Becoming friends

[+ Mrprofessional]

Has anyone out there made the transition from being a client to having an actual friendship? I would love to hear the details!

thought I had made it with one buddy but now he’s no longer in the biz and  he associates me with his prior life I think. oh well. 

Is it even possible?

[ICTJOCK]

1 hour ago, Mrprofessional said:

Has anyone out there made the transition from being a client to having an actual friendship? I would love to hear the details!

thought I had made it with one buddy but now he’s no longer in the biz and  he associates me with his prior life I think. oh well. 

Is it even possible?

Sure it's possible.   I have 3 clients that were (and are)  friends.    It requires a serious conversation about responsibility and the fine line between work  (escorting)  and friendship.   The lines cannot be blurred.   If booked,  I expect to be paid as with any client.    Because they have been friends,  my responsibilities to them are not any different.     I would say I have several clients (who I met from booking)  who are "friendly with me"  if I see them outside a booking.    Not sure I can say we are "friends",   but I haven't had any issues in this area to date.

Edited October 6, 2023 by ICTJOCK

[pubic_assistance]

2 hours ago, Mrprofessional said:

Has anyone out there made the transition from being a client to having an actual friendship? I would love to hear the details!

thought I had made it with one buddy but now he’s no longer in the biz and  he associates me with his prior life I think. oh well. 

Is it even possible?

I keep in touch with several young men who used to do massage(+more). All of them departed NYC but always ask to see me out for a drink when they are back in town. I keep a casual friendship going through social media. Facebook/ Instagram/ Twitter.

[Guest]

7 minutes ago, pubic_assistance said:

I keep in touch with several young men who used to do massage(+more). All of them departed NYC but always ask to see me out for a drink when they are back in town. I keep a casual friendship going through social media. Facebook/ Instagram/ Twitter.

That speak volumes about your character and theirs.... 👌🏽 The age old question of "can you really become friends with an escort?"  can, and will be proven, when either person retires.... 

[pubic_assistance]

1 minute ago, Vin_Marco said:

That speak volumes about your character and theirs.... 👌🏽 The age old question of "can you really become friends with an escort?"  can, and will be proven, when either person retires.... 

To be clear: none of them were "escorts".

I believe the key to "maintaining friendships" is to actually HAVING one to start.

Some clients mistake polite business manners as friendship.

[Guest]

8 minutes ago, pubic_assistance said:

To be clear: none of them were "escorts".

I believe the key to "maintaining friendships" is to actually HAVING one to start.

Some clients mistake polite business manners as friendship.

Well,  "massage therapists"  who once had your business and no longer do but feel happy and obliged to meet with you outside of any "transaction"  I  think that says a lot.... 

Edited October 6, 2023 by Vin_Marco

[secgoo]

I have a provider that had a difficult personal situation to deal with. I told him I won't contact him for a few weeks while he attended to his personal life. He said he thinks of us more like friends and to please do stay in touch which really melted my heart.

I really like this guy but I'm conscious that I'm a client and I don't want to encroach on his private life. He has casually dismissed that sentiment when I've mentioned it to him previously but I want to stay realistic even if I am delusional about my intention to marry him 😝

Should he choose it, he should be able to cut ties with me and this work whenever he wants. This is a job, not an obligation. 

[StefonNYC]

I have had luck with this as well. So my original regular provider and I became fast friends and we did have the very serious talk about when it's the job and when it's not. We both completely agreed on his to handle that and eventually it grew into becoming am one of the closest relationships I've ever had with someone. He's no longer working, but that never stopped us from talking every day and seeing each other when we wanted to. 

And with my current regular, that too grew to be a very good friendship and now it's come to the point that, as long as I let him know beforehand, I can go to his place just to chill with him or while he's out working and wait for him to come back. Have a key to his place and everything. And we had that talk as well, but that one was very quick because we already knew what that fine line looks like. 

And one final provider I'm actually building that relationship with at the moment. The one is still new, but we both see it becoming a friendship. 

For me personally, I believe as long as you are open and honest with each other and can have those talks about work vs friends, it really can become a good friendship. Honesty and clear communication are key, as well as chemistry between the client and provider to be able to get that connection.

[pubic_assistance]

30 minutes ago, arnemgreeves said:

.....it can complicate future paid sex. 

 

Why ?

Unless you're marrying the guy, the line is still clear that they're a paid service provider and you're the customer.

[StefonNYC]

37 minutes ago, pubic_assistance said:

Why ?

Unless you're marrying the guy, the line is still clear that they're a paid service provider and you're the customer.

I have to agree. I'd actually argue that it's the opposite. It makes it easier. You're more comfortable with each other and you already discussed what is and isn't work. And the bond actually makes the sex more enjoyable. 

[Jamie21]

1 hour ago, pubic_assistance said:

Why ?

Unless you're marrying the guy, the line is still clear that they're a paid service provider and you're the customer.

I think it’s a very difficult distinction to pull off, over a sustained period of time. I had a regular client who I’m now friends with (holidays together, meals out etc, recreational sex) and I found it difficult when he was booking me as a client after our friendship had developed. It happened gradually; over time we became friends whilst he still hired me. After a short while of this I had to tell him I wouldn’t charge him any longer because I found it awkward. He accepted that. I think he found it awkward too. Now the relationship is simpler. No money changes hands. 

I think it could be possible to have a kind of dual relationship: Paid companion on one hand and friend on the other, but it’s not one I’m able to sustain.
 

 

[StefonNYC]

5 minutes ago, Jamie21 said:

I think it’s a very difficult distinction to pull off, over a sustained period of time. I had a regular client who I’m now friends with (holidays together, meals out etc, recreational sex) and I found it difficult when he was booking me as a client after our friendship had developed. It happened gradually; over time we became friends whilst he still hired me. After a short while of this I had to tell him I wouldn’t charge him any longer because I found it awkward. He accepted that. I think he found it awkward too. Now the relationship is simpler. No money changes hands. 

I think it could be possible to have a kind of dual relationship: Paid companion on one hand and friend on the other, but it’s not one I’m able to sustain.
 

 

That's a really good point actually. It can get to that level for sure. But it's good that you had that open communication with him to be able to be honest with him like that. 

[pubic_assistance]

I suppose the sexual intercourse becomes the tipping point.

I have many long time clients who are also friends. It's well understood that while I will gladly cook dinner / buy drinks and help carry furniture if their basement floods....etc etc....when it comes to my JOB: I get paid for it.

Edited October 6, 2023 by pubic_assistance

[ICTJOCK]

Thanks for the input.   I am really appreciating this conversation.    Because of my own professional background,   I think it is accurate to say that regardless of whether one is an attorney, financial advisor or even doctor,  there are similarities.    I maintain friendships with clients,  regardless of the type,  some were friends prior,  others have come about during the professional  relationship.   I have found again,  that a distinction between  ones "friendship:  and professional conduct is essential for success.     My friends know that I'm very diligent with my services provided clients,  whether friends or not.

Edited October 6, 2023 by ICTJOCK

[Rgsnva]

Thanks for posting the question.  I wish I’d read it 6 months ago.  I’m fairly new at being a client (about a year and a half), but my preconceived notions about what the providers would be like was far from accurate.  I didn’t think they’d be jerks, but I didn’t really expect to find them so likable either (which was crappy of me).  Not my wheelhouse - but I suspect that to be successful at being a provider, you have to care enough about the people who hire you, and be kind and empathetic enough to tap into what they want and need, so they have a good time and come back to you.  In other words, to be good at it, you have to be a good guy.  I had a bad experience, and I’m glad he wasn’t my first or I wouldn’t have done it again, but I’ve also met some good men.  So I hope it’s possible to be friends, if the opportunity presents. The provider who has become my regular is a good guy, we have some stuff in common, and we like doing things together. We’ve had VERY open conversation about what has to happen for any friendship to work (partly because he watched me get burned), and we seem to agree that the communication is key, but also ground rules, because he has a living to earn and I respect that.  Right now, the current agreement is that if he initiates getting together, regardless of what occurs or doesn’t, it’s social.  If I initiate, it’s business, at the going rate for his time. If there’s an exception, it’s clearly made and agreed upon when the invitation happens.  He tends to be generous, and I’ve had to say a couple of times “no, it’s been x hours, so that’s not enough.” I’m trying to be conscientious about that.  It seems to be working.  

 

 

[PiSquared]

23 hours ago, Mrprofessional said:

Has anyone out there made the transition from being a client to having an actual friendship? I would love to hear the details!

thought I had made it with one buddy but now he’s no longer in the biz and  he associates me with his prior life I think. oh well. 

Is it even possible?

It’s possible for sure. However, some escorts are struggling with the choice they made to be an escort in the first place. And once they get out of the “business “, want no ties or reminders of the past. They feel they must cut all ties. This is currently happening to me. Despite all the hours of fun and meaningful conversations we had together my guy needs a complete break from the past. He wants me out. I have to respect this for his own well being and mental health. But it’s definitely not easy. 

[+ Mrprofessional]

11 hours ago, Rgsnva said:

that if he initiates getting together, regardless of what occurs or doesn’t, it’s social.  If I initiate, it’s business, at the going rate for his time.

Love that guideline!

[Simon Suraci]

Whatever your relationship, it’s important to define and maintain boundaries. That’s the key.

[Rudynate]

Friends?  I don't even think about it.   I suppose it could happen, but I'm not looking for it to happen. 

[curt gregory]

Prior to Covid, I was seeing a massage therapist semi-regularly; over time, we got more comfortable with each other and began having sex regularly as part of the sessions.  At the same time, we were friendly, but not friends.  When the pandemic hit, we were both not working and going a little nuts, so one day I reached out and asked if he wanted to go bike riding, just to burn off some energy and have someone to talk to.  This transitioned into hiking and other safe outdoor activities, leading to a friendship that I did not expect.  Once we could restart our massage sessions, the sex returned as well, but only as part of the overall business transaction.  I told him that, from my perspective, the sex is, and continued to be, optional, as I truly enjoyed his massage work.  He has now moved and left the business, but we continue to stay in contact.  I am grateful for his friendship. 

[+ ThroatCummer]

The main thing to keep in mind is the definition of 'friend' -- why do you keep friends in real-life? 

Because there is a mutual exchange of value. I enjoy my friends for their personalities, their knowledge, their desire to do the same things I like, their backgrounds and their experiences.  In turn, my friends value me for the same. We pay our friends with our time and our companionship, except there isn't actual money being exchanged. Well, in some cases -- okay, hold that thought. 

You can develop a friendship with any human if the conditions are right. Could that be with an escort? Absolutely. Do you become friends with the people you work with? It's not common. I argue escorting is like that. You keep your work and your personal lives separate and maybe, if the conditions are just right, you develop an actual friendship and you just happen to meet at work.  You can also meet your future spouse at work.

You might even meet your future spouse in the course of hiring escorts. I know of someone who did. 👀

Just, ahhh, don't expect it. 

[Thelatin]

Friends?  I started a business with my last provider.  Pray for me for please….

[+ DrownedBoy]

I found one piece of common wisdom to be true - coworkers and business associates aren't your friends. Just wait for layoffs to start at your company to see what those "friendships" are worth.

However, I've forged strong friendships with former coworkers who I got along with, and who I no longer work with.

I'd imagine something similar may apply to client-provider friendships.

[+ Pensant]

I believe this topic has arisen often over the years. I’m currently close friends with a young man who has left the business. He told me that after spending time with me, too high a bar had been set and he couldn’t get excited about other clients. His exact words. We’ve set healthy boundaries. For example, no moving in together. 
 

Over the years, there have been others. One well-known provider from years ago invited me to his 21st birthday in Key West after only six months of sessions. We had a great time with him, his older brother and a few friends, all off the clock. I have fond memories of all of these unexpected friendships, but understand that they can be fleeting because of the age differences. They need to be savored while they’re going on.

[KennF]

It's all about the communication.  The conversations aren't "easy".  But they don't have to be "difficult" either.

It comes down to being honest with yourself and with them about what 'services' fit into each box.  Example: if he gives you a call and say you feel like going to see a movie.  You go to dinner and a movie and even hang out later.  That's friendship.  However, If you end up swapping blow jobs, that's not friendship.  Or maybe, blow jobs are fine, but it depends on whether it is during his normal work hours, or on afternoons when he isn't working.  Or, it depends on who initiates.  Or, who gets to top who.  

Whatever the definition is for you and him, as long as you both (1) respect and (2) keep communicating, then it can work.

I always feel that this is true regardless of what type of relationship you have with a person.  

I even hold that true for colleagues/subordinates/bosses at work who become outside of work friends.