"Nobody loves you when you're old and gay"

[+ friendofsheila]

Or has tried marrying someone for the rrequired 1 year to pass on their social scurity.  I mean so they can get help in old age before they die.

Edited December 1, 2023 by friendofsheila

[+ friendofsheila]

On 11/12/2023 at 8:57 PM, nycman said:

Most of us sell ourselves short on what we bring to the table for a younger generation. 

 

i kind of wish there was a "gay mentor" program so older people can help ounger with info, and eventually form bonds.

[+ Coolwave35]

4 hours ago, friendofsheila said:

I wonder if anyone has ever gone thr route of adopting someone who can be thier heir and caretaker.

Officially, or through seeking arrangement? 

[CuriousByNature]

12 hours ago, friendofsheila said:

Thank you.  "Private" and "estate planning" and "attorney" all sound like only people who earn more money than I do cann use them.  I don't feel  hopeful that I can afford things like this. 

If hiring a legal professional seems beyond affordability, you might want to contact a local law school and see if any law student organizations provide legal assistance as low/no fee services.  Also, don't rule out contacting social workers who can put you in touch with appropriate advisors and support networks.

[pubic_assistance]

12 hours ago, friendofsheila said:

I kind of wish there was a "gay mentor" program so older people can help ounger with info, and eventually form bonds.

I relied heavily on the mentorship of older gay men when I started experimenting with homosexuality in college. I knew nothing about how to meet people, the social norms, that not all gays were effeminate and that gay men had long term relationships. I am now in my 50s and they are still my friends.

Young people today, think they know everything and that old people are stupid. So they wouldn't accept mentorship.

[+ José Soplanucas]

9 minutes ago, pubic_assistance said:

Young people today, think they know everything and that old people are stupid. So they wouldn't accept mentorship.

This is not my experience. In general, I like and respect young people and get the same in return. 

[+ Coolwave35]

11 hours ago, pubic_assistance said:

I relied heavily on the mentorship of older gay men when I started experimenting with homosexuality in college. I knew nothing about how to meet people, the social norms, that not all gays were effeminate and that gay men had long term relationships. I am now in my 50s and they are still my friends.

Young people today, think they know everything and that old people are stupid. So they wouldn't accept mentorship.

I was young 10 years ago and valued aged gay wisdom. It’s when they tried to fuck me when I wanted friendship that problems formed. 

[+ jessmapex]

On 12/1/2023 at 6:25 PM, Coolwave35 said:

It’s when they tried to fuck me when I wanted friendship that problems formed

This is the crux of the issue. As an older gay man near 50, I have found myself having an ulterior motive when mentoring or helping a younger guy. 

You will find that a hot younger guy will have no problem finding a couch to crash on in WeHo while a homeless elderly woman will have to sleep on the Santa Monica blvd. 

Over the years, my personal experience has taught me that all altruistic endeavors have a hidden agenda (sex, money, power, religious evangelism, etc) behind them. 

Coming back to the subject at hand, as I age, I dont expect a younger guy to help me out of kindness of his heart. It will have to be some sort of financial arrangement, not unlike the ones I have to make today with providers for some body bliss. 

Those who get all this because of love are extraordinarily lucky and rare.

Edited December 4, 2023 by jessmapex

[+ José Soplanucas]

1 minute ago, jessmapex said:

Over the years, my personal experience has taught me that all altruistic endeavors have a hidden agenda (sex, money, power, religious evangelism, etc) behind them. 

Well, this is sad, and fortunately not my experience. I know I have helped others without expecting anything in return, and I am not an angel. I am sure I am not alone.

[+ friendofsheila]

I do haope people will update this thread as they learn more.

[+ WilliamM]

On 12/4/2023 at 11:37 AM, José Soplanucas said:

Well, this is sad, and fortunately not my experience. I know I have helped others without expecting anything in return, and I am not an angel. I am sure I am not alone.

Exactly.   I visited a provider several times when he was in a Philadelphia hospital. The first few times at his request. From then, I went because it was the right thing to do.

[Nodalguy]

When you hit 30 as a gay man, no one gives a crap about you anymore.

[+ WilliamM]

2 hours ago, Nodalguy said:

When you hit 30 as a gay man, no one gives a crap about you anymore.

Do not agree 

[CuriousByNature]

On 12/6/2023 at 10:27 AM, WilliamM said:

Exactly.   I visited a provider several times when he was in a Philadelphia hospital. The first few times at his request. From then, I went because it was the right thing to do.

Did he recover from whatever it was he was fighting?

[+ WilliamM]

6 minutes ago, CuriousByNature said:

Did he recover from whatever it was he was fighting?

Partly,  but he had some physical problems. Nice man

[+ JEC]

Ironically, after reading this thread the other day this post popped up in my facebook feed, interesting project in Boston for LGBTQ senior housing.......

[+ WilliamM]

On 12/1/2023 at 9:35 AM, pubic_assistance said:

I relied heavily on the mentorship of older gay men when I started experimenting with homosexuality in college. I knew nothing about how to meet people, the social norms, that not all gays were effeminate and that gay men had long term relationships. I am now in my 50s and they are still my friends.

Young people today, think they know everything and that old people are stupid. So they wouldn't accept mentorship.

I could mentor Ryan Phillipe who knows my brother 

[+ JEC]

23 hours ago, Nodalguy said:

When you hit 30 as a gay man, no one gives a crap about you anymore.

Daddytude is a thing 😁

[pubic_assistance]

23 minutes ago, WilliamM said:

I could mentor Ryan Phillipe who knows my brother 

I would do anything for Ryan Phillipe. What a hottie he was (still is).

[+ jessmapex]

On 12/6/2023 at 5:39 PM, Nodalguy said:

When you hit 30 as a gay man, no one gives a crap about you anymore.

Yes, in the popular gay world, after 30, you gotta pay the old age tax, one way or the other.

[Archangel]

Nobody loves you when you're old.

You could just say that. Of course “nobody” is hyperbolic, but the point is there. People value youth and vitality. Even loved ones will forget you when you no longer serve the same relational benefits as you once did. Put someone in a nursing home, and it gets even worse. Nursing homes are simply geriatric prisons.

Edited December 9, 2023 by Archangel

[+ jessmapex]

1 minute ago, Archangel said:

People value youth and vitality. Even loved ones will forget you when you no longer serve the same relational benefits as you once did.

100% . I saw, not too long ago, how relations abandoned seeing my parents as they aged. This happens even more,, when friends are all you have, which is common in the gay world.

 

[+ WilliamM]

Not my experience.

At all.

[+ Charlie]

I started this thread with an ironic misquote of a line from an old song ("Nobody loves you when you're old and gray"), but I didn't mean it literally. Most relationships change over time, as both parties age, and for gay men who have no children, there are no younger generations of descendants who typically feel some responsibility for the older family members who raised them. Of course, even gay men may have younger lovers, friends and family members who are willing to take responsibility for them. 

I don't believe that nursing homes are only "geriatric prisons;" the residents may sometimes feel that way, but often the elderly receive better care there than they would from their family. After five years of living with my spouse and me, my 94 year old mother actually chose to move to an assisted living/nursing care facility, where she thought her life would be more comfortable and interesting than it was with us, and she was right.

[+ WilliamM]

5 minutes ago, Charlie said:

I started this thread with an ironic misquote of a line from an old song ("Nobody loves you when you're old and gray"), but I didn't mean it literally. Most relationships change over time, as both parties age, and for gay men who have no children, there are no younger generations of descendants who typically feel some responsibility for the older family members who raised them. Of course, even gay men may have younger lovers, friends and family members who are willing to take responsibility for them. 

I don't believe that nursing homes are only "geriatric prisons;" the residents may sometimes feel that way, but often the elderly receive better care there than they would from their family. After five years of living with my spouse and me, my 94 year old mother actually chose to move to an assisted living/nursing care facility, where she thought her life would be more comfortable and interesting than it was with us, and she was right.

Thank you, Charlie

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