"Nobody loves you when you're old and gay"

[Nodalguy]

On 12/6/2023 at 10:14 PM, WilliamM said:

Do not agree 

I didn't mean literally no one. Yes, there are those who like more mature men. But just in general, responses and interest decline dramatically when you hit 30. At least from everything I've seen.

[pubic_assistance]

15 minutes ago, Nodalguy said:

I didn't mean literally no one. Yes, there are those who like more mature men. But just in general, responses and interest decline dramatically when you hit 30. At least from everything I've seen.

I would have said 40. But yes. We are all like a ripening banana.

Some people find it sweeter just before its rotting away.

[+ Charlie]

2 hours ago, pubic_assistance said:

I would have said 40. But yes. We are all like a ripening banana.

Some people find it sweeter just before its rotting away.

I normally eat a banana with breakfast, but lately I have been finding bananas that look unblemished on the outside, but are rotten when I peel away the skin.

[+ Vegas_Millennial]

14 minutes ago, Charlie said:

I normally eat a banana with breakfast, but lately I have been finding bananas that look unblemished on the outside, but are rotten when I peel away the skin.

My doctor told me a banana 🍌 a day would be good for my colon.  So that's what I did.  But on a follow-up visit he told me that I should EAT the bananas 🍌

[pubic_assistance]

1 hour ago, Charlie said:

I normally eat a banana with breakfast, but lately I have been finding bananas that look unblemished on the outside, but are rotten when I peel away the skin.

The most perfect looking bananas aren't usually sweet. Same as people.

[Luv2play]

On 12/8/2023 at 9:48 PM, jessmapex said:

Yes, in the popular gay world, after 30, you gotta pay the old age tax, one way or the other.

I guess I’m fortunate. I only started paying the tax after 50.

[pubic_assistance]

18 hours ago, Luv2play said:

I only started paying the tax after 50.

Everybody ages differently.

[+ augustus]

On 11/12/2023 at 7:50 PM, Charlie said:

I wonder if there is anyone else here who is dealing with a situation similar to mine.

Let me be blunt....NO ONE WANTS TO CARE OF THE ELDERLY, children included.  It's just too difficult and a person has to be strong willed and have heart to take care of an elderly person in decline.  I've seen it over and over again.  IMHO, start planning for this now.  Find an Assisted Living Facility or Nursing Home that is highly rated.  At some point, taking care of your spouse will become too difficult and threaten your own health.  I was able to find a good facility for my aunt a few years ago.  It's not easy but I was able to find one run by the Catholic Church that still has nuns working there.  They are fantastic and are dedicated people.

Don't give POA to anyone (it's just a license to steal).   Use your resources for you and your partner's well-being.  If there is anything left over for family that's fine.  Let them apply for Guardianship if it becomes necessary, where annual financial reports need to be filed with the Court.  Control your own destiny for as long as you can.  

Good luck!

[+ augustus]

PLEASE PEOPLE......don't trust anyone.  Especially family.  They want your money 90% of the time.  And they can rationalize anything, especially the women. 

[+ WilliamM]

3 hours ago, augustus said:

PLEASE PEOPLE......don't trust anyone.  Especially family.  They want your money 90% of the time.  And they can rationalize anything, especially the women. 

90  percent  of the time?

Come on

[+ nycman]

10 minutes ago, WilliamM said:

90  percent  of the time?

Come on

No doubt he was being kind….99.95%

[+ José Soplanucas]

When you are selfish and do not care for others, why should others love you and take care of you? It is sad how some posters generalize their miseries to everyone.

I have an extended family. Every single elder has been taken care of. My mother, 85 y.o., is the last living matriarch in one of my family brunches, and not only myself and my siblings are making sure she has a happy and safe life, but also an army of cousins. I have many friends back in Argentina who have not abandoned their elders. And it is not a cultural thing. I have several friends here in the US, who care deeply for their parents in their 80s. 

I do believe that we reap what we saw. 

[+ augustus]

38 minutes ago, José Soplanucas said:

I have an extended family. Every single elder has been taken care of. My mother, 85 y.o., is the last living matriarch in one of my family brunches, and not only myself and my siblings are making sure she has a happy and safe life, but also an army of cousins. I have many friends back in Argentina who have not abandoned their elders.

Well, there's no choice in Argentina which doesn't have a system of Assisted Living/Nursing homes to care for the elderly.  The country is completely busted.   And how well are the seniors doing???  Malnutrition is not uncommon in Argentina today.  

 

Europe PMC

EUROPEPMC.ORG

---

Europe PMC is an archive of life sciences journal literature.

"The rehabilitation and long-term care services are relatively underdeveloped in Argentina, and fewer than 2% of senior citizens live in residential or nursing homes."   

 

 

Edited December 14, 2023 by augustus

[Thelatin]

My brother died a slow brutal death over 2 years with cancer.  His wife and her young sons cared for him in their home,I supported them financially.  He was able to pass at home with family.

I’m on good terms with my nephews, they are kind honest people.

I’m fortunate.

[Luv2play]

7 hours ago, pubic_assistance said:

Everybody ages differently.

Ain’t that the truth. Lol

[+ José Soplanucas]

3 hours ago, augustus said:

Well, there's no choice in Argentina which doesn't have a system of Assisted Living/Nursing homes to care for the elderly.  The country is completely busted.   And how well are the seniors doing???  Malnutrition is not uncommon in Argentina today.  

 

Europe PMC

EUROPEPMC.ORG

---

Europe PMC is an archive of life sciences journal literature.

"The rehabilitation and long-term care services are relatively underdeveloped in Argentina, and fewer than 2% of senior citizens live in residential or nursing homes."   

 

 

Poor thing. I wish you the best.

[+ augustus]

2 hours ago, José Soplanucas said:

Poor thing. I wish you the best.

Yeah, everyone in your family takes care of the elders,  cool story bro.  

[CuriousByNature]

9 hours ago, augustus said:

Let me be blunt....NO ONE WANTS TO CARE OF THE ELDERLY, children included.  It's just too difficult and a person has to be strong willed and have heart to take care of an elderly person in decline.  I've seen it over and over again.  IMHO, start planning for this now.  Find an Assisted Living Facility or Nursing Home that is highly rated.  At some point, taking care of your spouse will become too difficult and threaten your own health.  I was able to find a good facility for my aunt a few years ago.  It's not easy but I was able to find one run by the Catholic Church that still has nuns working there.  They are fantastic and are dedicated people.

Don't give POA to anyone (it's just a license to steal).   Use your resources for you and your partner's well-being.  If there is anything left over for family that's fine.  Let them apply for Guardianship if it becomes necessary, where annual financial reports need to be filed with the Court.  Control your own destiny for as long as you can.  

Good luck!

This generalization simply isn't true.  Many of us have been caregivers or are currently caregivers without any expectation of an inheritance or financial windfall.  I imagine you may have had, or witnessed, some terrible experiences that have eroded your trust in people.  It's really unfortunate.  There will always be those who will try to take advantage of others, so of course we all need to be wise about our decisions. 

If someone is not willing to freely help a loved one, I think it's unlikely they would apply for guardianship and nobody can be forced into being a guardian.  Rather, a person could end up being a ward of the state, or worse.  I wouldn't want some complete stranger making decisions on my behalf, but maybe that's just me.

So, if there are people in one's life that have been consistent in their willingness and ability to help through the years, and have shown themselves to be trustworthy, there may not be as much risk in setting up a PoA.  And perhaps the Notary or lawyer who draws up the PoA could include safeguards and limitations if that's a concern.  But I'm not in the legal professions, so I'm not sure if that is possible or not. 

[CuriousByNature]

Just now, augustus said:

Yeah, everyone in your family takes care of the elders,  cool story bro.  

I don't know Jose's family situation, but it isn't necessary for 'everyone' to take care of the elders.  In a large family there are bound to be those members who naturally come into that role, and in many cultures, it represents a special part of life for the caregiver and the one being cared for.  I know I would never trade the time I have spent caring for family members who needed it.  It comes down to treating others the way you would like to be treated yourself.

 

[+ augustus]

7 minutes ago, CuriousByNature said:

This generalization simply isn't true.  Many of us have been caregivers or are currently caregivers without any expectation of an inheritance or financial windfall.  I imagine you may have had, or witnessed, some terrible experiences that have eroded your trust in people.  It's really unfortunate.  There will always be those who will try to take advantage of others, so of course we all need to be wise about our decisions. 

It IS true.  People are lucky if they can find ONE PERSON in their family who will make such a commitment simply because it is so difficult.  Everyone else just scatters.  If it wasn't for @Charlie his partner would be in a facility.  That is just fact.  @José Soplanucas assertions that everyone in his family, down to the cousins, takes care of the matriarch in his family is gibberish. 

Edited December 15, 2023 by augustus

[+ augustus]

5 minutes ago, CuriousByNature said:

I don't know Jose's family situation, but it isn't necessary for 'everyone' to take care of the elders.  In a large family there are bound to be those members who naturally come into that role, and in many cultures, it represents a special part of life for the caregiver and the one being cared for.  I know I would never trade the time I have spent caring for family members who needed it.  It comes down to treating others the way you would like to be treated yourself.

 

I know that.  But many people seem to think that visiting a declining elder once a week for 2 hours is "caring" for them.  It is not.  It's no help at all really.

[CuriousByNature]

1 minute ago, augustus said:

It IS true.  People are lucky if they can find ONE PERSON in their family who will make such a commitment simply because it is so difficult.  Everyone else just scatters.  If it wasn't for @Charlie his partner would be in a facility.  That is just fact.  @José Soplanucas assertions that everyone in his family, down to the cousins, takes care of the matriarch in his family is gibberish. 

Again, I can't speak about Jose's family, but I have seen in numerous families I know where most of the family supports one another in some way.  There are always those who move away or are too busy with their own issues, but for the most part, all the gaps in care are filled and the elderly or sick person doesn't have to worry about what will become of them.  I see this mostly in non-Western European families, but it was once common in those families too.  In Canada, and I imagine in the US, a lot of younger people have learned to be more entitled and selfish, and operate that way - without realizing that the day will come when they may need support from the younger generations themselves.  But lots of families in lots of places do not have to deal with that dynamic.

[CuriousByNature]

3 minutes ago, augustus said:

I know that.  But many people seem to think that visiting a declining elder once a week for 2 hours is "caring" for them.  It is not.  It's no help at all really.

It all depends on the level of care that is required.  Visiting every so often is not necessarily physically supportive, but it contributes to emotional and spiritual wellness - assuming the visiting relative isn't a twit... LOL.

[+ augustus]

Just now, CuriousByNature said:

It all depends on the level of care that is required.  Visiting every so often is not necessarily physically supportive, but it contributes to emotional and spiritual wellness - assuming the visiting relative isn't a twit... LOL.

BINGO!   A person can decline to the point that they are bedridden, can't feed themselves or Alzheimers makes 24-hour supervision necessary.  That's when everyone scatters and anyone who says otherwise is either ignorant or lying.  Having an elder in the home who can still manage the basic requirements of life is NOT on the same level as an incapacitated person, though many people seem to believe it is. 

[+ José Soplanucas]

Try to overcome your misery, @augustus, and tell me where I said that every single cousin takes care of my family's elders. I said that every single elder in my family has been and is taken care of, and spoke of an army of cousins, all facts. Perhaps the difference s above your head, but I understand if it is beyond your understanding. As I said, you reap what you saw., poor thing.