Deposits and pushiness

[borgerback]

So I'm not completely opposed to deposits; however, I'm finding more and more providers really pushing them.  I think I get it with new clients, but it's irritating and a bit nerve-wracking.  I'd do it with guys well thought of from this site, I suppose. 

 

Apologies if I'm not finding a recent thread on this topic.

[steve10025]

My thought on a deposit with someone I don't know ... an invitation for me to be ripped off. There's got to be a certain amount of good faith and trust on both sides - intuitively - at least for me.

[+ Pensant]

As a long-term hobbyist, I’ve never been asked for a deposit. Never.

[56harrisond]

26 minutes ago, borgerback said:

Apologies if I'm not finding a recent thread on this topic.

Deposit threads:

 

[BriansBodywork]

I will only ask for a deposit from a client who has either no showed on me before or one who has repeatedly canceled in the past. Asking for a deposit for the session will most likely guarantee them to show up for their appointment. A no show client will also be charged a $100 no show fee on top of my normal fee if they ever wish to schedule. 

[+ The Big Guy]

I’ve only been asked for a deposit one time.  I politely replied I would not send one.  He went ahead with the appointment anyway without and it was a great session. 

[Your Man in Arlington]

2 hours ago, Pensant said:

As a long-term hobbyist, I’ve never been asked for a deposit. Never.

I'm not (yet) a long term hobbyist, but also have never been asked for a deposit. I'm also very respectful, discreet and clear when booking with providers.

[JamesB]

I've been asked for a deposit once. I politely reply, as I walked into a conference, that I was not willing to do that and to have a nice day. A couple of hours later when I was able to check my messages I found two messages, one where he was willing to go ahead with the booking without a deposit and another one lowering the rate he quoted just a few hours before. Needless to say that I did not book with this provider. 

Edited October 28, 2023 by JamesB

[spidir]

I expect providers to respect my privacy and consider that part of their service. I was asked for a minimal deposit several years ago and understood that the provider was simply trying to gauge my sincerity as a new client. l declined but offered to meet in person for coffee before our scheduled meeting so that we could get to know each other. He agreed to schedule me with no public meeting and no deposit. It was a great experience and I continue to meet with him on a regular basis to this day.

[Jarrod_Uncut]

On 10/27/2023 at 7:35 PM, borgerback said:

So I'm not completely opposed to deposits; however, I'm finding more and more providers really pushing them.  I think I get it with new clients, but it's irritating and a bit nerve-wracking.  I'd do it with guys well thought of from this site, I suppose. 

 

Apologies if I'm not finding a recent thread on this topic.

I still stand by my decision to require deposits, despite what may have been shared here. I also have a hard time believing someone who says they’ve never been asked for a deposit. I’m sorry, no offense, but unless someone is only contacting a certain type of provider…I just can’t see it. You can’t tell me you’ve asked a provider to come see you from an hour or 2, maybe even: visiting from halfway around the country away: and not been asked a deposit. I don’t believe it. If so: just say you’ve never asked to see a provider further than a few blocks away or, one who wasn’t ALREADY in attendance or visiting wherever you may have also been in attendance.

I know this topic been discussed to death, but I never get tired of talking about it though. I’m still willing to defend deposits as much as needed, even if I don’t need to. I’m also willing to accept exceptions: considering last week I did take 2 bookings without a deposit, however one was an outcall to a clients hotel very close to where I was staying, and the other ran into me in person after having prior seen my ad.

I have even heard clients tell me they don’t do deposits, but then later learn they have a cash app or Venmo account. And have even later paid be thru that method.

If the business ever moves into official Decrim, and/or if things continue online: I highly believe deposits would become the norm. I’ve already made deposits part of my website, there’s not much stopping other sites like RentM from making that a feature, and simply branding it as “pay for a pornstar”. So, don’t be surprised…if it ever happens. 

My thing is: for every person who talks about deposits, I rarely ever see a legitimate reason why one can’t. I’ve know people send deposits by all means: cash in mail (in fact a former member of this forum even offered to do so with me, but at the time: things were “different” and I told him I would settle upon arrival), other means are western Union, Moneygram, cash app, Venmo, etc etc. 

If someone is going to pay for something, what difference does it make whether they pay a portion ahead anyway? And then, some people expect to do the deed and pay afterwards. By the time you do all that, you basically got the person for free, and can pull a gun out on them and tell them to get the fuck out…technically. What’s stopping you from doing that. Morals?
 

Okay…so all clients have morals is what you’re saying, including the ones who no show, or fake appointment requests? Only to not respond and then do the same shit two years later, only to not respond again, do the same shit again the next year, and the next year, and the year after?  🤷🏾‍♂️ 

People need to get to a better mindset in this industry. So many people equate asking for any money upfront as a scam, or a sign of the provider not having money, etc etc. Time out for that. It’s a bit selfish and condescending to make as if the provider should shoulder all the initial responsibility of getting to/providing a place to host. Someone is going to end up alone or in a worse predicament.

Case in point: one of the clients I seen the other day, paid a couple guys. I don’t think they asked for deposits: but his story was, he paid one guy $1,000 for the night and only got 2 hours before the guy got “tired”.  He ended up booking with me later on. 
 

Overall: The big issue is, clients in 2023 and even particularly in some areas: have become more flakier than ever. Unless a provider works only from home, doesn’t travel or do Outcalls and possibly has another stream of revenue: deposit may not be needed. Or, if you’re in a city or neighborhood where things are relatively within close range…It may also not be required.
 

But not every escort has the same situation. Like for me, I often have to travel to the next city or state, FEW STATES away to see clients. I would be foolish to do that without at least mentioning deposits. If when I arrive I have the luxury to be flexible, I won’t. But I also feel it’s fair to require the same standards from all clients, and even hosting a client without asking a deposit: has caused issues for me; guys who pretend they are showing up around noon, and then I book the room an extra night and they don’t show, or people who show up with no/less money than agreed. Even have had walk outs and no pay after offering services.

The provider is always in the position of carrying the heavier burden, than the client. Even if you stand the chance to lose $50-$100: the provider can be losing $150-$300 per session for every flaky client. Just like for me last month, I counted up about $2,000 in fraudulent bookings, from clients who requested appointments but failed to follow thru. I hope each one gets the karma they deserve…

Edited November 1, 2023 by Jarrod_Uncut

[+ Vegas_Millennial]

15 hours ago, Jarrod_Uncut said:

. I also have a hard time believing someone who says they’ve never been asked for a deposit.

I've hired a few hundred guys.  Only one asked for a deposit, which I did not give so we never met.  Only twice have I missed an appointment.  Both involved me falling asleep in the middle of the afternoon while on holiday.  Both times I apologized and tried to make it up to the provider by meeting later and paying extra.  Now I try to schedule where they come to me, and/or at a different time of day where I'm less likely to be interrupted by a nap.

Edited November 1, 2023 by Vegas_Millennial

[Your Man in Arlington]

10 hours ago, Jarrod_Uncut said:

I’m sorry, no offense, but unless someone is only contacting a certain type of provider…I just can’t see it. You can’t tell me you’ve asked a provider to come see you from an hour or 2, maybe even: visiting from halfway around the country away: and not been asked a deposit. I don’t believe it. If so: just say you’ve never asked to see a provider further than a few blocks away or, one who wasn’t ALREADY in attendance or visiting wherever you may have also been in attendance.

I'm one of those who've never been asked for a deposit, but the longest some has traveled to get to me for an incall was about a 30 minute MTA ride from Brooklyn to Manhattan. If someone was traveling from a couple of hours or more, I would certainly consider paying one.

[Guest]

What I posted on the last thread  regarding this very subject:

 

I've said it before and I'll say it again.... IF I decide to respond to somebody who I've never met that didn't keep their commitment. ( yes I store ALL the FLAKES because they will always reach out again and again  ) 99% of the time I will not respond however if I do I might remind them that I recall them not keeping their commitment and if they would like to see me, I would require not just a deposit but the full payment upfront before I saw them..... if they do or  don't it's still win win for me because they either pay it or they leave me alone.... many have agreed and we've never spoken about the unreliable behavior.... that's really the only time I've ever asked for a deposit or to be paid in full prior to "spending time" other than that I don't bother asking for a deposit. People aren't wild about deposits because of the hustlers who've been disingenuous,  untrustworthy, who have taken advantage of people and burned people. I believe there are two types who might require deposits... those that really need the business and those that do not. This is all coming from my own experience over the years and my methods might not work for everyone but I waste very little energy with unreliable folks. 

Edited November 1, 2023 by Vin_Marco

[Gandalf]

I've been asked for a deposit once. He also asked me for a photo.  I didn't communicate any further, which I suppose he interpreted as flaking.  Didn't really care.  I'm sympathetic to providers who say a deposit makes sense after demonstrations of unreliability.  I'm also sympathetic to people whose reaction is it is an opportunity to get ripped off. 

[Guest]

1 minute ago, Gandalf said:

I've been asked for a deposit once. He also asked me for a photo.  

In my opinion and my own experience, that's just bad business.... one of my objectives is to make people feel comfortable and asking for a photo of a prospective client is a bad way to start off... it would make most uncomfortable and vulnerable and for good reason. 

[+ purplekow]

I have been asked for a deposit on one occasion.  The provider was traveling an hour by train to see me and he asked for a $60 deposit by Venmo.  I decided that this was reasonable in view of the time he was putting in to come to me and the risk to him of spending 2 or more hours on a wild caboose chase.  He showed, we had a fun time and on future encounters, he did not ask for a deposit.  I paid the deposit knowing full well that it may be money poorly spent but it seemed worth the risk and it was.

 

Edited November 1, 2023 by purplekow

[Guest]

2 hours ago, purplekow said:

I have been asked for a deposit on one occasion.  The provider was traveling an hour by train to see me and he asked for a $60 deposit by Venmo.  I decided that this was reasonable in view of the time he was putting in to come to me and the risk to him of spending 2 or more hours on a wild caboose chase.  He showed, we had a fun time and on future encounters, he did not ask for a deposit.  I paid the deposit knowing full well that it may be money poor spent but it seemed worth the risk and it was.

 

I love that he never asked for a deposit again... he saw what so many of us see in you.. you're a much better human than I will ever be. What he did and what you did proves that not everyone is a"hustler" and many of you are good for it in a world of flakes and jerkoffs on both sides. 🙌🏽

[Jamie21]

3 hours ago, Gandalf said:

I've been asked for a deposit once. He also asked me for a photo.  I didn't communicate any further, which I suppose he interpreted as flaking.  Didn't really care.  I'm sympathetic to providers who say a deposit makes sense after demonstrations of unreliability.  I'm also sympathetic to people whose reaction is it is an opportunity to get ripped off. 

The photo request is a red flag. Regardless of the deposit issue you were right to disengage when he asked for a photo. He shouldn’t need a photo. 

[+ sam.fitzpatrick]

I have only been asked for a deposit and a photo once.  The photo request is because I had told the provider that I we had met at a Palm Springs "event" and he indicated that he didn't remember me, but maybe a photo would trigger his memory.  In that light, I agreed to provide the photo and sure enough, he was able to recall some of our conversation.  As to the deposit, I also paid it and wouldn't you know, it was the only time I've ever had to cancel on a provider, and with less than 24 hours notice at that.

[Gandalf]

3 hours ago, Jamie21 said:

The photo request is a red flag. Regardless of the deposit issue you were right to disengage when he asked for a photo. He shouldn’t need a photo. 

I know what I think it flagged but can I ask what you think it flagged?

 

[Jarrod_Uncut]

4 hours ago, Jamie21 said:

The photo request is a red flag. Regardless of the deposit issue you were right to disengage when he asked for a photo. He shouldn’t need a photo. 

Meh, I disagree to an extend. No proof of a red flag 🚩 

If that were true, clients on RentMasseur and RentM who show their photos should also be red flags. Obviously they’re doing it for a reason, they want the provider to know what they look like. What’s wrong with that? 
 

Granted, I don’t necessarily always ask or need a photo. But if I ask what their physical description is and they send one, it shouldn’t be a bad thing.

Only caveat is: some may include pics of their “frontal areas” but it can end up being bigger than what the picture represents. Not a bottom but, always good to be prepared just in case I feel like being vers 😆 

[Jamie21]

58 minutes ago, Jarrod_Uncut said:

If that were true, clients on RentMasseur and RentM who show their photos should also be red flags. Obviously they’re doing it for a reason, they want the provider to know what they look like. What’s wrong with that? 

That’s different though. The provider hasn’t asked for it. I’m saying the provider specifically asking for a picture is a red flag to the client. They should beware of the provider that only wants to see ‘hot’ clients because it’s a potential sign he’s not really interested in his clients satisfaction. 

The only reason I might need to know a client’s physical description is if they’re too big for the massage table or if they have a disability. Most clients offer those things up without me asking. Otherwise I find out when they turn up. 

1 hour ago, Jarrod_Uncut said:

Only caveat is: some may include pics of their “frontal areas” but it can end up being bigger than what the picture represents. Not a bottom but, always good to be prepared just in case I feel like being vers 😆 

I’ve never met a guy who has a pic of his ‘frontal areas’ that under represents his size!  I agree though…if I know he’s got big equipment and wants to top me I’ll be extra well prepared 🤪
 

[Jarrod_Uncut]

2 hours ago, Jamie21 said:

That’s different though. The provider hasn’t asked for it. I’m saying the provider specifically asking for a picture is a red flag to the client. They should beware of the provider that only wants to see ‘hot’ clients because it’s a potential sign he’s not really interested in his clients satisfaction. 

Otherwise I find out when they turn up. 

But there was no implication that the provider only wanted to see hot clients. He just asked for a photo. I don’t see anything wrong with that. Every time a person in the United States buys liquor, cigarettes, gets entry into a club or bar: they have to show an ID. That’s regardless of whether they are an adult or “can pay with cash” (The non deposit client’s favorite line). 
 

Our biz should be no different. Some providers aren’t into straight up blind “dates”. Especially in this age of hookup apps that many clients are already on…there’s no excuse to not include a pic if asked. Even the most straightest of married clients have no problem with this. 
 

Again, it’s all about different providers having different ways of working. It’s not 1996 anymore (I was too young but…I know it was around 😂 where you could just show up with just a voice and cash. Those days are gone. Nobody wants to just “find out when they show up”. At least not me. People have gotten stabbed, murdered, beaten, shot, robbed…Nobody should feel compelled to lower their standards in order to take that risk.
 

I don’t judge a client’s looks but: if I have the option to not know who’s coming versus know who I’m meeting: I’m choosing the latter. But it’s not a requirement necessarily, more of a suggestion that shouldn’t be considered a red flag 🚩 it should be a red flag if THEY have an issue, and they KNOW the provider is legit. That’s the truth of the matter.

Edited November 2, 2023 by Jarrod_Uncut

[Jamie21]

1 hour ago, Jarrod_Uncut said:

But there was no implication that the provider only wanted to see hot clients. He just asked for a photo. I don’t see anything wrong with that. Every time a person in the United States buys liquor, cigarettes, gets entry into a club or bar: they have to show an ID. That’s regardless of whether they are an adult or “can pay with cash” (The non deposit client’s favorite line). 
 

Our biz should be no different. Some providers aren’t into straight up blind “dates”. Especially in this age of hookup apps that many clients are already on…there’s no excuse to not include a pic if asked. Even the most straightest of married clients have no problem with this. 
 

Again, it’s all about different providers having different ways of working. It’s not 1996 anymore (I was too young but…I know it was around 😂 where you could just show up with just a voice and cash. Those days are gone. Nobody wants to just “find out when they show up”. At least not me. People have gotten stabbed, murdered, beaten, shot, robbed…Nobody should feel compelled to lower their standards in order to take that risk.
 

I don’t judge a client’s looks but: if I have the option to not know who’s coming versus know who I’m meeting: I’m choosing the latter. But it’s not a requirement necessarily, more of a suggestion that shouldn’t be considered a red flag 🚩 it should be a red flag if THEY have an issue, and they KNOW the provider is legit. That’s the truth of the matter.

I mean a red flag is just that. One signal but not definitive. If it’s accompanied by other signs then that’s a proceed with caution. You see things from your perspective of course but you always say different people have different opinions based on their perspective. And that’s my opinion based on my perspective that a provider asking for a pic of the client is a red flag. Of course my perspective is from a place where sex work is legal and so that has an impact on the importance or otherwise of needing a pic. 

[Jarrod_Uncut]

1 hour ago, Jamie21 said:

I mean a red flag is just that. One signal but not definitive. If it’s accompanied by other signs then that’s a proceed with caution. You see things from your perspective of course but you always say different people have different opinions based on their perspective. And that’s my opinion based on my perspective that a provider asking for a pic of the client is a red flag. Of course my perspective is from a place where sex work is legal and so that has an impact on the importance or otherwise of needing a pic. 

I suppose…I guess it’s all in the delivery. I think when the client heard deposit and picture, it may have come off wrong way. I usually don’t require both. But many don’t have an issue volunteering. And of course, sending/receiving a pic is by no means an automatic pass of screening. People send pics that aren’t even them, and make up whole lies. So it’s really not something to bank on solely.