Becoming friends

[+ bcbg1205]

My experience with this has been positive. Four+ years ago I hired a guy 43 years younger than me. We had 3 sessions and they weren't great so we stopped. However, turns out the guy is an excellent conversationalist, and we found out that we had much in common. Fast forward:  he comes over for dinner nearly every Saturday night. I give him $100 because he lives far away and I pay for his gas. I have been to his apt. a few times. Sometimes he'll bring the wine or food and a few times he has helped me around the house. He spends 3-4 hours here and we know almost everything about each other's lives. He has met my friends. I took him to Rio with me for 10 days. It went perfectly. Super fast forward: he is straight and has a new girlfriend. She now comes to dinner as well. She is charming and I very much enjoy her company. This has turned out to be one of the most rewarding friendships of my life. Yes, I admit it is somewhat different and out of the ordinary.

[Guest]

"Let me tell you about my bessss frennn...."

 

 

[+ WmClarke]

On 10/6/2023 at 4:24 AM, Mrprofessional said:

Is it even possible?

Yes, it’s possible.

 

I remained friends with my favorite escort for a few years after I stoped hiring. But during Covid he stopped responding to my texts so that friendship Is over.

 

Another escort has become a close friend. He got laid off of his day job right when Covid started. It was impossible to get a job then (“stay at home” orders, etc.). So I hired him one last time for a “G-rated” session where he made dinner and we just cuddled on the couch and watched a movie. This was about two years after I had last hired him. He had since moved to another town but we text a lot and see each other for a meal or at least drinks when one of us is n the other’s town.

 

[DWnyc]

Make your own rules - what applies for others doesn’t necessarily do so for you.

And no reason why a happy and consensual equilibrium can’t evolve whatever one falls it.

Just try to be aware if someone is taking advantage / manipulating you, remembering the whole provider client relationship does likely involve -  at the heart of the core activity - some fabrication / exaggeration of feelings. 

When I see clients post on here about unrequited feelings or near obsession with a provider I do worry about if they are easy prey.

 

[dbar123]

There is an escort that I was seeing somewhat routinely that shares a common interest with me- we both enjoy biking and we started doing that occasionally outside of sex. My sexual tastes have subsequently evolved so I am not using his escort services but we still enjoy biking. I still take him out for lunch while biking. He is 30 yrs younger and enjoys having a sounding board….and we both enjoy hearing each others’ sexual stories 

[alrajee]

If the vibes are right and you’re both clear on what your friendship entails, then sure, it’s possible.

[SouthOfTheBorder]

good question & interesting dialogue 

I’ve never been one to have sex with friends, just not my thing for whatever reason. 

I once had a provider where we became very friendly & did some non-sexual things off-the-clock.  We had a lot in common, similar interests & he is/was a great person.  It kind of ruined the sexual part of the relationship tho, because it was no longer purely transactional animal sex.  I found that i really like having paid sex as a separate outlet with no other attachments.

Never say never - but it didn’t work the one time I gave it a shot

[+ DrownedBoy]

8 hours ago, SouthOfTheBorder said:

good question & interesting dialogue 

I’ve never been one to have sex with friends, just not my thing for whatever reason. 

I once had a provider where we became very friendly & did some non-sexual things off-the-clock.  We had a lot in common, similar interests & he is/was a great person.  It kind of ruined the sexual part of the relationship tho, because it was no longer purely transactional animal sex.  I found that i really like having paid sex as a separate outlet with no other attachments.

Never say never - but it didn’t work the one time I gave it a shot

I can see what you're getting at.

I never had problems having casual sex with a friend or aquiaintence. However, that was only possible because we had a strong NSA understanding and similar views on sex.

As for a provider, I wouldn't try to get closer unless the business relationship ended.

Also, any relationship I have needs to be open enough so I can keep hiring.  Nice to have someone to go shopping with.

[Your Man in Arlington]

10 hours ago, SouthOfTheBorder said:

I found that i really like having paid sex as a separate outlet with no other attachments.

This is the case for me, too. My husband and I have vastly different libidos, and we came to the decision that this was the best way for me to meet certain of my needs and really appreciate the clean boundary.

I still want to like (well enough) and be friendly with providers, especially since not all of a meeting is hot and heave play time; but couldn't see becoming actual friends unless the provide/client phase of the relationship was over.

[SouthOfTheBorder]

30 minutes ago, Your Man in Arlington said:

My husband and I have vastly different libidos, and we came to the decision that this was the best way for me to meet certain of my needs and really appreciate the clean boundary

exact same 

when I tried friendship w a provider that one time, it did create some jealousy and insecurities w my partner.  Totally natural and I’d probably feel the same way. 

My partner is now pretty comfortable w how things work w my provider dates because it never interferes w our sex life, I usually do everything out of town and he knows there are no attachments of any kind.  He wants to know general things just to make sure Im ok & has an idea where I am and when I’m expected to check-in….kind of safety followups.  But he never wants the details.  It works and there is zero guilt. 

[+ purplekow]

On 11/4/2023 at 12:41 PM, dbar123 said:

There is an escort that I was seeing somewhat routinely that shares a common interest with me- we both enjoy biking and we started doing that occasionally outside of sex. 

More interesting would be to do it during sex.   

This question has been asked a lot and discussed forever.  There is really one simple answer.   Friendly people make friends wherever they go.  So yes one can, as to whether most can is another question and a third question is whether most escorts want clients as friends.  

[SouthOfTheBorder]

5 hours ago, purplekow said:

Friendly people make friends wherever they go.

the word friend is wildly overused.  Being friendly & makIng friends are two very different things.  
being friendly wherever you go yields more pleasant interactions and friendly acquaintances, rather than actual enduring friendships that require time, energy, reciprocation, maintenance & nurturing. 
Facebook and similar have destroyed the meaning of what a real friend is.  There’s all kinds of studies showing humans have a maximum capacity for something like 100 friendly acquaintances & then typically a very small circle of actual real friends, less than 10.

So, can a provider be a real friend for some people ? - yes, it’s possible.
Is it probable given circumstances of the relationship & human bandwidth ? - no, not likely.
I’m not “friends” with my doctor, dentist, lawyer of massage therapist. I’m a client in those professional relationships with a friendly rapport. 

[+ purplekow]

3 hours ago, SouthOfTheBorder said:

the word friend is wildly overused.  Being friendly & makIng friends are two very different things.  
being friendly wherever you go yields more pleasant interactions and friendly acquaintances, rather than actual enduring friendships that require time, energy, reciprocation, maintenance & nurturing. 
Facebook and similar have destroyed the meaning of what a real friend is.  There’s all kinds of studies showing humans have a maximum capacity for something like 100 friendly acquaintances & then typically a very small circle of actual real friends, less than 10.

So, can a provider be a real friend for some people ? - yes, it’s possible.
Is it probable given circumstances of the relationship & human bandwidth ? - no, not likely.
I’m not “friends” with my doctor, dentist, lawyer of massage therapist. I’m a client in those professional relationships with a friendly rapport. 

I agree that there is a difference between being friends and being friendly, but if you have a friendly and interested nature, then you may become friends with anyone.  Considering that the number of escort client interactions with different pairings (or thruples or more..) which have occurred with forum members probably stretches to the millions,  it would seem inevitable that some of those would wind up as friends.  It seems most likely that those people who are open to the idea of such relationships would be the ones most likely to develop one.    

So, can a provider be a real friend for some people?  IMO, the probabilities are so high as to make it almost a certainty, though a rarity.

Is it probable given the circumstances of the relationship and human bandwidth?  No not likely but inevitably yes.

As a doctor I was not friends with the vast majority of my patients, but after years and more than ten thousand encounters with different patients, I am friends with a select few.  Go to the house for holidays friends, get invited to the kid's wedding friends, attend the funeral of a parent or a spouse friend, have a drink out and watch a football game friend, borrow their tools and don't return them friends, and yes even get a call in the middle of the night to go bail their kid out of jail friend.  This while living in a well populated state and meeting these people after I had a well establish coterie of other people in my life.    Where does the new doctor in town in Alaska make his friends?   Watch Northern Exposure Reruns to find out.   

[Your Man in Arlington]

2 hours ago, purplekow said:

As a doctor I was not friends with the vast majority of my patients, but after years and more than ten thousand encounters with different patients, I am friends with a select few.

Different, but still similar, I'm close friends with my Pilates instructor of 15 years, even though we met in a strictly professional client and trainer context. I'm not the only one, she's also friends with a handful of her other clients, celebrating holidays, going out dinner and shows, etc... with them.

I think the culturally-driven romantic overtones that apply to a client/provider relationship make a friendship in that context more complex to navigate, but I know some people successfully do it (even though it's not something that would work for me right now).

[DWnyc]

A regular provider I saw shortly before Christmas dropped hints about joining my plans when it came up  - eg important time for him but he’d be alone far away from anyone, I was one of few clients he considered a friend (this startled me a little). I thought about it all through our session (and it was distracting!) and I realized a “friend” would be welcome at my Christmas dinner table, and I would want them to be themselves when off the clock (and not give them a list of things not to say or lie about). I wasn’t sure I could deal with that in the presence of my friends and family members. That year I had a colleague from work join with a similar situation of being far from family and they weren’t actually a close friend but it felt natural in a way the provider attending didn’t. But each to their own - others may have dealt with this differently. 

 

[+ purplekow]

3 hours ago, DWnyc said:

A regular provider I saw shortly before Christmas dropped hints about joining my plans when it came up  - eg important time for him but he’d be alone far away from anyone, I was one of few clients he considered a friend (this startled me a little). I thought about it all through our session (and it was distracting!) and I realized a “friend” would be welcome at my Christmas dinner table, and I would want them to be themselves when off the clock (and not give them a list of things not to say or lie about). I wasn’t sure I could deal with that in the presence of my friends and family members. That year I had a colleague from work join with a similar situation of being far from family and they weren’t actually a close friend but it felt natural in a way the provider attending didn’t. But each to their own - others may have dealt with this differently. 

 

The nature of one's relationship with each person is different.  Inevitably if you invite your friend the escort to dinner with other friends, people are bound to ask questions which may have answers which are more revealing than you may be comfortable having answered.  The same might be true of your best friend from high school that gave you a blow job every day after school until he married and you did the same.  Discretion would probably lead to an answer to How did you guys meet? as We met in high school.  Oh yeah we gave each other head every day for three years would probably be left out.  So while the seas of friendship with an escort may be a bit more difficult to navigate especially if your friend is significantly younger, quite sexually appealing and likely to raise questions some may not choose to have answered with complete candor it comes down to what your priority is.  That is part of the reason that friendships with escorts and clients are not common. However one can be honest without being indiscreet no matter what your friend does for a living or how you met.   

I have a friend who stopped escorting about 10 years ago.  We hit it off very early on and I hired him several times to do his non escort job.  He worked at my office and acted in professional manner at all times,  I had some trepidation at first as I was widowed and I had been happily married and only started sleeping with men well after my wife's passing.  I was concerned about being "outed" but more concerned about continuing my friendship. It can be done, priorities are your own.  

Edited November 11, 2023 by purplekow

[DWnyc]

33 minutes ago, purplekow said:

It can be done, priorities are your own.  

I fully agree.

I think the biggest obstacle to anything other than a provider-client relationship would be having to start from almost zero on “ normal” tjings despite feeling very close in others. And much of that supposed closeness is likely one sided and based on an act.

And I suspect there would be a world of difference between many providers and clients in their social / economic status that would for starters complicate much interaction that went beyond 1-on-1.

[+ purplekow]

1 minute ago, DWnyc said:

I fully agree.

I think the biggest obstacle to anything other than a provider-client relationship would be having to start from almost zero on “ normal” tjings despite feeling very close in others. And much of that supposed closeness is likely one sided and based on an act.

And I suspect there would be a world of difference between many providers and clients in their social / economic status that would for starters complicate much interaction that went beyond 1-on-1.

That is true, most of the escorts with whom  I am friends are making more money than I am and generally hang out with a more interesting group of people. But they seem to put up with me anyway. 

[Guest]

Interesting discussion. I’m not currently friends with any providers but see no limitations to it. I liken it to the friendship that’s developed with my trainer over 15 yrs. There are boundaries: if we’re working out I pay him; if we’re hanging out I don’t. Fundamentally, he is my personal care provider, but we each have something meaningful beyond this service to contribute to the other’s well-being. And, there’s an objectivity (different expectations and no baggage) to the friendship that often can’t be replicated in other friendships. This facilitates a much deeper bond. At bottom, like all successful  friendships, we each gain from it.

I could imagine this kind of friendship developing with a provider, and would consider myself fortunate if it did. There would be boundaries, but with that more objectivity and the potential for deeper bonds. For me, first and foremost my providers are personal care professionals, but that relationship always has the potential to develop into a mutually beneficial friendship.

[+ Coolwave35]

I’ve made friends with many providers though most are more like mentorship roles where they want advice on what to do with their fortunes.

Two of my closest friends in life came out of the biz though. 

I had a 6 year very close friendship with a straight provider. He was the best friend I ever had, but a lousy provider. He left the business after a very short time but convenience made us friends and so much more made us close. That lasted until his death. I still spend quite a bit of time with his mom and support the foundation created in his honor. 

The second is Ace Carter. He’s an exceptional kid. I don’t consume any of his OF content or hire him for sex anymore. We’re personal friends that speak daily and meet up as often as we can.  We don’t discuss the business at all because we’ve found it’s the least interesting thing about the other person. 

I have many more stories about providers who wanted to be friends, but they were so clearly looking for perks that it became comical. 

[Michael PhD]

I had a masseur I met when I was in my early 30s. Great technique, well trained. Met him almost every month when I would travel to New York for 2 years. On a trip to New York one summer, I got in a bad accident. He and I texted often and when he found out I was admitted to the trauma unit, he came and visited. He came probably 15 times over a 6 week hospitalization… fast forward 10 years, we still keep in touch. And I’m the godfather of he and his husbands daughter. A business transaction led to this friendship. Life is too short to pass up making a friend when the right connection is made. 

Edited November 14, 2023 by Michael PhD

[Arab]

Whatever your relationship, it’s important to keep the aspects of the relationship that work going strong and keeping that in mind. People change and develop different priorities so you never know when a window might open. I've had luck in this department 

[MikePDNA51]

I try to be friendly with all my clients, masseurs on the sites, escorts, and everyone in general. Maybe I am just a friendly person?  Receiving pay for friendship or companionship has its boundaries that are grey, black, and white.  

There is a level of mutual attraction that needs to happen for a friendship or moving beyond to boyfreind.  This is discrimination that everyone does.  No one wants to date someone they think is ugly or they do not want to be with.  

I would not want to hangout at a clients home for no reason because I have a real job and do things in the day.  If a client invited me to a party I might go because I rarely get invited to parties.  If I was expected to perform the boyfreind experience at the party than I would charge. 

There are escorts who do financial domination, where escort make guy buy them tons of shit, the escort in return treats client bad.  There are also escort where client forces tons of stuff on them the do not want, the escort is forced to use these items. 

 I have never been lucky enough to have guy spend money on me because I live in the real world.  Who would not want to spend someone else's money on themselves.   Please contribute to monthly car payments or just pay for the new car.

Like any relationship, one with a escort, masseur, or switch, has black, white, and grey areas. 

[jeezifonly]

Hmmm…

This topic

Surprised to see no chapters-long input from a certain providing guy on Central Time 😂

[Thelatin]

On 10/9/2023 at 8:18 PM, Thelatin said:

Friends?  I started a business with my last provider.  Pray for me for please….

Pray harder….:)