Provider asks for pic of me

[marylander1940]

On 4/12/2023 at 8:34 AM, Gandalf said:

Is this usual?  It kinda of surprised me. I think this guy's legit but it seems an unusual request.  Is it common?  

Discretion is one of the reasons we hire. I would take a pass on anyone who asks for a picture but I'll be happy to share other information about myself like basic stats and what I'm interested in doing with a certain provider which might be different than what I expect from others. 

Many twinks ask for pictures, maybe they don't "play well with others" or they just think for many of us is non starter. 

[marylander1940]

On 4/13/2023 at 10:47 AM, Simon Suraci said:

 

The whole pic exchange scenario is common among new and inexperienced providers, and among those who don’t last long. Your experience may be tainted by all the constant new faces who disappear as quickly as they showed up.

 

I agree 100% with with this brilliant statement!

[DWnyc]

Just had an exchange with a provider about a potential first booking who said out of nowhere “typically I ask for a pic before confirming but you sound hot”.

This is in response to what has become a standard question from me “is there anything else I can tell you at this stage?” Based on prior disagreements and “misunderstandings” on all sorts of issues. 

The faux compliment doesn’t work for me and I’m actually quite irritated at the implication.  

[Jaroslav]

@DWnyc, when I first started doing all of this years ago, I was stupid enough to send pictures of myself. I don’t know what the mathematical breakdown is, but of those providers who requested a picture of me, I would say that my estimate is that more than half of them simply stop communicating with me after they got the picture. Now, I’m not what you might call your stereo typically attractive, gay man. So that probably played into the immediate cessation of communication at this stage, it’s me who says it’s not going work out if a picture of me is required in order to book. But I also don’t just simply stop texting. I say that I don’t do that and thank him for his time and move on. I think that a lot of the time asking for a picture is a providers way of determining whether he wants to provide. A way of gauging attractiveness.

[DWnyc]

4 minutes ago, Jaroslav said:

@DWnyc, when I first started doing all of this years ago, I was stupid enough to send pictures of myself. I don’t know what the mathematical breakdown is, but of those providers who requested a picture of me, I would say that my estimate is that more than half of them simply stop communicating with me after they got the picture. Now, I’m not what you might call your stereo typically attractive, gay man. So that probably played into the immediate cessation of communication at this stage, it’s me who says it’s not going work out if a picture of me is required in order to book. But I also don’t just simply stop texting. I say that I don’t do that and thank him for his time and move on. I think that a lot of the time asking for a picture is a providers way of determining whether he wants to provide. A way of gauging attractiveness.

As several providers have themselves said on here, true professionals don’t require for any legitimate scenario that can’t be dealt with otherwise (eg security).

Part of being the true professional is to be able to service pretty much anyone based on their appearance or demographic.

Those who want to parachute into the industry monetizing their ability to be around people they either find attractive or can tolerate, while being unable or unwilling to provide service to the others, have no business being considered alongside the professionals. 

[+ DrownedBoy]

15 hours ago, marylander1940 said:

Discretion is one of the reasons we hire. I would take a pass on anyone who asks for a picture but I'll be happy to share other information about myself like basic stats and what I'm interested in doing with a certain provider which might be different than what I expect from others. 

Ditto, but even that can be troublesome, as I mentioned awhile ago in some other thread.

Once, in response to a request for my stats, I gave them the relevant ones - height/weight/age/etc. - but I declined to give my race. He insisted and told me that if I didn't give my ethnicity, I should find another provider.

I did.

[marylander1940]

3 hours ago, DWnyc said:

Just had an exchange with a provider about a potential first booking who said out of nowhere “typically I ask for a pic before confirming but you sound hot”.

This is in response to what has become a standard question from me “is there anything else I can tell you at this stage?” Based on prior disagreements and “misunderstandings” on all sorts of issues. 

The faux compliment doesn’t work for me and I’m actually quite irritated at the implication.  

I've learned not to judge folks based on their voice! 

In this case I would share some basic stats with him and see if he suggest again a picture. Maybe it was a genuine compliment or he simply wanted to tell you he's picky when it comes to accepting new clients. 

Would he fit the stereotype portrayed in @Simon Suraci 's post in this thread? You can find it above because I quoted him. 

[marylander1940]

5 minutes ago, DrownedBoy said:

Ditto, but even that can be troublesome, as I mentioned awhile ago in some other thread.

Once, in response to a request for my stats, I gave them the relevant ones - height/weight/age/etc. - but I declined to give my race. He insisted and told me that if I didn't give my ethnicity, I should find another provider.

I did.

Makes sense and taking this slightly off topic I would never hire someone who openly posts in this ad he won't accept clients of X,Y, or Z ethnicity! 

[John]

Most of my hiring is done through romeo/hunqz where I have a profile with a number of clear face pics. When a provider asks for more tell him no, after all I am not selling.

On RM I am always flattered when someone asks, after all if he cares what I look like he might be interested in me as an individual rather than just as an ATM. I don't think, however, I have ever sent anyone a picture at any stage of the hiring process.

I am, however, thinking about asking for "face verification" in which case I would do this at the very end over WhatsApp, and it would be mutual.

[Jaroslav]

25 minutes ago, John said:

On RM I am always flattered when someone asks, after all if he cares what I look like he might be interested in me as an individual rather than just as an ATM.

[Jaroslav]

2 hours ago, DWnyc said:

Part of being the true professional is to be able to service pretty much anyone based on their appearance or demographic.

I might venture to go even further and say part of being a professional escort is providing physical/sexual intimacy to precisely those who can’t get it easily without paying for it. The service is for the “less than desirable” to some degree. Not exclusively, of course, but to a degree. 

[Jaroslav]

53 minutes ago, marylander1940 said:

Makes sense and taking this slightly off topic I would never hire someone who openly posts in this ad he won't accept clients of X,Y, or Z ethnicity! 

And there are nonetheless such guys who advertise precisely this in their profiles! It makes me wonder about the guys who do hire them. 

[DWnyc]

1 hour ago, marylander1940 said:

Makes sense and taking this slightly off topic I would never hire someone who openly posts in this ad he won't accept clients of X,Y, or Z ethnicity! 

Good for you.

And if that’s the, case I hope and assume you would also feel the same way if it was proven 100% that a provider had prejudice (not just on ethnicity, but on say weight or age or a disability etc) but not listed on their profile. I’m in favor of “outing” such providers as I believe there needs to be a corrective mechanism to prevent this behavior, but of course its next to impossible to prove conclusively. 

For all those (including some posters on this forum) who say such preferences are a right or understandable, as I always say,  great, let providers then have the balls to post it publicly. Legally they’ll get in trouble to the extent the industry is legal anywhere. But more importantly it will be distasteful (rightly so) to significant numbers of potential clients who may choose not to hire based on that even if not personally affected. 

[DWnyc]

34 minutes ago, Jaroslav said:

And there are nonetheless such guys who advertise precisely this in their profiles! It makes me wonder about the guys who do hire them. 

I’ve seen lots of “read between the lines” language but rarely open criteria listed.

I think some people who still hire such folks don’t notice or worse don’t care, or even more worrying, see themselves as having passed strict criteria gaining elite admission while others didn’t. 

[DWnyc]

43 minutes ago, Jaroslav said:

I might venture to go even further and say part of being a professional escort is providing physical/sexual intimacy to precisely those who can’t get it easily without paying for it. The service is for the “less than desirable” to some degree. Not exclusively, of course, but to a degree. 

Another trait of the best providers is being somewhat of a psychologist and understanding where the demand for their services comes from. 

 

[Jaroslav]

Working in a service profession, I actually have come to value highly my interactions with those who are deemed “undesirable” by wider society. Often those who popular wisdom would have want to emulate and adulate really aren’t worthy of it. It’s a trope, to be sure, but their beauty is only skin deep…and their values confined to their wallet.

[DWnyc]

Let’s not get carried away though by the assumption that clients are mostly outcasts, vulnerable, socially excluded or unable to find intimacy physical or otherwise. There can be many reasons including leisure, expedience, seeking variety … not unlike eating out while you can also prepare a meal at home or going on vacation when you can easily stay home. 

Likewise some providers should not think of themselves as the potential savior of these wretched outliers.

[DWnyc]

On 4/13/2023 at 7:25 PM, robear said:

 

(I hasten to add that my perspective is from a position of privilege.  Nobody is going to reject me because my ancestry is mostly Irish.  Men of color, with disabilities or other special considerations have a completely different experience of bias, and I acknowledge that.)

 

And this is a key point and I’m glad you caveated your opening comment implying no problem with photos. At least you have the empathy and self awareness to understand and acknowledge this issue. Many, even on this forum, with this issue discussed repeatedly, can’t or won’t. 

I similarly realize I am entitled in many ways and have never had a problem seeing providers I wanted to.  However, I have heard stories that no longer surprise me about people I have hired and felt warmly about treating others I know very differently (often after I suggested the choice). But with that privilege we should remember we may need professional standards applied to all equally, in our own cases, at some point. We may get sick, elderly (never!), out of shape and so forth. It’s why the principle rather than our personal experiences should dictate our views.

[jeezifonly]

“I don’t have a recent photo, but can send you a link to a courtroom artist’s sketch, if that will help”

🤣

[NickInAtlanta]

I've provided a face pic before, I knew they were new to the industry and figured they were just trying to be safe. Drew the line at a dick pic, felt scammy. They ended up flaking on me anyway, glad I went with my gut.

[DWnyc]

A friend reminds me on this topic, his view is there’s something wrong if an online hookup agrees to meet without a face Pic, and the opposite is true if a provider demands one in order to meet.

 

 

[NyGold]

On 4/16/2023 at 7:00 PM, Jaroslav said:

I might venture to go even further and say part of being a professional escort is providing physical/sexual intimacy to precisely those who can’t get it easily without paying for it. The service is for the “less than desirable” to some degree. Not exclusively, of course, but to a degree. 

I’d agree if you say someone who’s a “6” or “7” which maybe most people are … can get a “9” or “10” (the provider) which likely wouldn’t happen in real life (or maybe it might given the relative incomes of a lot of clients and a lot of providers).

Otherwise I’d say “there’s someone for everyone” … so not just those “less than desirable” (by society, I assume you mean).

Though I do think some providers are of this view (ie our clients are all losers who could never get with anyone etc) and sometimes it comes across especially with the younger ones. 

Maybe some providers think clients look down on them too? (Socially, economically etc)

 

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

Bottom line, I don't think it's kosher to ask for a pic.  It's problematic for a wide variety of reasons.

However- devil's advocate here- wouldn't you rather an escort say 'no' before the meet, rather than go through with it and have what would likely be a bad experience?  A lot of new escorts use pics as a way to judge their own ability to perform.  Sure, it's unprofessional, but clearly the trend isn't going away (and likely going to get worse).

There's a middle ground here somewhere and it's likely an honest personal description of yourself in the event you're asked. 

[pubic_assistance]

I don't have a problem sending a face pic. I see no reason why a provider can't see me before I show up at his door. I wouldn't want to be in the position where someone found me unattractive and was unable to perform. 

 

[Monarchy79]

On 4/16/2023 at 6:08 PM, marylander1940 said:

Makes sense and taking this slightly off topic I would never hire someone who openly posts in this ad he won't accept clients of X,Y, or Z ethnicity! 

Ironically, I wish providers would post their “preferences”, saves me the time of even contacting them for a booking. 
 

On the topic of a provider requesting pics, he clearly has a “type”, and wants his client base to fit that mold. He’s definitely of the YMMV persuasion.  However, if I wanted to go through the pic-exchange crap, I’d just get on an app.