Question on "ask me" or "anything goes" bottoms on RM

[Nodalguy]

I haven't hired many bottoms at all in my late escorting phase, although in my twenties I used to top a lot more (almost exclusively for the first half), so I figure I should ask what people's thoughts are on something I've been thinking about. If a bottom has "ask me" or "anything goes" safe sex status and is fine barebacking with you, is it generally the case that they are fine if you actually finish inside them, or is that a separate point to discuss?

I'm sensitive to it because in my early twenties, I was topping a guy BB and he was totally fine with that, but then he had a very memorable reaction when I finished that always stuck with me. After that I mostly met up with guys from a site where everyone was into that, so never really ran across exactly the same thing that I remember.

I find it a little embarrassing to confirm with the bottom in advance if he doesn't say anything about it... So I'm thinking it should be acceptable just to warn him when going at it that I'm going to cum soon, and then if he has some objection he can speak up?

Does anyone have more experience with BB bottom escorts or ideas on how to ask about this subject in advance?

[Nodalguy]

I'll just add that if there is a Twitter linked on an escort's profile, I will check it out. And oftentimes it makes very clear whether they are cool with being bred. But that isn't always the case.

[maninsoma]

Consent is always the key.  I would not equate a willingness to bareback with a desire to be bred.

[nate_sf]

It’s ok to ask directly in advance. I’ve had guys contact me to ask about BB and if it’s ok to breed or cum inside (however you want to characterize it). So no need to be shy, if it’s important to you just ask. 

[Colton]

1 hour ago, Nodalguy said:

he had a very memorable reaction

I’m curious what this was. 

[Jamie21]

Occasionally my clients want to top me (it’s infrequent, most I see are bottom!) and if that’s the case I appreciate they ask before the session. It’s kind of too late once he’s inside because some guys aren’t very able to control it. 
 

[Nodalguy]

54 minutes ago, Colton said:

I’m curious what this was. 

Well, I was intentionally non-specific. It wasn't a good reaction, and it is not fun to think back to.

[DWnyc]

It takes two - and if he is ok with bb and says “anything goes” he should be aware of a potential interpretation of that and if he had any boundaries around that he would speak up.

Particularly as a provider. 

Not getting into judgement or blame - just speaking practically. 

[DWnyc]

What does “ask me” even mean? Is it “I’m too embarrassed to say it here” or “if you don’t ask no one needs to know” or what? Just adds an extra layer of ambiguity - which some may find exciting - and some may do to maximize clients - but I think makes things more awkward. 

[DWnyc]

3 hours ago, Nodalguy said:

I'll just add that if there is a Twitter linked on an escort's profile, I will check it out. And oftentimes it makes very clear whether they are cool with being bred. But that isn't always the case.

Could be different rules for trusted partners who some film with vs someone new though 

 

[Nodalguy]

23 minutes ago, DWnyc said:

What does “ask me” even mean? Is it “I’m too embarrassed to say it here” or “if you don’t ask no one needs to know” or what? Just adds an extra layer of ambiguity - which some may find exciting - and some may do to maximize clients - but I think makes things more awkward. 

I think much of the time (if they're vers), it means they are perfectly willing to top BB. I don't have a good sense of what it means if they are a bottom or you want them to bottom. But I could see them being less open to that.

The other part is I think there are a lot of people into "anything goes" but just don't want to advertise that.

[ICTJOCK]

4 hours ago, Nodalguy said:

 

I find it a little embarrassing to confirm with the bottom in advance if he doesn't say anything about it... So I'm thinking it should be acceptable just to warn him when going at it that I'm going to cum soon, and then if he has some objection he can speak up?

Does anyone have more experience with BB bottom escorts or ideas on how to ask about this subject in advance?

If I were hiring a bottom and he said he was fine with barebacking,   I would suspect that he's fine with finishing the same way.    If you feel it appropriate to ask,  ask in advance,   I would never wait until your fucking him and then ask as you start to get close.     Kind of breaks the mood and both parties should be in agreement in advance as to what is acceptable and if something isn't.

When I'm with my top clients,   both know what the expectations are.

[+ Pensant]

11 hours ago, DWnyc said:

What does “ask me” even mean? I

In my experience, it means anything goes.

[+ Pensant]

11 hours ago, Nodalguy said:

The other part is I think there are a lot of people into "anything goes" but just don't want to advertise that.

I find that to also be true when they don’t respond. Even “safe onlies” occasionally.

[+ ButchAtl]

Maybe "ask me' means it might depend on your level of attractiveness to him once he's met you? 

[Jamie21]

14 hours ago, ICTJOCK said:

If I were hiring a bottom and he said he was fine with barebacking,   I would suspect that he's fine with finishing the same way.    If you feel it appropriate to ask,  ask in advance,   I would never wait until your fucking him and then ask as you start to get close.     Kind of breaks the mood and both parties should be in agreement in advance as to what is acceptable and if something isn't.

When I'm with my top clients,   both know what the expectations are.

This is relevant. I was with a client recently who wanted me to fuck him bare as part of the massage (he’d asked when booking, and although it wasn’t something I’d promised, there was an expectation). He said he’d not done much with guys before but was exploring, and couldn’t hold back his feelings any longer.

Apparently he’d been building up the courage to book for about 2 years. I told him that I don’t usually include fucking, especially for a first time client and that he should see how things go during the session, which he was fine with.

Before we started he was very anxious but as we progressed he relaxed a bit. During the session he said again that he really wanted to try to bottom so I prepared him and then slid in. It must have only been about 10 seconds inside and he said ‘you won’t cum will you?’. I said ‘no, don’t worry’ (I’m able to control when I cum). But I think the thought of being fucked and the risk of cum inside made him think again and he asked me to pull out. I think sometimes clients get ahead of themselves and when reality hits they get anxious. Especially if they’re inexperienced. In the end he was happy with me unloading over his face as I brought him off. 

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

To me, 'anything goes' usually means bareback fucking is cool, but I'd talk beforehand to the guy if you want to put your load in him.

It's all about communication.

[Nodalguy]

6 hours ago, Pensant said:

I find that to also be true when they don’t respond. Even “safe onlies” occasionally.

I have run across innumerable "safe only" guys where, if you really examine the full profile including description text, there is no doubt that they are into BB and breeding. Honestly my mind kind of freezes and I struggle to process it for an instant or two. It's just so weird to me.

[+ KensingtonHomo]

I agree with those who highlight consent. As an SA survivor, I think it's important to remember that consent can be revoked at any time, even by someone you're paying. So be very clear about what you want upfront and also check in as you go. 

[dbar123]

If the bottom provider is doing outcall, they may not want to be dripping cum afterwards. I think the courteous thing to do is ask.

[Guest]

I don't understand the confusion. "Ask me," means ask the escort. If an escort puts down "Anything goes," then anything goes, and the escort shouldn't feel miffed if you do. In the immortal words of Madeleine Kahn in Blazing Saddles, "They're always coming and going, and going and coming...". 

 

[Roger Smith]

This was actually a super helpful thread!

I’m fairly new to hiring escorts.  (Have a good deal of masseur experience, but escorts are new territory for me.)  I’m definitely a breeding top.  As a child of the 90’s it was so taboo for so long, it’s honestly all I want to do these days.  With the general prevalence of breeding in gay culture these days, it didn’t occur to me it would be so hard to find in an escort!

Almost every RM guy I asked had some sort of reservation about it.  Luckily I connected with an excellent non-RM guy who was very amenable via a personal recommendation.  He’s been an excellent resource for breeding semi regularly.

But I was honestly shocked at how hard that made shopping around!

[+ DrownedBoy]

On 9/8/2023 at 6:10 PM, DWnyc said:

What does “ask me” even mean? 

I'm not into anal, but some providers told me it often means that they're not willing to bottom unless you pay them extra.

I believe this is because they're Versatile/Top, and need to take extra measures to clean out beforehand. Fair enough.

[JamesB]

If it is important to you, ask in advance. I guarantee you are not going to ask something the provider hasn't heard before.

[Jamie21]

14 hours ago, DrownedBoy said:

I'm not into anal, but some providers told me it often means that they're not willing to bottom unless you pay them extra.

I believe this is because they're Versatile/Top, and need to take extra measures to clean out beforehand. Fair enough.

Yes exactly. There’s practical considerations. Occasionally I get a client who, during the session, indicates a desire to top me. It’s possibly something they hadn’t considered beforehand or they had considered it but were too embarrassed to ask in the ‘cold light of day’, but now here in the moment they desperately want to top me. I have to say ‘no sorry not possible this time because I’m not ready’, which takes a bit of heat out of the moment unfortunately.

I don’t mention extra charge for it at that point although I recall one client who in the middle of the session, when I’d said he couldn’t top, say to me he’d pay whatever I asked. I said ‘no, it hasn’t been agreed beforehand’ but he kept asking and offering more money. I told him he’d need to book another session for that but he never did. I’m sure that it was more to do with the power dynamic in the moment of him buying something he couldn’t have than him really wanting to top me. 

I’m totally fine to bottom for clients but only if it has been discussed beforehand so that I can be prepared and so that I can charge the correct rate. 

On 9/11/2023 at 10:09 PM, dbar123 said:

If the bottom provider is doing outcall, they may not want to be dripping cum afterwards. I think the courteous thing to do is ask.

If I’ve been bred by a client I sometimes douche afterwards to clean out. No risk of leakage then.