it was a normal one time booking with that messure but that guy gave me an unexpected HJ which was a total shock, I should have stopped him but somehow couldn't and I hated the whole experience. I didn't try massage for about a year or so afterwards. Other one or two times were so so and felt like lack of connection or a bit of attraction. 

It's unclear to me if you're attracted to men sexually or if you want close guy friends. Honestly, if you haven't spoken to a therapist about this, and you can manage it, that would be a good route to go. It feels like you have a lot to unpack likely due to your upbringing, which maybe a sex surrogate could help you address, but it feels deeper than that to me. 

are you attracted to women at all? 

[Jamie21]

It sounds like it’s intimacy you seek, and approval from other men. This need not be a sexual encounter: intimacy does not have lead to anything sexual and it’s best if that is not an obligation on you (or on the masseur). This is why I suggest a massage with a sensual masseur would be a good starting point for your exploration. Pick one of similar age, who seems to be understanding and empathetic (most are if they do this kind of work). Tell him what you’d like, with your limits clear. 

The session can unfold naturally and you only do what you’re comfortable with.  Initially that may mean just being naked with a guy and enjoying his touch, his presence and most of all his approval. Once you’re comfortable with him you can go further in future sessions. 

[SirBillybob]

Now as the present and future self to my past self, along with some overlap in contextual and sexual development background as you, OP, I wouldn’t be time-travelling and recommending to my past self that I seek direction in a message board such as this.

You are here because you ponder whether the transactional sex realm could figure meaningfully into moving the needle for you in terms of overcoming inhibitions related to intimate male-male interaction. Here you will get basic empathy and a few well-meaning but cliché suggestions from some, a thread also peppered with ignorant obnoxious scolds that could outpace anybody having upbraided you or males in general while growing up, only with a shift to criticism for the paralyzing reticence you describe and for not yet having bitten the bullet and gotten blown in your neighbourhood backroom.

Therapy, and/ or paid interaction for desensitization with a fellow on the surrogate-provider continuum, will cost you financially. First of all, you wouid need to be a person of means. These are not necessarily required pathways to the progression you may desire. There exists a myriad and vast variety of storylines that represent getting from where you are (and countless others have been) to the place you think you might want to be. The thing is, these pathways have been predominantly unplanned and there is lacking a structured algorithm for advancement in homosexual self-actualization.

Attempts at answering your input will likely circle around your reality with the hope of landing on target but not yield a fully rendered solution. Rather, they evoke further description by you that appears to exacerbate your fears around breached anonymity. You suggest exposure anxiety, and the notion that the more shares you risk here the greater the anxiety that runs through your dilemma. 

You can’t easily add the degree of elaboration that might facilitate the assortative process of trying on some ideas for size while discarding others. It’s the message board equivalent to pinning the tail on the donkey. 

That said, and fully cognizant that my ideas are as discardable as any, I do wonder if exploring San Fran PFLAG might be in your interest. It’s free. You don’t need to explicitly identify or testify at all, as the mix of attendees is extremely heterogeneous, consisting of gays, families, friends, allies, etc. No pressure to justify your presence whatsoever. You already know a few queers. The subject interests you. I wonder if it might promote a degree of desensitization. It’s one of a few settings where you can be gay without being gay, in a sense not unlike the post-modern phenomenon of high school sexual fluidity alliance clubs. It is not a sharing circle model. Anybody can attend for years with the option of only sitting and listening. There may be relatable guest speakers that will spur for you gradually a greater sense of normalization and personal integration.

Edited Tuesday at 10:44 PM by SirBillybob

[Manhattan]

It's known as the world's oldest profession because it's the simplest. 
Someone pays someone to provide a service that requires nothing more than their body. 
If you're lonely or bored, keep engaging on this forum. Otherwise, go try it.  There will always be emotional, physical, or legal risks to consider, but no one here can help you with those.